She had not been in Albus' office since the year before. The staff hadn't been able to call it otherwise; the word headmaster had now had now such a dark connotation that it wasn't used anymore, except for hateful purpose. They had enjoyed using it when Severus addressed them, saying "Of course, headmaster" in such a cynical way he had often just looked away.
As she stood before the gargoyles, she wondered if she would need to talk, or if the old sculptures would remain motionless.
"I think the headmaster needs me to get in", she simply said.
They did not react.
"Severus is ill, and without my help he will not be able to carry out his duties."
She waited another moment. Finally, the gargoyles gave way. She stood there awkwardly for a while, wondering why Hogwarts would want to help an illegitimate headmaster and death eater. Or, if the fact the castle was letting her in was its way to protest against his illegitimacy.
As she went, her feeling of uneasiness kept increasing. She remembered the afternoons spent in that office, working on teaching plan with Albus or simply taking tea. Severus had been there several times; she remembered how in the last few months they had all spent so little time together. The office had not changed. It was like Severus hadn't touched anything; like he had never been there. She should have been glad. But all she could see was that many of Albus' objects were still on their shelves, as if now they were owned by the current headmaster.
As if now they were owned by You-know-who himself, assessing his power over Hogwarts, shoving his victory over Dumbledore right in her face.
She hadn't been there more than a few seconds when the familiar voice echoed over the room.
"Severus! I'm glad you are here, you looked rather ill and I feared-"
Her heart missed a beat. She made a few more steps, now standing in the centre of the large room. Albus' portrait was there, standing out from the others because of its too bright colours. The painted face was fully awake and staring surprisingly at her. Actually, she didn't remember ever seeing such expression on his face before. One second she was overwhelmed by the fact she could actually speak to her former friend- she felt the urge to cry out his name, to tell him how much she had missed him. She had often wondered, if she was ever to speak with his portrait, what they would say about Severus. Sometimes she had even felt angry at him, incredibly angry at him for having been so naïve. Would he try to explain himself, to explain Severus' behaviour? She had pictured him sadly looking down at her, unable to give her a proper answer. The idea of confronting him gave her a strange feeling of satisfaction.
But now, all she felt was a different kind of anger, a cold one, a mortifying realisation that she had been lied to.
"Minerva", Albus spoke. "I don't understand."
"Neither do I" she answered, shaking. But I assume you are looking for Severus, and would like, apparently, to enquire on his well-being." His familiar gaze was fixed on her, searching for anything that would explain her presence. It was oddly satisfying to be the one puzzling such a great wizard, and to be, for once, the one in control.
"Am I to understand, then", Minerva said after a short pause, "that you decided to remain in good terms with your murderer? Perhaps thinking he can still be saved?
It was another portrait who spoke. "Deputy headmistress", he addressed her in a deep, low voice, "did something happen to the headmaster?"
Minerva turned to look at him.
"I found him half dead in a corridor yesterday", she said blankly. Before any of them could speak, she pursued. "And the castle judged it would be in the school's best interest to let me in, apparently. Perhaps to get a piece of advice."
There were a few murmurs between the portraits. Even ones she could not remember to have ever seen awake before were now agitated. She turned to Albus, waiting for an answer. She deserved one.
He seemed to have been pondering his options. "I am afraid the school would suffer if something was to happen to him. Voldemort would take revenge on our students", he said in a rather matter-of-fact tone.
Mineral looked down at the headmaster's desk. It was the only piece of furniture that bore the markings of a different owner. On the wooden surface were piles of parchment and documents from both the ministry and school administration. To the left was a dark green quill, whose sides were, despite obvious care, worn out. Severus had not let in any of his colleagues in the room since he had been appointed headmaster, only seeing rebellious students there- who left with a greater will to oppose him.
"I see", she finally answered. "But you must know, Albus, that he chose his side. I perfectly understand it now."
The former headmaster held her gaze for a few seconds, certainly trying to understand what she really meant. She turned her back on them. "I'll see that he does not die, then."
Once outside the room, she rested a few minutes against the cold stone wall. The castle was almost silent, something never before seen in the school's history. She missed the sound of muffled laughers and children running down the corridors. But she wasn't sad. There was something like fire in her beating heart, hope she had not felt for many months. Yet she knew that no one should know.
When she came back to his apartments, Poppy was wiping her hands by making quick moves while watching over the man on the bed.
"Ah, Minerva, there you are. Look, he is already better, the nutritive potion did wonders. If he eats, he should be back on his feet in a few days. Though, for anyone else, I would have prescribed bed rest for at least two weeks."
Her colleague nodded. "Thank you, Poppy. I think we did what we had to." She watched as the nurse finished packing her things, eager to be left alone with Severus. Oh, if she knew, she would be so glad.
"You don't have to stay, Minerva. Knowing him, he will be able to manage himself now. We'll check on him if he does not re-appear in three days." She closed the door behind her, and Minerva listened to her steps until the sound faded in the upper floors of the castle.
She turned her attention back on Severus. It was true that he looked a little better: he wasn't so pale anymore, and his fever seemed to be lower; but he was obviously still sick, and had been for a while. He looked miserable under the heavy layers of blankets, but at least he was finally getting some sleep. She decided to wait for him to wake up, certainly this way his thoughts would be clearer.
