Friends, once upon a time I used to think I would write fanfiction every day forever. Then the years passed and I thought I might never get around to writing again. Then even more years passed, and I think it seems I will produce one smallish thing every 2-3 years. So far that seems to be the best compromise. Like most people, I'm feeling a little bamboozled in the era of Covid-19 so my mind took me back to my old happy place, and this was the result. TVF still comes easily to me after all this time and I wrote this more for myself than anyone else. But I do hope it makes you smile.
Couple notes:
- Please don't think I'm trying to make light of Covid-19 here. Shit's gotten very real and it is not my intention to minimize anything. TVF may be crack, but if you've been following any of these stories you know I like to keep things wholesome.
- All of the obscure vegetables that get mentioned are very real. I literally googled "obscure vegetables".
- This is a OneShot. Historically those go a lot better for me.
- No offence to Karens. We all know some. Honestly, the Karens I know are sweet and don't live up to the memes. But come on guys, , the memes are SO funny and for some reason I enjoy dating all my stories with current pop culture references so you've been warned.
- Nobody is too cool for TikTok. I am 26 and I unapologetically love TikTok. Do I know how to use it? Well, that's beside the point.
Enjoy.
The Vampire Files: 2020
A vampire is no stranger to the bone-chilling violence of battle. In the world of the night, one must be always prepared for swinging battle axes, bloody swords, and breaking bones. This particular day brought down a gruesome spectacle on the residents of Vampire Mountain, the likes of which they'd never encountered.
"I do not know how much longer I can keep this up..." Larten groaned, while fending off a clamouring enemy. "You may have to leave me behind."
"You're not giving up on me, Mr. Crepsley! I'll carry you the rest of the way if that's what it takes!" Darren cried out, grabbing his mentor's hand and dragging him along.
"I don't like our chances." Arrow muttered darkly. "I've never seen anything like this. Not even the Vampaneze fight so viciously."
"Darren, this isn't safe!" Kurda whimpered. "I want to go back to Vampire Mountain! I want to-AHHHHHH!"
He had been knocked to the ground by a horde of masked enemies who trampled him like a discarded non-reusable coffee mug as they fled. He was rescued by Mika, who courageously peeled away from the rest of the group and ran back to pick Kurda up off the battlefield and sling him over this shoulder.
"GUYS!" Darren hollered. "I need you stay with me and finish the mission! Please, I can't do it alone. Look, how far we've come. Don't give up on me now. We made it across the parking lot! And NO, my little brother doesn't have Coronavirus! He just has allergies!" The last bit was directed at a middle-aged woman who was glaring at Harkat's mask. She had no idea it was simply part of his daily attire.
Yes. The battlefield was the parking lot of a superstore. The masked enemies were fellow shoppers. And in Larten's case, a SmartCar that accidentally backed into him. And it was peak Covid-19 pandemic. The mountain was running dangerously low on supplies which resulted in Darren loading up the Escalade and making the inevitable journey to procure what they needed to survive. Urban sprawl had become white a thing in the past decade, Vampire Mountain was all but part of suburbia at this point. The convenience resulted in Vampire Mountain's old self-sufficient traditions falling by the wayside. There had been a few complaints at first (Seba, we're all looking at you.) but all in all it was pretty handy to have civilization at an arm's length.
Anyways, here they stood. The gang of 8, taking on the world as only they knew how.
"Okay folks, remember your orders!" Darren barked as they entered the store. "Mika, Arrow - you're on deli duty. We want meat, we want it fresh, and we want it locally sourced! Remember not to get tricked by the Organic stickers because it's all a scam! And ummm...take Kurda with you. He may panic and run back to the parking lot. Do not let that happen!"
"You sound like the pirate from Spongebob." Arrow huffed as he pulled a freshly-sterilized shopping cart from the corral.
"You said I could do the health and beauty aisle!" Kurda moaned. "Besides, I'm vegan!"
"Kurda. You are a vampire. It is biologically impossible for you to go vegan. You'll have to find another way for influencer culture to accept you." Said Mika, already sounding battle-weary. "But you can ride in the shopping cart if you want."
