Author's Note:

So I want to thank all of you who reviewed Chapter 22! I'm really glad you are all enjoying things so much :) Please keep letting me know what you think. You motivate me to keep going and I genuinely appreciate you all for it!

I want to point out (in regard to the last chapter) that I am very aware that Bridal Showers are not as common a practice in the UK as they are in America, however with the way I've laid out this story it was the best fit for me to have Lily do this rather than host the Bachelorette party (aka Hen's night). So sorry if that bothers anyone or if anyone found it odd.

Also in regard to this chapter, I'm very sorry if it has a jumbled up feel. I began it with good intentions and then it quickly turned in to the chapter from hell as I couldn't get myself to like it no matter what I did. Thus it has been changed four times, parts have been cut for later use, parts have been tossed out entirely, I didn't include parts that I intended to and well...let's just say you should all be glad I'm posting it so that we can get past this one together and move on to less stressful, more enjoyable things. Don't get me wrong there are parts of this that are very enjoyable and most of the content is rather necessary but I'm just rather in dislike of this chapter now that it has caused me so many ugly headaches.

With that in mind try not to be too critical of this one and hopefully you like it for what it is. I'm off to take a few aspirin.

-Valkyrie3

Chapter 23

The Good, the Bad, Regrets and Realizations

James woke late the next morning. His groggy memory began to reproduce the events of the night before and he slowly began to smile. He then remembered Lily slipping out of bed in the early hours of dawn, her kiss soft and sweet as she told him she'd see him later. It was definitely a good start to the day.

He did his best all throughout that morning to keep the specifics of what he and Lily had done a secret, but the second he'd been alone with him Sirius had called him on it.

"So what exactly did you get up to then?" He demanded after he'd shoved James unceremoniously up the staircase and into the seventh year boys' dormitory during their free period.

"I don't know what you're talking about." James answered back innocently.

"Oh please. You could tattoo 'Lily Evans has Fantastic Breasts' across you're forehead and there's a possibility that it would be less obvious." Sirius muttered.

James flushed slightly but grinned as he flopped back onto Remus' four-poster.

"So I'm right then." Sirius stated when James didn't say anything.

"They don't make them better." James answered cheekily.

"I figured that was what had happened. You two have been making lovey eyes at each other all throughout our classes today." Sirius said grinning.

James smiled impishly as he sat up and eyed his best friend with interest.

"And what about you?"

"What about me?"Sirius retorted his eyebrow coming up defensively.

"Just how are Miss McKinnon's assets treating you?" James said chuckling. "And don't even try to lie to me. If you expect me to believe those crap stories you keep spouting about studying then you've obviously forgotten how well I know you. I know when you have a girl and I know for a fact that it's McKinnon. She's been all flustered around you lately and she keeps coming up with excuses when Lily and the girls hang out."

"You pieced all that together did you?" Sirius said sounding guarded but impressed.

James nodded. "I also noticed how you practically jumped her in the Great Hall the day she wore that tight sweater. You followed after her so fast I was surprised none of the others picked up on it."

"Well I couldn't very well let her walk around looking like that now could I? Blokes might get the wrong idea."

"Oh yes and I'm sure you needed to relieve her of it at the first available opportunity. It couldn't possibly have waited until you got back to the common room." James chortled.

Sirius grinned at the memory of getting off with Marlene behind a tapestry on the third floor, but then sighed tiredly and sat down across from James.

"I don't know what to do mate." He admitted dropping his head into his hands. "I would never in a million years have expected her to like me back but she does. She makes me feel more alive you know."

James nodded. "I know exactly what you mean."

"We don't want to make anything of it yet. We're trying to keep things quiet. Keep it low key. In most regards anyway." Sirius said his cheeks reddening as he looked over at James.

"Well I'm happy you are finally giving it a go and I'll keep it to myself if that's what you like."

Sirius nodded. "Thanks mate. So you and Evans have certainly gotten a bit closer haven't you?"

"A bit." James agreed nodding. "Enough that I've decided I'm never going to want another girl for as long as I live."

Sirius shook his head and laughed, "You said that first year when she smiled at you at the Halloween feast."

