The Ephraimite forces were called out, and they crossed over to Zaphon. They said to Jephthah, "Why did you go to fight the Ammonites without calling us to go with you? We're going to burn down your house over your head." Jephthah answered, "I and my people were engaged in a great struggle with the Ammonites, and although I called, you didn't save me out of their hands. When I saw that you wouldn't help, I took my life in my hands and crossed over to fight the Ammonites, and the Lord gave me the victory over them. Now why have you come up today to fight me?"Jephthah then called together the men of Gilead and fought against Ephraim. The Gileadites struck them down because the Ephraimites had said, "You Gileadites are renegades from Ephraim and Manasseh." The Gileadites captured the fords of the Jordan leading to Ephraim, and whenever a survivor of Ephraim said, "Let me cross over," the men of Gilead asked him, "Are you an Ephraimite?" If he replied, "No," they said, "All right, say 'Shibboleth.'" If he said, "Sibboleth," because he could not pronounce the word correctly, they seized him and killed him at the fords of the Jordan. Forty-two thousand Ephraimites were killed at that time. Jephthah led Israel six years. Then Jephthah the Gileadite died and was buried in a town in Gilead.

It was a strange occurrence. Some say there was a man there that everyone could remember from their childhood but never seemed to age. He was at the funeral and was followed by a man who completely covered his face. They reminded some about the Confusian religion. Ying and yang based on how their clothes were polar opposites in colors.

Crawly followed Aziraphale back to his living quarters. They weren't really friends. But he was the only one Aziraphale had. When humans died Crawly didn't take it too personally. He never got close enough to know them.

Maybe the occasional saving the baby from being raped and murdered or doing something to piss of that dickweed Asmodius or screw over Pestilence or Pollution or whatever that bitch was calling herself nowadays. But he didn't get close. Not like Aziraphale did. He wasn't good at concealing his emotions. Another skill Aziraphale was adept at.

Now Crawly wasn't terrible at this. In fact, in Hell, the reliance on not being able to feel anything was a survival instinct. He kept everything down and acted like it was always okay. But when he was alone he couldn't contain it. Aziraphale could. Or at least he assumed he could be based on what he had seen. And was seeing now.

The palace Aziraphale was staying was cluttered. There were scrolls, food, and clothes everywhere. There was organization to the cluter though. He could tell it wasn't randomness. Aziraphale was sitting in a chair organizing papers like crazy and mumbling to himself about being a terrible angel.

"Aziraphale," Crawly said and watched Aziraphale jump up and get in a stance to fight him.

Crawly held up a hand he hoped was calming and took down the scarf he had used to cover his face slowly off. For all of the Aziraphale's redeeming qualities, the dude was more skittish than a deer on ice.

"It's just me."

"What do you want? I really am not in the mood to fight with you or deal with whatever annoying thing you have set aside for me."

"I am just here to make sure you are doing alright. I know you were close with Jephthah. I could smell your angelic love all over him."

"Why do you care? You are a dem-"

"I know. I don't care like that. I care because I don't want you to recall yourself to Heaven and then I never see you again." Crawly realized how that sounded the moment it left his lips. Damn it.

"Why would you care if I recalled myself to Heaven?"

"Not in the sense you are thinking. You don't attack me. You aren't like any of the other angels."

"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT YOU FOUL BEAST! HOW DARE YOU! I AM A GOOD ANGEL! THEY WON"T HAVE PUT ME HERE IF I WA-"

"Oh, Satan. Aziraphale I didn't mean you were a bad angel. I meant you aren't like the other angels. You are a wonderful, kind and sweet angel. Like fluffy cream. It is honestly disgusting really. What I meant it is you haven't attacked or tried to discorporate me."

"That could change in a few moments."

"Would it? Are you really going to shank me with a broken piece of glass? You are clever enough to find a way to do it. You could take that water in that jug and bless it. Turning it into holy water. You could kill me. Permanently. But you would never do it."