When it was time for diner, she went herself to the kitchens to avoid summoning a house-elf. As she came back, and put down the food on the nearest table, Severus woke up.
"You will get yourself killed", he said in a foible voice, "get out now."
She turned to face him. "I think you haven't been honest with me, Severus. Tell me, why would you still speak with Albus?"
He tried to sit up and gave her an interrogative look. "I killed Dumbledore", he simply said.
She crossed her arms. "You did. And still, when I went into your office, his portrait was looking for you, and Fytherley Undercliff called you "headmaster". I must say, Umbridge never had this privilege."
It was a hint of how sick he still was, because he couldn't hide his shock for a second. He stared blankly at her.
"And you told me you speak with Albus. Regularly, apparently."
"I did not.", he answered sharply. "Or- or I was delirious."
"You were, but it does not mean you were saying nonsense. And you still had a fair amount of veritaserum in the veins."
She sat at the hedge of the bed. "Severus, it's alright. I know. Please, don't lie to me."
The former potion master seemed in complete shock, unable to make sense of the scene before him. He had failed, he thought in self-disgust. If anyone was to know, all could be lost. But she shouldn't have been able to get into Albus' office… she shouldn't have.
"They just let me in", Minerva told him as if reading his thoughts. "It happens sometimes, in case of emergency. You know that. Hogwarts… seems to consider you as legitimate headmaster. Which means you are working in the interest of the school."
He looked up at her. He seemed… afraid. He took a deep breath.
"Minerva, you must understand, this puts us all in danger."
The tension that had formed in the witch's chest gave way to a flow of emotions she had been containing for far too long. Without any warning, she took him in her arms, something she had never done before. Completely baffled, he did not move.
"So it's true then, it's true", she said, sobbing.
"I did not say-
"Yes you did", she said, moving away slightly. "You did! Don't you dare saying otherwise. Don't you dare! I am far from being stupid!"
Severus looked away, wondering if he wasn't getting feverish again. He felt so weak, so desperate… all he wanted was her to know.
"You will- I will have to take this memory off your head", he told her, lying down again. She pressed his right hand against hers. "I know", she simply answered. "It does not mean that you have to take everything out. I could just be an old woman, desperate to find anything proving her that a man she cared for didn't betray her."
"Legilimency isn't mind reading, it's just viewing and interpreting memories. But veritaserum, Minerva."
"We worked on that! I'm not as immune as you are, but I have mastered the art of answering questions without giving out information", she said, remembering the months of training the Order had been through. "Severus… Severus, I've missed you so much… I should have known before…"
"No, no you should not have. I should have been more careful. Don't you see? I failed, I failed miserably, I could- I could- I am putting everyone in danger. And our victory-
"Severus, calm down. You will take this memory off my head. There won't be any further evidence. And I am much unlikely to be questioned by You-Know-Who himself. You were sick, and that was out of your control."
Minerva did not know how she felt. She was surprised at her own calmness, as if relief and happiness were stronger than the initial shock and anger. Yes, she was incredibly angry. At Severus, but even more at Albus for hiding this from her- now she knew everything had been a lie for at least a year. She took a deep breath. Now wasn't the time.
"I have… missed you too, Minerva."
She smiled to him. "I have so much to ask you… and yet I know I won't get answers any time soon, will I?"
Severus shook his head. He felt incredibly tired. "No," he said, "the less you know, the better it is. And the less changes I have to make."
She brought him some food. "It has been a long time since I've tried to fatten you up", she said sadly. "Oh, Severus, I am so sorry. I should have known! I should. Don't mock me if I cry, I'm just an emotional old woman..."
As they ate, they found themselves unable to say anything more than banalities. As if the previous months had never happened. But as if something had happened, still. Severus was afraid to tell anything that would put her in danger. She, was remembering the things she had told him, and what she and the rest of the staff had done to try to get rid of him. It was not her place to speak.
Severus had taken her memory away. All she knew, until the end, was that she had the intimate conviction there was something more to his betrayal, the same she had had after her brief conversation with Albus, a memory she still had. And it was enough- enough to still play her part convincingly, and help him play his; enough to notice how little harm came from his punishments to the students, in the contrary of the Carrows. She knew that for their own safety she could not ask him to explain himself, but once or twice, she had called him by his first name, and pushed a plate toward him that one time he had to make an appearance in the great hall. If a death-eater had known, he would have thought she was delusional. But it was all Severus had needed. A reassuring presence. The certainty that, at least, someone would know.
She was the last there when he shook his head, despite her desperate attempts to heal his severed carotid. She knew it was a deadly wound. She took his hand and pressed it.
"I'll be there", she said, her mouth trembling.
He squeezed her hand, just one second.
And moved no more.
I just wanted to give Severus a little comfort in his last year. It's all it would have taken to make me happy honestly, I can't imagine how hard it must have been to be hated by all your former colleagues and friends, and to die perfectly alone. But I wanted to keep it realistic, and it would have been too dangerous for them both to do anything more than- knowing. Thanks a lot for reading!