"Well I'm even more certain of it now." James replied with a cocky smile.

Lily's friends had had a grand time with the information she had been forced to share with them after she'd appeared in their dorm asking Alice if she could have a moment. The other two, not wanting to be left out, had insisted she stay and tell them what had happened and she found that they were more excited for her than she thought they would be about something that she had considered a rather private matter.

"The thing is eventually I'm going to have to let him, um…return the favor so to speak." Lily said flushing a bit as they continued to tease and giggle and speculate on her relationship with James. "And well I'm not sure how to let him. I'm discovering I'm more self-conscious than I thought I would be."

She was then given all kinds of advice and reassurance that she didn't feel reassured her very much and some of which that she wasn't sure she wanted to take seriously. In the end she figured she would just have to muddle through it as she had been doing already and hope that James didn't find her lacking.

That evening she and James went along with their friends to the Gryffindor tower as they did some nights to study together and finish up their classwork.

They had just entered the portrait hole when James elbowed Lily and said softly, "Look over there."

She followed his gaze to where Lewis Blackmore sat in one of the large upholstered chairs. His gaze was longing as he stared at the petite girl studying with her friends a short distance away.

"Do you think I should go talk to her?" Lily asked frowning as she looked at Morene who was purposefully not looking in Lewis' direction.

She wasn't sure if anything she had to say would even help the situation. Afterall she hardly knew the younger girl and didn't want her to feel awkward.

"That's up to you. If you want to see if you can help Lewis out go ahead. I didn't promise him you would though, so you aren't under any obligation to step in." James said soothingly.

Lily looked up at him and smiled. "You know I wouldn't feel right just letting them be miserable when I might be able to shed some light on the situation. Go on and I'll catch up with you all later."

"That's my girl." He whispered sweetly, bending down to kiss her quickly before grabbing her things from her and moving off to join their friends.

Lily approached the group of fifth year girls hoping she looked casual.

"Hey Morene," She said smiling.

The younger girl looked up at her and smiled back.

"Hello Lily." She answered, her expression only slightly confused. "How're things?"

"Fairly good. Would you mind having a word?" She questioned gesturing toward a secluded corner a little ways away that was empty of students.

Morene nodded her expression curious and got up to follow along.

"Look," Lily began facing the girl and speaking quietly, "I know it is probably none of my business but I've recently learned that Lewis Blackmore is quite fond of you. Am I misinformed in that you like him as well?"

Morene's eyes widened at Lily's statement. "How did you…"

Lily waived a hand dismissively. "You know how the rumor mill works around here."

The younger girl nodded and sat down in one of the empty chairs nearby.

"I'll admit I fancied him for a bit." She answered shortly one eyebrow raised.

Lily smiled and took a seat as well. "And you're wondering what in the sodding hell I'm asking you about it for?" At Morene's answering smile Lily went on. "Well it's just that I heard that you've been reluctant to date him due to your difference in background, what with you being Muggleborn and him being a Pureblood."

She didn't have to hear Morene's answer to know the statement was true. The girl's eyes were too sad and lost looking for it not to be.

"Look," Lily went on unsure of whether what she was about to say was going to be helpful or not. "I know it can feel like there's just too much separating you from being together or from taking the steps to try and be together. With the way things are going in the wizarding world right now no one is truly certain about anything and….I'll be the first to tell you being Muggleborn isn't easy."

She took a deep breathe and rushed on. "I used to feel like there was just too large of a gap between who James was and who I was. I felt like trying to be together would just be a struggle neither of us really wanted in our lives." She paused and then added softly. "I was lying to myself."

Morene looked back at her uncertainly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean it wasn't so much that there was a huge gap between me and James or that it would be hard to be together that was keeping us apart. Of course those things are true. There is a huge difference between James and I and it is hard to be together all the time. But what was really keeping us apart is the fact that I was afraid."

She waited knowing the words would hit home with the other girl.

"It's not a crime to be afraid." Morene said finally her eyes shooting worriedly to where Lewis sat staring back at her still.

