Chapter 17- Ambitions
*****Draco*****
"Are you sure your pride isn't too hurt not being asked by Slughorn?" Ginny asked again.
"Ginny, I will gladly go to the Christmas party with you, but I don't need to be in his little club. If you're bored in the meetings, don't you think I would be too?" Though Draco had more experience at such gatherings, it didn't mean he enjoyed them.
It was only October, and they were trying to enjoy the first Hogsmeade trip of the year. And it was cold already, and Ginny wanted to discuss something that wouldn't happen for two months. They really should have a Hogsmeade visit in September when it was still pleasant outside.
"I could put in a good word for you," Ginny offered for the dozenth time. Draco had long suspected that Ginny just wanted his company because she was bored.
"I'm fine," Draco maintained.
"Oh really? Aren't you supposed to be ambitious, Mister Slytherin?" she taunted. "Slughorn has lots of connections, and he's Slytherin," she reminded him.
Slughorn's connections were better before the man had been hiding from the world for more than a year.
And maybe those weren't Draco's goals anymore, or he was already tired of sophisticated parties and hidden meanings. If he could access Malfoy money- or Lestrange or Black money- then neither he nor Ginny would have to work a day in their lives. But Ginny was a talented Quidditch player, and he might wish for some occupation to fill some of his time. What did he want to do with his life?
They were alone on the Hogsmeade street, everyone retreated into buildings out of the cold, but Draco still spoke quietly.
"I guess I'm not anymore," Draco said. Draco Malfoy not ambitious.
"Yes you are. You're goal-oriented, driven, always have been. What do you want? What are you working towards?" Ginny pressed.
"Just to- be. To live unhampered. To be relatively normal," Draco decided on.
"Never going to happen, and sounds boring. And vague. What do you want?"
"Okay, fine," Draco tried not to snap. "My ambitions are... to live until I'm a hundred sixty- no, hundred-eighty years old, die in my own bed painlessly and surrounded by family, and to have never been to Azkaban."
And it was entirely Ginny Weasley's fault.
Ginny smiled widely.
"I revoke my previous assessment. You're too ambitious. You're sixteen. Your greatest goal is supposed to be getting my bra off," Ginny teased, and skipped a few paces ahead.
That was… that was… when was that supposed to happen exactly?
"That's in my plan," Draco finally said, "Much before starting a family."
"Oooh," Ginny shot back, walking backwards. "And it only took you ten seconds to say anything," she said, with her grin, already skipping again. "And I'm wearing purple to the party, so make sure you don't clash," she instructed.
Ginny Weasley.
Other than the cold, the approaching holidays were largely a positive in Draco's mind, after this party was over. It would mean fewer students in the castle, which was for the better.
Except, he hadn't asked if Ginny was staying at the castle for the holiday, and Ginny hadn't volunteered the information, which probably meant she was leaving. But he pretended she wasn't and didn't ask. He too often thought of them spending hours alone together. Perhaps now exploring that new taunt of hers. They had been spending quite a lot of time together that term, but much of it had been with Longbottom, Lovegood, and the others.
*****Draco*****
Classes were more difficult, but less pressured than the OWL year had been. They had a year and a half before NEWTs, so no one but Granger would be worrying about them yet.
Defence class remained excellent for the first time in Draco's schooling, having a competent teacher who actually taught them useful information. Lupin had spent all their time on creatures which- hadn't been so bad some days, but he obviously favoured Potter. And Draco wouldn't consider fourth year much of a teaching environment. It was good to have Severus Snape teaching them, especially when defending himself against the Dark Arts was more likely to be vital to his life than he had imagined as a first year.
Potions was increasingly irritating, with Slughorn simpering over Potter. Even Potter didn't enjoy it, Draco noted.
It was nice to have fewer classes, to drop the ones he disliked the most.
And he had a better rapport with the Transfiguration professor than he would have previously thought possible. Charms was easy, as always. He'd kept Herbology, but didn't care about his marks in it. In the next term, he would learn Apparition, though he wouldn't be able to take his licensing test until the summer because of his late birthday, something he hadn't liked being reminded of throughout his childhood.
Quidditch was different, watching that first game from the stands, his housemates glancing at him, wondering why he wasn't competing. Cheering for Slytherin, even though he spent most of it watching Ginny. He couldn't help but take some time to look for the snitch, but he never saw it. He wouldn't have on the pitch either.
The Slytherin chaser line was entirely new, and not talented. It was amusing to watch Ginny best smug Zabini. And Weasley, Ron Weasley, did admirably, though he didn't really have to face much.
Potter won, of course, beating the new seeker, Harper, to the snitch. But in honesty, Harper looked better than Draco had, getting quite close.
