It was quite a gruesome sight but to War, it was all she needed. Men stabbing each other in the mud over a river. Looks like Famine did the trick. He always did. And she loved him for it.

He was beside her and they were watching the commotion from afar taking in the wonderous smells of blood and decaying bodies. War traced a thin cheekbone as Famine droned on about a girl who took the longest to starve to Death, He was perfect in every way. War almost felt sorry for the other horsemen who didn't have what they had. Famine suddenly grasped her hand and she grinned.

"Where are we needed now my love?" She said in a flirty tone dripping with pure admiration.

"Back to Isreal my dear. You stay here. In three years I'll come to fetch you."

He winked and she covered her mouth with a girlie giggle. She watched him disappear and she turned back to the fight at hand. She was thinking a flaming weapon is what is called for as she headed down getting her seductive hips on.

During the reign of David, there was Famine for three successive years; so David sought the face of the Lord . The Lord said, "It is on account of Saul and his blood-stained house; it is because he put the Gibeonites to death. "

The king summoned the Gibeonites and spoke to them. Now the Gibeonites were not a part of Israel but were survivors of the Amorites; the Israelites had sworn to spare them, but Saul in his zeal for Israel and Judah had tried to annihilate them. David asked the Gibeonites, "What shall I do for you? How shall I make atonement so that you will bless the Lord 's inheritance? "

The Gibeonites answered him, "We have no right to demand silver or gold from Saul or his family, nor do we have the right to put anyone in Israel to death."

"What do you want me to do for you?" David asked.

They answered the king, "As for the man who destroyed us and plotted against us so that we have been decimated and have no place anywhere in Israel, let seven of his male descendants be given to us to be killed and their bodies exposed before the Lord at Gibeah of Saul — the Lord 's chosen one. "

So the king said, "I will give them to you."

The king spared Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, because of the oath before the Lord between David and Jonathan are of Saul. But the king took Armoni and Mephibosheth, the two sons of Aiah's daughter Rizpah,who she had borne to Saul, together with the five sons of Saul's daughter Merab, whom she had borne to Adriel are of Barzillai the Meholathite. I've handed them over to the Gibeonites, who killed them and exposed their bodies on a hill before the Lord . All seven of them fell together; they were put to death during the first days of the harvest, just as the barley harvest was beginning.

Rizpah daughter of Aiah took sackcloth and spread it out for herself on a rock. From the beginning of the harvest till the rain poured down from the heavens on the bodies, she did not let the birds touch them by day or the wild animals by night. When David was told what Aiah's daughter Rizpah, Saul's concubine, had done, he went and took the bones of Saul and his are Jonathan from the citizens of Jabesh Gilead. They had stolen their bodies from the public square at Beth Shan, where the Philistines had hung them after they struck Saul down on Gilboa. David brought the bones of Saul and his son Jonathan from there, and the bones of those who had been killed and exposed were gathered up. They buried the bones of Saul and his son Jonathan in the tomb of Saul's father Kish, at Zelain Benjamin, and did everything the king commanded. After that, God answered prayer in behalf of the land.

As promised Famine returned with War. She smiled ear to ear.

"You honestly spoil me darling."

He leaned forward and brushed his cool lips against the shell of her ear and whispered seductively "I know my previous blood luster. I know."

Once again there was a battle between the Philistines and Israel. David went down with his men to fight against the Philistines, and he became exhausted. And Ishbi-Benob, one of the descendants of Rapha, whose bronze spearhead weighed three hundred shekels and who was armed with a new sword, said he would kill David. But Abishaison of Zeruiah came to David's rescue; I have struck the Philistine down and killed him. Then David's men swore to him, saying, "Never again will you go out with us to battle, so that the lamp of Israel will not be extinguished."

In the course of time, there was another battle with the Philistines, at Gob. At that time Sibbekai the Hushathite killed Saph, one of the descendants of Rapha. In another battle with the Philistines at Gob, Elhanan son of Jair the Bethlehemite killed the brother of Goliath the Gittite, who had a spear with a shaft like a weaver's rod. In still another battle, which took place at Gath, there was a huge man with six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot — twenty-four in all. He was also descended from Rapha. When he taunted Israel, Jonathan are of Shimeah, David's brother, killed him. These four were descendants of Rapha in Gath, and they fell at the hands of David and his men.