"I thought you and I were going to take turns in the cart..." Arrow mumbled to Mika as the trio broke away from the group. The pair of princes were well-known for having one of them perched in the shopping cart grabbing supplies while the other pushed them around the store at top speeds. Sometimes Harkat timed them - but not today.
"Paris, Seba, and Harkat - you three are on produce! We want canned stuff, we want frozen stuff, we want to be prepared for a total apocalypse! Go go go!" Darren continued as he went down the list. "And Paris, I am counting on you to make sure Harkat STAYS in the shopping cart! Remember, he is VERY small!"
Harkat sighed and looked at the ground with disappointment. This whole ordeal was really bringing out the overprotective mom in Darren - and he was taking it out on the only person smaller than him.
"Don't worry Harkat. Your diminutive stature is no indication of the insurmountable spirit that lies within you." Paris reassured him as he wheeled Harkat towards the produce section with Seba in close pursuit. That seemed to cheer the Little Person up a bit. Seba had brought along an old gnarled tree branch that he'd found by the mountain. It was exactly 6 feet in length and he was not afraid to use it to enforce proper social distancing.
"My grandfather has a right to be here!" Darren snapped at a nearby store employee that was giving Seba a funny look. "Anyway. That leaves you and me, Mr. Crepsley!" Darren grinned up at his mentor.
"How very grand." Said Larten with a long-suffering attempt at a smile. "What are we looking for?"
Darren looked back down at his list, sighed, and back up at Larten with a resigned expression.
"We need to find the toilet paper."
"Kurda, I know your follower count has tripled this past week but I really need you to not make TikToks right now." Mika sighed as the Deli Squad slowly pushed maneuvered their way through the store while making sure to maintain 6 feet of social distance.
"Okay." Said Kurda casually, while not putting his phone away.
"Did you hear a word I just said?" Asked Mika.
"Oh, I'm not making a TikTok right now." Kurda explained. "I'm just taking videos so I can put them on TikTok later."
"I thought TikTok was a Keha song." Arrow grumbled. "I can't keep track."
"You like Renegade." Mika reasoned.
"Is THAT what that's from?!"
"When I was YOUR age, TikTok was what the clock said! The cellular phone application with the scantily clad dancing teenagers... it is an abomination!" Seba yelled from a few aisles over. Age had not dulled his hearing in the slightest. Arrow sighed, picked up a frozen ham, and flung it into the air as hard as he could. A few seconds later, Seba's yelp told him his target had landed.
"KNOCK IT OFF BEFORE WE GET KICKED OUT!" came Darren's voice from a different area of the store.
"Do you ever feel sorry about the random people who encounter us in public spaces?" Mika wondered out loud as he eagerly inspected a rack of ribs.
"I don't really think about people." Arrow replied. "But usually we do get more weird looks than this." As they glanced around the store, it was apparent that their antics were barely soliciting a reaction from their fellow shoppers which was quite different than the norm. Everyone was scurrying around with their heads down, some wearing masks and all looking a little worried. But not because a very large man just threw a ham halfway across the store. It seemed no one had even noticed.
"Ooooh, don't forget the honey garlic sauce!" Said the Kurda, licking his lips eagerly. Then in the same breath, he continued: "Do you guys think we're all going to die?"
Mika frowned and cast a sideways glance at Arrow. It was like when a small child asks where babies come from.
"No, I definitely don't think we're all going to die." Mika answered after a moment. "I think a lot of humans might get very sick, though. Many already are, and it will probably get worse. And some of them will probably die. But we'll be fine. Vampires I mean." He added quickly in an effort to avoid a Kurda meltdown.
"Oh, I really hope it doesn't get any worse… they all look so scared already." Kurda looked around the store thoughtfully for a moment.
"Their doctors and nurses are very smart, they'll take good care of the sick." Mika insisted from behind a large box hamburger patties.
"And I'm not a scientist but we might actually be immune." Arrow added. "Our biology is different than theirs."
"Let's not try to find out, though." Mika glared peevishly as a man coughed nearby without covering his mouth.
"Can I throw a ham at him?" Arrow inquired with relish.
"I want to say yes, but that's the last ham in the entire store. We can't risk it getting away. I sure hope Seba hung onto the one you threw at him. It would be nice to have two." Said Mika casually.
