a/n: Hello all! This one was a tough one for me. Still getting a grasp on writing within this universe. Please feel free to leave comments, good or bad. I'm always looking to improve. (returners, this is one I fixed up more than others)

"This one looks like it's busted." Rey held out a blaster, showing it to Finn. "Do you think it can be fixed?"

Finn scrunched up his face, "No, that looks pretty broke. Stick it in the pile with the rest."

"I was hoping more of these supplies from Daxam would have been useful." They had been going through the crates and boxes they somewhat hastily took with them from Daxam. There wasn't time to do so on world, so they just took it all, and had spent the last two days sorting through it all.

"Sure, sure, but hey, it's more than we had before." replied Finn.

"So what will you do if we find any more former storm troopers?" Rey asked.

"I don't know, I guess convince them to join us."

"Well, when you say it like that it seems easy!" Rey joked.

Finn stopped and glanced down at his stomach. "Apparently I'm hungry. Dinner?"

"What?"

"Food, Rey. Sustenance. Rations."

"Oh. Sure."

"Maybe you should give more of the Jedi Meditation a try. Might make you pay attention better." Finn teased.

They pair headed to the mess hall for lunch and they met with Poe, Rose, and Joph. Joph was older than the rest, but only by a few years. He and Poe had been friends for a few years as fellow pilots in the Resistance, but he would frequently join the group for meals and work duties. Rey knew that Joph had been here since the earliest days, mostly because he was one of the very few originals left with them.

"Bout damn time." Poe feigned exasperation.

"You didn't have to wait for us." Finn answered, with what seemed like genuine guilt.

"He's giving you a hard time, Finn" Rose patted the seat beside her. Finn sat down beside her, glaring at Poe with a smirk.

"Right I knew that."

"Sure ya did, kid." Joph laughed as Rey sat down between him and Poe.

"...Except Paige always made me play the stormtrooper" Rose was mid story as the group was nearing the end of their meal. "Every time we played Rebels and the Empire, I was Stormtrooper 153"

"Hey, our designation numbers are far more robust than three digits thank you very much" Finn protested.

Rose rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah."

"Why would you want to play Rebels and Empire anyway?" Connix asked.

"I don't know, I'd argue there's a little fun to be had in the excitement of it all," Joph countered.

"I hate to say it, but I agree with the man." Poe chuckled.

Joph slammed his hands down on the table, feigning shock, "Poe Dameron agreed with me. You all heard that right?"

The group burst out in a raucous bout of laughter, a welcome sound to the Resistance base.

"Do you remember when we were looking for that abandoned rebel base on Ryloth?" Poe asked as the laugher waned.

"You mean the time you almost got me killed?" Joph quipped back.

"That was Snap, not me!"

"You're only saying that because he isn't here right now to defend himself!" Joph teased the agitated pilot.

"I said 'Black Squadron this is Black leader, I'll take the ties coming at us from the right.' and then you went right!" Poe argued back, his voice was loud, but there was still no real anger behind them. This was a fight these men had often.

Joph scoffed, "I just figured you could use the backup. I didn't think you'd almost crash into me."

Poe's hand came up, as though he was going to act out the battle with his hands as x-wings, but before the puppet show could start, he crashed his hand-wing into Rey's face.

"POE" Rey shouted, mere moments before his hand made contact.

"Oh kriff, Rey. I'm so sorry!" He quickly wrapped his arms around her shoulders, her face now smooshed against his chest.

"Ger-off-I ca-" Rey tried to get out.

Poe planted a kiss on the top of her head, "There, all forgiven." He let her go as she pushed him off her.

"You are a difficult man."

"Yeah, but you love me." Poe said with a wink as he got up to leave.

"Hardly!" She shouted back as she slid her way off the bench in the same direction as Joph. She placed a hand on his arm before he could get too far away, "Hey, I was hoping we could talk."

"You need me to give Poe a talking to?" He said with a playful smirk.

Rey chuckled "No, I can handle that oaf."

Joph let out a hearty laugh, "I would love to see the look on that man's face at the thought of being called an oaf. He spends more time in the refresher getting ready then anyone else."

"You said you've been here before. Parmanth I mean." Rey was never quite one for segues.

Joph's expression quickly changed. His brows came together in the middle and the smile left his lips. "Yeah. Quite a few years ago. Why?"

Rey saw defenses go up that she was not used to with him. She had to be careful of what she asked. "Did you come here with Leia?"

"No, but it was for Leia, sort of. With a friend of mine. She was, uh from here." His eyes were sad.

The defensiveness was what she thought it was. It wasn't over his involvement with Leia, but for his friend. Rey wasn't entirely sure what sort of answers she was searching for in talking with Joph, but Ben had opened up so many questions about Leia she wasn't prepared for. Leia was just your run of the mill Princess turned war hero turned politician turned war hero. So maybe that wasn't run of the mill, but Rey honestly thought that Leia had been one of the easiest to understand. She was straightforward and almost always open to questions. But if she had kept something so important from her son, Rey was now painfully aware of how secretive the General could be. Though she probably kept them with good reason more often than not. And while Rey was positive she was fighting on the right side of this war, she still had to know why. In this moment though, it seemed Joph needed a friend more than she needed answers. "Do you want to tell me about her?"

The corner of Joph's mouth turned up ever so slightly, "Here name was Greer. And she was a better pilot than me and Poe put together…."

