This chapter will have two narrators. One will be from the perspective of the livings and the other from Spencer.

Bolds will be Spencer's narrator.

Normal will be the livings' narrator.

I took this idea from a writer I love. He use different narrators and use different letters. I can't do it here on this page so I will use bold letters to separate them.

Hope you like this one.

A S-Club 7 song said "Have you ever loved and lost somebody, wishing there's a chance to say I'm sorry?"

Chapter 16: Looking for forgiveness.

After JJ's message, Max's mind was not really there with her father. She could not concentrate in the conversation and Don noticed it after some minutes of rambling about things.

"Max? Sweetheart, are you ok?" He touches softly her arm.

"Truthfully, no dad... JJ, Spencer's coworker and best friend, texted me this" she got out her phone and read it "'Hey Max, is JJ. Spence had an accident in a mission. He hit his head pretty hard so please keep an eye on him' now I'm so worry about him" she rubbed her forehead "I have to go to check if he is alright"

"Want me to drive you there?"

"N...no I will be fine, I can do it myself, dad, thank you"

Don could see his daughter was in so much stress and he will not let her go like that "oh no... Maxine Brenner" she made a face when he used her full name "I will drive you there and help you if something happen to him" she sighed and nodded "now give me the key" she pouted but hand it to him.

"Dad, I'm 37 and you are treating me like a child" she said as they walked to her car.

"Do you think I care Max? You were acting like one so I will treat you like one" they got in the car and he started the car then drove it "he will be alright, he is a strong guy"

"Thank you dad" she was holding back her tears. She had a feeling he was in troubles. She was wishing she was overeating but something tell her she was not.

Spencer walked out of the BAU and into the bullpen. He rubbed his forehead softly. Then he could see Derek, Elle, Hotch and Gideon talking.He tried to reach them but they disappeared. Then he looked at the other side of the room and there was Garcia. He ran toward her and when he reached her

"I hit my head and now I'm seeing things" there was not his friend but Section Chief Erin Strauss "Section Chief Strauss?"

"Hello Spencer"

"You're dead" he said looking at her.

She laughed "I am" she said with a smile."Does... does that mean that I'm...?"

"No... not necessarily"

"I passed out in my apartment" He remembered scared.

"You have intracranial hemorrhage" she looked at him.

"My brain is shutting down?"

"Parts of it are. Parts of it are struggling to survive"

"Which parts are you?"

"You need help" she led him out to the aisle where the FBI has the pictures of their dead agents.

"What if this is permanent? My mom started out hallucinating" he was looking Strauss picture on the wall.

Then turned to her."You never displayed any signs of schizophrenia. You know that. This is your journey. Some people see corridors of light, some people see people they love. What you see is up to you"

"You symbolize my guilt, the... dead agents"

"You have to make that decision yourself" she said with a smile then her face turned more somber and serious "you'll be tempted about which way to go" she fixed his tie and put a hand on his chest in a motherly manner "don't be afraid" they both turned to see her picture one more time, when he turned to her, she was gone.

"Six agents blown to pieces" that voice sounded familiar but he couldn't believe it was him. When he turned around he confirmed his worst fears. The reaper was standing right in front of him "damn. You're gonna need a bigger boat. I gotta ask, when they kablam like that, do you have a guy that puts them back together or...? I'm talking to you, doc or it is special agent? Addict? Convict?"

Meanwhile the reaper spoke Spencer could feel his anger growing up "Shut up"

"But I have one more question. How come when I kill people, they're called victims, but when you do it, they're called casualties?" He stood close to him, face to face and continued "dead is dead. Am I right?" Then he turned to the wall and exclaimed "ooh, boy"

Suddenly next to Strauss picture, there was his and he started to laughs in an evil way.Then the vision moved to the room when they got details of their cases.

While his mind remembered all the details Hotch told them about George Foyet. His body, still on the floor of his apartment, moved his fingers.He was playing with a pencil as he looked at Foyet "Why are we here? You think this is my hell?"