"We're getting ham? I love ham!" Kurda chirped.
"Ham isn't vegan, Kurda. Remember last week Darren made you a salad and you cried because it was leaves all the way down?"
"There is a chance I may not be vegan." Said Kurda very seriously.
"It's okay. There's other ways to get TikTok clout. Am I using that word correctly?" said Mika.
"I guess I could vlog about my weird family…" Kurda wondered out loud as they caught a glimpse of Seba's Social Distance Stick whizzing through the air a few aisles over. Gods only knew who or what he was hitting. "But a lot of people make videos about that so it's getting kinda cliché…"
"Buddy…" said Arrow, also watching the stick. "We have zero competition in that department. The CEO of TikTok should personally be serving you clout on a silver platter."
"Ah, chickpeas! What a delight!" said Paris happily, setting a handful of cans in his shopping cart while making a note on his iPad. He was experiencing indescribable joy from using the grocery spreadsheet he'd created. "And look at this! Yard-long beans! And what's that over there? Could it possibly be nopales?"
"… Nope!" Harkat chuckled wheezily.
"Harkat, they are most definitely nopales." Paris huffed as he picked up the paddle-shaped vegetable. "They are native to Mexico and make an excellent stew."
"We do not need any fancy nopefruit." Seba snorted. "All we need is a good strong batch of potatoes!" As he said this, he advanced on the potato bin brandishing his Social Distance Stick, causing several disgruntled-looking people to retreat. Then he picked up the bin and emptied it into the cart.
"Po…ta…toes." Harkat sang as they rained down around him in the cart. "Boil 'em… mash 'em… stick 'em in a… stew."
"We could do all of those things with nopales…" said Paris reproachfully.
"No to the nopefruit! With this bundle of potatoes we will re-plant our own gardens so that we are never again required to descend into this particular circle of hell!" Seba griped.
"Seba, be reasonable. I already told you nopales are veg-"
"Excuse me, sir? I apologize but there is a limit on potatoes allowed per customer." Piped up an apprehensive teenage boy in a store uniform who'd just materialized behind them. "I'm going to have to ask you to put a few back. See, we just put up this sign-"
"That sign will not stop us because we cannot read!" Seba retorted. "I will die upon the stakes before you separate me from my potatoes. And when I was YOUR age, TikTok was what the clock said! The cellular phone application with the scantily clad dancing teenagers... it is an abomination! OWWWWWW!"
That was Arrow' frozen ham making contact with his head.
"Seba… even for you… that rant got… a little… off the rails." Harkat caught it as it bounced off, and tucked it into the cart as though nothing had happened.
"The TikTok part was at Kurda. I think he's making TikToks over in the deli." Paris explained. "That is, if my lone ear is still working."
"I cannot hear… as well as you. But I… take your word for it. He keeps using… the word… clout."
"Yes, his TikTok films are being very well-reviewed from what I hear. I do hope he wins an award. It would be nice to go watch The Oscars in person." Said Paris with a faraway expression.
"Do you… have a TikTok?" Harkat asked the stockboy with a smile. The boy was looking very apprehensive at this point. Harkat suspected this was due to the throwing of hams.
"Yes." Said the boy.
"Would you like to… follow my friend?"
"No." said the boy.
"That's okay. Sorry to… cause a ruckus. I will… make sure he… puts some… potatoes back." Harkat told him with as kind a tone as he could manage. "He just has… flashbacks to the… potato famine. Have a… nice day! You are doing… a great job."
"Thank you." Said the boy, looking totally baffled. "No one has said anything nice to me in three weeks." And he left them alone.
"Nice work, Harkat!" Paris declared as he grabbed the shopping cart handle and wheeled it around like he was auditioning for a Fast and Furious movie. "And Charna's Guts, would you PLEASE stay in the cart?" Harkat had been trying to return some of Seba's potatoes to the bin. "If you get stepped on, Darren will put a stake through my heart. I don't know what's gotten into him this week. We all know you're equally or more competent than any of us. I think it's just his psychological need to protect us, but you're the only one that lets him. He's an interesting little fellow, isn't he? Now let's go get some carrots before these barbarians clean them out!