"Don't tell me what I can and can not do."

"I never said you couldn't. I said you won't. There is a difference."

Aziraphale stumbled over his next words. He couldn't focus. Crawly feared he would have another panic attack.

"Please sit Aziraphale. Let's have some of that tea you are gushing about. The one Jephthah showed you how to make."

Aziraphale's face relaxed and he nodded.

"Oh yes. That would be lovely." He sat down and Crawly got to work on making the tea. He was right. Everything was an organized clutter and everything was relatively easy to find. He preferred tidy though.

He set the tea down in front of him to which Aziraphale said thank you to which Crawly said shut up. He watched Aziraphale enjoy the tea though it didn't reach his eyes all the way.

"I am sorry about Jephthah. I know he meant a lot to you."

"He didn't mean anything to me. The man was foolish. Making deals with God and then acting like-an innocent girl was-I don't even want to talk about it right now."

Aziraphale was doing the lying face.

"He made mistakes sure. Gave into his impulses when he shouldn't have but he still was an overall good leader who helped a lot of people."

"But he still did bad things."

"So? All humans do bad things. Even kids. The little fuckers steal each others toys and hit each other. But at the end of the day, they are creative bastards who fall in love and have compassion and help one another. They are young and are learning. They will get to a point where they can look past their differences and work together. At least I hope they can. And you are able to see that too. That is what makes you such a good angel. You can look past all the flaws and see the good in everyone."

So he learned something new about Aziraphale. When Crawly was upset he would either lash out or take it inwards. When Aziraphale was upset he would lie like no tomorrow. He continued to deny how much Jephthah meant to him because that is what Gabriel would have done. He assumed Gabriel was someone who Aziraphale tried to look up to and imitate. The most perfect angel. Crawly was drawing a blank on what he looked like or even who he was. Heaven had been so long ago and really the only archangels he could remember off the top of his head were Micheal and Raphael. They spent the evening together. Crawly cleaned up some of Aziraphale's space to his protest and Aziraphale tried to get him to eat some weird nasty fruit that smelled like ass. Then they got wasted. All and all not too shabby of a night in Crawly's opinion.

After him, Ibzan of Bethlehem led Israel. 9 He had thirty sons and thirty daughters. He gave his daughters away in marriage to those outside his clan, and for his sons he brought in thirty young women as wives from outside his clan. Ibzan led Israel seven years. 10 Then Ibzan died and was buried in Bethlehem. Crawly and Aziraphale had a similar night with tea, alcohol and weird ass fruits.

After him, Elon the Zebulunite led Israel ten years. Then Elon died and was buried in Aijalon in the land of Zebulun. Crawly came to see Aziraphale again. They went to watch the stars. Crawly knew more about it and the drunker he got the more ecstatic and crazy he got about the stories he knew written about the stars. Aziraphale glared at him but he could tell the angel was enjoying his company.

After him, Abdon son of Hillel, from Pirathon, led Israel. He had forty sons and thirty grandsons, who rode on seventy donkeys. He led Israel eight years. Then Abdon son of Hillel died and was buried at Pirathon in Ephraim, in the hill country of the Amalekites. They once again had a fun sort of night together with alcohol. Quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol.

The joy didn't last. Humans were clever bastards but could be so incredibly stupid like a certain angel and demon we all know.

Again the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord, so the Lord delivered them into the hands of the Philistines for forty years.

