We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.
Sigmund Freud
When Kagome finally talked to Jean, he was flabbergasted. She didn't know if he thought she was crazy or if he actually believed her. He raked his fingers through his short hair. The small strands stick upwards raggedly. Kagome watched him desperately, her hands clasped tightly together underneath her chin. "Jean?"
He sighed, finally meeting her gaze. "So, what you're telling me," he hesitated, "is that you're having dreams about your past?" The words sounded jumbled and wrong, but she nodded eagerly, gouging his expression.
"Kags." He shook his head. "That's hard for even me to believe."
She deflated. Jean noticed immediately, his eyebrows drawn in sympathy. He opened his mouth. "You have to give me more than that." She wanted to argue back. She wanted to tell him that she couldn't prove anything. They were just dreams. She couldn't show him.
"Okay." Kagome replied, making sure that was the end of their conversation.
Jean tilted his body forward. He took her hand. "Let's go."
x
They hadn't gotten any word from the scouts. No missions were assigned and no evaluations were presented. The teenagers still trained heavily and without breaks, despite the fact that they didn't know what they were preparing for.
Kagome was out shopping in the market. She weaved her way through a throng of villagers, muttering apologies, her eyes scanning for ripe fruits and hot bread. Unlike the others, she didn't have parents to call her own. She lived with Jean's family. Not many knew that and Jean didn't like saying anything about it. He challenged anyone who questioned Kagome, who even looked at her in the wrong way. She loved and hated him for that.
She caught a glimpse of a crate filled with small chunks of cheese and dry wheat bread. She hurried toward the seller, an old woman with beady eyes and little to no hair. Smiling in greeting, Kagome bowed her head. "How much will that cost?"
She didn't get to hear the woman's answer.
Her ears had gone numb.
A roar echoed in the wind.
Kagome dropped the coins she had in her palm. She made the mistake of looking upwards, ignoring the sun and focusing on the large shadow that had settled atop the wall.
She noticed too late.
The crumbling blocks of cement. The screams. The rush of escape around her.
She did the only thing that came to mind.
She ran.
x
She kept repeating the litany over and over again. She whispered it as she sprinted passed cracked barrels, rolling down the street. She prayed to it as she heard the bloodcurdling shriek of titans nearby. "Jean. Jean. Jean. Jean."
Her breathing was ragged. Her dark hair clung to her face from sweat. She made it to their house.
Her lips parted. She tried to shout.
Nothing came out.
x
She didn't question how the titans had breached the walls. She didn't question just how prepared humanity was. She didn't question the blood she saw plastered on the tarmac, or the separated body parts that appeared bitten and crunched. Her blue orbs widened. Jean's house was demolished. Her heart withered slightly. Nonetheless, she continued on, pushing away large pieces of wood and the remains of the property's structure. Her fingers were cut. She felt a splinter on the tip of her thumb. She threw aside small rocks, her frustration growing.
"Kagome!" She turned, frazzled, her face wild with grief and expectation and fear.
It was Jean. He looked ashen. His skin was covered with soot and grime. His shirt had gotten torn off down the middle. She rushed towards him, whimpering when his arms wrapped around her body. "We have to go! Now!"
No matter how fast they scampered, they couldn't ignore the hollers of pain and sorrow they heard.
x
"What the hell?" Jean exclaims, his lips drawn into a deep scowl of surprise. He yanks her with him to the front of the crowd. A mass of people is standing around them, mothers and daughters and sons and fathers. Kagome notices the crimson on their clothing and the rigidness of their shoulders. The dried tears on their faces and the hard grasps in which they hold their dear ones.
She realizes what the commotion is all about.
Cargo is covering the exit. She sucks in a breath, wondering how much time they had. How long it would take for the titans to reach them. To swallow them whole.
A fat man is standing in front of the extended carts. His short arms are outstretched. His cheeks are flushed, from anger or embarrassment, she didn't know.
The villagers were yelling at him. Pointing to the sky. They pushed their way ahead, hands fisted and cocked. Jean took her closer to him. To her astonishment, she found Mikasa next to her.
"This is no time for a fight. The titans are coming. They'll be here any second." The short haired girl said, quietly seething. Beside her, is Armin. His blonde hair is spotted with dirt. His cloak is ripped from the hood.
Kagome nods, trying to gain her mentality back. She takes a step toward the merchant. She's relieved when Mikasa is beside her, backing her up.
They take their blades. They take the man by storm. They leave him shaking, a pitiful human with pitiful ideals.
x
When the town's people are finally able to pass the city's gate, they gather in locations set by the garrison regiment. Armin has tears in his eyes. He keeps glancing at Mikasa anxiously, as if waiting for her to do something. Jean is eerily quiet. His rough hand is still in hers. He doesn't care that anyone sees. "We need to protect them. We're supposed to back them up." Mikasa shakes locks of her hair aside. In her stance, she looks powerful.
Kagome peers away. She stares as a group of people huddle behind the military police, waiting for sanctuary. "Come on, then." She isn't wearing her uniform, but at least she has her mobility gear on. Pausing, she turns back, mouth curling in confusion. "Where's..." She tries to remember his name. "Jaeger?"
Armin releases a sob. Jean frowns, trying to come up with a conclusion. It's Mikasa who answers, her voice hard and unyielding. "As of now, he's dead."
They stiffen.
x
They blank their minds. They assemble their gear. They leap from building to building. Kagome hasn't ever killed a titan before. She clutches the hand grips, aiming towards the nearest ridge and jumping towards it. The air is cold. It gives her a rush of adrenaline. She's still afraid, but with the others supporting her, she's more confident. She's dimly aware of Mikasa getting behind a short titan, whipping her leg back and striking the neck with great accuracy.
"Behind you!" Kagome shouts, letting her feet slap against the roof she was standing on. She doesn't know how quickly she ends up behind the abnormal titan. She doesn't know how impossible her strategy is. All she's thinking about is saving the scout who had been caught off guard. In the background, she can almost feel Jean calling for her. She takes her blade and slashes the eyes of the creature. It wails recklessly, arms blindly reaching for her.
It's in that second that she hits her target.
She doesn't see the pink glow coming from her chest.
Nobody does.
Except for the squad captain. His gray eyes narrow.
x
It's here! Tell me what you think! Next update on Friday. Thanks!