"I think… perhaps… they are not… the barbarians here." Said Harkat thoughtfully. But Paris had carrots on his mind, and all Seba cared about was safeguarding the future of his potato crop. So Harkat's comment went unnoticed.
"Do you think there'll be any toilet paper left, Mr. Crepsley?" Darren pondered as he strolled briskly with his mentor in the direction of the toiletries.
"I think there has to be, because I would rather die than go to any more stores today." Larten answered primly. "Oh, stop here. This is the conditioner Kurda likes. I will put three bottles in the cart – last thing we need is another frizz incident. I cannot believe you bought him All-In-One last time."
"Humans dump the equivalent of one garbage truck into the ocean every minute, Mr. Crepsley. If we can reduce our plastic consumption, I don't really care if Kurda feels pretty or not."
Larten surveyed his student imperiously.
"Darren, I liked you much better last decade before you awakened."
"The phrase is' got woke', Mr. Crepsley. You should try it sometime."
"My sleep schedule is perfectly healthy, young Shan. YOU should try THAT somet- EXCUSE YOU?!"
This outburst was a result of a fellow shopper inadvertently playing Bumper Cars with Larten's cart. A bedraggled young woman with a at least 3 kids in tow had collided with him.
"I think I would know if I was wearing a sign that says 'HIT ME', seeing as I am functionally illiterate and could not craft such a thing even if I wished to!" Larten scolded the woman as she ushered her children away with a very concerned backwards glance. "HONESTLY." The orange vampire scoffed. "But really, Darren. Did Mika or Arrow stick a sign on my back or something?"
Darren checked, because it was a perfectly plausible scenario. But alas, all clear.
"Nope, not this time. Hey, TP!" the half-blood burst out happily as they found their treasure. "It's a miracle!"
Sure enough, there was a no less than 20 packs of 3-ply toilet paper remaining unclaimed. And even better, the staff were so swamped with panic shoppers, they hadn't yet gotten around to putting up any signs regarding purchase limits. It was a free-for-all. For now…
"Load the cart!" Larten ordered and Darren obliged enthusiastically. The pair worked quickly til all 20 packs were wedged in securely. The pile was precarious but Darren climbed on top to keep them safe, and Larten grabbed the handle. "Now let us get out of this godsforsaken place!"
But when they turned to leave the aisle, they were met with an unforeseen challenge the likes of which Larten had never faced before.
There was a middle-aged woman, average in stature but she exuded a frightening aura. She had a nose ring, and her chunkily-highlighted hair was cut short in the back but shoulder-length at the front. Her t-shirt said "LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE" in a swirly font.
"Karen." Darren breathed so quietly no one else could hear him. But she wasn't alone. She was escorting an exhausted-looking stockboy, the very same one who had chided Seba about the potatoes although Darren didn't know that.
"That's them! They're the ones stealing all the toilet paper! Like some kind of ANIMALS!" the woman raged, practically hopping while she pointed at Darren and Larten.
"Sir, I'm so sorry for the inconvenience." The boy sighed. "It's just been a crazy day here. Someone tried to buy out all of our potatoes, and there was a guy throwing frozen hams around like grenades." He chuckled humourlessly. "I haven't had time to put this up yet…" he held up a laminated piece of paper that read TOILET PAPER – LIMIT OF ONE PACK PER VEHICLE. "I'm just gonna slip past you and hang it up."
Larten stiffened defensively but remained calm. Darren looked at him nervously – he had no idea what to do.
"Very well." Larten declared, squeezing closer to the shopping cart so the boy had space to get by and stick the sign on the empty shelf. Darren clutched the TP tighter as Larten began to roll the cart away. Darren's little heart was pounding frantically. This situation had definite potential to get hairy.
"WAIT, THAT GUY AND HIS SON ARE TAKING ALL THE TOILET PAPER!" Karen shrieked, pointing at them again. "Can't you people read?"
Darren was too panicked to tease Larten about being mistaken for his son. Larten stopped the cart and turned around, a sly smile on his face. Darren's fear increased but so did his curiosity. Karens were very much a thing while he was a human. Not to mention he was well-versed in meme culture. He never expected to witness a showdown between a Karen and a Crepsley, of course. It would be like a cruise ship colliding with a cargo plane. Terrifying, but just try to look away – bet you can't.