Again the anger of the Lord burned against Israel, and he incited David against them, saying, "Go and take a census of Israel and Judah. "

So the king said to Joaband the army commanders [ with him, "Go throughout the tribes of Israel from Dan to Beersheba and enroll the fighting men, so that I may know how many there are. " But Joab replied to the king, "May the Lord your God multiply the troops a hundred times over,and may the eyes of my lord the king see it. But why does my lord the king want to do such a thing? "

The king's word, however, overruled Joab and the army commanders; so they left the presence of the king to enroll the fighting men of Israel. After crossing the Jordan, they camped near Aroer, south of the town in the gorge, and then went through Gad and on to Jazer. They went to Gilead and the region of Tahtim Hodshi, and on to Dan Jaan and around towards Sidon. Then they went towards the fortress of Tire and all the towns of the Hivitesand Canaanites. Finally, they went on to Beersheba in the Negev of Judah. After they had gone through the entire land, they came back to Jerusalem at the end of nine months and twenty days. Joab reported the number of the fighting men to the king: In Israel, there were eight hundred thousand able-bodied men who could handle a sword, and in Judah five hundred thousand0 David was conscience-stricken after he had counted the fighting men, and he said to the Lord , "I have sinned greatly in what I have done. Now, Lord, I beg you, take away the guilt of your servant. I have done a very foolish thing."

Before David got up the next morning, the word of the Lord had come to Gad the prophet, David's seer: "Go and tell David, 'This is what the Lord says: I am giving you three options. Choose one of them for me to carry out against you. '"

So Gad went to David and said to him, "Shall there come on you three years of famine your land? Or three months of fleeing from your enemies while they pursue you? Or three days of plaguein your land? Now then, think it over and decide how I should answer the one who sent me. "

David said to Gad, "I am in deep distress. Let us fall into the hands of the Lord , for his mercy is great; but do not let me fall into human hands. "

Meanwhile, in Heaven, a very skilled Micheal was cleaning her sword. She had had a brush with some demons over at the asteroid belt. What could she say? Couldn't resist a good fight when it was bound to happen. A knocking sound at the enterance caused her to turn her head to see a Gabriel grinning ear to ear. "It's time. Send one of your plague angels down there."

Micheal remembered that Lapis an Ophanim angel had missed ten of her thirty shots today in practice. With grace, she waved a hand in front of her and a large orb floated down from the ceiling displaying all the different angels of all ranking within her arahcangel heriarchy. She summoned the unfortunate Lapis.

She turned to Gabriel with a grin. "Don't worry I know just the angel."

Lapis went to Eath that morning until the end of the time designated, and seventy thousand of the people from Dan to Beersheba died. When the angel stretched out her hand to destroy Jerusalem, the Lord relented concerning the disaster and said to the angel who was afflicting the people, "Enough! Withdraw your hand. " The angel of the Lord was then at the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite.

When David saw the angel who was striking down the people, he said to the Lord , "I have sinned; I, the shepherd, have done wrong. These are but sheep. What have they done? Let your hand fall on me and my family. "

On that day Gad went to David and said to him, "Go up and build an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor of Araunahthe Jebusite. " So David went up, as the Lord had commanded through Gad. When Araunah looked and saw the king and his officials coming toward him, he went out and bowed down before the king with his face to the ground.

Araunah said, "Why has my lord the king come to his servant?"

"To buy your threshing floor," David answered, "so I can build an altar to the Lord , that the plague by that angel on the people may be stopped."

Araunah said to David, "Let my lord the king take whatever he wishes and offer it up. Here are oxen for the burnt offering, and here are threshing sledges and ox yokes for the wood. Your Majesty, Araunah gives all this to the king. " Araunah also said to him, "May the Lord your God accept you."