A certain man of Zorah, named Manoah, from the clan of the Danites, had a wife who was childless, unable to give birth. The angel of the Lord appeared to her and said, "You are barren and childless, but you are going to become pregnant and give birth to a son. Now see to it that you drink no wine or other fermented drink and that you do not eat anything unclean. You will become pregnant and have a son whose head is never to be touched by a razor because the boy is to be a Nazirite, dedicated to God from the womb. He will take the lead in delivering Israel from the hands of the Philistines." Then the woman went to her husband and told him, "A man of God came to me. He looked like an angel of God, very awesome. I didn't ask him where he came from, and he didn't tell me his name. But he said to me, 'You will become pregnant and have a son. Now then, drink no wine or other fermented drink and do not eat anything unclean, because the boy will be a Nazirite of God from the womb until the day of his death.'" Then Manoah prayed to the Lord: "Pardon your servant, Lord. I beg you to let the man of God you sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born." God heard Manoah, and the angel of God came again to the woman while she was out in the field; but her husband Manoah was not with her. The woman hurried to tell her husband, "He's here! The man who appeared to me the other day!" Manoah got up and followed his wife. When he came to the man, he said, "Are you the man who talked to my wife?" "I am," he said.

So Manoah asked him, "When your words are fulfilled, what is to be the rule that governs the boy's life and work?" Aziraphale answered, "Your wife must do all that I have told her. 14 She must not eat anything that comes from the grapevine, nor drink any wine or other fermented drink nor eat anything unclean. She must do everything I have commanded her." Manoah said to Aziraphale Lord, "We would like you to stay until we prepare a young goat for you."

Aziraphale replied, "Even though you detain me, I will not eat any of your food. But if you prepare a burnt offering, offer it to the Lord." Manoah did not realize that it was the angel of the Lord. Then Manoah inquired of the angel of the Lord, "What is your name, so that we may honor you when your word comes true?"

He replied, "Why do you ask my name? It is beyond understanding." Aziraphale was being a bitchy bitch and a fussy bastard. Then Manoah took a young goat, together with the grain offering, and sacrificed it on a rock to the Lord. And the Lord did an amazing thing while Manoah and his wife watched: As the flame blazed up from the altar toward heaven, the angel of the Lord ascended in the flame. Seeing this, Manoah and his wife fell with their faces to the ground. When Aziraphale did not show himself again to Manoah and his wife, Manoah realized that it was the angel of the Lord. "We are doomed to die!" he said to his wife. "We have seen God!"

But his wife answered, "If the Lord had meant to kill us, he would not have accepted a burnt offering and grain offering from our hands, nor shown us all these things or now told us this."

The woman gave birth to a boy and named him Samson. He grew and the Lord blessed him, and the Spirit of the Lord began to stir him while he was in Mahaneh Dan, between Zorah and Eshtaol.

Samson went down to Timnah and saw there a young Philistine woman. When he returned, he said to his father and mother, "I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife." His father and mother replied, "Isn't there an acceptable woman among your relatives or among all our people? Must you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?" But Samson said to his father, "Get her for me. She's the right one for me." His parents did not know that this was from the Lord, who was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines; for at that time they were ruling over Israel. Samson went down to Timnah together with his father and mother. As they approached the vineyards of Timnah, suddenly a young lion came roaring toward him. The Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon him so that he tore the lion apart with his bare hands as he might have torn a young goat. But he told neither his father nor his mother what he had done. Then he went down and talked with the woman, and he liked her. Some time later, when he went back to marry her, he turned aside to look at the lion's carcass, and in it he saw a swarm of bees and some honey. He scooped out the honey with his hands and ate as he went along. When he rejoined his parents, he gave them some, and they too ate it. But he did not tell them that he had taken the honey from the lion's carcass.

Now his father went down to see the woman. And there Samson held a feast, as was customary for young men. When the people saw him, they chose thirty men to be his companions. "Let me tell you a riddle," Samson said to them. "If you can give me the answer within the seven days of the feast, I will give you thirty linen garments and thirty sets of clothes. If you can't tell me the answer, you must give me thirty linen garments and thirty sets of clothes." "Tell us your riddle," they said. "Let's hear it."

He replied,

"Out of the eater, something to eat;

out of the strong, something sweet."

For three days they could not give the answer.