"No it's not. But it isn't fair to either him or to yourself to let the fact that you are afraid of what may or may not happen dictate whether or not you are willing to give it a try." Lily explained softly. "Just think about it okay. Think about whether or not you are staying away from him for the right reasons. Is it because there really isn't anything between you? Or is it because you are hoping that what is between you will go away so that you won't have to deal with it anymore?"

Lily looked over to where James sat. He was leaning over Dorcas' shoulder pointing out something on her essay that she obviously needed to fix. Her stomach flipped over and she couldn't keep from grinning. She was hit with the realization that she was incredibly lucky to be with him and that she was glad she had taken the risk those few months ago.

She turned back to the fifth year and smiled widely. "I'll leave you alone now but just know that despite everything. The prejudice. The rumors. The uncertainty of it all. I wouldn't trade what I've found with James for anything. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't decided to just quit being scared and give him a shot." She stood up and made to move off.

"Hey Lily," Morene called out stopping her.

She turned back and saw that the younger girl was smiling too.

"Thanks."

Lily nodded, "Any time."

As she settled down amongst her friends she tried to be subtle as she watched Morene make her way over to Lewis.

He shot up out of his chair, his expression one of shock and happiness as he stood awkwardly before her. Though she couldn't hear what was said Lily could tell by the expression on Lewis' face that he was being given the same chance Lily had given James once upon a time. She couldn't keep the silly grin off of her own face as she saw Morene step forward and throw her arms around Lewis' neck.

"Well done." James voice whispered in her ear.

She took her eyes away from the younger pair and smiled at him before cupping his jaw and kissing him softly on the cheek.

It was good to know they weren't alone.

November rolled quickly into December and James and Lily and their friends found themselves swamped with schoolwork.

"For the love of Merlin's pointy beard," Alice groaned as she scrambled to finish her Transfiguration essay while they made their way to breakfast one morning. "It's like they think we'll forget every single thing they've ever taught us just because we have a holiday coming up."

"Well it's not like we'll be wanting or trying to get much studying in." Lily said patting Alice's back sympathetically and steering the distracted girl in the right direction. "You especially will be a bit preoccupied."

Alice's eyes clouded dreamily for a moment as she said wistfully, "Ah the joys of spending time with Frank."

They took their seats at the Gryffindor table a moment later and Alice, who had apparently just reached the appropriate amount of inches on her essay, handed it over with a theatrical flourish to Dorcas for her to proof read it.

"Why isn't Lily doing this?" Dorcas asked with a teasing grin. "She's much better at it than I am."

"Because she had to edit my last four and she says she won't do this one as I've once again waited until the very last possible second for her to look it over." Alice said wrinkling her nose at Lily.

The post arrived as they were eating and Lily snatched up the Prophet that Archie brought before James had a chance to get hold of it.

"Not fair." He grumbled. "Things are never news once I read the post because you lot have already told me everything that's in it."

Lily smiled but ignored him and continued to scan the headlines until she came to one that made her pause.

MINISTRY PROPOSES MUGGLEBORN REGISTRATION AND TAXATION

By Lawrence Tollingham

The Ministry of Magic is currently reviewing the proposition that two new acts be put into legislation. The first titled the Muggleborn Registration and Restriction Act would require all witches and wizards of non-magical background to register themselves as such with the Ministry. The act would dictate that they list their name, date of birth, current residence and any familial connections to be documented for Ministry records. Along with this comes the necessity for any persons wishing to marry Muggleborns to also register as they could then claim familial ties to the Muggleborn in question. It furthermore features the creation of restrictions on hiring any Muggleborns who choose not to register themselves and would require all Muggleborn witches and wizards to provide their wands for ministry inspection to insure that they are properly registered as well. Some supporters of this act are calling for a greater increase in its restrictive purposes claiming that with the current state of affairs Muggleborns should not be permitted to work within certain areas of the Ministry itself, though at this time no new additions to the proposal have yet been submitted.

The second act titled the Muggleborn Safety Taxation Act, proposes that any wizards or witches of Muggleborn lineage (or those married to such) pay a five percent higher tax than those of non-Muggle heritage. Those in favor of this claim that as Muggleborns appear to be the subject of more accidents and issues than the common witch or wizard it is only fair that the Ministry receive more tax money in order to better protect them from any mishaps or unfortunate situations that may arise.

