Chapter Thirteen
May contain book/movie spoilers, Author's note will be at the bottom.
When I wake I'm tangled up in my sheets and both of the pillows have been tossed onto the floor, a tell tale sign that my sleep last night had been everything but peaceful. At least I didn't wake everyone up. I think of Peeta and how I woke him up on the train with my screams of terror as I fight my way out of the bed, standing I watch as the sheet lays crumbled half on the bed and half on the floor. I turn and cast a long look at the fire place, its flame long extinguished as well as the note I had thrown into it, before making my way into the bathroom for a morning shower.
Today after breakfast we have our first training seminar, and I want to look presentable. When I exit my privet bathroom clothes have already been laid out for me, I pull on the tight black pants and the burgundy long sleeved tunic but discard the simple black leather shoes and go searching through the closet for the nearly knee high tie up black leather boots I had seen last night. Once my boots are tied I pull my hair into a high ponytail brushing through it once more before pulling on Peeta's jacket from the night before and setting out for the dining room. My lack of appetite from the night before has dissipated, leaving me eager for breakfast.
I'm surprised to see Peeta and Haymitch already seated at the table, eating silently, when I enter. "Morning," I say after Haymitch notices my statue like form hovering in the door way, Peeta nods swallowing whatever food he had been chewing on as he stares for a brief moment. Turning I make my way to the long table where trays of food have been placed, and fill a plate with bacon, eggs and toast. Taking a seat beside Peeta I pour myself a glass of orange juice, unaware of Haymitch's watchful eye while I eat my breakfast until he breaks the silence.
"You slept in late." He states as I lift my gaze from my plate to look at him.
"I did?" I ask glancing around to locate a clock, unable to find one I shrug it off. I couldn't have slept in that late, after all they were still eating breakfast and no one made a point of coming to get me. Taking a drink of the fresh juice I shrug off Haymitch's observation. If I overslept then chances were my body needed it, after all soon enough I'd be lucky to get even a couple hours of rest, once we were in the arena.
"And isn't that Peeta's jacket?" He continues eyeing me with what I can now see is suspicion, choking on the juice I place the cup down and wipe at my mouth with the back of my hand wondering just what he was getting at. Haymitch picks up his fork and takes turns pointing from Peeta to me with the utensil, "are you sure there isn't something else going on between you two?" His question has Peeta choking on his food as my mouth drops open not anticipating the question.
"Yes, I'm sure." I glare once I've recovered, more out of embarrassment then anger though, Haymitch and I already talked about mine and Peeta's relationship back on the train, or lack thereof, and it was a friendship nothing more… I still wasn't sure what to do when it came to the relationship between Peeta and me, if I were going to aim for a one sided romance, unrequited love is a killer, but that would be what it was. Unrequited. I wouldn't get Peeta or Haymitch involved, I couldn't let Haymitch twist it into something worse then I already would be…I still didn't know if I would twist it to look like unrequited love anyway.
I wonder if friendship would be enough for the capital…
It doesn't matter, I remind myself lowering my gaze, I'm not coming back; the one they need to fall in love with is Peeta.
"That's too bad," Haymitch stated with a sigh pulling me from my thoughts, did he seriously sigh about that? I wonder disbelievingly, "I could have worked the star crossed lovers pitch." I can't bring myself to look and see Peeta's reaction; I'm too busy glaring at Haymitch because I know his comment has my face as red as a tomato and there is no makeup, or fake flames to help cover it. "Alright, let's get to business, shall we? First off, do you two want to be trained together or separately?"
"Together," I reply shrugging, before tossing a look at Peeta, "if that's okay with you?" I ask, seeing Peeta nod in agreement I offer a small smile grateful that Haymitch's comment hadn't made him not want to train with me.
"Are you sure? Neither of you has a secret skill you don't want the other knowing about?" Haymitch asks looking from Peeta to me his gaze lingering a little longer on me then Peeta, I'm sure I have a lot of secret skills neither of them know about, though I'm not interested in hiding anything from Peeta.
"I don't have any secret skills," Peeta states, "and we both already know Kira's skills." His statement catches me off guard as I look at him, "I mean you've been training together for months now." I open my mouth, shocked and a little concerned that Peeta is angry about my training advantage.
