The new vents in the Devil's Nest worked quite well for their current purpose. Perhaps, a little better than even Mr. Greed had thought they would.

This was what Bido considered as he slithered through them, salamander body coiling and stretching in all the right ways and places, making his passage easy. No one else- save maybe Martel- would be able to do this, and certainly no regular human could ever pull it off. It was the perfect sneak system- Bido could make his way around the Nest from any room, he could even escape the building if he needed to, it was a perfect fail-safe in case the rest of the gang got in trouble. A secret agent in the walls, that was he! What fun. It made him feel special, being able to do this, having his own particular talents put to the forefront. Who would have thought that this malformed, slimy body of his- the most inhuman of the escaped chimeras, the most rawly unappealing- could be so powerful just as it was? It felt nice knowing that he could be helpful to the gang with nothing but his own natural skill set. He didn't have to change or hide himself to be good.

And these routes were very stealthy- Bido was certain that even the various members of the gang (with the exception, perhaps, of Dolcetto, with his strong sense of smell) didn't know when he was in them. It was kind of fun, sneaking around in his own private little world, being able to see everything with no one seeing him. Just like the second species he had been made from.

Now, it was night, the sun had long set and all good folks had gone to bed. The gang was quiet tonight, too- no raids or deals or other daring expeditions were being made under the moon. They had just had a big break recently- even though Roa had been injured- and Mr. Greed had decided it best to sit back on their fortunes for a little while, let the atmosphere 'stew', whatever that meant. He said that there were always bigger rewards for those who wait, and of course he wanted the bigger reward, he was greedy! Haha. Mr. Greed had a pretty good sense of humour sometimes.

And on the subject of Mr. Greed, there was a light on up ahead, Bido could see it shining in the vent. All of the rooms had 'ventilation grates' which, for all functional purposes, were more like windows for the salamander, but most of the lights in the Nest tonight had been turned off. But up here, that was Mr. Greed's office, wasn't it? And the light there was nice and bright. Bido wondered what he might be up to, now- and had no particular qualms about taking a peek. He slithered closer, the flexibility of his limbs making his approach close to silent, opening his ears to listen in. Now that he was close, Bido could hear his leader speaking.

"You know, I got this when we were doing all those renovations," Mr. Greed was saying, and when Bido scooted up close enough to see he was able to tell that the taller man was sitting in the padded chair behind his desk, patting the sleek wooden surface before him with one hand. He was looking across the room at something Bido couldn't see, not from this angle, anyway.

"I was very...particular about it. Said to the maker that it had to be real strong, strong enough to support some pre-tty hea-vy stuff."

"...oh yeah?"

Oh! Another voice from the corner. But that made sense- why would Mr. Greed be talking to himself? Bido had no good reason to be surprised, that was silly of him, those two were almost constant companions.

Of course Envy was here, too.

"So I was thinking…" Greed continued, and he braced the desk with his arms to shake it, as though testing the durability of the wood. It barely moved, so wasn't that a good sign? Bido did remember when Mr. Greed had bought that, it had been a huge hassle to get inside because of how heavy it was! That had been a fun day.

"...maybe we should give it a spin." Mr. Greed was grinning as he said that, eyes still fixated on that corner, sharp teeth touching his bottom lip.

"What the hell," Mr. (or Miss, Bido both didn't really know and didn't really care) Envy grumbled, and only then did he come into Bido's line of vision, walking slowly towards Mr. Greed on bare feet. Though the words were aggressive, Bido didn't think Envy was in a bad mood, not really, he was almost always a little grumpy. But the salamander honestly didn't understand very well what the pair was talking about, surely the desk was sturdy enough for- well, for the purposes of a desk.

Upon reaching the other side of the thing- so that only the wooden expanse separated the two almost-humans- Envy braced his body carelessly against the flat surface and vaulted himself up, curling his legs underneath him. The contact was surprisingly loud, loud enough to make Bido wince in his secret spot, it sounded like Envy must have hurt himself doing it so violently. Was he actually trying to break it? Why would he do that, didn't Mr. Greed like the desk? But Envy didn't seem upset or anything, in fact, he suddenly smiled. What was that? An almost nice smile, Bido didn't think he had ever seen that expression on that face before.