The Official Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic Elfrenia Wiggins claims…

"Lily perhaps you ought to let James have a turn at it. He…" Dorcas began nervously.

"I've already seen it." She said flatly continuing to read. The article went on to include multiple quotes from prominent witches and wizards who were in support of the new bills and few from those who were against it. Either way the article had done the damage intended.

"Seen what?" James asked confused.

There was silence around the table as Lily handed him the paper and pointed to the article she'd just finished reading. Marlene did the same to Sirius and Remus passed his to Alice who let Peter read over her shoulder.

James looked at Lily curiously before turning his attention to the Prophet.

After a time Sirius cleared his throat. "What do they mean Muggleborn's 'appear to be the subject of more accidents and issues than the common witch or wizard'?" He asked reading the sentence off the paper.

"They mean that because Voldemort and his followers are targeting Muggleborns the ministry wants them to pay a higher tax due to their having to make efforts to protect them. They just don't want to specifically say that they are currently the target of most attacks." Marlene said irritably.

"That's idiotic." Sirius frowned. "It's the Ministry's job to protect all witches and wizards. Targeting a specific group of them because they are currently the subject of prejudice and some idiot's vendetta isn't fair."

By the time James finished reading the article he was fuming.

"This is utter rubbish." He spat tossing it down and turning to Lily who was eating her waffles in silence. "I don't care what they say."

Lily slammed her fork down with a clang.

"Stop saying that." She said flatly. "It doesn't matter if you care what they say. I care."

James' eyes were blazing. "They'll never get it through the Wizengamot. Dumbledore is its head he'll…"

"It doesn't matter." Lily said quietly and sadly. "Can't you see, they've done enough just by proposing it? Soon people will be clamoring for this stuff to go through if only to make themselves feel safer. They'll put restrictions on where I can work. They'll make me submit all of my information so that they have a record of my residence, my family history, everything. People need an outlet for their fear and they are playing right into Voldemort's hands!"

James gripped her by the shoulders and forced her to look at him. "It won't last Lily. People will eventually see right. They'll realize what a madman he is and…"

Lily pulled away from him and buried her face in her hands breathing deeply to keep herself from screaming at him. Feeling frustrated she looked back up at him and said fiercely, "Don't you see what this will do? It will give him the address of every Muggleborn out there. All it would take is one corrupt person inside the ministry and he'd know where to find everyone he wanted to get rid of."

"Lily you need to…" James began his tone betraying his frustration as well.

"I need to what? Not care. Not look. Quit worrying when all of this is staring me right in the face? Tell me what I need to do? Because right now the only thing I feel like I can do is worry." She said feeling as if she wanted to hit or push James, anything to keep herself from feeling so overwhelmed.

"You won't like what I have to say." James bit out softly running a hand through his already messy hair. "You aren't ready for it. You'll panic or worse run away from me."

"For Merlin's sake James I'm panicking right now. I'm worried beyond belief that when I leave her there won't be anything out there for me. That…"

"There'll be me Lily. Damnit, when are you going to start realizing that no matter what I'm here and I'm not leaving?" He said emphatically reaching out to grip her waist.

Lily stared at him feeling furious, alone, scared, helpless, tired, a million different horrible feelings and yet, just by looking at him, she felt anchored. Like whatever came her way she could face it so long as he held her up. Kept her going. Stood by her.

His look and touch didn't keep her from feeling sick with her turning emotions, but it did keep her from falling apart because of them.

"Why do you always have to make it better?" She breathed softly, tears falling out of the corners of her eyes for a number of reasons.

He reached up and used his thumbs to wipe them away. "Because it's my job. Because it's what you need me to do."

Lily began to smile. She reached up to wipe at her cheeks more while James pulled her to him kissing her forehead.

Throughout the day Lily's mind kept going back to the article and to what it would mean for her future. Soon she would be leaving Hogwarts and with the way things were going there was a fairly good chance that she would find herself jobless and without a place in the world that she'd become accustomed to. The world she now considered to be her home.