"Doesn't matter what I think. I'm not in control. This is where you first met me" on the screen behind him appeared a photo of Foyet "Ha. Look at that handsome devil" Spencer turned to look the screen.

"So Strauss was the angel, and you're the devil" Spencer's mind was running analyzing his words.

"I never said that. Just the handsome part"

"Why would I picture you? Hmm? Of all the offenders that..."

"Because I killed that sweet Haley and old Aaron Hotchner was never the same. You got me" memories of everything that happened that day came to him "you know what that means. None of you were. I was the beginning of your end. This Good vs. Evil game is all you know and I'm the best your rattled brain could conjure" while Foyet talked his body on the floor continued moving his fingers.

The traffic was heavy and they had some problems getting to his apartment.

"Damn it..." she whispered as she tried to contact him without lucky.

"Max calm down. Please text your sisters and tell them where we are and also text his coworkers maybe they are closer"

She did it, even with her shaken hands.

When Max and her father arrived to his apartment, both ran upstairs to the apartment twenty-three.

She knocked a few times, and when she could not hear his voice or footsteps, her heart started to beat faster.

"He isn't responding... Oh My God..." she panicked.

"Sweetie calm down... just breathe" she ran her hand into her hair "do you have the key? We can get in"

"N...no yet... he hasn't gave me his apartment key yet" she has tears in her eyes, then she remembered "wait... he has a key under the mat" they both move away and she looked under it to get out the Matt and she found it.

Spencer and Foyet walked in his apartment "Well, I hope somebody find you. That big brain's gonna be a blow of mush. What a way to go out, huh?" Foyet looked at him "slow brain bleed. And nobody knows you're here. It's tragic and yet... ironically fitting" Foyet looked at his right and said "Ahh... of course" he looked at the woman sitting on his couch "It was good to see you again, Doc" Foyet patted his shoulder and left.

Spencer could not see her face but in his heart he knew he had seemed her.

Her hair was different but he knew who she was as he walked towards her "Maeve, it's you. It's really you"

"It's me" memories of her last minutes came to him."Maeve, I'm so sorry" he leaned on his knee and held her hand with tears in his eyes."For what?" She asked at him."I let you die. I wasn't smart enough or fast enough to save you"

"Stop" they looked in the eyes "do you want to know my deepest darkest secret?"

"Mm-hmm" was all his answer."I love nineties rom-drams and rom-coms" they both laughed "the cheesier the better" she laughed more "and my favorite one was about this angel who gave up his immortality because he fell in love with a human. But they only had one day together before she was killed" that made Spencer bite his lip and looked down with tears "I always wondered why that one stuck with me. And then we lived it. Don't you dare be sorry. I have no regrets"

"I miss you" he said still crying softly."Gah, I miss you, too. But lucky for us, we have some time together right now"

"I need that"

"You've been holding on to trauma, a lot of it. But what sent you on this journey is something different. You're at a crossroads"

"Can you help me through it?" she nodded.

"But first, I need to tell you something you don't hear enough of... the world is a good place" he was sobbing looking at her "and it's even better with you in it" he smiled at her "you ready?"

"Yeah" they both stand up and were ready to leave that apartment.

Her hand was shaking as she opened the door. On the floor was Spencer, there was some dried blood that got out of his nostril.

"Oh My God!" Max ran toward him followed by her father "baby" she rubbed his chest softly to see if he woke up but nothing, Max leans in and could feel him breathing "he is alive but must faint. D...dad could you...?"

"I am calling sweetie don't worry" he waited a second as his daughter returned to look at her boyfriend "hello... I'm Dominic Brenner, I'm at my daughter's boyfriend, h...he's unconscious on his living room floor... he's breathing but he isn't responding... um... he's an FBI agent... let me check" he puts a hand on the microphone "the paramedics are on their way but she said she needs his license plate number"

"It must be in his messenger bag" she pointed at it.

Dom holder it and got it out, then returned to talk to them.

"Please... return to me Spencer" she ran her hands into his hair gently.

They take Spencer to the ambulance and went straight to the hospital. The paramedics let Max go with them and Dom followed them in her red Volkswagen.

