WHERE I BELONG

My home has always been wherever my heart followed and for the longest, that love has always taken shelter with my parents. Home, was always when I got to spend time with my family. Until one day, Tony became my home and he became that without even knowing it. I found comfort in his words, his smile, compassion, words, knowledge and his big heart. I slipped in without even knowing it and I fell so hard. I fell so deep, that there was no way I could climb my way out on my own. I was consumed by him and this feeling, the feeling of love, comfort, warm and fuzzy feeling of everything I ever wanted and couldn't have. Why?! He was my boss and it would prove my friends and the rest of the world right. On top of that, I didn't want to be another addition to his collection of women that he slept with. I shook this feeling out of my head so many times that I lost count. I lost count of how many times I denied my feelings for him, especially when he was looking at me. The feeling was like a warm feeling of everything was ok. The feeling of comfort and love and that, you are the one. I didn't know if I was just lying to myself or if I was trying to control the narrative. When he came back...I was so happy! And none of that mattered, I was definitely going to tell him until I saw what being over there did to him. He was broken when he came back and saying "I love you!" wasn't a weight that he needed on his shoulders.

But

he never stopped being home for me. Now its the only place I can go to, to find comfort and that makes me feel safe. I thought that what I was feeling was just the consequences of being around some for a long time. I thought that what I was feeling was just from me being worried about him, us working so closely among a million of other things. Lies I told myself so that I wouldn't fall deeper then I was. I lied because I knew once I said the words, that everything would change. Then when he said those words on the rooftop, I didn't care anymore I just went on instinct. That kissed sparked something different, it was more then just lust for us and even more then love. It was like our souls were connecting and everything I was feeling was put into that his. It told me everything I needed to know about love and the feeling of home. That home can be a person as well. That no matter where you go, as long as you had them...nothing else mattered because I loved him...still do. I telling you this because, as I look into this man's eyes who might be an impostor, from the past, another dimension or universe...I still see home in his eyes. The only difference is that I can't run into his arms and kiss him, tell him I love him and I missed him. To break down crying in his arms and have him wipe them away and replace them with kisses. I missed that but I don't know if it's my Tony, I wished it was even though I knew it wasn' stared at me more confused then ever, I looked down and I saw a newspaper which confirms my fears. The newspaper read: June 9,2009, it was then I knew where I was and... I don't know why, I just feel apart. I guess what I'm trying to sat is that, Tony has been home to me for so long that anywhere else feels strange to me. Now, being without him is hard because his the only person I want to talk to and, the only person I want to tell things to. After... af... that day was so hard for me, losing him the way I did, when I did but I don't anytime would've been better because honestly, I don't think anytime would've been better. I didn't want to lose him, I didn't want to talk about it or see anyone but I couldn't let anyone know. So, I went to that funeral and I cried and now I'm here and he's here but it's not really him, do you have any idea what's that like. This is even harder than losing him because for a second, just a second...I thought I had him back and I didn't care how or why,I was just happy to see him but... none of it is real, so it doesn't matter but I kinda did reveal everything and knowing Tony, his gonna want an explanation. I can't right now.

Tony stares at me looking confused, of course he is I think to myself he was just given a load of unbelievable information.

Tony: are you ok?

Pepper: no. I need to go.

Tony: but you just got here ( he says as his smile fades) you can't leave.

Pepper: i'm just not into it today, maybe some other time.

Tony: don't we have an agenda to go over?

Pepper: just forget it.

Tony: wow! Now I know something is really wrong ( he says stepping closer to her and wrapping both of his hands on hers to comfort her. He looks into her eyes and smiles.) just tell me what's wrong.

Pepper thought to herself: Gosh! I really feel like kissing him right now, what's wrong with me? Why do I feel so guilty?

Tony: (tries to get my attention as he catches me spacing out again) pep? What did you mean...(before Tony can say anything, she steps back and removes her hands from Tony)

Pepper: someone must of drugged my drink at the party or...maybe it was just a dream.

Tony (had a huge grin on his face)you dream of me often?

Pepper: I need to go home to rest. (she storms off and reaches for the door handle but Tony stops her.)

Tony: you didn't answer my question.

Pepper: yes!

Tony: yes what ( he grins widely)

pepper: yes, I dream about you OK! Are you satisfied!

Tony: I will be when I lie in bed tonight ( he smiles and Pepper rolls her eyes, knowing that Tony is teasing her.) I never thought that you would admit that, that's called growth.

Pepper: (giggles, something that she hasn't done in a long time.)

they both smile and look into each others eyes when, there is a knock at the door.

Tony looks up and smiles, he looks down at Pepper apologetically and goes to open the door. Pepper hears giggling so she turns around to see Maya and Tony laughing. Then Tony leans in to give Maya a kiss and then Pepper saw it, she instantly just shut down. This hurt more then anything and she felt her heart shatter. Maya had on a wedding ring, which made Pepper survey the room... there was a wedding photo sitting on a shelf above their fireplace. Pepper knew then that she wanted to leave but then Maya said.

Maya: hey! Pep! It's so good to see you, was he behaving?

Pepper: yeah. (Pepper really didn't want to talk to Maya or be around her and Tony, especially with them being all lovey dovey and married.

Maya: really? How surprising?!

Tony (looks at pepper) well, there are a lot of surprising things happening today.

Maya: yeah, like what?

Tony: pepper lying, I was misbehaving

maya: (sighs and looks at pepper) i'm sorry for my husband.

pepper: don't be sorry, I didn't mind it.

Tony: wow! (tony says uncomfortable)

pepper looks at him and smiles, she gets up to leave when someone else knocks at the door.

Tony (opens the door) pep?

Pepper: yes!

Pepper is surprised to see who walks into the room, she sees herself.

TO BE CONTINUED