But the king replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing. "

So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen and paid fifty shekels of silver for them. David built an altar to the Lord there and sacrificed burnt offerings and fellowship offerings. Then the Lord answered his prayer in behalf of the land, and the plague on Israel was stopped. Lapis should have returned to Heaven but her attention was caught by a beautiful street carnival. She followed them. She felt a rough hand grab her pretty white robes and tried to flee when she saw the dark eyes of Hastur as he dragged her down to Hell with a cackle. He had come for Aziraphale but an angel was an angel. Micheal never even noticed she was gone. What was one faulty angel who couldn't hit targets a hundred percent of the time to her when she had thousands who could do better?

After all was said and done Famine scooped up War like a rag doll and she clung to his neck as though gravity would snap her body in half if he let her go.

"Where to now my child slayer?" She mummbered into his pitch black robes.

"Let's go back to Africa. I can sense another Famine coming on."

"It won't be the only thing coming my crop killer."

"Naughty, naughty."

They vanished and had quite an -ahem-interesting night of human customary exchanges.

David immediately was overcome with creativity from a certain angel and fashioned together two beautiful songs. A psalm of steadfastness was also in order. But it was bittersweet. David was old and dying very soon. Aziraphale intended to make it the best final days he could. He was a servant of the people after all and David was such a crucial part of the Great Plan and the grander scheme of bringing the Christ about on earth. He was one of the most crucial rings in the latter and far be it from Aziraphale to let it go unnoticed. A beautiful psalm of salvation was being written. Aziraphale was pleased.

When King David was very old, he could not keep warm even when they put covers over him. So his attendants said to him, "Let us look for a young virgin to serve the king and take care of him. She can lie beside him so that our lord the king may keep warm. "

Then they searched throughout Israel for a beautiful young woman and found Abishag, to Shunammite,and brought her to the king. The woman was very beautiful; she took care of the king and waited on him, but the king had no sexual relations with her.

Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, "I will be king." So I got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him. His father had never rebuked him by asking, "Why do you behave as you do?" He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.

Adonijah conferred with Joab son of Zeruiah and with Abiatharthe priest, and they gave him their support. But Zadok the priest, Benaiah they are of Jehoiada, Nathan the prophet, Shimei and Rei and David's special guard did not join Adonijah.

Adonijah then sacrificed sheep, cattle and fattened calves at the Stone of Zoheleth near En Rogel. I have invited all his brothers, the king's sons,and all the royal officials of Judah, but he did not invite Nathan the prophet or Benaiah or the special guard or his brother Solomon.

Then Nathan asked Bathsheba, Solomon's mother, "Have you not heard that Adonijah,the son of Haggith, has become king, and our lord David knows nothing about it? Now then, let me adviseyou how you can save your own life and the life of your son Solomon. Go into King David and say to him, 'My lord the king, did you not swear to me your servant: "Surely Solomon your son shall be king after me, and he will sit on my throne"? Why then have Adonijah become king? ' While you are still there talking to the king, I will come in and add my word to what you have said. "

So Bathsheba went to see the aged king in his room, where Abishagthe Shunammite was attending him. Bathsheba bowed down, prostrating herself before the king. "What is it you want?" the king asked.

She said to him, "My lord, you yourself swore to me your servant by the Lord your God: 'Solomon your son shall be king after me, and he will sit on my throne.' But now Adonijah has become king, and you, my lord the king, do not know about it. He has sacrificed great numbers of cattle, fattened calves, and sheep, and has invited all the king's sons, Abiathar the priest and Joab the commander of the army, but he has not invited Solomon your servant. My lord the king, the eyes of all Israel are on you, to learn from you who will sit on the throne of my lord the king after him. Otherwise, as soon as my lord the king is laid to rest with his ancestors, I and my are Solomon will be treated as criminals. " While she was still speaking with the king, Nathan the prophet arrived. And the king was told, "Nathan the prophet is here." So he went before the king and bowed with his face to the ground.

Nathan said, "Have you, my lord the king, declared that Adonijah shall be king after you, and that he will sit on your throne? Today he has gone down and sacrificed great numbers of cattle, fattened calves, and sheep. He has invited all the king's sons, the commanders of the army and Abiathar the priest. Right now they are eating and drinking with him and saying, 'Long live King Adonijah!' But me your servant, and Zadok the priest, and Benaiah are of Jehoiada, and your servant Solomon he did not invite. Is this something my lord the king has done without letting his servants know who should sit on the throne of my lord the king after him? "

Then King David said, "Call in Bathsheba." So she came into the king's presence and stood before him.