"Oh, ma'am I do apologize." Said Larten with pure sincerity. "But that sign was not up when we picked our toilet paper up. You understand." He paused and added "God bless you!" then turned back to the shopping cart. Nice tough, thought Darren. But he cringed in advance of the blast he knew was coming.
"ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LET THEM LEAVE?" The Karen roared at the stockboy, who grimaced.
"Sir… I am so, so sorry for the inconvenience but I am going to have to ask you to put most of those back on the shelf." Said the boy bravely. His face was pale but his voice was steady. At least this man wasn't holding any frozen meat that could be weaponized.
"I will accept your apology!" Larten responded with increased frustration. "But I already told you, son… we were here first and there were no signs indicating rules regarding purchase limits. We are a family of 8 and our house has a lot of bathrooms. Now if you do not mind, we would like to be on our way."
"THE FUCKING SIGN IS RIGHT THERE!" Karen protested, face turning red. "YOU CAN'T TAKE ALL OF THOSE!" and with that, she lunged towards the cart and wrenched a package from Darren's grip. But unfortunately, that pack was crucial to the structural integrity of Darren's pile, and it collapsed. Darren Shan tumbled to the floor along with 19 packs of toilet paper.
"How DARE you!" Larten yelped in horror as he scrabbled to get everything back in the cart along with Darren's help. It was a full-out game of Hungry Hippos at this point, Karen had already wrestled 3 packs into her cart and was trying to rip a fourth from Darren's hands.
"Ma'am… ma'am, please… the purchase limit applies to you too." The stockboy groaned weakly but nobody acknowledged him.
Darren was still lying on the floor at this point but he wasn't giving up. The aisle was filling up now, the word "toilet paper" was summoning shoppers from all corners of the store. There were now at least 3 other Karens on the floor, fighting tooth and nail for that sweet, sweet 3-ply. Darren had his entire body wrapped around one of the packs and was taking shelter under the cart waiting for it to be over. Meanwhile, Larten's vampiric reflexes were proving to be no match for the Karen's sheer determination. His hands were scratched to shreds from acrylic nails. He wasn't going to win like this, so he climbed the shelf above the fray and stared down at the crowd.
"HEY!" he yelled as loud as he could while banging plastic Swiffer handles together. "If you lot do not step away from the toilet paper this second…" he paused dramatically and gazed around at the furious faces beneath him. Darren knew what was coming. It was going to be absolutely nuclear. Larten drew a deep breath, and when he spoke it echoed off every corner of the store, right down to the smallest potato, to the most frozen of hams.
"I am going to call the manager."
Each of the assembled Karens immediately went pale – but just for a second, then they each turned a shade of red deeper than the next. And they began clamouring the most frightening obscenities Darren had ever heard. No cuss words exchanged in the halls of Vampire Mountain could come close to this. Then he heard some familiar voices above the cacophony-
"Charna's Guts, what on earth is going on here? Larten, how did you get all the way up there? Oh no, did you lose Darren?" Paris exclaimed as he rounded the corner pushing a shopping cart filled with a bounty of produce and Seba, standing in the cart and clearing the way by swinging his Social Distance Stick to and fro.
"Paris, I'm here!" Darren squeaked from the floor.
"Is that Crepsley causing a scene?" came Arrow's booming voice from the other end of the aisle. "Oh my gods, look at him. How did he get all the way up there?"
"And he always calls us hooligans!" Mika added with a snort.
"Larten, did you get the good conditioner? It's on sale!" was all Kurda had to contribute.