In the ambulance he as a seizure they managed to control but they asked the driver to go faster.

"Did he have an accident?" Asked the man after they controlled it.

"Y...yes. h...he hit his head in an FBI mission. I...is he alright?" She said in a husky voice with tears running down her cheeks.

"Ok, that's helpful. He must have a concussion and if he had a seizure, it means he may have an intracranial bleeding" he checked his eyes "yeah he isn't responding. We need to get in the hospital as soon as possible"

Max held his hand tightly and whispering "you can do it Spencer... you can do it"

They arrived to the hospital and Doctor Kawamura took him to a bed in the emergency department as the paramedic explained everything he learned from Max and what he checked on their way there

"Miss are you his wife?" Asked the doctor.

"N...no I'm his girlfriend" the doctor nodded.

"And does he have family here?" Doctor Kawamura asked.

"H...he has his mother, she's at Brookfield"

"We will need her here but right now we will keep him in the intensive care area where we can help him quickly" she nodded "but I think he will be fine because you found him quite quickly"

"G...good" the doctor patted her shoulder and left her then she turned to hug her father crying softly.

The next morning, all the women of the BAU were passing the hangover when they discovered that Everett Lynch was still alive. And also JJ and Penelope saw their phone was full of texts from Max.

"Oh my..." said JJ when she read the messages "Spence is in the hospital"

"What? Why?" Asked Emily shocked.

"He has an intracranial hemorrhage..." said JJ with tears in her eyes "I should take him to the hospital or to my house to keep an eye on him"

"JJ you didn't know it would happen..." tried to comfort her.

"No... you didn't see when he hit his head... he was pushed back and it must have been hard to caused it" she dropped her phone on the table "I have to go there..."

"No, we will need all the hands we have to find and catch Lynch. Penelope you go with Max. The rest we will need to send agents to protect our loved ones and let's put our efforts into find Lynch. I know our minds are with Spence but we can't risk lose Lynch" JJ has tears but nodded. It was her supervisor's order.

Penelope sent agents to ever family members of the team. She went to the hospital with Anderson to watch over them there. She also took her laptop to help the team.

Spencer and Maeve moved from his apartment to the cemetery, more specific to Gideon's grave.

"Why are we here? I made peace with Gideon dying"

"When's the last time you saw him?""12 years, 7 months and 23 days ago"

Maeve opened her mouth in shock at the precision of his calculations "oh..." she laughed "you're not keeping track of disappointments at all" they smiled at that.

"My dad wrote me a note when he left. Gideon did the same thing. He was the one that convinced me to join the team and then he left" he laughed but it was a sad one, with some tears in his eyes "all to believe in happy endings, I just... I'm sad he never got one"

"Oh, no, he got one. He's obsessed with this octopus named Mildred" Maeve started to laughs and Spencer did too "she's a prankster, and he loves hanging out an 8-limbed mollusks, trying to figure out how she became so playful and wise"

He sighed "she evolved"

"Yep. We all have to"

Penelope arrived to the hospital with Diana and two men wearing black suits, when they saw Max with her father there, they walked towards her "hey Max, how is he?" Asked Penelope.

"He's in the IC area... they will move him to another room but he haven't wake up" Diana looked at her.

"Can I see my baby boy?" Max nodded

"Let me tell them you are his mother. They will let you see him" said Max with a controlled voice to not scared the mother of Spencer.

Max called a nurse and informed her that Spencer Reid's mother was there.

Before they walked in Max walked to her "Diana, Spencer fell and he hit his head really hard and he's not conscious"

"Well, let's wake him up. Let's see him"

"No, wait" said Penelope and Max as they try to stop her.

"He'll listen to me. Spencer" Diana walked towards his bed "it's not him. No. No , no, no. This is not my son" said Diana really sure of that, Max looked at her a little confused and so did Penelope but did not same anything, then her eyes fell to his wrist. Where she noted a little star on it and she remembered what happened, he fell when he was a little boy trying to walk on a fence with a broomstick, she started to cry and that made Max and Penelope to also cry "oh, my baby" she rubbed his head and chest "oh, please"

"Why did you fight us?"

