*UPDATED*

Chapter four

Hunting every morning became routine, so had trading at the hob.

I still got a few looks of contempt here and there whenever I brought in game, but that didn't stop the people from trading with me, especially as the winter months had started to set in and game became harder to find.

Walking the snowy streets while I held my jacket closed tight with white glove covered fingers, I took in the scenery. Winter had descended on us nearly a month ago coating the streets in a soft cold white blanket.

A cold breeze caressed my exposed skin leaving goose bumps in its wake, suppressing a shiver I let my gaze wonder. Diara and I were walking with the kids through town square, and I couldn't help but to imagine that this was a lot like reaping day, only instead of separating the young from the old everyone stood clumped together.

Holding tightly to their families.

Today was the day we honor the last victor, the victory tour, a symbol of the games coming up in six months which is used as a reminder to everyone, who is in control of their lives. There's no check in, not for the tour the only ones that are herded around by the peacekeepers are the last tributes families.

I watch as they are escorted up onto two platforms and cameras are being trained on them sending their image up on two smaller screens that are positioned behind them, in the center is the big screen showing the deceased tribute. I can't explain the feeling that makes my stomach turn, but my arms are wrapping protectively around my middle.

These are the families, I think to myself, the families of the ones that died six months ago.

It's strange how connected I feel to them, especially since I've never spoken to any of them but that was before I realize the reason why I felt like them. I too had lost my entire family six months ago, sure it was different, completely different really, they had lost someone to murder to entertain the capitol and I had lost my family due to a tragic accident.

At this moment I felt a lot worse for them then I did for myself.

Frowning I turned to face forward as the capitols anthem played, I watched as the last victor took center stage and greeted the crowd fondly before starting his speech. I noticed how he didn't bring up the tributes, or give condolences to the grieving families, not once did he show any sympathy.

I couldn't help but to wonder if he was a career, the assumption felt right, in the way he held himself I knew he was proud and confident and that he felt in a way untouchable. But I knew how wrong he was, and in two years he would know it too.

A tugging on the bottom of my jacket snapped my attention away from his retreating back, "Kira?" Greer questioned softly, to which I hummed it response looking down at her tiny form. "Are you coming?" She asked again pointing towards Diara who had already started walking away with both Amya and Nia.

"Oh," I started shocked before smiling down at the young girl and nodding, she didn't hesitate to put her small hand in my own. We walked this way, hand in hand moving silently through the dispersing crowd.

It was that night that I heard the three young girls whispering, with a thin sheet separating their beds from Diara's and my own, their words were clearly heard. "I'm scared." Amya admitted, her only response was a soft whimper from Greer. Frowning I laid in bed staring up at the water stained ceiling.

This isn't fair...this isn't right. I thought clenching my jaw together tightly, "you're frightening Greer." Nia stated quietly as my eyes shifted to the curtain.

"What does she have to be afraid of?" Amya snapped her voice cracking at the end of her question before she continued shakily, "she's not getting reaped next year, I'm the only one going into the reaping."

"She doesn't understand that," Nia stated with a sigh, "she just doesn't want to lose anyone." There was a brief pause before Nia continued talking in a hushed whisper "and you're not alone, Kira will be in the reaping this year too."

That was the moment it hit me; she was right I would be in the reaping.

My eyes returned to the ceiling, looking for answers that weren't there. Of course, I knew Amya was safe and that her name wouldn't be drawn, but the truth was my name hadn't been in the bowl previously. Did that mean there was a chance I'd be drawn at the reaping? I doubted it, and yet the thought didn't terrify me like I had thought it would.

Glaring up at the ceiling that seemed to mock me with its silence I started to go over how this went, making a mental list from the reaping's to the games and finally when Katniss and Peeta would return home.

It doesn't have to be Katniss... I realized feeling a weight land heavy on my chest.

I know everything that is coming, I could take her place. If Katniss doesn't go will Peeta still get to come home? I wondered feeling my stomach turn into knots, Peeta... I thought of him as I started chewing on my lower lip, it was important he came home, it was important they both stayed alive…but was it absolutely necessary that Katniss volunteer?