Larten did not get a chance to answer, because at that moment one of the Karens used her purse as a mace and hammered it into Darren's face. And that was the catalyst that caused this situation to escalate further than anyone thought possible. 6 sets of protective instincts kicked into overdrive and Larten, Seba, Paris, Mika, Arrow, and even usually-peaceful Kurda descended onto the pack of Karens in unison. It was an unspoken agreement that only THEIR family was allowed to bully Darren. These people had crossed a line and they were about to pay dearly. Mika grabbed a long plastic mop handles and ran into battle. Arrow started throwing frozen food (the ham was safe – for he'd picked up a fex boxes of tofu meatballs in case he needed something to throw). Seba, of course came armed with his branch and Paris slapped at them with a rolled-up glossy magazine. Larten leaped off the shelf, holding his Swiffer handles like daggers. Kurda scooped up an armful of bath bombs from a nearby bin and began lobbing them like poorly aimed but well-intentioned grenades. It was pandemonium. By now, the entire store was clamouring in the aisle trying to watch the fight, ignoring the employees' begging them to stay 6 feet apart from one another. The fight was loud and ugly. If you are familiar with vampire lore, you might be wondering why they were taking so long to subdue a handful of suburban soccer moms. If that's the case, you've probably never known a Karen. This bunch had not taken well to Larten's threat of calling the manager and they were fighting as dirty as any rogue Vampaneze or mad grizzly bear.
Nobody knew it it has been minutes or hours when a heart-stopping shriek came blaring through the aisles, but the sudden sound caused everyone to freeze in place, even the Karens.
Darren looked around trying to find the source of the noise, but he couldn't see anything past the crowd. Then came a voice, a very familiar voice. Amplified to a terrifying pitch, but unmistakeable:
"GET… OUT… OF… OUR… WAY!"
And the crowed parted ways to reveal…
"It cannot be." Larten gasped.
"Darren, I swear I didn't mean to let him out of the cart! I only took my eyes off him for one second! I had no idea he was that fast!" Paris groaned.
Little soft-spoken Harkat Mulds was making his way determinedly through the crowd of much taller onlookers, but he wasn't alone. Walking in single file behind him was a handful of very elderly looking humans. Several had walkers, one rolled along in a wheelchair. All looked a little bewildered but were following Harkat like sheep to a shepherd.
Harkat walked right up to the first of the Karens and his bright green eyes locked onto her false-lashed ones.
"Stand… aside." He said calmly, not flinching.
Karen 1 was so shocked at the Little Person's audacity, she obeyed without hesitation. Harkat reached up and yanked a pack of toiler paper from her cart, then he returned to his band of followers and handed it to the wheelchair-bound man.
"Here you go… Laverne." He said very gently. "Who… else?"
There were some affirmative mumbled from the group, and one by one Harkat brought them each a pack.
"One for Millicent… One for… Jedediah… And one for… Gertrude." Added the Little Person with a twinkle in his strange eyes. "Anyone else… need… toiletries? No? Alright then… forward march!" And he carried on down the aisle, moving slowly enough so his new friends could keep up.
"And… you all… should be… ashamed with… yourselves." He growled up at the vampires as he passed. The whole group – Karens, vampires, bystanders, and employees – all watched in stunned silence til the little group rounded the corner and disappeared from sight. It didn't take much persuasion to disperse the crowd after that. Each Karen picked up one single pack of the coveted toilet paper and hurried off. Darren and Larten started picking up the the array of products that littered the floor and putting them back on the shelf. Most were a little scuffed and squished but the packaging was all intact.
"And there's still 5 packs of toilet paper left over!" Mika exclaimed once everything was restored and the 7 vampires were the only ones remaining in the aisle. The employees had taken a well-deserved break. "I can't believe it. Maybe we should-" he reached for one but Kurda slapped his hand away.
"Harkat will literally kill you in your sleep." The blond warned, and Mika nodded in agreement.
"AND it's wrong to take more than we need." Darren added pointedly.
"I know, I was kidding. Obviously." Mika muttered. "I'm not a barbarian."
"Let us get this to the car and get out of here." Said Larten, sounding battle-weary. "But first, Seba, I do think we should make a pass by the potatoes and put some of these back…"
ONE WEEK LATER – in the very same parking lot where our story began:
"Okay, everyone!" Darren yelled exuberantly. "Man your battle stations!"
"SIR YES SIR!" Arrow bellowed, swinging open the door of the Escalade and springing out into the parking lot. Meanwhile, Darren climbed on top of the vehicle to get a bird's eye view. "I see a target approaching the cart corral. Quick, someone stop her! Those haven't been sanitized! She needs to go to the front of the store!"
"I'll save her!" said Arrow as he bounded away.
