It took everything in Crawly to not gag out loud when he saw the Beelzebub had half her face cut off. What in Hell? Even her corporation's eye was gone. It appeared like someone had taken a pizza cutter and to a slice out of her face. Ligur and Hastur where there too but they didn't seem alarmed at all by the appearance Beelzebub had. She looked like she was losing her last rope and there was craziness in her eyes.
"As you all know the new king David has been destroying a lot of our demonic lands we had influence over. Many of the leaders we had on Earth who belonged to our Lord and Master Satan and all of the forces of Hell. We have your efforts to thank for this." Beelzebub said in a quieter voice than normal. The entire interaction was strange really.
Crawly swallowed hard. Did he tempt people to evil? Yes. All the time. He wasn't going to deny it. But at the same time, his "evil temptations" were on a far lower spectrum than what Hastur and Ligur thought was evil. Hastur like his love of setting everything on fire was all-consuming. He enjoyed taking advantage of moments of human weakness. Ligur was of the same breed. People in power tended to be his favorite. Dictators are some of the loneliness people in history because they trust no one but the voice in their head and most of the time that voice is the whisperings of a demon rather than a comforting voice of an angel. Or more specifically Aziraphale in Crawly's opinion. But Crawly was more for the smaller temptations that won't be destructing. He didn't believe in tempting to destruction which is why he didn't fit in in either Heaven or Hell.
"We are going to need to do something about this. David is in a vulnerable position and we can exploit this. Take him down from the inside. I have heard from Crawly here the man has a lust weakness to women that we can exploit."
When did he say that? Oh right. The chronology. Fuck.
"Um...I mean yeah...we definitely could use it to our advantage..."
"And Crawly here is going to do it for us."
"What?" Crawly almost laughed. Him. Tempting someone to lust. Oh dear Satan he wanted to throw himself into a vault of Holy Water just thinking about it.
"Is there a problem Crawly?" Hissed Hastur beside him.
"Nope. No problem. I can do it.
It wasn't a matter of if he could do it. It was a matter if he wanted to do it. But the sooner he got away from Beelzebub's creepy face the better. Dear Satan that was creepy. But he imagined Satan was responsible for it. Fucking bastard.
In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.
In the place, David resided there was a place in the palace where he could go to see the females bathing there. It would be easy and it was. All he had to do was make David horny. It was a simple switch in the brain and like magic, he was heading up there. He expected him to put up more of a fight but it seemed too easy. Crawly watched just to make sure everything went according to plan.
One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite." Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. Now she was purifying herself from her monthly uncleanness. Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, "I am pregnant."
Oh man. Actions reap consequences. Crawly wasn't enjoying this but he could honestly say he had almost nothing to do with that. But the almost part was what would keep him up at night. And he didn't even need to sleep.
So David sent this word to Joab: "Send me Uriah the Hittite." And Joab sent him to David. When Uriah came to him, David asked him how Joab was, how the soldiers were and how the war was going. Then David said to Uriah, "Go down to your house and wash your feet." So Uriah left the palace, and a gift from the king was sent after him. But Uriah slept at the entrance to the palace with all his master's servants and did not go down to his house. David was told, "Uriah did not go home." So he asked Uriah, "Haven't you just come from a military campaign? Why didn't you go home?" Uriah said to David, "The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents, and my commander Joab and my lord's men are camped in the open country. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and make love to my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!"
Then David said to him, "Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back." So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. 1At David's invitation, he ate and drank with him, and David made him drunk. But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master's servants; he did not go home. In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. In it he wrote, "Put Uriah out in front where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die."
Crawly covered his hand with his mouth. No. He did not mean for this to happen. And he was not expecting this. David was going to have an innocent man put to Death just so he could bone his wife. Unholy matrimony! This was unreal! But Crawly could only sit back and watch. Helpless. As he was for his entire existence.
So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David's army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died.
