To say that SpongeBob Squarepants had a troubled childhood would be the understatement of the century. SpongeBob was born to Margaret and Harold Squarepants on July 14th, 1986. Margaret worked as a prostitute during the day up until late midnight. Harold, on the other hand, was a sixth-grade dropout who only had enough potential to work as a toilet cleaner at the Barg'N-Mart. Harold was diagnosed with low-functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder in 1959, so even after he came home from work, he simply didn't want to bother socializing with his son or wife very much. Because of this, SpongeBob grew up to be a very lonely child.
The few moments SpongeBob did share with his family were not pleasant. SpongeBob has traumatic memories of being scolded and beaten for minor mistakes. For example, when SpongeBob was sweeping the floor, he accidentally broke a picture frame. His mother deliberately threw a glass plate at him in response, and called him a "worthless scallop". One night, when SpongeBob was only a kindergartener, Harold decided he wanted to have the time of his life, so he got super drunk and started break-dancing while listening to his favorite rock band. SpongeBob tried to remind Harold that he forgot to make dinner for the family, but Harold would have none of it. Harold struck SpongeBob down and punched, kicked, tossed around, choked, and threw things at him until he went into a coma for three days. The reason why Harold did this is not because he believed SpongeBob was at fault, but because he knows very well on the inside that he made so many irrational decisions in his life, such as flunking out of school and getting into drugs as an adolescent, and forgetting to feed his kid was one of the many reminders of that. Harold knows he is a failure, but does not wish to come to terms with that fact. Margaret is guilty of this crisis as well, and seeing her child make mistakes causes her to regret giving birth to such a clumsy abomination.
SpongeBob spent most of his quality time at the end of the neighborhood, examining the scenery, daydreaming, catching jellyfish with his bare hands, and accordingly getting stung. He didn't mind the pain, though, it wasn't nearly as bad as what his parents put him through. Because his parents forgot to feed him often, he would end up eating pineapples that were occasionally dropped onto the sea floor, or small portions of crab meat that JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE LAYING ON THE GROUND. Overtime, crab meat and pineapples grew to be his favorite food. He always appreciated them as a small miracle to redeem his ever-growingly terrible life.
Even when he was free from his parents' controlling clutches, SpongeBob still underwent turmoil. At school, SpongeBob would become irrationally anxious during classwork and test-taking times, and would have mental breakdowns as a result. His teachers did not have the patience to deal with his attacks, so they always sent him to the counselor's office to be punished. As a result of these outbursts, SpongeBob usually got afterschool detention. On top of that, SpongeBob also regularly showed a generally gloomy mood. He had no motivation to do anything; he wouldn't socialize with any of the kids, he wouldn't buy lunch or bring it from home, and it would take him hours to get all of his work done at home, just because he could hardly get himself to want to do it. At recess, SpongeBob would do one of two things. He would either go out of his way to get himself physically hurt to relieve the emotional pain, or he would sit on the swing and cry. Most of the schoolchildren bullied SpongeBob for this, which only made the situation worse. The only person who ever expressed concern for SpongeBob's well-being was an equally outcasted Squidward Tentacles. Squidward reported SpongeBob's behaviors to the counselor. Upon hearing this, the counselor became concerned. SpongeBob was soon afterwards institutionalized at the local psychiatric hospital. During his stay he was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Unfortunately for SpongeBob, his parents could not afford any medication for his conditions.
SpongeBob's dream job was to become a professional at the sport of Jellyfishing, as that was his hobby as a child. The taunting and abuse from his peers prevented him from getting anything more than Cs and Ds on his final report card. When SpongeBob got the letter that confirmed he was NOT getting accepted into community college, he literally curled into a ball and broke into tears for hours on end.
Everything went to black.
Squidward heard this thunderous sobbing from SpongeBob's house, and urgently rushed to his room. He found SpongeBob lying on the ground, with a detached lamp cord tied around his neck. He quickly snapped the cord open with a dagger. Within hours, SpongeBob woke up, the first thing he saw being Squidward holding him, asking if he could hear him. SpongeBob bounced into the air and embraced Squidward, ever so grateful that he came to revive him. Since then, SpongeBob became progressively clingier and more obsessive towards Squidward, who was less and less enthralled to see him as the years went by.
SpongeBob left his parent's home for good as soon as he became a legal adult. He signed up for Mrs. Puff's Boating School on that same day. To this day, SpongeBob still fails to graduate Mrs. Puff's academy, not because he doesn't understand the material, but because he is overly attached to Mrs. Puff herself. Mrs. Puff was the only teacher SpongeBob had that was ever patient with him, so SpongeBob finds her company so therapeutic that he is reluctant to stray away from her.
SpongeBob was homeless for a large fraction of his adult life. An opportunity came for him when Larry The Lobster requested he take part in a gambling game. Larry bet $20,000 that SpongeBob would lose at a round of Poker. SpongeBob accepted the challenge, and to Larry's surprise, won the game. Larry shamefully loaned the money to SpongeBob, who spent it all on getting a custom commissioned house. This house was deliberately shaped like a pineapple, his favorite food, to remind him of one of the very few good moments in his life.
The best job SpongeBob could find was as a cook at The Krusty Krab. The only upside this job had was getting to see Squidward every day. Other than that, the job was awful. His boss, Mr. Krabs was a cold and unappreciative one, who paid minimum wage for SpongeBob's hard work, and would give out harsh punishments for minor misdeeds, such as letting customers pay to beat his employees up. He despised Krabs with every bone in his body, but pretended to want to be at his every command.
One day, SpongeBob was in the Krusty Krab's freezer, searching for patty meat. Something caught his eye, it was red and shiny. SpongeBob turned around to see what it was, and what he saw frightened him beyond his worst nightmares. Literal tons of ground-up meat from what was once the remaining crab population was in a box labeled, "THE SECRET INGREDIENT." The yellow sponge wanted to vomit at the sight. Knowing this fact added to SpongeBob's list of reasons to hate the red crustacean.
SpongeBob always considered ditching the Krusty Krab to work at a rivaling restaurant, The Chum Bucket. SpongeBob took a liking to the owner of this restaurant, Sheldon J. Plankton. SpongeBob and Plankton had a lot in common, both of them being outcasted from their peers, and loathing society with a burning passion. Despite his wishes, SpongeBob did not sign up for a job at The Chum Bucket, for fear of the punishment Mr. Krabs might dish out for abandoning him.
SpongeBob is asexual, grey-romantic, and only interested in other males. His crush is Plankton, due to their similar chemistry. Plankton likes him back but is afraid to admit it, out of worry that Karen, his possessive computer wife, would get jealous and have a series of violent mental breakdowns, as she tends to do when she feels betrayed.