On the fourth day, they said to Samson's wife, "Coax your husband into explaining the riddle for us, or we will burn you and your father's household to death. Did you invite us here to steal our property?" Then Samson's wife threw herself on him, sobbing, "You hate me! You don't really love me. You've given my people a riddle, but you haven't told me the answer."

"I haven't even explained it to my father or mother," he replied, "so why should I explain it to you?" She cried the whole seven days of the feast. So on the seventh day he finally told her, because she continued to press him. She in turn explained the riddle to her people.

Before sunset on the seventh day the men of the town said to him,

"What is sweeter than honey?

What is stronger than a lion?"

Samson said to them,

"If you had not plowed with my heifer,

you would not have solved my riddle."

Then the Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon him. He went down to Ashkelon, struck down thirty of their men, stripped them of everything and gave their clothes to those who had explained the riddle. Burning with anger, he returned to his father's home. And Samson's wife was given to one of his companions who had attended him at the feast.

Later on, at the time of wheat harvest, Samson took a young goat and went to visit his wife. He said, "I'm going to my wife's room." But her father would not let him go in.

"I was so sure you hated her," he said, "that I gave her to your companion. Isn't her younger sister more attractive? Take her instead." Samson said to them, "This time I have a right to get even with the Philistines; I will really harm them." So he went out and caught three hundred foxes and tied them tail to tail in pairs. He then fastened a torch to every pair of tails, lit the torches and let the foxes loose in the standing grain of the Philistines. He burned up the shocks and standing grain, together with the vineyards and olive groves. When the Philistines asked, "Who did this?" they were told, "Samson, the Timnite's son-in-law, because his wife was given to his companion."

So the Philistines went up and burned her and her father to death. Samson said to them, "Since you've acted like this, I swear that I won't stop until I get my revenge on you." He attacked them viciously and slaughtered many of them. Then he went down and stayed in a cave in the rock of Etam. The Philistines went up and camped in Judah, spreading out near Lehi. The people of Judah asked, "Why have you come to fight us?" "We have come to take Samson prisoner," they answered, "to do to him as he did to us."

Then three thousand men from Judah went down to the cave in the rock of Etam and said to Samson, "Don't you realize that the Philistines are rulers over us? What have you done to us?" He answered, "I merely did to them what they did to me." They said to him, "We've come to tie you up and hand you over to the Philistines." Samson said, "Swear to me that you won't kill me yourselves." "Agreed," they answered. "We will only tie you up and hand you over to them. We will not kill you." So they bound him with two new ropes and led him up from the rock. As he approached Lehi, the Philistines came toward him shouting. The Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon him. The ropes on his arms became like charred flax, and the bindings dropped from his hands. Finding a fresh jawbone of a donkey, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men.

Then Samson said,

"With a donkey's jawbone

I have made donkeys of them.

With a donkey's jawbone

I have killed a thousand men."

When he finished speaking, he threw away the jawbone; and the place was called Ramath Lehi.

Because he was very thirsty, he cried out to the Lord, "You have given your servant this great victory. Must I now die of thirst and fall into the hands of the uncircumcised?" Then God opened up the hollow place in Lehi, and water came out of it. When Samson drank, his strength returned and he revived. So the spring was called En Hakkore, and it is still there in Lehi. Samson led Israel for twenty years in the days of the Philistines.

One day Samson went to Gaza, where he saw a prostitute. He went in to spend the night with her. The people of Gaza were told, "Samson is here!" So they surrounded the place and lay in wait for him all night at the city gate. They made no move during the night, saying, "At dawn we'll kill him." But Samson lay there only until the middle of the night. Then he got up and took hold of the doors of the city gate, together with the two posts, and tore them loose, bar and all. He lifted them to his shoulders and carried them to the top of the hill that faces Hebron. Some time later, he fell in love with a woman in the Valley of Sorek whose name was Delilah. The rulers of the Philistines went to her and said, "See if you can lure him into showing you the secret of his great strength and how we can overpower him so we may tie him up and subdue him. Each one of us will give you eleven hundred shekels of silver."