I decided that it wasn't, that she could stay here with her family and I could go. I didn't have family here, I had no reason to stay and had tons of training already, I could go in her place. Regardless of my own survival.

That's it then. I closed my eyes to the ceiling above, my resolve was to go in her place. To make as big of a difference as possible and to start the rebellion.

It hadn't taken me long to find the house I'd searched out, but now that I had I stood outside of it unmoving. I had completely lost my nerve. Wetting my cracked cold lips, I went over my plan again in my head, I'd ask for advice and tell him my plan of volunteering for the games.

But still I stood out in the cold worried he would turn me away, what if he were disgusted by my decision to volunteer? This wasn't the same thing that Katniss had done, there was no premeditation in her actions, unlike mine.

I was worried he'd consider me a career and turn me away.

I couldn't tell him I'd be going in place of Katniss who would volunteer for Prim, I couldn't tell him about the rebel uprising I wanted to help start or about district thirteen. The only thing I could tell him is that I planned on volunteering and helping our male tribute come home to his family.

At least that was still the truth.

"Are you going to stand there all day?" A gruff voice snapped from behind me, spinning around my mouth opened and closed seeing who I assumed was Haymitch Abernathy standing a few feet below me at the bottom of his steps.

He was tall standing around 6'2 and had blonde messy hair, he also held a liquor bottle in his hand confirming his identity. "Well?" He pressed snapping me from my thoughts.

"Sorry, I... I was wondering if I could talk to you." I stated pushing down my nervousness, I stood silently as I watched him study me before a frown claimed his lips.

"If you're looking for Cray you've come to the wrong place." He stated before pushing his way up the stairs bumping into me as he made his way to his door.

Shocked I felt my face begin to heat up at the realization that he thought I was coming to sell my body before anger took over, "actually Haymitch, I've come to the right place." The irritation came out clearly as he turned a sideways glance my way before pushing his door open.

His expression was bored and disinterested, "I don't do charity." He stated coldly causing my frown to deepen. I hadn't realized how much of a jerk he was in the books.

"I'm not looking for charity." I argued not being completely honest, but I suppose I could find something to pay him back with assuming he'd train me that is.

"Then what exactly is it you are looking for?" He asked walking further into his hallway, I lingered in the open-door frame.

"A mentor." I stated causing him to faultier in his steps, I watched as his shoulders stiffened before he turned and glared at me. When he didn't respond I took the chance to keep talking now that I had his undivided attention, "I plan on volunteering this year."

"And you expect me to train you? Give you an upper hand in the games?" He spat, I expected this, the disgusted look that turned to anger on his face, all of it.

"In a way," I stated honestly, "but before you jump to the wrong conclusion let me explain that I don't plan on returning." my words confused him as he continued to scowl at me, "I plan on helping our male tribute come home."

I watched as he crossed his arms still holding the bottle, he was leaning against the railing that would lead up stairs to the second level of the house, he was studying me again this time not so dismissive or disgusted but more quizzically. I had his attention.

"Why?" He asked after a brief silence.

"Why, what?" I repeated confused and relieved at the same time that he would continue talking with me, at least it looked like it could go the way I wanted. The small victory made me want to smile and laugh in relief but giving into that could easily change his mind so instead I pressed my lips firmly together in hopes he would keep the conversation going.

"Tell me why you would do that. Make me believe you, to prevent me from closing that door right now." He stated becoming impatient.

"Oh..." I started slowly unsure of what I should say, "because I don't belong here, and everyone knows it." I stated before letting the truth come out completely unable to stop the word vomit, "I've got no family here, I'm completely alone and I know how to fight, I'm a survivor and a lot of the girls here aren't. If I go someone else stays if I die someone else lives." I whispered the last part dropping my shoulders, it wasn't my intention to go all sappy with Haymitch but that was the reason I had to go.

My family was dead. I had no one. If I went and helped Peeta come home I'd be keeping him alive, keeping Katniss safe. I would've done something meaningful with my life. This in a way, was all I wanted now.

