Snow talks with Jasper
The air in this area was stained in the Lillims essence. Unlike the clean, sterile hallways of the Northern Section, this Section was just dirty. Scratches on the walls and the floors indicated much had gone down here than anticipated. Even Jasper was a little jumpy by just being down here. Snow didn't blame her.
If they had the layout down correctly, most of the places and rooms down here were mostly for storage and the more ambiguous experiments. While she couldn't recall much about what actually happened, especially after her own resurrection, it did indeed feel familiar in a weird, obscure way.
Broken lights flickered above. No one really cared about the maintenance down here..which is weird, considering from what Snow could remember, Pyrope was considerably addicted to fixing things. Her focus was definitely elsewhere. Being considered a traitor to the cause however...
Memories of the ending days of the war floated in her mind. Seeing the devious look on the crimson gem, her eyes searing into her very being. They'd fought yes, but. She'd used words unheard from gem kind. Whispers, mutters. The walls were like rippling waters as illusions of the Lillim scratched her mind.
It held a new perspective however, to find that what were had changed. In a way, that it wouldn't matter. Yes she was lied to, but it opened new doors to Snow to help others who felt like they didn't fit in with the general crowd. Being unique had positive and negative connotations. But to find others in the struggle who felt the same way. She wanted others to find their own beauty in their own traits.
Jasper being one of them. A battlecrowned soldier left in the shadows of her rage and confusion that lead by purpose through anything, that would make her feel wanted.
"Jasper." Snow stated.
"What did you expect would happen if you had received the Pink Diamond gem once you got it?"
The orange Quartz, as to be realized, was a bit dismayed by that question.
"She would come back, obviously." Jasper replied.
"So much of what the Amethyst told me didn't make sense to me. Pyrope promised that I would once again serve the Diamond I was made for."
Promise of purpose, promise of need. Gems could not wake from their constructed dreams unless a human was there to open the blinds.
Pink Diamond was already awake before anyone else was.
"Yes. She was risen alongside human realizations and holds much of the supposed heart of what gems need. You now know that the Diamond you once served can no longer be. Amethyst is a carried concept of environmental behaviours just like Steven is. To be herself is just as important as you to be yourself. The Concept of Self differs greatly from our perspective to theirs. An Earth crafted ideology alongside the general facts. Organics give birth to new life forms. Life forms that are molded by their environment the same way." Snow explained.
Though the process of how Pink...or Rose even created him still tussled away in her thoughts. She wasn't the only one.
"I was made here." Jasper said.
"I was built to destroy. This planet made me what I am."
Classic gem mindset. She had a predisposition of what should and shouldn't be.
"You let that dictate your decisions?" Snow challenged.
Jasper remained silent.
"There is nothing wrong with loyalty. Everyone has varied reasons for belief into a cause. For you, you're doing what you're made for. Others...hold a belief so deeply."
Yet why was Jasper still on Earth and not on Homeworld?
"The Crystal Gems cause is what they're loyal to. Protecting the planet they live in. Your loyalties are with Homeworld. Serving our Monarchs as a warrior. But look, you have no real purpose unless someone is giving you orders to destroy or you make use of your constructed purpose." Snow continued.
Jasper shook her head.
"I will continue to serve my Diamond. They live...just not the way I expected them to." Jasper replied.
Which could in turn, lead to her own pool of perplexities.
"Then I guess Pyrope did end up honing to one of her promises then. Just not in the way you expected them to." Snow pointed out.
The other Quartz was left with widened eyes on that count.
"You telling me to trust the Pyrope instead?" Jasper queried.
Goodness no.
"The other notion of loyalty, is the premise of bargaining. Humans pay one another for their services or goods in order to acquire them. Payments, Jasper. Promises to lend another with the lure of a reward to keep people within their circle of people they can manage in order to further their own goals." Snow explained.
Pyrope would gift others to keep them in line. It's fascinating how she learned that as well. Surely that couldn't be a Lillim trait. Would it?
"So what are you trying to tell me?" Jasper asked.
Ah the breakdown.
"Is serving the Diamonds what you really want?" Snow asked.
In the general scheme of reality, finding ones purpose in life is easy for a gem. However, once someone pops that bubble, reality can really turn on its head...but at the same time, it can allow for so many possibilities. Snow herself was content in living the life the way the Diamonds had made for her. While there was nothing wrong with discovering, it was a series of experiences that reshaped her expectations and series of newborn desires that came along with it. Not to mention recent events made it easier to accept that the Diamonds would want this for their curiosities of the "Human Curse."
"What else is there?" Jasper poked back.
"You'd be an abomination... but if my Diamond has become one as well...this whole planet seems to grow them..."
Jasper then looked herself, then felt her horns.
"Does that make me one too?"
The extent of Jaspers corruption, as well as the myriad of others who had gone through the same thing, had lead to a loss of worth for some. Others were content to remain and become more with themselves with Steven's help, as per the records. Jasper, thus far, had been one of the only who had refused his help with getting them to settle in on the planet. He tried. Amethyst and Peridot tried. So what did Jasper really want?
"What makes an abomination?" Snow asked, interested in Jaspers views on the topic.
"Something that doesn't follow the grand design? Why should they be punished for not being the way they were made for? Are they not worthy of living?"
