You're Breaking my Heart

(Please, Hold me tight)

Chapter Summary: Those who could afford to do so laid out gardens in front of both their houses and tomb chapels. The gods were even thought to enjoy gardens and so most every temple was surrounded by lush greenery.

HARDAI

There was something odd with the morning, but for the life of her, Massika was unable to point out what.

For a moment, she considered that it might be related with Seker's sudden appearance last night and his insistence to leave earlier that morning. She thought it might have something to do with whatever he and Khaba discussed after she left them and the fact that Khaba never came back to their bed at night.

She even attributed the morning's oddness to the missing spices on the kitchen that made breakfast just a bit too bland.

She decided to let it pass, thinking that whatever it was, it would eventually solve or manifest itself.

It was around midday when she realized that the oddity was, in fact, around Khaba himself.

He was unusually grumpy with the other priests, and was spacing out whenever he was left alone for the briefest amount of time. He was gloomy while working with his oils and seemed just too quiet while working with Atem.

But the most concerning of all, were his smiles.

Khaba had never been someone to smile a lot, in fact he tended to be considered a stoic figure and one of the most serious priests of the Temple of Anubis. Some people even got to fear his temper whenever it showed so if he offered you a smile, was because he was content, with work or with the situation or because he was acknowledging your efforts.

This time however, the smiles were nowhere near sincere nor genuine, and when directed to her, they were just a bit too sad for comfort.

She debated with herself if she should ask him what was wrong, or if she could help him with something but in the end she left him alone, feeling that if he wanted to share what was troubling him he would do so in his own terms and in his own time.

For now, all she could do was wait for that moment to arrive.

Everyday, at one point in the afternoon, Khaba and Massika got together at the central gardens of the city to share a meal and talk about their days inside and outside of the temple.

Or well, usually, it was Massika who did the talking while Khaba listened attentively to her ramblings. The first time people saw them, they thought he was just humoring her, maybe even faking interest in whatever she was talking about while secretly wishing he were somewhere else.

Those who managed to eavesdrop on their conversation discovered that even if he was not contributing as actively to their conversations, his interest was genuine and even from time to time he would ask her about something or other they discussed on a previous meeting.

As days went by, finding them talking or on rare occasions, laughing together under the shade of a tree was a common occurrence for the visitors of the place.

This day, for the common observer, was no different than the others; however, the reality was quite different this time.

Khaba could see the worry on Massika's eyes, as she had already noticed that something was not o.k. with him, but thankfully, had not tried to pry the reason behind his apparent moodiness. Still, he could see her multiple attempts to cheer him up, since he was not yet ready to share with her what was going on.

He knew that he had to talk to her, and that he had to do it soon. He knew that he had to come clean with a lot of the mysteries that surrounded him, as they were the reason why he was not going to be able to stop what was apparently her fate. He was just not sure how she would take it, or if she would even believe him in the first place.

By the time the sun was starting to set, and they started to pick up the things they used for their regular picnic, he muttered a quiet "We need to talk".

And immediately kicked himself internally, as those doomed words were always the prelude of horrible news. Though what he had to say certainly fell under that category.

She looked at him with surprise and a hint of fear in her eyes, already dreading what was to come, but before she could say anything, he put a finger on her lips while smiling a bit reassuringly. "Not here," he murmured, "what I need to tell you needs a bit of privacy. Come with me to my quarters?"

He saw her take a deep breath, stealing herself before nodding her affirmative. "O.k., Lead the way".

Even if this was not the first time Massika visited Khaba's personal quarters outside of the temple, she still felt like she was entering some sort of otherworldly space, with how everything was decorated and organized.

She had never been able to determine what made her feel like that, and the only time that she mentioned this to Khaba, he smiled at her before saying that maybe one day she'd understand why.

The area was quite spacious, with a small dining room, a kitchen, a pair of settees covered in fur and colorful linens several potted plants and huge windows that were decorated with intricate patterns on wood. There was another room where he slept whenever he was not at the temple or on a trip, that was just as elegantly decorated as the rest of the house. During the nighttime, everything was illuminated with small torches scattered along the place, making it glow in a rather homey way.

All in all, the place was simple, but elegant and welcome, while also a statement of exactly what was his position in the hierarchy of the temple.

Upon entering, Massika headed towards the settees , while Khaba went to fix them something to drink. Something sweet for her, and something a bit strong for him. And once they were both seated, he started to talk.