Joab sent David a full account of the battle. 1He instructed the messenger: "When you have finished giving the king this account of the battle, the king's anger may flare up, and he may ask you, 'Why did you get so close to the city to fight? Didn't you know they would shoot arrows from the wall? Who killed Abimelek son of Jerub-Besheth? Didn't a woman drop an upper millstone on him from the wall, so that he died in Thebez? Why did you get so close to the wall?' If he asks you this, then say to him, 'Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.'"
The messenger set out, and when he arrived he told David everything Joab had sent him to say. The messenger said to David, "The men overpowered us and came out against us in the open, but we drove them back to the entrance of the city gate. Then the archers shot arrows at your servants from the wall, and some of the king's men died. Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead."
David told the messenger, "Say this to Joab: 'Don't let this upset you; the sword devours one as well as another. Press the attack against the city and destroy it.' Say this to encourage Joab."
When Uriah's wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the Lord.
"What a fucking asshole." Crawly murmured to himself shaking his head. Honestly. This wasn't love. This was an all-consuming lust and now a man was dead. Crawly left because he had fairly had enough of humanity for today and went out into the woods by himself. There was a section where in the springtime the flowers grew into a beautiful bloom and he liked to sit in there and ponder by himself. It was his little slice of Eden. It also smelled nice. He slept on the soft grass here and tended to the flowers. It was the most beautiful place in all the land in his opinion.
He often imagined bringing Aziraphale to this place and watching his face light up upon entering. If he loved stories he would love the beautiful flowers here. Or at least he thought he would. He seemed to like it when they made that bouquet for Rebekah and Issac's wedding. He smiled to himself at the memory. What in the Hell was happening to him? He felt like melting ice in the sun whenever he thought about Aziraphale. It was stupid and very not demonic. Then again having a secret flower garden was not exactly very demonic either. He never understood why Satan and the other demons wanted to destroy everything. Perhaps if they just opened their eyes they would see the beauty Earth had to offer.
The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, "There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him. "Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him."
David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, "As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity."
Then Nathan said to David, "You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: 'I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master's house to you, and your master's wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.' This is what the Lord says: 'Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.'"
Then David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the Lord."
To which Crawly who was watching mumbled "no shit..."
Nathan replied, "The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die."
"No. What the fuck?" This had gotten way out of hand. Now an innocent child was going to be killed. Why couldn't God kill David? The child had done absolutely nothing to deserve this. And Crawly would be partially responsible. His entire head seemed to scream "your fault, your fault, your fault" in unison.
After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah's wife had borne to David, and he became ill. David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.
On night two Crawly snuck into the room where the child was resting. He laid his hand on the fever-ridden head and whispered quietly "I'm sorry."
On night three was one of the one and only times he ever prayed to God. The child was alone as his father's groans and prayers were heard from where he was standing. The child was awake and reached out to him. So trusting. Wasn't even scared of the eyes. Crawly hesitated before scooped the child up. He almost sobbed feeling how high the baby's temperature was. He set the child down and did something he never did. A lullaby:
Sleep, sleep my beloved son
Sleep, sleep with no worries nor pain.
Close your beautiful eyes,
Sleep, sleep favorably.
Close your beautiful eyes,
Sleep, sleep favorably.
From your crib you'll leave,
And to school you'll go
And it's there my beloved son
That you'll learn to read.
And it's there my beloved son
That you'll learn to read.
Sleep, sleep my beloved son
Sleep, sleep with no worries nor pain.
Close your beautiful eyes,
Sleep, sleep favorably.
Close your beautiful eyes,
Sleep, sleep favorably.
From school you'll leave,
With a beautiful bride in hand,
And it's then my beloved son
That you'll have children of your own.
And it's then my beloved son
That you'll have children of your own.
The song seemed like a poor choice but it was one of the only ones he knew that weren't demonic and won't summon a demon into the room. He could only imagine what tortures would be awaiting him if they knew he was losing his mind over a sick child about to die.