"This, this is a suicide mission." Haymitch stated with narrowed eyes.

His words hit me harder than I expected, inhaling sharply I fought against dropping his gaze I needed his respect, I wanted it. "Call it what you will, personally I'd like to think of it as making sure the right person comes home."

"And what makes our male tribute any more the right person than another kid?" His question stilled the air in my lungs because he was right. I couldn't remember all of the kids that got reaped this year, I knew Rue would be one of them, didn't she deserve my help to survive? Didn't all of them?

Swallowing thickly around the lump in my throat I nodded slowly, "you're right." I stated "I can't place one life above everyone's, I'm sure that there will be many kids if not all of them that will deserve to go back home. Truthfully, our district needs one of its kids to return, it needs the hope only survival can give it." I stated unsure of my own words. Silence stretched between us for what felt like an eternity, Haymitch appeared to be at a loss for words, I wondered if this happened often, but my gut told me it didn't. "So, what do you say?" I asked breaking the awkward silence.

"No." He stated turning to walk further into his house.

My mouth dropped open, "No?" I repeated in a whisper watching as he got further and further away, "no?!" I repeated louder stepping into his house, only hesitating a moment before closing the door behind me.

I followed him through the mess of a hallway and attempted to ignore the stench of garbage and only god knows what else to what was apparently, his kitchen. "What do you mean no?" I asked as he dropped into the rickety old chair at the small kitchen table.

Popping the cork open on his bottle of liquor, he raised his eyebrows seeing me hovering in his kitchen doorway, "you really can't take a hint, can yeah?" He asked without hostility, "Why would I agree to train someone who has no intention of trying to win?" He continued before lifting the bottle to his lips.

My eyebrows furrowed together, this was the same man who told Katniss and Peeta that they should face the fact that they would die in the games, wasn't it? "I don't understand." I stated, "do you think I could win?" I asked almost too eager to hear his response that would deflate me completely.

"No." He responded without hesitation.

"Then what's the problem?" I asked irritated, if he clearly thought I couldn't win then his reason for dismissing me was hardly fair. Haymitch's face hardened as he leaned back in his chair taking a swig from his bottle, "I can throw knives, hunt with a bow and arrow and I'm fast. You won't be wasting your time." I stated trying to sway him, this was becoming more work then I had first thought. I wasn't really the type of person to convince someone of anything really.

"Except for the fact you won't be trying to win," He stated again unable to wrap his head around the idea.

"No but I will be trying to keep our other tribute alive, I will be remembered because I'll have the perfect amount of rebellion in all my actions." I stated without thinking causing an unreadable look to flicker across his features.

"Remembered huh." He mused "How do you plan on doing that?"

"By breaking all the little rules, by holding the capitol accountable for every death." I paused catching his eye trying to come off as cold and hard as possible. "Because I have nothing to lose."

What I hadn't expected was for him to laugh.

In a few months, the reaping would commence, up until that point I spent everyday training and hunting.

School and my other obligations had fallen to the background; they didn't matter anywhere as near as much as preparing for the games. Though I wish I had a little bit more mentoring since Haymitch's training was nearly nonexistent, the only useful thing he had done was suggest I pick up a sword since I was unfamiliar with it and train.

So, every day I spent a few hours outside of his place, since there weren't any unwanted eyes, and trained. My mornings were dedicated to training, be it sword wielding or running to keep my stamina up or practicing my martial arts, my afternoons to the evening hours I spent hunting.

That was what I was doing now, moving as silently as possible through the woods, I was hunting and in my sights was a young buck.

Wetting my lips, I held my bow steady, this would be my first deer if I could take it down. I watched as it grazed on the grass, its lunch for the day. Blissfully unaware I was preparing to make him my dinner.

Narrowing my gaze on him I trained my arrow on its mark aiming at the side of the dear's throat, I exhaled and released. The second arrow was already soaring through the air as the first one contacted its target. I was fast, not wanting to give the dear the chance of escape.