Jasper grumbled as she stood there with her fists shaking.
"It's easier to put them out of their misery." She claimed.
They found another room where Snow had her gem scanned and that it lead them to another spare room. Storage mostly, but it looked like it had been wrecked by some kind of experiment here. They went through the bits and pieces, perhaps finding a Thought Marker along the way if it'd help them. Jasper picked up a piece of a broken terminal then threw it down.
"Shattering gems who don't fit the mold saves time on having to deal with their problems."
Old Yellow Court mentality.
"But...me...who was too weak to deal with what I became and it...felt so humiliating seeing all the Diamonds there. Except Pink. Who the meatbag replaced."
Snow then picked up the pieces as Jasper was left in tears. She was ashamed of who she was. Jasper tried to shake the tears off in an attempt to mask her tough facade.
"Why don't I just shatter myself and be done with it all?"
It struck chords within Snow. Seeing Jasper on the brink of self-shattering brought a single tear by her cheek.
"There's obviously something wrong if the Diamonds have decided to wipe their hands of my purpose and turned to cater the interests of...everything they hated."
Snow had then instinctual feeling to hug Jasper as she threw her arms around her and squeezed her tightly, confusing the large gem. Snow had read about depression beforehand and she was annoyed that she didn't see it before. She heard the gem whimper, then reluctantly returned the embrace as she rested her head on Snow's shoulder.
"I don't know what to do anymore...I want to be angry, but it's brought me nothing but misery. It'd be easier to take me out of commission due...due to how wrong I am..."
Snow let go of Jasper and held her face in her hands. Jasper was practically pleading for death. The two then sat against the wall as Dori went to Jaspers right side and lifted her her hand with her nose, as Jasper started patting her, as she collapsed on Snow's side to her left, leaning her head against her shoulder. A gem without direction or meaning to anyone. Jasper talked about the Gem War and had fought against Rose's armies and despite heavy losses on both sides, she praised Roses tactics. Then they finally met on Earth and Jasper became, without a doubt, disappointed by what she saw. She started to explain how Garnets fusion infuriated her constantly, then her fusion with the Lapis Lazuli for months left mental scars behind and a lust for power and control. She brought her own war in a desperate desire not to be seen as weak. 'Roses' fusion with the human made her more angry. Then the corruption happened when she met 'Roses' and Amethysts unprecedented fusion.
Snow remained calm and combed her fingers through Jaspers hair as she ranted and vented her anger against the world that created her. Yet she was defeated time and time again by these weak gems who were forced to fuse.
"I don't know Jasper, it seems to me that the only way they could get on your level was through fusions. Your power was enough for them to claw at desperate measures." Snow commented.
Jasper furrowed her brows. She did the same, but they drew the ideas in first.
"I thought you're on their side." She noted.
Snow made a soft giggle.
"I'm making an observation Jasper. Remember that I work for White Diamond as a Recon Gem. My resurrection holds no baring on that, just like you being cured of being corrupted should hold nothing for who you serve and what you choose to do. I owe it to Steven that if I decide to reveal the truth to White, then she won't attempt to discard me like she would have in the past. I'm certain if you decide to continue to follow Yellow Diamond, Steven or even yourself, you make do with you of now." She said.
"However, seeing myself for what I really am does have value to it, yet I feel no different from before. It will allow me to connect easier to others if they benefit from the similarities."
However Snow would only reveal it to White Diamond if it came up in discussion. For any notes or relevance in reports would have to be about herself in tandem. Though Snow would most likely have to tell her, that within Black Stars Prophetical data came up with her as part of it, then it would necessitate an explanation to White Diamond herself. She wanted to trust White Diamond to make the right decision, only if it did call for her shattering at the end of the day, then it would allow her to have a trial to debate on whether she would exist. All Four Diamonds would need to make note.
Or five, if you count Connie now.
"I know you're struggling to find your own identity. You will, in due time. There's no rush and who you are can change. We're no longer restrained to who we're supposed to be and that the beauty of life now is discovering who we want to be. Choose your own door."
Jasper then handed Snow a Thought Marker. Snow was a bit weirded out from the gift, although she could tell that Jasper was trying.
"It's a message from Black Star." She said.
"She knew we would find Diga's room. I think you should see its contents."
She stood up from where she stood and showed her light on the sphere, revealing Black Star Sapphire who then played her message.
After the message ended, Snow had a lot to take in. Black Star must have seen a different outcome. Setting her free from her confines and letting her go back to Homeworld. She couldn't imagine the burden the Sapphire had when it came to visions like this. But knowing that it wasn't Milky that see the Lillim free did comfort her slightly. But it made her curious as to where Milky and the rest had disappeared to. There were no indicators of what happened when the breakout got worse. Snow feared that they had gotten infected from trying to keep the Lillim contained. They had to be here, of all places, where the darkness grew the thickest.
Memories of Pyrope, however, flickered before her, knowing that her treachery continued on this realm of all places. She wondered if...she wondered if Dori knew that it was the same Pyrope that infected her. She patted her partner, the ever loyal companion who stood by and waited for her to return.
Jasper stood up as she walked beside Snow.
"I owe a lot to both Milky and Black Star." She told Jasper.
"Their sacrifices will not go unnoticed. Let's go."