"If I die, I'll let down my mom... the team, everybody who depends on me" said Spencer as he looked at Maeve.

"Ohh..." they both sat down "family is resilient and as for strangers, people were hurt before you joined the BAU, and they'll get hurt whenever you leave"

"I guess, I'm stuck"

"More like frozen from grief. Your father's physical absence, your mother's psychological one, me"

"It's paralyzing"

"How do you move through it when you can't move?"

"You go back to the beginning" he looked at her and had some tears then added "I met someone... Max, she and I had been together for a month and twelve days. She is amazing and I think she is my new beginning" he looked at Maeve, she smiled at him and nodded "and I... I grew up telling stories about who I was... son, friend... student, teacher, genius"

"Hero. You seek and gain approval by anyone. It's time to stop"

"What if my brain's bleeding out 'cause there's nothing left for me to do?"

"The world needs you to do what you love. Have you done that?"He thought about it "I don't know"

"Sure you do. What do you love?"

"I love magic and ghost stories" he laughed softly.

"Fidding with your pen like me. What else?"

"Jell-o..." she laughed "kumquats... uh... teaching, learning, books, hope... making connections... making... making a difference... I love Max, she made me feel... normal, she showed me that I can be someone outside the FBI and make me realized that I'm not just a big brain" Maeve smiled at him "and I love the moments we both shared... our long conversations about everything and nothing" they both laughed.

She sighed "that's a lot to love"

Back in the hospital "Mrs. Reid?" Diana and Penelope looked at the doctor, they were in the room as Max went home because she had not sleep since the day before and she needed to be fresh to stay with him after Diana left to her hospital.

"The conservative approach would be surgery. It may reduce the swelling around Spencer's brain faster. There is risk. It could cause seizures and even more bleeding"

"I thought it was Tuesday, and it's not Tuesday. And so I can't tell you"

Penelope looked at the doctor "could we have a minute?"

"Sure" and the doctor Kawamura left the room.

"What would he want? I don't want to make the decision"

"Diana, you know, one time Spencer told me that you and I are two of the smartest people he knows. I guess there's some study that shows that the heart and the stomach have like cell of consciousness, like a second brain. And I get it that your brain has done things to attack Spencer sometimes, but your heart and your guts have always known what's best for him. Am I right?"

"Yes"

"So we're just gonna use our brilliant insides to make a brilliant choice for Spencer right now, ok?" Diana nodded. That moment Spencer had a seizure and both women were panicked.

"Oh no!... what's happening to my boy?" His doctor and some nurses ran to his bed to help him "what is happening to him?"

"Look, there's no wrong choice, but you have to decide. You can stick around on the blue marble or travel out into the great unknown. It's time. What are you gonna do?" Spencer was still thinking part of him want all the suffering to stop but other part want to return.

"You remember out one and only fight?"

"About the world's greatest poet?"

"We were on the phone for, I think four hours"

"You need to find that kind of passion"

"I have a different kind of passion. I love talking with Max about things like art and old movies. She is an artist and she loves those stuffs"

"See? You have something to put on your weight. And make the right decision"

"First I need to know if your favorite is still..."

"E.E. Cummings... "Whenever you think or you believe or you know, you're a lot of other people, but the moment you feel you're nobody but yourself...""

"..."to be nobody but yourself... in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you everybody else, means to fight... the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting"" he finished that quote with a sigh and hugged her like.

"Spencer..." Diana's voice sounded at that moment and when he turned Maeve was gone"

"Spencer can you hear me?" Said Diana again and he opened his eyes a little "hi" then closed them

"That's a good sign"

"Is he gonna be ok?" Asked Penelope

"He's putting up one hell of a fight. But it's still too early to know for sure. I need to keep him for tests"

"Excuse me" Penelope left the room and answered her phone informed the team how was Spencer and JJ will be there as soon as possible. Then Penelope did her job and decided to left to stay outside the room.

To be continued...

OOooOOooOO

Next chapter will be the second part of the episode 10. Where I will write his awakening.