"We haven't exactly been training together," Haymitch states before shrugging off Peeta's accusation, "but you're right I do know of Kira's skills. And her weaknesses." I'm looking from Peeta to Haymitch my mouth slightly open, I hadn't realized how baffled this conversation would leave me, how did Peeta know I'd trained with Haymitch? And what were these weaknesses that Haymitch was talking about exactly? "Alright," Haymitch clears his throat, to get the subject back on track "give me some idea of what you can do, what are your strengths?" His question is mainly directed at Peeta.
"I can't do anything." Peeta states sounding slightly defeated, before putting on a small smile, "Unless you count baking bread."
"No, I don't." Haymitch states his stone face coming into play as his stare shifts between us once again, reading us and calculating something. He has something up his sleeve, question is, what? "Kira, I already know you can hunt. You have basic knowledge with a sword and are quick with a knife, anything else?" I hate that he wrote Peeta off so quickly, as my eyes dance between the two for a moment my mouth going dry. I don't want him focusing on me. I don't want his help.
"Not really," I lie. "Peeta is strong. I've seen him throw one hundred pound bags, and he knows how to wrestle, he's really good at it too. If he got in a hand to hand fight, he'd win." I pause noting the startled look on Peeta's face and the raised eye browed look Haymitch is giving me, "plus working at the bakery has taught him how to handle fire, and being able to cook is good for survival." My voice has become quiet from their stares as I lower my gaze, only slightly embarrassed by my outburst.
"Survival?" Peeta spits for the first time looking truly angry, I can't help but flinch back when his next words are solely directed at me. "I'm not a survivor Kira." His face is hard and unreadable as my eyes widen slightly unable to look away. "You are. You've been surviving all year, fending for yourself, fighting off wild dogs, hunting for food." He shakes his head while he names of these things that tell of my time alone, never having thought he would bring it up, and use it against me, I can't help but stare a little speechless as a pain sets in that I couldn't quite place. "You're the survivor, not me." By the time he is finished he sounds defeated again. I hate it, biting my lip I remove my gaze, avoiding his stare because I don't have a reply for what he said, at least not one that I can use.
"Alright," Haymitch nods, "you've both given me more to work with. Kira what technique do you use for hunting?"
"Mostly a bow and arrow, but I can make do without it." I state still avoiding looking at Peeta, as his words circle over and over in my mind. He doesn't know how wrong he is… my minds whispers, I'm hardly a survivor.
"Can you set traps? Snares?" He asks, I nod, "good. That will help you in terms of food, and Peeta she is right never underestimate strength in the arena. Physical power tilts thee advantage to a player, there will be weights in the training center," he pauses to nod at me, "an archery section, stay clear of them. We don't want the others to learn your strengths; we lose the edge of surprise otherwise. The plan is the same for the both of you, learn something new, throw a spear, tie a knot, I don't care if you paint. Save what you're best at for your privet sessions. Are we clear?" He asks, Peeta and I nod, I've already heard all of this before but the refresher is welcomed. "One last thing, I want you two to stick together. In public, you'll present a united front, be friends, you've already got everyone's attention with your friendly display on the chariot ride, now you'll keep it."
I expect Peeta to abject, to at least try and protest. Only, he doesn't. "That shouldn't be difficult," he states with a smile directed my way, all traces of hostility gone as he shrugs, "since we already are friends." I can't help but smile as warmth fills my chest, Peeta stated before that we were friends but that was before the reaping, but hearing him tell Haymitch is something entirely different for some reason.
"Good, good." Haymitch nods, oblivious to my small smile, "now, Effie will be waiting for you at the elevator at ten for training."
By the time ten o'clock rolls around my stomach is tightly wound in nerves, last night I had only seen the other tributes from afar, but now that we would be trapped in the training center with them the threat of the games was becoming very real. And the fact that the faces I'd soon be seeing would be dead in a week was making the walk to the elevators take forever as dread started to creep up on me. I hadn't thought about killing any of them until now, and the notion was making me feel ill, sure I'd kill someone in the heat of a fight…maybe. But there was no way I'd go seeking out anyone to kill them off, I wasn't a career, and the thought was quickly becoming a promise, a vow, if I didn't have to kill someone, then I wouldn't.