The king then took an oath: "As surely as the Lord lives, who has delivered me out of every trouble, I will surely carry out this very day what I swore to you by the Lord , the God of Israel: Solomon your son shall be king after me, and he will sit on my throne in my place. " Then Bathsheba bowed down with her face to the ground, prostrating herself before the king, and said, "May my lord King David live forever!"

King David said, "Call in Zadokthe priest, Nathan the prophet and Benaiah are of Jehoiada. " When they came before the king, he said to them: "Take your lord's servants with you and have Solomon my son mount my own mule and take him down to Gihon. There have Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet anoint him king over Israel. Blow the trumpet and shout, 'Long live King Solomon!' Then you are to go up with him, and he is to come and sit on my throne and reign in my place. I have appointed him ruler over Israel and Judah. "

Benaiah son of Jehoiada answered the king, "Amen! May the Lord , the God of my lord the king, so declare it. As the Lord was with my lord the king, so may he be with Solomon to make his throne even greater than the throne of my lord King David! "

So Zadok the priest, Nathan the prophet, Benaiah son of Jehoiada, the Kerethites and the Pelethites went down and had Solomon mount King David's mule, and they escorted him to Gihon. Zadok the priest took the horn of oil from the sacred tent and anointed Solomon. Then they sounded the trumpet and all the people shouted,"Long live King Solomon!" And all the people went up after him, playing pipes and rejoicing greatly, so that the ground shook with the sound.

Adonijah and all the guests who were with him heard it as they were finishing their feast. On hearing the sound of the trumpet, Joab asked, "What's the meaning of all the noise in the city?" Even as he was speaking, Jonathan son of Abiathar the priest arrived. Adonijah said, "Come in. A worthy man like you must be bringing good news. "

"Not at all!" Jonathan answered. "Our Lord King David has made Solomon King. The king has sent with him Zadok the priest, Nathan the prophet, Benaiah son of Jehoiada, the Kerethites and the Pelethites, and they have put him on the king's mule, and Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet have anointed him king at Gihon From there they have gone up cheering, and the city resounds with it. That's the noise you hear. Moreover, Solomon has taken his seaton the royal throne. Also, the royal officials have come to congratulate our lord King David, saying, 'May your God make Solomon's name more famous than yours and his throne greater than yours! ' And the king bowed in worship on his bed 48 and said, 'Praise be to the Lord , the God of Israel, who has allowed my eyes to see a successor on my throne today. '"

At this, all Adonijah's guests rose in alarm and dispersed. But Adonijah, in fear of Solomon, went and took hold of the horns of the altar. Then Solomon was told, "Adonijah is afraid of King Solomon and is clinging to the horns of the altar. He says, 'Let King Solomon swear to me today that he will not put his servant to death with the sword.' "

Solomon replied, "If he shows himself to be worthy, not a hairof his head will fall to the ground; but if evil is found in him, he will die. " Then King Solomon sent men, and they brought him down from the altar. And Adonijah came and bowed down to King Solomon, and Solomon said, "Go to your home."

When the time drew near for David to die, he gave a charge to Solomon his son.

"I am about to go the way of all the earth," He said "So be strong, act like a man, and observe what the Lord your God requires: Walk in obedience to him, and keep his decrees and commands, his laws and regulations, as written in the Law of Moses. Do this so that you may prosper in all you do and wherever you go and that the Lord may keep his promise to me: 'If your descendants watch how they live, and if they walk faithfully before me with all their heart and soul, you will never fail to have a successor on the throne of Israel. '

"Now you yourself know what Joab son of Zeruiah did to me — what he did to the two commanders of Israel's armies, Abner are of Ner and AmasaThey are of Jether. He killed them, shedding their blood in peacetime as if in battle, and with that blood he stained the belt around his waist and the sandals on his feet. Deal with him according to your wisdom, but do not let his gray head go down to the grave in peace.

"But show kindness to the sons of Barzillai of Gilead and let them be among those who eat at your table. They stood by me when I fled from your brother Absalom.