When the Hufflepuff vs. Ravenclaw game came round just two weekends later, it always felt like an afterthought. Draco didn't know anyone well on either team, didn't care about the result. He had a recurring thought that it would be more entertaining to sit with Ginny, and critique the teams together, but they sat in their respective stands, like everyone else.
*****Ginny*****
Ginny frowned over her Charms notes. Well, over Hermione's Charms notes that Ginny had copied- using a very useful charm that they hadn't learned in class.
Hermione had detailed notes over even the most practical class periods. Had Flitwick lectured that day to their class and not to Ginny's? Probably not. Did Hermione wait until after class to write down everything she remembered and further background research? Reading Hermione's notes was hardly shorter than reading the text, and more difficult at times. It was Charms class. You watched someone else do it, and then you did it, the end.
She wasn't Hermione, or Percy, or even Bill, but she tried to be a good student. Maybe in case quidditch didn't work out. Except now she also had marrying into money as a backup- or not even really as a backup, just as a thing that was happening. The Malfoys weren't likely to disown Draco no matter what he did, because they didn't have another son. And they loved him, as twisted as they were- or at least Lucius Malfoy was. And Draco was very good at playing this balancing act, better than Ginny would have thought. Would Ginny be happy staying at home with children like her mother always had? Not compared to playing professional quidditch, but compared to any other job? Maybe. She didn't know how to take care of children. The youngest in a family didn't exactly get child-rearing experience.
Bill would be a good father. Mum was always happy to have his help when he came home for holidays when they were younger. Charlie would be a fun uncle, he was very good with play time. Maybe having kids of his own when he was much, much older, maybe never. Percy was- well, he'd have to attract a mate first, or convince someone to sign over their kids to him, which seemed even less likely. George was Ginny's maybe surprising bet to have more kids than any of them, if his future wife agreed. He was really family oriented. Fred seemed like the leader of the two of them, he would say because he was the first born of the two, and usually he was- the leader, the instigator of mischief maybe seventy percent of the time. But Ginny thought Fred would be the follower here, not really looking for a permanent girlfriend until after George was already engaged or married. Settling down and having kids because everyone else was doing it- but he'd be great at it. And Ron, Ron was too close to her in age tell, but he'd probably be a good father eventually. If she had to guess, he'd probably have kids before he was ready and then grow into the role. He was growing up all the time.
Hermione would want two kids, Ginny thought. So the first child wouldn't be alone, but Ginny couldn't picture her wanting more than that. And she would have a fabulous career as well. Harry would want kids, maybe as many as his wife would agree to, because he wanted family.
Neville, Luna, Hannah and Susan, did most people end up with children eventually? Was it Ginny's family bias that couldn't picture almost anyone over the age of thirty-five not having children? She couldn't imagine the Creevy boys ever growing up that much, but they'd probably want families eventually, wouldn't they?
She and Draco hadn't talked about kids. Ginny thought it would probably scare him because his own relationship with his father was- strained. Because his father was a murderer who had tried to kill Draco's future wife multiple times, and yet the man was still a person who Draco dearly loved… But, eventually Draco would want kids too. He probably wouldn't be in a rush, which would suit her well to have her quidditch career first- probably. Or at least she'd need to get signed on with a team that cared about her. Quidditch had a long offseason that would give her much more vacation time than a normal job. Draco was rich, modern healing made recovery from childbirth manageable, didn't it? When she was thirty... or twenty-something at least. Their kids would be very cute, Ginny had decided. Not that that would matter. And she wouldn't have to share any of those thoughts with Draco for a while.
She wouldn't be analyzing everyone in her family and friends and their futures if the Charms notes were more interesting.
*****Ginny*****
Katie looked elegant in Gryffindor red in a way a Weasley never would. And she was as interested in hearing every word that Gwenog Jones said as Ginny was. And that meant that Draco and Harry stood closer than usual to each other without fighting, but they were quidditch fans as well. And Draco knew how to behave at a party, and Harry wanted to not upset Katie.
"Your first training camp is the deciding factor," Gwenog outlined. "They look for skills, potential, and intangibles- what they think of you and how you play nice with others. We always look for girls out of Hogwarts. Gryffindor, are you?" she asked, nodding her head at Katie's dress. "We've heard of the all-female chasers of Gryffindor for several years now. Are you one of them?"
"Katie's been on the team for the last six years. She's great. Are you a Gryffindor too?" Harry asked. Katie didn't seem to mind him answering. But Ginny noticed that it wasn't something she thought Draco would do.