For a moment, it seemed as if he was trying to impart her a lesson in history and mythology, telling her stories of how the gods once walked on the same land as humans. He explained that when the humans were capable enough to look after themselves, and had learned the proper way trade, they decided to go back to the place where they came from.

"This is how embalmers learned from Anubis, Scribes from Thoth, warriors from Seth and so on. And it is why the Pharaoh is considered the representation of Osiris on Earth."

"I know all of this, it was you who explained it to me when I was younger."

"Then, you know that the pharaoh's will is considered God's will, and as such it is not possible to contest it unless there is an express manifestation of Ra himself through his seers."

Confused on why this was relevant to them, but humoring him still, Massika nodded her understanding, prompting Khaba to keep going with whatever point he was trying to make.

"Seker's visit was not just to see how I was doing, as it had been some time since we last met." He took a deep breath, contemplating how to deliver what he needed to say next. "His real purpose was to give us a warning on the situation of the capital city. The pharaoh is looking for a wife, and the council already has a candidate".

"But what does that have to do with us?"

"Massika, You are that candidate, and I'm not allowed to intervene in that decision."

A look of horror came upon her, when she understood the gravity of the situation. Her voice broke several times while trying to speak,"But… I don't want to be a Queen! I… I want to keep working on the temple and marry you grow old with you and…"

"But we can't"

"Why not?!"

"Because I'm not even supposed to exist here, let alone challenge the will of the pharaoh!"

This stopped Massika on her tracks, not grasping the meaning behind this statement. She asked for clarification in a desperate attempt to understand why he seemed unwilling to fight for her.

"Have you forgotten why, even if we have known each other for a long time, my physical appearance had not changed that much over the years? Or why is it that, aside from Atem, nobody is able to perform certain ceremonies the same way as I?"

He knew she understood what he was getting at before he uttered the cursed words. "Massika, I am not just the High Priest of the Temple of Anubis. I am ANUBIS." Still, he needed to say them aloud, so there wasn't any doubt.

In the end, this reminder proved to be much for Massika, who simply fled from Khaba's house, completely missing his look of despair at what he understood as a rejection of his nature.

Some hours later, Massika sneaked back into Khaba's home, hoping that he hadn't left to another place or worse, to another existential plane. A brief examination of the area that was just now only illuminated with the dim light of the moon, showed that all his belongings seemed to still be in their places. The lump on the bed at the end of the room revealed Khaba's location.

She started to approach him while trying to avoid startling him with sudden noises. Once there, she looked him over, trying to discern if he was actually asleep or was just lying there waiting for something. He appeared to be asleep, and the streaks of dried tears on his face told her exactly how much this situation was also affecting him.

While watching him, Massika thought again about their earlier conversation. After she fled his home, her feet brought her to the small beach that was near the outskirts of Hardai. The moonlight was shining upon the sea surface, making it's reflection look like long lines of silver streaking along the surface.

They also looked like Khaba's silver hair when the wind played gently with them.

And so, she sat down near some rocks and actually thought.

She thought of their earlier years, of how he had always been there for her, teaching her, hearing her, helping her. She remembered all those instances where, when she was younger, children of the city teased her because of the weird things that happened around her when she was angry or upset. She remembered how he was always there to cheer for her and to lift up her spirits in his own weird way.

She remembered him teaching her the art of embalming, the prayers, the procedures and the way to prepare oils and linen.

She also remembered their first times going out, originally as just acquaintances, then as friends. She remembered that festival where everything changed, she still believes, for the good. She remembered his gentleness and his passion. His loving ways inside and outside the bedroom and his own unique ways to make her feel loved and special.

She had always known that she loved him, he had been her one and only for a long time. She also knew that he loved her too. But just like he said it earlier, their love might have been doomed from the very start.

She abhorred the notion of parting ways with him, and she was sure he was not faring better. Then again, just as he told her earlier, there was not much they can do, once the Pharaoh had made up his mind, and once the arrangements were made, it was her duty as a citizen of Kemet to fulfill the roll assigned and serve her country as best as she could.

Even if that service came in the guise of the new wife of the Pharaoh.

Still, that time was not yet upon them, so she resolved to make the best of the time they still had together. She would stay with him and enjoy his company as much as she still could.

Silently, she slipped under the sheets touching him hesitantly in hopes of maybe rousing him. He did not wake up; unconsciously however, he tightened his grip around her, so that she was safely nestled in between his arms. Sleep claimed her not long after; her last thoughts being of her wishing that things were different for them, that they could spend an eternity together.