"And remember, you have with you Shimei son of Gera, the Benjamite from Bahurim, who called down bitter curses on me the day I went to Mahanaim. When he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the Lord : 'I will not put you to death by the sword.' But now, do not consider him innocent. You are a man of wisdom; you will know what to do to him. Bring his gray head down to the grave in blood. "

Then David rested with his ancestors and was buried in the City of David. I've had reigned forty years over Israel — seven years in Hebron and thirty-three in Jerusalem. So Solomon sat on the throne of his father David, and his rule was firmly established.

Now Adonijah,the son of Haggith, went to Bathsheba, Solomon's mother. Bathsheba asked him, "Do you come peacefully?" I have answered, "Yes, peacefully." Then I added, "I have something to say to you." "You may say it," she replied.

"As you know," He said, "the kingdom was mine. All Israel looked to me as their king. But things changed, and the kingdom has gone to my brother; for it has come to him from the Lord . Now I have one request to make of you. Do not refuse me. "

"You may make it," she said. So he continued, "Please ask King Solomon — he will not refuse you — to give me Abishag the Shunammite as my wife. " "Very well," Bathsheba replied, "I will speak to the king for you."

When Bathsheba went to King Solomon to speak to him for Adonijah, the king stood up to meet her, bowed down to her and sat down on his throne. He had a throne brought for the king's mother, and she sat down at his right hand. "I have one small request to make of you," she said. "Do not refuse me." The king replied, "Make it, my mother; I will not refuse you. "

So she said, "Let Abishag the Shunammite be given in marriage to your brother Adonijah. " King Solomon answered his mother, "Why do you request Abishagthe Shunammite for Adonijah? You might as well request the kingdom for him — after all, he is my older brother—Yes, for him and for Abiathar the priest and Joab are of Zeruiah! "

Then King Solomon swore by the Lord : "May God deal with me, be it ever so severely,if Adonijah does not pay with his life for this request! And now, as surely as the Lord lives — he who has established me securely on the throne of my father David and has founded a dynasty for me as he promised—Adonijah shall be put to death today! " So King Solomon gave orders to Benaiah They are of Jehoiada, and I have struck down Adonijah and he died. To Abiathar the priest the king said, "Go back to your fields in Anathoth. You deserve to die, but I will not put you to death now, because you carried the arkof the Sovereign Lord before my father David and shared all my father's hardships. " So Solomon removed Abiathar from the priesthood of the Lord , fulfillingthe word the Lord had spoken at Shiloh about the house of Eli. When the news reached Joab, who had conspired with Adonijah though not with Absalom, he fled to the tent of the Lord and took hold of the hornsof the altar. King Solomon was told that Joab had fled to the tent of the Lord and was beside the altar. Then Solomon ordered Benaiah son of Jehoiada, "Go, strike him down!" So Benaiah entered the tentmof the Lord and said to Joab, "The king says, 'Come out!'" But he answered, "No, I will die here." Benaiah reported to the king, "This is how Joab answered me."

Then the king commanded Benaiah, "Do as he says. Strike him down and bury him, and so clear me and my whole family of the guilt of the innocent blood that Joab shed. The Lord will repay him for the blood he shed, because without my father David knowing it he attacked two men and killed them with the sword. Both of them — Abner son of Ner, commander of Israel's army, and Amasa son of Jether, commander of Judah's army — were better men and more upright than he. May the guilt of their blood rest on the head of Joab and his descendants forever. But on David and his descendants, his house and his throne, may there be the Lord 's peace forever. "

So Benaiah son of Jehoiada went up and struck down Joaband killed him, and he was buried at his home out in the country. The king put Benaiah son of Jehoiada over the army in Joab's position and replaced Abiathar with Zadok the priest

Then the king sent for Shimeiand said to him, "Build yourself a house in Jerusalem and live there, but do not go anywhere else. The day you leave and cross the Kidron Valley,you can be sure you will die; your blood will be on your own head. "

Shimei answered the king, "What you say is good. Your servant will do as my lord the king has said. " And Shimei stayed in Jerusalem for a long time.

But three years later, two of Shimei's slaves ran off to Achishson of Maakah, king of Gath, and Shimei was told, "Your slaves are in Gath." At this, he saddled his donkey and went to Achish at Gath in search of his slaves. So Shimei went away and brought the slaves back from Gath.