She knew James would be there for her, yet she felt oddly irritated at the idea of not being able to be independent. She had always envisioned herself a success in the wizarding world. Now things were happening that were beyond her control and she wasn't sure she was ready to face the uncertainty that lay before her.

James for his part was quiet for most of the day as well, leaving her to brood in silence as he did a lot of brooding of his own. She wondered what he was thinking and whether or not he was beginning to realize just how large of an impact dating a Muggleborn like her might come to have on his life. She tried to remind herself of all the things she had said to Morene about being together being worth the risk, hoping all the while that James felt the way she thought he did.

Later that night they sat around the Gryffindor common room with their friends glad that the weekend was officially there. They were discussing the final Hogsmeade trip of the term when James leaned in to whisper in Lily's ear, "I want you to know something."

She turned her gaze from where Sirius was talking to look up at him, her eyes sparkling and looking if possible more brilliant than he'd ever seen them.

"You have to promise me you won't go running away scared after I say it though." James said picking her hand up and running his fingers along the length of hers.

"Alright." She agreed softly. "I won't get scared or run away."

James grinned and looked up at her the gold in his eyes dancing with the firelight.

"I would do it."

Lily looked at him in confusion. "You would do what?"

"Register."

Lily grabbed his jaw and looked at him seriously. "What are you talking about?"

James kissed the inside of her palm and said softly, "I would register if I had to. If you decided to go along with it that is."
There was a very full silence between them as they both processed what he was saying.

"I would do whatever it took in order to be able to be with you." He added his breath whispering across her skin.

"James…" All the air escaped Lily's chest as she stared into the depths of his golden brown eyes. Her heart was hammering wildly and she couldn't seem to find her voice. He was talking about marrying her. Not in so many words but essentially that was what he was telling her. That he was willing to do what needed to be done with the Ministry in order to marry her for Merlin's sake.

"You don't have to say anything." He whispered wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. "I just wanted you to know."

Lily smiled softly but nervously at him as he pulled her into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself as close as she could.

She didn't know what to say exactly. They hadn't given each other any kind of deep emotional declarations of any kind yet and though she knew she felt strongly for James and she didn't doubt that he felt the same for her she still wasn't sure what voicing those feelings would cause. Or how it would change things between them.

Nevertheless she knew that the look in his eye was one of determination. He was serious about her in a way that warmed her heart and made her feel adored.

"Want to get out of here?" He asked quietly, a pleading tone in his voice.

Lily watched as his eyes began to smolder, the look in them sending a wave of heat straight to her lower belly. She nodded in answer and slid off his lap, very aware as she did so of the warmth that was already beginning to seep from his body into hers.

"We're going to turn in." James announced to the group at large. "We'll see you all tomorrow."

Their friends called their goodbyes and exchanged amused glances as they watched Lily and James gather their things and head for the portrait hole, their eyes hot and dark with desire.

James didn't want to wait until they were all the way back to their common room. He pulled Lily into the first secret passageway they happened upon and pushed her up against wall.

His arms moved about her waist as he caught her lips with his own. He pressed himself against her and began to show her without words that he wanted her with an unchecked passion.

"James." Her breath whispered across his jaw as he moved to her neck.

His hands came up to the hem of her jumper and he leaned back so that he could tug it over her head. He then went to work on the buttons of her blouse. He could feel his chest pumping like a bellows and his hands were shaking more than he would have thought but he couldn't keep them still.

Ever since he had read through the article that morning all he could think about was his future with her and what he wanted. The Ministry could go to hell for all he cared if they were going to start enacting legislation against Muggleborns. If she couldn't find a job he would take care of her. If they demanded that he register in order to marry her then fine, he would do that too. He would do anything, anything to keep her in his life. And he wanted to keep her in his life.

He was more serious about being with her than he'd ever been about anything before. He was going to marry her. He remembered voicing the words to Lionel in the Leaky Cauldron and he hadn't understood then exactly what it was he was committing himself to or declaring. But he knew now and he was more than ready for what came next.

He had always been so sure of her. Himself he had doubted more times than he could count, but he'd never waivered in his conviction that she was his ideal. The thing he wanted most in the world but least deserved. But now she was his. Everything else no longer mattered.