Gwenog laughed. "You know, kids, after graduating Hogwarts, most people don't ask what house you were in. And it wasn't a very- house spirited time in my years there, during the war and after. Laying low, quietly proving you were worthy of greatness. No, I was one of Slughorn's. Part of the two decade stretch where Slytherin won seventeen Quidditch Cups, and about as many House Cups with it, I think. I didn't care much about that part."
A few years ago, Ginny probably would have liked Gwenog Jones less for having been in Slytherin. She almost couldn't believe she hadn't already known. Being in Gryffindor was such a big deal in her family, and Slytherin was to Draco's. It was strange to hear it talked about as just a part of the past.
Katie took the explanation easily. Maybe she'd already known. "Ginny's great," Katie spoke up. "It's only her second year on the team, and I think she's a better chaser than I am already. And, in a pinch, she's a great seeker, when our leader-" she nudged Harry, "is unavailable."
"Flexibility is good. It can get you as far as a reserve team," Gwenog said, looking straight at her, appraisingly. "But if you want a chance at a future as a starter, unless you're a generational talent, you'd best pick one and concentrate everything on it," she advised.
"I'm a chaser," Ginny said firmly.
"Good girl," the famous beater praised. "And everyone in my line of work knew when Harry Potter got a spot on the Gryffindor team. Youngest in a hundred years- I heard that too often, frankly."
"Really?" Harry acted surprised. Wasn't he used to everything he did being in the public eye?
"You'll get offers from teams just for your media attention. More if you're as good as people say, but you'd have to be great to be taken seriously as a player. But you've always had their attention. When you were eleven, they even asked us what we thought of you, and you don't even have the right equipment to play on our team," Gwenog said plainly. Draco laughed, which made Ginny feel like maybe she shouldn't have laughed so hard as well.
Gwenog excused herself after that, and the two couples drifted apart quickly, though without conflict. She and Katie were doing great, and Ginny and Harry were mostly not awkward, but Ginny couldn't see a future where Draco and Harry weren't tense forever. Which was entirely Harry's fault, if you believe Draco's story. Harry publicly rejected Draco's offer of association before their first year even began. Of course, Ginny knew that Harry wouldn't have really understood what he was doing, and Draco was sure to have been a little prat about it.
Ginny heard Slughorn cornering Harry a few seconds later anyway, so she didn't want to be anywhere near that.
"I'll miss you," Draco whispered in her ear.
"Hmmm?" Ginny asked. "When?"
"When you leave tomorrow," Draco clarified.
"When did I say I was leaving?" Ginny asked, grinning. They hadn't talked about it. Ginny had thought about surprising him by just showing up in the Great Hall for the first meal after nearly everyone left. But when it came up, he sounded so cute.
"You aren't?" Draco asked quickly, smiling. "But your family is. They're not very quiet," he said in way of explanation.
"Ron is going home, yes. You talk as if we're half of Gryffindor. Just the two of us left at Hogwarts."
"And Potter," Draco added. "Going with him. Talked about Christmas dinner," Draco muttered.
"Harry is honorary family, yes. As is Hermione, but she's visiting her parents." Hermione wasn't over as much because she had her own loving home. The Weasleys welcomed anyone- well, anyone who fit their ideals, which wasn't Draco Malfoy. Luna had been over often as a child. And Tonks had been around sometimes when Ginny was young. "And it will be a very full house without me there. I'd have to share my room with Fleur- who I have nothing against but don't really want to spend every hour with, you know? And I believe Remus is coming to dinner, so do you want to be jealous of him too?" Ginny teased. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but she wanted some credit for staying at the castle with him, and he hadn't even asked about her plans.
"He's an idiot," Draco snapped, surprising Ginny.
"He's the best Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had!" Ginny protested, daring him to object. Sure, Snape was teaching them things, and was interesting enough even when he was rude. And fake Moody had taught them a lot, but he was evil and Draco really hated him for good reason after the ferret thing. And really, Ginny had probably learned as much or more from Harry than she had any formal Defence professor.
"He's an idiot," Draco maintained.
"Why?" Ginny asked, curious now.
"I- it's not really my secret to tell," Draco shrugged.
"We don't keep secrets," Ginny reminded him, looking around. It was loud and no one was right next to them. Ginny was interesting enough to Slughorn to be part of his group, but she wasn't one of his favourites within the group, so she would be mostly left alone. When Harry actually showed up, almost everyone else was ignored.
"Tonks likes him. Really likes him," Draco explained grumpily. "And she's way too good for him."
"Because of his furry little problem?" Ginny asked skeptically, she couldn't help but smile saying that. It would be dangerous to be in a relationship with a werewolf, but no more dangerous to date than a close friendship. And Remus was a good man who didn't deserve to be alone so long.