Kylo Ren sat on the center of his bed, eyes closed, with his long legs somehow folded up under him. He let out a small frustrated sigh. Ever since he could remember, he had always felt this connected presence in his life. He could never explain it, and the one time he tried to tell his mother about it, she had gotten angry with him and told him to ignore it and never speak of it again. So he didn't, well, at least speak of it. Ignoring it wasn't an option. Even if he tried. But now, he was struggling to feel it. At first he thought it was because he had not seen or heard from Rey, but now that he knew the bond was still there, he didn't know what it was.

The thing that bothered him the most was that while it felt like he was missing something, he wasn't entirely sure he missed it. And yet, here he was, sitting cross legged on his bed like some child trying to find it. Trying to clear his mind, feel the Force. He was almost disgusted with himself for it.

Kylo's only reprieve from his own misery was that General Hux had left him alone for three full days. After the attack on Naboo, Hux's desire for carnage seemed to be placated for now. As Supreme Leader of the First Order, Kylo had been a fairly hands off leader so far. But this was where he was meant to be. His Grandfather failed to rule the Galaxy, but had come so close. His mother had nearly ruled the Senate, and while the Senate had its flaws, she too would have been the leader of the Galaxy. He was the first one to actually achieve what his family had failed to do. The ultimate goal had been achieved, so what sort of leader would he be?

With a small rather undignified wiggle, Kylo Ren tried to clear his mind once more but was interrupted by a guffaw. His eyes snapped open and were met with Rey's dark golden ones. He wasn't sure he had ever seen her laugh before.

"How long have you been there?" He tried to sound angry, but it was hard in this position.

"A while," she answered, still sparkling from her laughter.

He had no reasonable response so he just stared. Rey sat cross legged in front of him. Hey couldn't help but to think the position suited her much better. The silence that was building between them was charged, but comfortable. He did not know how long they sat there, together. The laughter was disappearing from her face and was being replaced the usual look of disgusted curiosity she normally had when looking at him. He wanted the look of laughter back, but he didn't know how.

"Ben, you can still…."

"Don't." Kylo cut her off. He knew she was asking him to come back. He couldn't hear the rest of it because he didn't trust himself not to say yes. He wouldn't throw it all away, not even for her.

"Your mother would…" she started again.

"Do not talk to me about her." Kylo could feel the heat rising in his core. After everything he shared with her about his mother, how could she still see her as some benevolent figure? She was a liar and a fraud. He was certain of it. She had robbed him of his childhood by parading him through the Senate, pawning him off on Han Solo, and sending him off with Luke. Leia abandoned him.

"She hasn't given…"

"I said stop talking." Kylo lunged forward, his hand reaching for her face. Now kneeling in front of her still sitting frame, his thumb and fingers were wrapped around her jaw. He locked eyes with hers, expecting to see fear but instead he was met with defiance. Her own hands had reflexively wrapped around his wrist. He knew he didn't have a tight grip on her face, but her fingers dug into his arm. He very quickly let her go, knowing he hadn't hurt her physically. An inkling of regret began to creep in. There was more than one way to hurt someone.

"At least you have a mother whose face you can remember," She spat at him as she swung her feet off the bed to stand. She was now eye to eye with the still kneeling Kylo Ren. "Do you understand what I would give to have that?" Her defiance was turning into rage.

"No," he answered somewhat weakly. His timid answer gave her a moment's pause. Kylo had been looking down, but he could feel the blip in her emotions through the bond. They were stronger than normal.

"I was ten years old. A child, starving in the deserts of Jakku. Do you know how I survived?" Kylo remained silent, unsure if she actually wanted him to respond. "Do you?" she repeated as she glared.

Rey began to pace the room as Kylo moved to sit on the edge of the bed, his feet now on the floor in front of him. "Rey…" He looked up at her, his eyes burning. Her rage hurt him more than he was prepared for.

"A scavenger on Jakku took pity on me. I didn't know it even was pity at first. He didn't speak to me, he just grabbed my arm and dragged me away. I thought for sure that I was dead. Instead he took me to a fallen walker." Her pacing slowed as she spoke. Kylo's eyes followed her as she moved. "He started pulling off parts, tossing them to me. And then we'd drag the parts back to the outpost. I was lucky if I got a few bites of his portions, but he gave me enough to keep me alive." Rey had stopped pacing, and was now standing in front of him, though not facing him directly. "This went on for a few months. Maybe three. He would grab my arm, we'd go to some wreckage somewhere and collect parts. And then one day, the only person to show me even remotely resembling kindness was gone. I can hardly be thankful for him, but I can say without a doubt I survived because of him." Tears were running down her cheeks, silent tears. They were the sort of tears that had no hope of being controlled. "I was alone again."

Kylo reached out and placed his palm on her forearm, his fingers gently following suit. "I meant what I said." Rey huffed as she tried to pull her arm away. She didn't try very hard though, because Kylo grabbed her other arm and turned her to face him. She looked down on him ever so slightly as he remained seated on the edge of the bed.

"What do you mean?" Rey was tense in his arms and probably expected the worst, but the tears in her eyes suggested she hoped for better.

"When I told you you weren't alone."

Kylo had released his grip on her forearms so she moved her hands down to meet his palms. She stood with her feet in between his, palm to palm as she laced her bare fingers with his. "I know. And so did I." She pulled on him gently, coaxing him to stand, their hands still intertwined. She was leaning towards him as he studied her face. He watched as she took a nervous gulp and began to rise to her toes. His eyelids closed when her face was close enough to feel her warm breath on his lips. Expecting to feel her lips on his own, he was instead met with the cold air she left behind.

"Fuck" He growled. Left alone again, he felt something he hadn't in a long time. Guilt.