As he removed her shirt revealing a lacy white bra that pushed her breasts up invitingly he felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach. He wanted her so badly it was making his insides twist.

He pulled his own jumper off swiftly and his shirt rapidly followed. His gaze roamed Lily's figure as he reached boldly for her skirt. She didn't protest as he undid the buttons and let the material drop to the floor at her feet.

His gaze roamed over her taking in all the newly revealed skin as he came to the realization once again that his imagination had nothing on what she looked like in reality.

She bit her lip shyly but stayed put as he knelt in front of her and began to remove her shoes and knee high stockings. She was so bloody sexy it took everything he had not to reach for the fly of his trousers and relieve some of the pressure that had built there.

He ran his hands up her legs as he stood slowly his fingers skimming over the smooth skin and brushing along the lacy white knickers she wore along the way.

He pulled her body up against his, recapturing her lips. Devouring her, savoring the taste that was becoming such a vital part of his existence. His tongue moved along hers, stroking and teasing her until she reached out and grabbed onto his waist to keep steady.

She broke away and gasped roughly, "What are we doing?"

James grinned at her and gripping her wrist led her hand to his groin. He pushed her palm against his erection growling, "We're loving each other."

She opened her mouth, her eyes widening at the contact, to speak again but he shushed her and pressed himself more firmly into her palm. "No talking. Just touch me."

He waited with baited breath while she considered and then choked on a groan when she began to run the hand that was pressed against him up and down. The sweetest torture he had ever felt was being touched by Lily like he was now.

James let her get accustomed to him for a bit, even as he grew accustomed to being touched by her, before leaning down to run his lips along her collar bone, sucking gently on the skin that he knew was sensitive. His name left her lips on a sigh once again and he put his right hand on her ribs, resting his spare forearm against the wall next to her head. He ran his palm down her side following the curve of her waist and then across her belly and back, admiring the taught flatness of her stomach. He then trailed his fingers over her hip bone before letting the tips come to rest against the line of her knickers. She faltered slightly her hand gripping him a bit tighter but she didn't speak or pull away. He inhaled against her skin and lifted his head to look into her eyes.

"Whatever you want okay." He reassured her gently.

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his in an unspoken invitation to continue.

James' heart was beating around in his chest like a trapped bludger and his hand was still shaking a bit as he followed the line of her underwear back and forth across her lower abdomen. He kissed her more fiercely as he began to inch in toward the middle again. His fingers had just dipped below the band reaching for her when she broke away suddenly.

"Stop. Please." She breathed sounding scared.

He immediately removed his hand reaching out to place it on her hip instead.

She was shaking like mad and he inwardly cursed himself.

"It's alright Lily." He said sincerely pulling back to look into her eyes and squeezing her hip firmly. "I'll stop."

She had her eyes cast downward and her hand had frozen against his cock. A part of him was begging her to recover. To find the courage to let him touch her. To let him do what he'd fantasized about doing for longer than he wanted to admit, and for her to keep touching him in return.

But her frightened gaze eventually lifted to his and he let go of anything other than the need to make her feel better.

Reaching up slowly he grabbed her chin and repeated, "It's alright Lily."
"I'm so sorry James." She whispered sincerely.

"I'm not." He said back his voice a bit hoarse. "I enjoyed that immensely."

"But I…"

He leaned forward and silenced her softly with his lips. "You are beautiful and you make me happy."

He pulled away gently and began finding her scattered clothing piece by piece, helping her dress. He grabbed his discarded shirt off the floor and tugged it back on. Then snatching his jumper in one hand he reached for hers with the other.

"You okay?" He questioned as he laced his fingers with hers.

She nodded and let him tug her away and out into the corridor again.

When they reached their dormitory he kissed her sweetly and then pushed her toward her room, leaning against the wall as he watched her go. She said a soft goodnight and then her door clicked shut.

James let his head fall back and hit the wall in frustration.