Envy almost never smiled, and when he did it was usually really nasty.

"You know, that's not bad," he said, shifting his weight forward onto his knees. The desk made a strained noise, but it stood firm. How strange- surely Mr. Envy wasn't that heavy, maybe the thing really wasn't as strong as Mr. Greed had wanted it to be.

"Oh yeah," said Mr. Greed, and he seemed contented with the situation as well, reaching out and stroking Envy's thigh where it was exposed between hems of black fabric, his eyes seeming to drift. Bido wasn't entirely sure that he understood the atmosphere.

"Yeah, I've been wanting it like this for a while," Greed sighed, so softly Bido almost didn't hear, because those words had probably been meant for Envy's ears alone, Envy who was still smiling the way he never did when everyone was around.

"Seriously? You're so typical," he growled, low and deep in the back of his throat, in a voice that sounded bigger than he was. For some reason, it made Bido shiver. There was an electricity in the atmosphere, a feeling like standing on a rooftop just before a storm. Bido wondered if he should really be watching this- storms were dangerous, after all. But for some reason he couldn't bring himself to move.

"But since you had it made special...went out of your way…" Envy continued, leaning forward in a way that made the wood beneath him whine, "...I guess I can reward you."

Maybe Bido was crazy, or his salamander self was acting up for no reason, but for an instant then he had the very distinct impression that Envy was something much, much larger than the stocky human figure he could see. A tremendous beast, so gargantuanly huge he filled the room and more, and in spite of himself the chimera flinched, his instincts suddenly fearing he would be crushed. But no, that was ridiculous. When he looked again, there was no such thing. Of course there wasn't. It was like Mr. Greed had said, they were 'artificial humans', right? No one would make a monster like that- whatever that had been, he had only been aware of it for a fraction of a second- if they were aiming for the image of a human.

And on the subject of Mr. Greed, he chuckled (no, there was definitely nothing odd about him, nothing that seemed to distort the rules of space- he was just a man) and sat forward in his seat, cupping Envy's cheek to bring their lips together in a kiss.

Oh, my. It started out nice, and then got hotter, Greed pushing Envy back onto his haunches (maybe? something about the movement suggested that the taller man was only guiding the change in position, not physically forcing it, though why or how he couldn't say) and pulling at strands of long green hair. This was more than the pair usually got up to, when the others were around it tended to be a little more tame…

Then in one sharp tug Envy tore Greed's shirt off, and something finally clicked in Bido's head. So that's what they were testing the desk for. Oh dear. Bido expected that some of the other members of the Devil's Nest would have picked up on that sooner, but he knew that his own mind had a roundabout way of thinking. He should definitely get going now, even to him it seemed indecent to stick around if they were going to do that. He wasn't sure if he would be able to look Mr. Greed in the eyes properly afterwards if he stayed to watch.

Using his special muscles Bido backed through the vent, drawing away from the light, into a solitary and comforting darkness. He heard one peel of mean, high-pitched laughter echoing against the walls before turning a corner into better-insulated almost-silence, and from there he scurried quickly back to his own room, trying hard to think about something other than that poor desk. Sneaking and spying was all good fun, but sometimes it led to finding things one didn't really want to find.

At one point much later in the night a tremendous splintering sound shot through the Devil's Nest, enough to wake all the sleepers. Bido, from his own bed, heard Dolcetto and Martel get up in a panic, their bare footsteps hard against the floor, voices quick and low, clearly fearing some kind of intrusion or attack. But Bido had a very strong feeling that he knew exactly what the sound had been, and so he didn't bother getting up to join them.

He might just die from secondhand embarrassment himself if he had to listen to the explanation Greed and Envy would give for the state of the broken desk.