Chapter fifteen
May contain book/movie spoilers, Author's note will be at the bottom.
"Kira!" Peeta shouted as he grabbed for my hand to stop me from storming off like I had intended on doing, I think he had been trying to get a response out of me the whole ride up but my mind was still racing, Cato knows my weakness. My heart was racing as I turned and yanking my hand from Peeta's, the hurt that showed on his face stopped my breathing for a brief moment, I never wanted to hurt him. Katniss was your weakness, and now you're mine. I wanted to shout the words that circled in my mind.
It makes sense doesn't it? I hissed at myself as my eyes narrowed in both anger and fear, I thought that my choice to come here was my own way out of my personal hell, and it is because keeping a smile on my face while not knowing where my family is has been hell, but Peeta…he made it easier. He was the reason I came here, to spare him all the pain that I could, from having his heart broken by Katniss when he would discover her lies, to protect him in the arena and to send him home alive whole, hopefully without any blood on his hands. But how can I do that? I screamed at myself as I paced away from Peeta running my fingers through my hair, another nervous habit of mine, my legs bumped into the pale white couch and I glared at the offensive object before dropping on to it as I sat there I felt Peeta sit down next to me. You're my weakness, and he knows it.
"Cato knows," I stated my voice low, almost cold, as I looked up at Peeta to see the confusion on his face "he knows my weakness, Peeta."
He frowned, "what're you talking about? Did he say something else?" He asked as my anger and fear only grew. I don't want to kill anyone…but if I don't then at the end Peeta will have to, I can't let that happen. I can't let the capital turn him into something he's not…I'll have to figure something else out…
"Do you know why I said I wouldn't be jealous?" I snapped before my voice became quiet. Too much! I internally screamed at myself, I said too much! "We're…friends." I sigh, slowly still barely above a whisper trying to back track, "he's going to use that to his advantage. Our friendship…it's our biggest weakness." Peeta seems to be thinking over my words carefully, our friendship…it's our biggest weakness. You are my biggest weakness, and I couldn't bear it if you died because of me.
"H-hey it's okay." He states before pulling me in for a hug, an actual embrace where my face is buried in his chest, and I can't help but feel weak as I realize at some point I started to shed silent tears. His arms are wrapped tightly around my shoulders, "it's going to be okay," his whispers "because we'll stay together. No one will use us against the other, I promise." And it's a promise I know he can't keep, and I know he knows it too.
Peeta's grip loosens enough that I'm able to sit up, putting a small amount of distance between us. I watched shocked and unable to move as Peeta starts to wipe away the tears that cling to my cheeks, "is that really what you got so worked up about?" he asks quietly searching my eyes for the truth, I close my eyes and give a single nod, sure that I'm blushing because it wasn't just that I was scared they would use Peeta to hurt me or vise versa, it's also that I just realized I lo-care for Peeta. More then I should.
And the thought scares the hell out of me.
After my terrifying realization Peeta and I go separate ways, both of us needing a shower before dinner or Effie will have our heads about being all sweaty and dirty. My showers however offered little comfort as my mind continued to go over different scenarios of what could go wrong, the only thing I have officially decided is that I need to talk to Haymitch. It's actually incredibly lucky that after I'm dressed and my hair is brushed into a high ponytail that when I open my door I spot Haymitch headed to dinner.
"Haymitch, wait!" I call stepping out into the isle, leaving my door open behind me. He pauses and turns to face me, "can we talk?" I ask, "In privet." I add almost as an afterthought, but I want him to get the drift that I don't want anyone else hearing what I have to say.
"Sure, sweetheart." The use of the nickname that he would have given Katniss has my mouth opening out of its own accord of shock, this was the first time he'd called me that. Nodding I stepped back to allow him into my room, once the door is closed Haymitch watches me expectantly waiting for me to tell him why I wanted to speak in privet.
"It's about our privet sessions tomorrow," I confess trying to sound confident, like my mind was already made up, "when they're over, I want to be trained separately."
Haymitch studies me for a few moments in silence, "interesting," he finally mumbled as I arch an eyebrow at him, did Peeta already ask? I wonder pushing away the slight disappointment that bubbles up at the idea, after all if I was asking I couldn't be upset that he would too, "though, I have to ask, why?"
I have to swallow back my thoughts as I look directly at Haymitch, "honestly I don't want Peeta to know about my plans to bring him home." I explain, "if he knew he'd only fight me on it, he'd go on about how his life isn't more important than my own…" I trail off realizing the truth in my own words, he would fight me, and that would be his argument to…and that is why he can't know until it's too late. "I can't have him trying to talk me out of this."
"So you are still trying to sacrifice yourself for that boy?" I hesitate before answering Haymitch, my eyes finding the carpet more appealing than his face at the moment.
"I care about him." I whisper, afraid if I say it too loudly that it will be all too real.
"Sweetheart, I've known that since the train ride here, the only one who doesn't is that boy down the hall." Blushing I look at Haymitch, of course he knew, that explains all the questions about our relationship.
I laugh running a hand over my head, "of course you did." I pause long enough to let the information sink in, "I don't want Peeta to know until after our privet sessions, he doesn't need the distraction."