"Because he likes her back but won't date her because he thinks he knows what's best. So that means he doesn't trust her or himself, so he's not worthy of her time and attention," Draco huffed.
Draco cared about Tonks like an older sister. It was cute. They were family. And then Tonks would be Ginny's family too, just not the way Ginny had pictured that happening.
Ginny laughed, "Mum's been trying to get her to date Bill, especially since Fleur was in the picture. Which, yeah, seems kind of rude when I say it aloud. But she was trying to be subtle- she's just even worse at subtlety than the rest of us. She's tried the same with Charlie, like she was going to lure him back into the country with a girlfriend back home."
Draco shrugged, "Doubt it would work, but she should get over the man eventually."
Or, more likely Remus would give in if he really liked her back. Which wasn't the best start to a relationship, but neither was an arranged marriage of two children who hated each other, so Ginny wasn't going to judge. Not that she and Draco had hated each other, really. They hadn't known each other nearly well enough for that.
*****Ginny*****
Christmas holiday was nice in the mostly empty castle. Ginny sat with Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones at the Hufflepuff table. Draco looked over often. He had quiet meals with Theo, Crabbe, and Goyle.
They practiced sometimes with the Hufflepuff girls.
And their- other meetings- where they talked and mostly snogged, were getting quite steamy.
Ginny recalled more and more frequently how she'd assured her mother that she wouldn't be the first to give her grandchildren. Ginny had been thinking at the time that she'd only ever snogged Michael Corner, whom she definitely wasn't going to have sex with. No sex, no children, no grandchildren for Mum.
And at some point instead of sounding too soon to get married, a month after her seventeenth birthday seemed a long time away. Except no contract said they had to wait that long. In fact, her ancestors had wanted her married at 14- or she could have been in her late thirties married to a teenage boy… which was just creepy.
They could go off to the Ministry right now. Except that would be a weird conversation with her parents. What valid reason did she have for wanting to be married right now? What would change? It would just make her life harder, probably, to be a Malfoy, to draw extra attention by doing something unexpected, not according to plans. They were already committed to each other forever, and couldn't be with anyone else, so nothing would change there. 'Mum, I want to have sex with my husband without feeling weird about it.' As if she wouldn't still feel weird. As if there wasn't that explicit sentence in the contract giving them permission to have sex right now.
The girls in her dorm didn't talk about sex. If her brothers ever talked about sex, or if they were having any or not, they definitely didn't talk to their little sister about it. And from what she did know, it didn't sound that great, at least for the girl, and the lead up to it was better than the actual sex.
And it would be weird and change stuff, and she was only fifteen. And Draco would probably want it all the time after they did it the first time.
And yet, she was still curious.
It would be a long time before she turned seventeen. And they could technically get married and still not have sex- the contract wasn't that invasive. But that wasn't going to happen.
*****Draco****
Draco got letters from home, two on the same day, because he had two homes now. The one from his mother was written hurriedly on cheap parchment with plain black ink, and delivered by an owl that Draco didn't know. From a delivery service, then. So she could still leave the house sometimes, but she was rushed.
My darling child,
I am glad you are not here. It makes being here easy, knowing you are as safe as possible. But, when it isn't the safest place, and you can go somewhere else safely, do it. Your father and I love you.
Mother
Personal impersonal. She had never called him her darling child, always 'son,' but in this letter, she hadn't even wanted to say Draco's gender. Draco had never intellectually believed in Hogwarts's safety, but he still trusted it. He went to sleep most nights without much worry. He shouldn't. How long would it be before half of his Slytherin yearmates would be Death Eaters? And that was just those born into it. Tom could recruit more. Some of them were already seventeen, if that mattered. That letter in the summer indicated that Draco could have been a Death Eater already, maybe before his sixteenth birthday. And Draco saw his yearmates as little as possible outside of class and meals, so would he even know if they were acting suspicious? Crabbe and Goyle were so stupid, but intelligence wasn't a requirement, or their fathers wouldn't be Death Eaters. Would He wait until they graduated? That wasn't far off either, and then he wouldn't even have the illusion of safety at Hogwarts. And Ginny would still be there without him. But they'd be married. None of those things could fit in his mind together.
There had been an attempt on Dumbledore's life, and the castle had just moved on. Potter nearly died at least once a year, and everyone in the castle just accepted it. Sometimes other students were in danger too, but always Potter. Diggory actually had died.
Draco's mother was worried for him. He was worried for himself, and for Ginny.
But they would be okay, play each side, try to come out alright no matter-
But if Potter didn't win, preferably sooner than later, Ginny wouldn't be okay. Maybe she could hide, stay alive as a Malfoy wife, but her family couldn't, and Ginny wouldn't be okay without them.