I'm the last to arrive; Peeta and Effie are standing by the elevator waiting for me talking quietly amongst themselves. Forcing a small smile they nod acknowledging me before we enter the elevator.
The ride seems to only last a minute, and I wonder if it seems that way because of the collective nerves, or if the elevator ride had always been this sort and I had simply failed to notice until now. When the elevator doors open to reveal the large gymnasium I notice all of the other tributes, we're the last to arrive, I note numbly my mind still muddled with the thoughts of how all but one of us will be dead in a week's time. "Have fun," Effie smiles bidding us farewell as we step off the elevator and in to the large open space, I stare after her confused as I frown and watch as she walks away, wasn't she supposed to stick around? I wonder, as one of the many guards approaches Peeta and me and proceeds to pin the number twelve on to our backs.
"You ready?" He asks quietly once the guard backs off, his blue eyes focused on the circle of tributes that are standing with a tall athletic looking woman, who I assume must be our trainer.
Peeta's hand brushes against the back of mine lightly causing my gaze to shift down to our hands once his grips onto mine, confused my eyes dart back up to his and notice his slight flustered expression, "united front, right?" his eyes quickly shift from mine back to the other tributes as we start forward. He…he's pretending. Acting. Using this united front as an angle, a strategy…just like Haymitch wants us to. My eyes drop to stare at the ground when our trainer starts speaking; the thought saddens me but only slightly, I can't feel used because I was planning on doing the same but for some reason knowing that Peeta, who was sweet and caring was willing to use our 'friendship' to his advantage bothered me if only a little.
My hands shook as I held the hand written note,
'Little Collins.' The Note had started off the way our greetings always had, it was both calming and heartbreaking as I sat on the edge of my bed a small smile forming on my lips as I could practically see him ruffling my hair like he used to when I was a child, calling me the familiar nick name.
'I don't have much time, even writing this note is dangerous and you must destroy it once you've read it.
Your family is not here.
The last time I seen them everyone was mostly alright, the one in the worst condition was actually you, I'd glad you pulled through.
The night I was captured your father, brother and Eric had set out to attempt to find help, while myself, your mother and Alexis waited with you at the crash site. Does this mean they found a safe place? Though I assume if they had, you wouldn't be here. I do wish I could help you.
Unfortunately if I tried, we would both be killed. Stay strong Little Collins.'
Little drops of liquid hit the paper causing some of the words to smudge, tears, I realized numbly lifting my hand to my cheek to feel the moisture that settled there. I was crying. My fists tightened around the paper as I stood and slowly walked over to the fire, I can't keep crying. It was a quiet vow as I balled up the paper and threw it into the flames and watched it turn black and crinkle as it burned. "No more," I whispered quietly before wiping away the tears that left tracks on my cheeks, "I hope you're safe." I spoke to the flames, "but I have no way of really knowing, no way of finding you." Letting out a breath that I hadn't realized I'd been holding I felt all of the energy drain out of my body. I have to keep him alive, get Peeta home to his waiting family. I think as I turn and make my way back to the waiting bed, I hope that you're not watching that you won't have to see what I might turn in to. Closing my eyes I crawl up into the bed and pull the blanket tightly around my shoulders hoping that it will protect me from whatever nightmares will attempt to taunt me while I sleep, and burry my head into the pillows.
At least I know that you're not here, that the capitol hasn't gotten its teeth into you.
A pull on my hand gains my attention as I look up to see Peeta waiting patiently, it's then I notice everyone else has already gone to whichever station they wanted to start with. His smile is small and comforting, if he had noticed that my mind was else where he doesn't mention it. "Where would you like to start?" he asks as I take the opportunity to look around debating my answer, there are two categories of stations ones that are more physical or weapon related, and then there are the ones that are more mundane, survival basics. Those ones would probably be the best ones for us right now. I think as my eyes roam over the options: knot tying, fire starting, camouflage, edible plants, making a shelter…
"Let's go start a fire." I state only half joking as I smile pulls at my lips. And so the training begins.