Lily soon came to regret her decision to stop what she and James had been doing. He was more careful with her in the days following than ever before it seemed, almost as if he were worried he had crossed some sort of boundary that he shouldn't have. She soon found herself feeling tired and frustrated as classwork built up and she began to lose sleep and every day she meant to talk to him about it. To let him know she wished she would have let him keep on. Yet, she never seemed to find the right time.

As she sat in potions trying to focus on what she should be doing she found her thoughts kept returning to her dilemma.

What had made her ask him to stop? Why had she panicked so badly? Was she really that scared of taking that step with him?

Things had been going along so smoothly. Everything had been so intense and it had felt so good. What on earth was the matter with her?

She cared about him. She wanted to be with him. In every way. She loved him. He was…

She accidentally dropped the whole wooden cup of beetles into her cauldron as she realized the path her thoughts had taken.

The potion suddenly turned an awful shade of green and began to bubble like crazy and before she knew it, it was spewing over the edge of her cauldron and onto the table burning a path into the wood.

Lily jumped back trying to avoid it, while calling out, "Professor Slughorn!"

He was at her side in an instant and after throwing an odd mixture of ingredients onto the concoction it stopped its procession along the table and turned a harmless looking sky blue once again.

"Miss Evans, are you quite alright?"

Lily looked at the potions professor apologetically. "I'm sorry sir I'm just over tired and I accidentally dropped my wooden cup into the mixture."

"That's quite alright my dear. Mistakes do happen." He reassured her, his face looking strangely disappointed. "Though I've never before seen you make one such as this."

Lily bit her lip feeling oddly conspicuous as the other students looked on.

"I'm sorry sir." She repeated. "Like I said it was just a slip of the hand from being over tired. It won't happen again."

Slughorn smiled. "I'm sure it won't my dear."

Lily waived James off as he made to move toward her and began to methodically and slowly clean up her work area. She didn't want to face him just yet. She refused to let herself think of anything but the motions of cleaning and packing as she waited for the class time to run out. She tried to remain calm but she couldn't keep herself from rushing out of the room after their lesson was over and heading straight for the loo.

Sweet Merlin she was in love with James. She loved James Potter.

What was she supposed to do with that information? How was she supposed to tell him without feeling completely awkward? They had only been dating for near three months.

She was pretty sure he felt the same after all Sirius had told her he did and she had known he had liked her for a very long time before they were even together but…as she looked at her reflection in the mirror she pondered the idea of James being in love with her. Did she take the risk of telling him how she felt and hope he felt the same? Or did she keep it to herself for a bit waiting to see if maybe he would say it first? Afterall though he'd insinuated he wanted to marry her the other day, and he'd called what they had done in that passageway loving, he hadn't specifically mentioned his feelings and had yet to tell her he was in love with her either. So maybe she should just wait for him to say the words and then perhaps they wouldn't seem so daunting.

She couldn't believe it had taken her until just that moment in class to understand her own emotions. It was so strange to think on it and realize that she ad been feeling that way for quite some time and just hadn't given the thought the recognition that she should have. How pathetic of her to feel blindsided by the fact that she was in love. Weren't these things supposed to be there staring you in the face right from the start? Why had she only just owned up to what she felt for James?

Her reflection didn't help her to think at all. It just stared back at her with the horribly confused expression she must have been wearing on her face at that moment.

"Shit." She breathed as she forced herself to march out of the loo and head in the direction of their next class.

To her complete mortification James was waiting for her a little ways away.

"Hey." He asked softly coming up to wrap an arm around her. "Are you feeling alright?"

She nodded. "I'm just.." completely, utterly, stupidly in love with you! "…tired is all."

Oh Merlin she was definitely waiting until later to tell him. Right now she was still too confused about being in love with him to even get the words out. It was just too new of a revelation.

He squeezed her a little and said, "I'll make a kitchens run and we'll skip lunch so you can take a break after charms."

Lily felt like her face was on fire as she said, "Ya that sounds good."

"You sure you're just tired?" He asked noticing her flush.

She nodded. "Ya and a bit embarrassed after my mishap."

"Don't worry. Do some fancy charms work for him and Sluggy will be singing you're praises again in no time."

Lily forced a smile and let him guide her toward their next class.

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