A/N: Ahhh thank you all for the review so far. I hope that you continue to enjoy it! I don't own the galaxy you see, I'm just borrowing it.
Rey laid on her back, staring at the ceiling above her. She could see the hazy glow of dawn through the small window in her room. Sleeping never came easy but it had been a while since she went totally sleepless through the night. She just kept replaying the last few moments she shared with Ben in her head over and over.
She broke her promise to herself. I won't feel sympathy for Ben Solo. Every time she bonded with Kylo, he was always been composed and aware that she was there. She had never seen him alone like that, sitting on his bed with his eyes closed. Rey had taken the unique opportunity to observe him in that moment, and found herself somewhat drawn to the sharp features in his face that were softened by his relaxed state.
The sympathy didn't come until he grabbed her face. It was just the tiniest flicker of sympathy. He could not accept that his mother could still forgive him, and that made her unreasonably mad. And she had been so mad at him in that moment, for not even giving her a chance to talk. When her fury turned on him, he seemed to show something she'd never seen in him before: Regret. She had seen desperation and sorrow and pain, but never regret.
Sitting up in bed, Rey rubbed her hands on her face. Just that one fleeting moment of regret she saw in him was enough to make her feel sympathy again, and the sympathy brought with is a barrage of emotions she was in no way prepared for. Hearing him say those words again… Rey grumbled, frustrated with herself for getting carried away. She couldn't think anymore on it. She had to go and do something instead of dwell.
"Meeting again so soon?"
Rey quickly rose at the sound of his voice, "Ben…"
Kylo stood on the other side of the room, which only amounted to no more than a few feet away on account of the space being so small. Usually more time passed between them meeting. There would be things to talk about; something would have happened for her to be mad about, or there would be a story for him to extract from her. Instead, merely hours had passed, leaving nothing but a near kiss between them.
Normally the silence that started every encounter was charged with the feeling of a challenge, but this was something different. He always regarded her with a look of yearning curiosity, but there more to it now. His head tilted down and to the side, but his eyes were angled up.
Rey couldn't hold his gaze any longer. She glanced down at her feet hoping that some of the tension would dissipate with the lack of eye contact. Kylo closed the gap between them in two and half strides and grabbed her face with both hands.
His lips crashed into hers, his fingers tangled in her frazzled morning hair. Her entire body tensed at the contact, but as he deepened the kiss, parting his lips slightly, she leaned into him.
This was not her first kiss. Her first was a chaste kiss of youth between two friends who didn't quite know what kissing was, only that it was something that people with feelings did. This was so much better.
She pulled her lips away from his, which were now redder and fuller from the kiss. Her cheeks flushed, the colour now matching his lips. He did not let her move away much more by resting his forehead on hers.
"Why…" Rey whispered. Their faces were so close that the nearly voiceless word was still loud enough for him to hear.
"I was just finishing what you started." He kissed her again, this time softer and slower as if he was savouring it.
Rey wrapped her arms around his waist, her forearms pointed up and her palms flat on his back, just below his shoulder blades. She too was savouring the moment. She didn't expect that she would ever let her guard down enough to let this happen again. This man was her enemy, her opposite…
"Stop," she managed to get out in between kisses. He immediately released her. His hands let go of her face, but her own arms clung to him just a little longer. It wasn't until he took a step back that her arms dropped to her side.
"Come with me." Despite the actual words being a command, the tone he took was not.
"I can't."
"We both saw our future. It was together. You know I'm right," He was getting more aggressive as he spoke.
"I know that I saw you to the side of The light." Rey focused on his eyes. She knew they would betray his attempts to cover up emotions.
"And I saw you by my side," Kylo's expression was stiff, but she was right. His eyes were glistening.
Rey made a move bolder than she was expecting from herself. She grabbed his hands that were idle at his side. "Then give me a reason to stand by it."
Kylo didn't answer her. He didn't move or pull away his hands. The first time they saw each other's future was from this simple act. Barely the graze of fingertips, and they were both so sure of what the other's would be.
"Ben..." Desperation had found its way into her voice now.
"The night I found out about Darth Vader, I went to Luke . If my mother had known, then Luke had to as well." Kylo began to speak. "I had to know why my mother kept this from me. Why he kept it from me." He still held on to her hands. His fingers began to tighten around hers as he talked.
Rey remained silent, afraid that talking would remind him that she is there and that he is in fact sharing something with another human.
"I was so angry. Something inside me told me to be mad, to be furious that those closest to me were liars. All my life, Luke Skywalker was the hero that defeated the Dark Lord Vader and all of a sudden he was now the man that killed my Grandfather. That killed his father." Kylo paused.
The incongruity of his anger was not lost on Rey. If she didn't know any better, she might have thought that he was coming to realise the contradiction in his life for the first time. Still, she remained silent, but squeezed his hand with a gentle pressure.
"Luke kept trying to tell me that it wasn't what I thought, that there was more to the story."
Rey reflexively let out a small snort of a laugh. Kylo's eyes snapped to hers and she mentally kicked herself for the inability to stop the noise. He stared at her expectantly. "That just sounds like something he'd say." He remained silent, still observing her rather intently. "Sorry." She looked down again, hoping that her interruption wouldn't stop him from opening up to her.