When Solomon was told that Shimei had gone from Jerusalem to Gath and had returned, the king summoned Shimei and said to him, "Did I not make you swear by the Lord and warn you, 'On the day you leave to go anywhere else, you can be sure you will die'? At that time you said to me, 'What you say is good. I will obey. ' Why then did you not keep your oath to the Lord and obey the command I gave you? "

Meanwhile in Hell Lapis was whimpering. She was half-naked and had scars and cuts from the whip of Hastur all over her. He smiled with each cry of agony the pathetic angel made. Ligur walked in and began yelling "Who the fuck is this? I thought I told you to get that other angel we saw fucking everything up for us! Why in Satan's name is she here?"

Hastur taken aback stared blubbering "Oh well I just thought you know any angel will do and what not-"

"Yeah well you thought wrong. Let's go get that pathetic angel and feed him to the Hellhounds. I want to taste each drop of angelic blood as it hits the floor.

The king also said to Shimei, "You know in your heart all the wrong you did to my father David. Now the Lord will repay you for your wrongdoing. But King Solomon will be blessed, and David's throne will remain secure before the Lord forever. " Then the king gave the order to Benaiah son of Jehoiada, and he went out and struck Shimei down and he died. The kingdom was now established in Solomon's hands.

When David was writing his final two psalms one of which for his son Azriaphale saw two demons crawl out of the ground. He went outside to confront them.

Crawly awoke from his slumber with saliva dripping down his face onto the pillow. Drooling in his sleep was an uncanny habit he had picked up and it was inconvenient as always. Something was wrong though. He had a dream of sorts. Or more so a nightmare. It was of Aziraphale being brutally tortured by Hastur and Ligur. He immediately was in Isreal and saw indeed Hastur and Ligur where there. He then saw Aziraphale about to face off with them. No. Stupid fucking angel.

"You little pathetic piece of shit ruined everything!" Ligur shouted pointing a fierce finger towards Aziraphale's chest.

"Yeah! And we are going to take you down to my favorite torture chamber. Mothers will whisper of your fates. Children will shrivel in fear. What we will do to you will be so unspeakable even God Herself will turn Her face away from you in agony." Hastur snarled through his teeth.

Crawly did not like turning into a snake. He always feared he won't be able to change back. But his friend or enemy or rather frienemy needed his help so he did. He slithered in the grass. This was going to take a lot of demonic energy and Hastur and Ligur would most likely see it but he could play it off as nothing. Just had to get close enough.

Aziraphale rolled his eyes at the pair and said in a bitchy tone "Honestly do you really think I fear you?"

"You should. We have tortured and exterminated thousands of your kind." Ligur growled narrowing his eyes.

"That may be true but you are sadly mistaken if you thought I was going to go down without a fight. I will fight for the Almighty until the day I move on from this plane of existence." As proof he put himself in a fighting position. Ligur and Hastur did the same. Before either side could do anything Crawly wrapped himself around Aziraphale's ankle and teleported him to an island full of beautiful tropic flowers no man had had the chance to get their grimy paws on yet.

Hastur and Ligur looked in confusion at the spot where the angel had once stood and back at each other.

"Where the fuck did he go?"

"Teleported himself out of here the coward. Can we get on now Ligur? We have a perfectly juicey angel waiting downstairs who can give us lots of demonic fun."

"I wanted that angel though, Also did you feel that?"

"Feel what?"

"That power when he teleported."

"Not really. Why are you feeling angelic auroras now? Do you have any idea-"

"That's the thing. It wasn't angelic. It was demonic.

"Demonic. Oh please. As if a demon would have the nerve to defy us or Satan. You need to get your head out of your paranoid ass Ligur."

"No. I swear of God's tit that it was demonic."

"Well I am a duke of Hell and I didn't feel anything so either you are defective and need to get a brainwash or are lying and about to spend the next ten years sleeping with the Hellhounds as Hell's official new chew toy for wasting my time over nothing."

That threat was enough to shut Ligur up on the way back to their bleeding angel waiting below in fear and shame begging God to make it stop. She didn't answer.