On the fourth night, Crawly headed to Antarctica first. The world hadn't discovered it yet but he had. He hated it because it was cold as balls and made his wings feel like they were about to freeze off. He began to pick at the ice and made them into little cubic shapes with a few miricles. He tore a piece of his slender black robe and made a little ice pack of sorts. He returned and put it on the happy baby. So innocent and so pure. Why God could do this was beyond him. He even asked Her himself and got no response as per usual.
The fifth night was that was interesting. David was overcome with creativity for there was a certain angel in his midst. Writing a Psalm of rependentence allowed for healing and allowed him to lift some of the guilt weighing his soul down. Aziraphale decided to go check on the child to see how it was doing.
He walked as quietly up the steps as possible. He was in servent robes so no one would question his presence and it was late and too dark for anyone to get a good look at him. He peered into the room and held in a gasp. His heart felt like it was being held in the claws of Satan himself with fear as he saw the demon Crawly holding the child. He instantly wanted to rush in and seize the child and would certainly discorporate and send the demon back to Hell for attempting to torture the baby but before he could he saw how Crawly was cooing and rocking the baby while rocking back and forth in front of the window. He was telling the child a story about the story of Moses. Aziraphale could not believe his eyes.
His entire perception of Crawly changed in that moment. He had known Crawly wasn't exactly the most evil and malicious demon around but he had not expected him to be so gentle and kind with children. Providing comfort to dying children was something Azirphale did and it occured to him Crawly probably did it too as he was doing here. He had been told demons were selfish monsters who cared about nothing but themselves but this didn't describe Crawly.
Crawly cared about nature and saw the beauty in it. He knew how to make things more romantic. He cared about humans dying and he loved being around children. He liked trying new things and felt guilt and remorse which Aziraphale had assumed was only a demonic trick to get him to let his guard down. He had also never hurt Aziraphale and for a time Aziraphale believed this were true. He even caught him when he did a header out Jonathan's window. He let the demon and baby be and left the palace quietly.
On the sixth night, the mother held the child and wept. Aziraphale was there rubbing her shoulders, whispering comfort and hugging both the baby and mother. Crawly watched from a tree near the window. He had grown attached to the little one but knew the time would soon come to pass. David won't get a chance to say goodbye if he continued this schmoopy act. And Aziraphale won't appreciate it.
Crawly went to where David was sobbing and begging God for a miracle that would never come.
"King David with all due respect get your ass up to your child's room and say goodbye."
He looked up and shrieked at Crawly's eyes to which Crawly rolled at him.
"Um...what...sorry what was that..."
"I said get up and say goodbye. Your wife is on her last limb and you caused all this. The least you can do is act like a decent human being and say goodbye."
"I won't."
Crawly sighed but knew he couldn't force the man to do what he didn't want. He went back to his hiding place.
Crawly marveled at the comforting skills of the gentle Aziraphale from the window. He shouldn't admire an angel. It was dangerous to do but still Crawly was a rebel in his heart so he couldn't resist the soft comforting voice and gentle blue eyes of Aziraphale.
On the seventh day the child died. David's attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, "While the child was still living, he wouldn't listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate."
David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?" he asked.
"Yes," they replied, "he is dead."
Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.
His attendants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!"
He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."
Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and made love to her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The Lord loved him; and because the Lord loved him, he sent word through Nathan the prophet to name him Jedidiah.
Meanwhile Joab fought against Rabbah of the Ammonites and captured the royal citadel. Joab then sent messengers to David, saying, "I have fought against Rabbah and taken its water supply. Now muster the rest of the troops and besiege the city and capture it. Otherwise I will take the city, and it will be named after me."
So David mustered the entire army and went to Rabbah, and attacked and captured it. David took the crown from their king's head, and it was placed on his own head. It weighed a talent of gold, and it was set with precious stones. David took a great quantity of plunder from the city and brought out the people who were there, consigning them to labor with saws and with iron picks and axes, and he made them work at brickmaking. David did this to all the Ammonite towns. Then he and his entire army returned to Jerusalem.