It was no wonder that Snape was angry all the time.
The second letter was from Ted Tonks. From Uncle Ted.
Happy Christmas, lad. You'll get a proper package on the day, but we wanted to let you know we were thinking of you. Feels right to have you to write to at Hogwarts. You know that you are both welcome any time.
Ted's letter wasn't signed either. Because even with the chipper letter, he knew there was secrecy because there was danger. Ted wanted Draco to know that he and Ginny could come there, any time they wanted, but also that the house wouldn't be as safe of a place if anyone knew Draco had been there, especially willingly.
*****Draco*****
Dumbledore presided over Christmas Dinner, and it felt the same as any other year that Draco had stayed at the castle, which was most of them now. It was tense and uncomfortable, but still happy. And he could sit next to Ginny without it being strange, because all of the students were at one table. Goyle was on his other side. Crabbe didn't look at anything but his food. But that wasn't so different than usual.
He couldn't say anything to Ginny other than about the food.
Was it pathetic that Draco couldn't see any reason to not be next to Ginny all day, every day?
Ginny ran off with the girls without him, giggling even. But it was good to see Susan happy. Because, he cared about the emotional well being of the Hufflepuff girl, and it was Ginny's fault.
They met again late that evening to exchange gifts. He should have gotten something more. Ginny didn't look to be in the best mood already, as she clutched a lumpy package.
"It's not very good," Draco admitted, handing her the poem. He'd gotten the idea from writing his song, 'Weasley is Our King,' which he wouldn't tell Ginny, because that wasn't a highlight in their relationship.
"It's perfect!" Ginny proclaimed just a few seconds later. Had she even really read it? She sounded unhappier than before. "I tried to make you a scarf and failed terribly, so I bought one! How are people supposed to come up with meaningful, thoughtful birthday, Christmas, and anniversary presents year after year after year until we die? Unless that's not long for us, but that's really depressing."
Draco unwrapped his gift to give himself time. It was a nice grey color, soft, and fine material. It wouldn't have been cheap. "I love it," he said. "It looks very mature and- house neutral, and feels wonderful," he said.
"I thought it would look good with your eyes," she said.
"It's a very thoughtful gift," Draco said, what he thought was soothingly.
"You wrote me a poem," Ginny said. "A boy has never written a poem for me before," she said.
Draco remembered painfully the Valentines Day rumour in his second year than Ginny had been the one to send Potter an awful poem. She hadn't been. Draco had done it knowing how much it would embarrass Potter. Worse, Draco had been responsible for starting the rumour that it had come from the youngest Weasley too. It fit, Draco had seen her staring at him- which was strange enough that he'd noticed what a first year Gryffindor girl did. Had he always been aware of her, or was he just bound to notice from his own obsession with Potter? And the poor little witch was having such a terrible year. Because of his father.
"I love you," he declared. He was nervous whenever he said it. "I don't deserve you," he said. "And I don't need special gifts," he said.
"You make me happy," Ginny sighed.
"Yeah?" Draco said, just a hint of a question.
"Yes," Ginny answered anyway. "I did consider something more... personal. Giving a little more of myself, my body to you- not all the way, mind you, mister," she talked quickly. She was nervous too.
"Wha-?" Draco un-articulated.
"But it seemed weird, like the old married couples who just have sex on holidays- not that I was considering that. I wasn't," Ginny said again.
"What were you- considering?" Draco managed.
"What I teased you about a while ago. Letting you take my bra off," she said casually. She didn't feel casual. "Wouldn't work though," she said, teasing voice again.
"Why?" he asked.
"Not wearing one," she said, and kissed him.
Draco wrapped arms around her quickly, in hopes that she wouldn't run off after that, wondering how bold he could be with his hands. Draco held her closer, stroking her sides, all the way from the sides of her- breasts- to her hips.
"You're also a very good kisser," Ginny said when she pulled away. Draco didn't try to hold her more tightly. "Happy Christmas, Draco. I think I should leave now though. Because one minute I think we shouldn't do more than kiss, and the next I'm wondering how likely it would be for me to get pregnant if we had sex right now, when I'm definitely not taking anything to prevent it at the moment. So I think I'd better leave. Happy Christmas and sleep well," Ginny said with a smile.
She smiled around him a lot, he'd noticed. More than he thought she smiled when he wasn't there. She was so bold, even when she was nervous. How was he supposed to sleep well after that?
A/N: I've been really distracted writing other things lately, things I'll probably never even post… But following the muse, I suppose. I appreciate all reviews, which inspire me and keep me focused.