So Delilah said to Samson, "Tell me the secret of your great strength and how you can be tied up and subdued."

Samson answered her, "If anyone ties me with seven fresh bowstrings that have not been dried, I'll become as weak as any other man."

Then the rulers of the Philistines brought her seven fresh bowstrings that had not been dried, and she tied him with them. With men hidden in the room, she called to him, "Samson, the Philistines are upon you!" But he snapped the bowstrings as easily as a piece of string snaps when it comes close to a flame. So the secret of his strength was not discovered.

Then Delilah said to Samson, "You have made a fool of me; you lied to me. Come now, tell me how you can be tied."

He said, "If anyone ties me securely with new ropes that have never been used, I'll become as weak as any other man."

So Delilah took new ropes and tied him with them. Then, with men hidden in the room, she called to him, "Samson, the Philistines are upon you!" But he snapped the ropes off his arms as if they were threads.

Delilah then said to Samson, "All this time you have been making a fool of me and lying to me. Tell me how you can be tied."

He replied, "If you weave the seven braids of my head into the fabric on the loom and tighten it with the pin, I'll become as weak as any other man." So while he was sleeping, Delilah took the seven braids of his head, wove them into the fabric and tightened it with the pin.

Again she called to him, "Samson, the Philistines are upon you!" He awoke from his sleep and pulled up the pin and the loom, with the fabric.

Then she said to him, "How can you say, 'I love you,' when you won't confide in me? This is the third time you have made a fool of me and haven't told me the secret of your great strength." With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was sick to death of it.

So he told her everything. "No razor has ever been used on my head," he said, "because I have been a Nazirite dedicated to God from my mother's womb. If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man." When Delilah saw that he had told her everything, she sent word to the rulers of the Philistines, "Come back once more; he has told me everything." So the rulers of the Philistines returned with the silver in their hands. After putting him to sleep on her lap, she called for someone to shave off the seven braids of his hair, and so began to subdue him. And his strength left him. Then she called, "Samson, the Philistines are upon you!" He awoke from his sleep and thought, "I'll go out as before and shake myself free." But he did not know that the Lord had left him. Then the Philistines seized him, gouged out his eyes and took him down to Gaza. Binding him with bronze shackles, they set him to grinding grain in the prison. But the hair on his head began to grow again after it had been shaved.

Now the rulers of the Philistines assembled to offer a great sacrifice to Dagon their god and to celebrate, saying, "Our god has delivered Samson, our enemy, into our hands."

When the people saw him, they praised their god, saying,

"Our god has delivered our enemy

into our hands,

the one who laid waste our land

and multiplied our slain."

While they were in high spirits, they shouted, "Bring out Samson to entertain us." So they called Samson out of the prison, and he performed for them.

When they stood him among the pillars, Samson said to the servant who held his hand, "Put me where I can feel the pillars that support the temple, so that I may lean against them." Now the temple was crowded with men and women; all the rulers of the Philistines were there, and on the roof were about three thousand men and women watching Samson perform. Then Samson prayed to the Lord, "Sovereign Lord, remember me. Please, God, strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes." Then Samson reached toward the two central pillars on which the temple stood. Bracing himself against them, his right hand on the one and his left hand on the other, Samson said, "Let me die with the Philistines!" Then he pushed with all his might, and down came the temple on the rulers and all the people in it. Thus he killed many more when he died than while he lived. Then his brothers and his father's whole family went down to get him. They brought him back and buried him between Zorah and Eshtaol in the tomb of Manoah his father. He had led Israel twenty years. During this time Samuel was called by the Lord Herself. The battle of Shiloh and the Philistines took the ark. That was a mistake because they brought it back three days later.

The number three meant something Crawly took note. God kept using it.

The Ark was brought to Abinadab's house and the Israelites repented at Mizpeh. God gave them another chance which they soon would screw up again.