The buck went down as my breathing stilled, surprised that I had done it, leaping over the bushes that I had used as a hiding place I made my way to the wounded animal, my knife drawn as I crouched over the dying creature.

It was in pain, so as swiftly as possible I ended its life.

My hands shook as I sat crouched beside it, taking a life was never an easy task for me as I sat trying to calm the shaking; lifting my gaze I took in the sheer size of the animal. There was no way I was going to be able to carry it back and dragging it would damage its coat and possibly the meat. But leaving it wasn't an option, not with the knowledge of how many people the animal could feed back in the district.

Knowing it was futile didn't stop me from trying, as determination sunk in, I started by tying its front hooves together and then I shifted and tried to sling its corpse over my body. After stumbling around for a few minutes, I was slowly able to hold its weight, which felt like it could crush me at any moment.

Grunting and huffing a breath I blew a piece of hair that had fallen into my eyes then I staggered through the woods, worse than Haymitch did after downing an entire bottle of white liquor. "Damn, Catnip you were right." the unexpected sound had me tripping over my own feet, dropping the deer to keep from falling flat on my face I glared at the two standing a good yard away. Silently I was grateful I hadn't yelped in surprise, as I half heartedly glared at the pair.

"Told you it wasn't a wounded animal," Katniss stated holding her bow down at her side, for once it wasn't trained at me, as she looked from Gale to me.

"True," Gale agreed crossing his arms "but at least if it were, I could shoot it for scaring all the game away." Gale said, I hated that they were talking about me as if I wasn't there and couldn't hear every word that left their mouths.

Katniss turned her smoky gray eyes on me, as if reading my irritation; we'd had a few runs in, booth inside the woods and in the district, we never really talked though, not since our first run in. "You're damaging its value." Katniss addressed me sounding mildly interested it the buck that lay at my feet. Resisting the urge to roll my eyes I glanced down at the deer, personally other than a grass stain from it being dropped I seen no real damage.

When an idea struck me, I lifted my gaze from the animal back to the hunters, "Well if you give me a hand, I'll split the earnings." I stated shifting my gaze from her to Gale who I really needed the aid from.

"Why would we give you a hand?" Gale asked almost sounding amused before exchanging a look with Katniss. I couldn't help but to wonder what they must think of me, originally I was sure they thought I'd steal their game or turn them in after all those rumors about me being a capitol spy that had circled, I could see why people hadn't trusted me. But so much time had passed, and still everyday was a working progress to get people to see me as something other than that outsider, the spy sent from the capitol.

"You mean besides the offer to split the earnings?" I asked giving in to the urge to roll my eyes, Gale's eyes narrowed at me, obviously not liking my tone "listen," I sighed relenting "we all have families to feed. So, by giving me a hand you'll be helping your family." I stated aiming to sound logical and not annoyed.

"You don't have a family to feed." Gale stated furrowing his eyebrows as he stared at me, a part of me wondered if he intended to be cruel or if he was just that slow. "You're in the community home."

Raising my own eyebrows, a small scowl claimed my lips, "thanks for the enlightenment, but they still need to eat." I watched the confusion flicker across Gale's face before it gave way to understanding and he nodded, Katniss remained unreadable to me as she stood motionless. I assumed she was unreadable to most since she wasn't a people person and lacked any real social skills.

"Alright, give it here." He stated taking slow steady steps towards me, like he was approaching a wild animal and like any animal would my eyes staid on every movement he made. Unsure of what to make of him.

I couldn't help but to take in his muscles as he lifted the deer and laid it across his shoulders, there was no doubt he was good looking and fit. Mentally scolding myself I shook my head before I turned to start walking back to the district, Gale and Katniss following not far behind.

The entire walk back they spent emerged in hushed whispers at my back, I was beyond grateful when it was over, and we sold the meat to the butcher going our separate ways with a sack full of coins. My first stop had been to see Greasy Sea buying one family size bowl of stew and another single serving sized bowl. I'd gone to drop the smaller one off at Diara's place since she had moved out and started her work at the mines a few weeks ago, and then I had gone home to feed the rest of my adoptive family.