"Haven't we done that enough already?" Peeta laughs half heartedly as we head over to the fire starting station, turns out that I wasn't far off when I had assumed Peeta knew how to handle fire and it quickly became obvious that I didn't as I frowned down at the sticks and rocks as I continued to rub the stick between my palms and the rocks. It had been an hour, and still I was getting no results, no flame, and no smoke just sore bruised hands. Sighing I gave up dropping the stick with a huff, lifting my gaze I noticed that Peeta looked slightly assumed at my lack of ability to start a fire. "You need to add more pressure if you want to get an ember going."
I can't help but roll my eyes before standing up, "let's move on shall we?" Ignoring Peeta's smile I glance around the gym, "what's next?" I ask tilting my head in his general direction.
"You shouldn't give up so easy," Peeta states moving to stand beside me, also glancing around at the other stations.
"We still have a few days, I'll come back to it later." I wave him off, when an idea hits me and I turn facing Peeta fully with a smile, becoming slightly excited by the idea, "will you paint me?"
"W-what?" I roll my eyes as his cheeks start to turn pink but keep my smile in place,
"Not like that. Your cakes are beautiful," I say as though it should be obvious, but leave out the fact that before going into the arena I'd really like to feel half as beautiful, "would you paint my arm?" Peeta nods mutely and leads the way over to the camouflage section.
We've been sitting cross legged for about an hour or maybe two, and every so often when the brush would graze against my under arm I couldn't help but laugh at how the brush felt against my skin. "You keep moving and I'm going to mess up," Peeta warns lightly but his smile shows his amusement at the entire situation.
"Sorry, it tickles." Peeta hasn't looked up from his work once, and it's beautiful my arm is covered in vines that have small yellow flowers mixed in, not to mention how he's managed to make it look like natural sun light is hitting off some of the leaves. "It's beautiful." I whisper after he pulls back, finished with his master piece.
"It's nothing." Peeta states shrugging as he dusts himself off and stands up, I can't help but frown, he doesn't know how wrong he is.
Careful not to smudge the work on my right arm I grab Peeta's coat and stand up, "thank you," his blue gaze flickers to meet mine before nodding and we head for lunch where the other tributes are already eating.
After severing ourselves Peeta and I sit together keeping our united front, "we'll practice that fire station again tomorrow." Peeta started to say breaking up our silence as we ate. After all we needed to appear friendly and our silence wasn't doing anything in our favor.
Lifting my gaze to his and away from the beautifully painted arm that had been distracting me I nod, "sure." I agree off handedly, not overly concerned about starting a fire "you know, you should paint canvases, they'd sell for millions." I can tell that my statement is flustering him slightly, just like my left field request that he paint my arm had.
"I'll keep that in mind." Peeta replies quietly his gaze shifting from the arm that I had been memorizing instead of eating my food, before drifting down to his own plate. "I didn't realize you'd like it that much." He confessed more to his plate then to me directly; still I can't help but smile.
"My mother loved art," I explain as my expression turns painful and slightly haunted, "when I was little she used to draw these cartoon characters in a flip book and it would be like watching a motion picture. It used to fascinate me." Peeta nodded his blue eyes never leaving mine once I had brought up my mother.
"You really miss her." Peeta pointed out softly, and it's then I remember that his relationship with his own mother is less then desirable.
Nodding I poke at my food, pushing it around my plate blindly, "Even though my parents worked full time, we were all pretty close. My parents, and my brother, I'd give my life to know that they were safe." A humorless laugh leaves my throat after a few seconds of silence, Peeta frowns not understanding what could possibly be funny, but then he doesn't know that I had in fact given my life to find out from Adam that at least the Capital didn't have my family. Even if I survived the games and never found them, knowing that they hadn't found themselves at the mercy of the capital was a relief and a victory all on its own.
Author's note: Wow, I am so, so sorry! I know I have been MIA for two months…god I can't believe it's been that long. I do have a good reason for my absence, and it's not just simply writers block, my mother is actually very ill and is going through a lot of tests right now and I suppose with the un expected death of the father that raised me a few years ago, that seeing my mother so sick has left me rattled to say the least. Anyway, thank you to everyone for your patience, who reviewed, or took the time to favorite/follow, I know that it isn't always easy but I do appreciate it!