"He tried to kill me." His voice was flat, matter of fact.
"Yes," Rey didn't disagree. She would always hold some amount of contempt with Luke for his split second choice. A look of genuine surprise swept across Kylo's face at her confirmation. "I fought with him that night. After we, and he…" She trailed off.
"Then you understand," There was a new sense of ardor in his response. "You understand why I left."
"No, Ben I don't. Luke, he made a… " She struggled to find the right word, but she couldn't find it so she just borrowed his. "It was a fleeting moment of pure instinct. And he regretted it the second he turned on that saber."
Kylo threw down her hands, releasing their contact and let out a small growl in frustration. He began to turn away from her, but she grabbed his arm keeping him from spinning totally around.
"Don't think I'm defending him, because I'm not. He was wrong, and he knew it. But it doesn't excuse running off with the First Order to take over the galaxy!"
"It was more than that. You don't know what you're talking about."
"And now you sound like him." Rey dared. She meant it to be joke, but she also knew it ran the risk of infuriating him.
"Don't…don't you dare." If he meant to sound intimidating, he failed.
"I am on your… I am on Ben's side." She chose her words carefully. "I will stand by him." This time she put her hands on his cheeks and got her fingers tangled in his hair. Rey hoped that he understood what she meant. Standing on her toes, she gave him a small, gentle kiss again.
It was becoming harder and harder to deny what she felt for him. There was still a strong sense of hesitation to her growing feelings; Kylo Ren had committed atrocities. She refused to let this burgeoning passion between them cloud that fact. Through all of it, there was a Light side of him and she would not let it die.
When she pulled back from the kiss, Ben wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in the crook of her neck. He all but collapsed against her, his much larger frame completely enveloping her.
Kylo loosened his grip on the hilt, letting it roll down his hand before securing it in his palm with a flick of his fingers. The training droid flitted back and forth a few feet from him, attempting to throw him off. It let off a series of blaster bolts, all of which Kylo deflected with ease.
It had been two full days since he had last seen Rey. He had opened up to her in a way he had not done in many many years. It left him raw and angry. As much as he wanted to see her again, a part of him was glad because he needed time to process his own realizations after their conversation.
Crossing he left foot over his right, he circled the droid. Several more deflected blaster shots, and Kylo reached out with his left hand. He curled his fingers and felt the Force. The droid crunched and collapsed like a deflated balloon. It fell to the ground with a clank. He swung his foot kicking the mess of metal and wires across the room.
This of course hurt, but that was perhaps why he did it. His foot ached as he stormed out of the training area. Before he could retreat to the relative safety of his quarters, he was stopped by General Hux.
"Ah, Supreme Leader. It seems you have been most unavailable as of late." Hux was incapable of saying anything without an air of arrogance.
"I've been busy."
"We are currently seeking to begin production of a new Dreadnaught. Since the Resistance managed to destroy our only one." The amount of disgust he managed to add to his voice at the word Resistance was almost impressive.
Kylo was in no mood to deal with Hux, though to be fair, he never really was. "Why do we need another Dreadnaught?"
Hux was genuinely put off by the response, "The First Order must have an extensive fleet to keep the Galaxy free of traitors and dissention."
"We already have the largest fleet. A new Dreadnaught is a waste of resources and effort." He hoped to put an end to the discussion, but this just seemed to annoy the general even more.
"Supreme Leader Snoke would not have agreed," he emphasised the words Supreme Leader, perhaps thinking he could intimidate Kylo into remembering he was not the same.
Hux of course failed to realise he didn't want to be the same. "Then it is a shame he is dead."
"Ah yes, killed by your Scavenger girl." Hux's eyebrow raised, "Who, if I'm not mistaken has not only escaped you twice, but managed to kill our former Ruler with you in the room. I am quite surprised that you have not wanted to find her and seek revenge for murdering your master." Hux wasn't actually surprised. That was obvious by the contentious look on his face.
"She and the Resistance will be dealt with." Kylo's fists clenched at his side. If it weren't for the gloves, he would have half moon marks in his palm from his nails.
"So you say." Hux started to walk away, pausing when he was shoulder to shoulder with the much taller Kylo, "and have said."
Left standing in the now empty hallway, Kylo punched the wall beside him. His hand immediately ached but he reveled in the pain still. It brought him momentary reprieve from whatever it was he felt he was now missing.
As he arrived at his quarters, troopers still on guard outside his door, he felt a growing knot in his stomach. He had not thought about the night he learned the truth about his grandparentage in many years. It was just a fact he now knew. Recounting that night to Rey had reminded him of so many things and feelings he had repressed, or maybe even more accurately, been replaced.
The rage he felt that something or someone told him to feel that night was, in effect, gone. He wanted to chalk it up to bygones, in the past and dead. Killed by his devotion to Snoke and the Dark Side.
Snoke.
Kylo had killed him too.
Snoke had always been in his mind since he first was brought to him all those years ago. A sickening thought began to form in his mind. Snoke knew so much about him and the things that had led Kylo to kneel before him the first time. He had always assumed it because Snoke was a powerful Force user, and could know more than anyone just by looking at the mind itself.
It took everything Kylo had to push the thought away. It was impossible. There was no way that Snoke had known of him before then. There was no way that he could have been in his mind until they were face to face.
Could there?