"And there's a minivan of 5 kids and one mom in the northwest corner! Someone go see if they can take her grocery list so she can wait in the car with them!"
"Mine!" Mika hollered, taking off in the other direction.
"You know the drill, I don't want to see a single elderly citizen or high-risk individual unassisted! Let's move! Look alive, Seba!" Darren called.
"When am I allowed to be an elderly citizen?" Seba demanded. "We have been doing this for seven days straight!"
"When you are no longer able to swing your Social Distance Stick and put up a big enough fuss to clear a path through any crowd, we will allow you to stay home and be old." Larten answered his mentor with a sneaky smile. "For now, I think you would get along well with that gentleman over there, go see if he needs your assistance." He added, gesturing at an old man waiting at the sanitization station yelling at the store worker. And with that, Seba marched off to make a new friend. Only smashing one car with his his trusty branch as he went. Kurda followed him, phone in hand. He had made a TikTok of last week's adventure and it had gone viral - the #HelpLikeHarkat was a sensation. All across the country, people were going out of their ways to help those in need. Sure they were mostly doing it for the clout, but it was better than nothing.
"I am proud of you, Darren. You are doing a nice thing." Said Larten, looking up at his student with rare expression of softness. It didn't last long though.
"EXCUSE… YOU? Last week… you were all… rolling around… like barbarians… fighting over… toilet paper! Throwing… hams! Hoarding… potatoes! This is… my nice thing!" Harkat yelled furiously as he unbuckled himself from his car seat and followed the others.
"He's right." Darren sighed. "Mr. Crepsley, I would've helped you fight to the death to take home all 20 packs of that toilet paper last week if not for Harkat."
"You become more like me every day!" Larten sniffled, rummaging in his pocket for a handkerchief.
"Barbarians!" Harkat shrieked through his megaphone. It had become a permanent attachment to his arm the past week and he was never hesitant to use it. The store employees were all used to it by now – when they heard him coming, they helped herd shoppers out of the way so the little person could make safe passage with whatever geriatric human he was escorting at the time. This short grey fellow and his tagalong posse of boisterous friends were a strange addition to the store, but an unexpectedly wonderful one. They never gave their names, nor did they expect to be paid. They just showed up day after day… and they helped. In whatever ways they could.
"I was kidding!" Darren called weakly. "Hey, Harkat – are you sure you don't want to take a turn sitting up here? You'd be a lot safer!"
Harkat yelled back an expletive that he had clearly picked up from last week's Karen brawl. Darren and Larten cringed.
"Do not worry for him, young Shan. He does not need protecting." Said Larten. "But I see someone that does! Visially impaired man approaching on your left. Oh wait, I had better handle this one. He has a seeing eye dog and I know you cannot resist."
"I just want to give them one pat so they know they're doing a good job!" Darren protested.
"Come with me then." Said Larten kindly. "I am sure the owner will not object to you giving his canine some positive verbal feedback, even if pats are not permitted."
"Let's do it!" Darren grinned, sliding off the roof and sticking a superhero landing on the pavement. And he skipped off with his mentor in tow. It was going to be a good day.
Covid-19 may be winning battles here and there, but let it be very clear that it will not win the war. It's okay to be scared. It's okay to be sad. When times are hard, look around. You might just see a Harkat in your very own town.
If you cannot find a Harkat, be a Harkat.
Oooof, that's that. There's something therapeutic about starting to write a TVF installment and having no idea how it's going to end. I can't recall a time where I DID write TVF with any sort of plan in mind, honestly. I like to let them tell me where we're going.
If this is your first time reading a TVF fic, you probably thought this was weird. And you'd be correct. If you enjoyed it, I have good and bad news: there are many more like it. Just know I started writing these at age 14 and am now….. much older, like I don't even want to talk about it. So a fair warning: some of it just isn't that good. If you're looking for consistency you should close this tab and forget any of this happened. There's a lot of bits that I'm proud of, and others that I'm not proud of at all. I'd really like to take the time to edit them nicely someday but I don't see that happening anytime soon. So for now, if you wish to indulge you'll have to take them as they are.
From the bottom of my heart, I wish you safety and comfort in these strange times.
I wish you safety and wellness. Sending out the biggest hugs,
Roxy