Jyn is numb.

Ever since… ever since the mission and their dire escape from Christophsis she's been operating completely on autopilot. Perhaps if anyone was paying close attention, they would notice the strange heaviness in her voice or the haunted look in her eyes, but there is too much adrenalin, too much wonder at the fact that they'd out run death, yet again. No one notices when she slips out of the main hold, a phantom disappearing into the shadows.

They do notice. All of them.

A few minutes later, the cabin door hisses open. She remains in front of the fresher's tiny mirror, bone-white knuckles gripping the edge of the sink. Cassian waits in the doorway, reading the cues in her body language. She doesn't want him to touch her, not yet.

"Can I do anything?" It's a quiet plea, for both of their sakes.

Jyn meets his eyes in the mirror, forcing herself to take even breaths.

"No, love." She shakes her head. Her smile is tight. "It's nothing." He doesn't even react to the lie, just stands there, his eyes soft and patient. She sighs, "It's ridiculous."

Her body uncoils from over the sink and he finally closes the gap between them.

"It's not." He assures her, hands tracing the length of her arms. "Tell me."

Jyn closes her eyes and remembers it all. The mission going sideways. Their mad dash through the city streets. Somehow they'd gotten separated. How, how had that happened? A trooper had her pinned and across the alley she could see Cassian. At least ten troopers stood between them. He couldn't get to her, not that way, so he… he…

Jyn swallows hard. "When I was on the ground and you couldn't get to me… you had to go around to that side street."

Cassian nods. "There were too many troopers. I had to find another way."

"I know, I know, I know. It's ridiculous. You were being smart. You came right back, but… you left, and for a moment it just felt like…"

Like this is it. He's gone.

Cassian's eyes widen just a fraction. "You thought I was abandoning you?"

Jyn ducks her head. "I know you never would but for a moment…"

For a moment I was back in that bunker.

She takes a breath so deep it almost hurts and says, "I watched Saw leave."

"What?"
"From the bunker where I was hiding, I could see him. I watched him looking in the direction I'd gone. Then he turned away and left." Jyn weaves her arms around his neck, threading her fingers through his hair. "I know you'd never betray me, Cassian. It's just in that moment I was sixteen again, watching Saw turn his back on me."

She can't really bare the look on his face – devastated that he'd indirectly caused her any pain – so she presses her forehead into his shoulder and closes her eyes. His arms lock around her in an embrace that tells her home.

He kisses the top of her head and murmurs into her hair. "I'm sorry, estrella."

"It's okay." And deep down, she knows it is.