Haymitch nods agreeing, "I'll handle it." I feel a mixture of relief and guilt at that, relief that I won't have to see Peeta's face as I tell him and guilt that I felt so relieved. "Now if that's all, I'm starving." Haymitch doesn't wait for me to acknowledge his statement before opening my door and stepping out. I take the moment of privacy to close my eyes and breathe through my nose, Tomorrow is our privet sessions, our interviews will be the next day and then…off to the arena we go. Three days until the bloodbath begins.
Dinner had been tiresome with both Haymitch and Effie going over everything we should do and what we absolutely must avoid, how to present ourselves and asking questions about who was watching and how trainging went in general. "Actually, we had a shadow." Peeta states as I stiffen in my chair, I had no intentions of telling Haymitch about my run in with Cato, Peeta looks at me with a small smile as Haymitch and Effie wait for him to continue, "I forgot to tell you, but that little girl from eleven, she was kind of following us around today."
"Rue?" I asked blinking owlishly, I hadn't noticed the girl at all, probably because of my run in with Cato and the stares from the careers had been more of a distraction then I had thought, or was it because I was watching Peeta? I need to pay more attention. I scold myself as Peeta nods. "I didn't notice." I admit lowering my gaze to stare at my almost empty plate,
"Well you were busy." Peeta states and I know he's giving me an opening to tell both Haymitch and Effie about Cato, but I don't take it.
"Busy? I thought I told you two to stick together." Haymitch looks angry, and undecided about who should receive his wrath as his eyes continue to shift between Peeta and I
"We did." Peeta states, "We were doing more physical stuff today so we had to take turns at a lot of the training areas." He pauses, "I must have noticed Rue while you were sparring." I nod, grateful that he wasn't spilling about my run in with Cato, apparently that was my secret to tell.
"Alright. Any idea what you two are going to do for tomorrow?" Haymitch changes the topic, and I couldn't be happier because in the shower I had come up with exactly what I'm going to do to ensure the highest score I can get. After all they respond best when you demand their attention, when you take it whether they want to give it to you or not. I know exactly how to get what I want. My grin catches Haymitch's attention as he raises his eyebrows, "Kira? Something you want to share?"
I shrug, "not really. I'm just going to throw around some knifes, shoot some arrows." Set some fires…if I can start one. My grin falters at the thought, tomorrow before lunch I'm spending those two hours practicing my fire starting skills.
"I'm just going to throw some weights around," Peeta shrugs.
"You should set up some targets," I blurt as he meets my gaze, and I can feel my face heat up this is stupid, I never used to be so girly? Self-conscious? Either way, we've been friends for a year…it's dumb to act this way now. I poke at my food with my fork as I continue, "aim for the dummies…it'll show that you're not only strong but you're accurate."
"That's a good idea," Haymitch agrees, he's enjoying this. I think as I avoid glaring at him but glare at my food instead, now that I know, he's enjoying watching me make a fool of myself…
"Thanks," Peeta nods after a moment.
After dinner I can't wait to get back to my room, hide under the covers and pretend that this mess wasn't happening, of course Peeta has other plans. "Kira, wait up a sec." Unwilling I stop and turn to see that he's basically jogging down the hall, had I really been walking that fast? I wonder as I watch as he slows down before he gets to me, "what was that back there?" Peeta asks as I stare blankly at him, did he notice me blushing? Is the first thing that pops into my head, "I gave you an opening back there. Why didn't you tell them about Cato?"
I sigh exhaling the breath that I had been subconsciously withholding, "because it doesn't make a difference. There is nothing they can do about it." Peeta closes his mouth unable to dispute what I had just said, what are they going to do? Give Cato a time out for intimidating the competition?
"But he's shown interest in you, that alone is why we should have told Haymitch." Peeta points out, apparently not entirely backing down yet.
"He intimidated me. I'm not going to go crying to Haymitch because I got scared." And there it was, the truth Cato had scared me into realizing what made me venerable and I didn't want anyone else knowing that.
Peeta crossed his arms and looked away, and a part of me couldn't help but think it was kind of cute, him being all concerned. "Fine." And with that I watched as Peeta disappeared into his room which was only a few doors away from my own.
All too soon Peeta and I found ourselves where we would normally be eating lunch, waiting to be called in to our privet sessions. Peeta and I haven't spoken, my dream last night where I was forced to watch as Cato killed him was all too real and has left me both determined to prevent that from happening and scared that I will fail. Peeta defiantly noticed that something was up, because I did end up spending two hours starting fires, but he didn't question me about it, I assume because the dark circles under my eyes told him all he needed to know.
"Peeta Mellark!" The over head speaker's calls as my head shoots up to watch him slowly stand, I almost watch him leave it silence until panic grips me once more.
"Peeta!" he stops, confused as he looks over in time to see that I'm basically sprinting over to him, I throw my arms over his shoulder as he stands there awkwardly, "you're going to do great." I whisper as he wraps his arms around my lower back pulling my body in closer to his own, I pull back after a couple seconds determination fully settled on my face now, "remember line up some targets, aim then throw." He doesn't need the instruction, but it makes me feel better to have said it.
"Thanks. I will," he nods as I back up to allow him to leave, "you…shoot straight."And it's weird. Because I swear those are the exact words he said to Katniss in the book, I watch him go in silence after that trying to rid myself of the unwanted feeling that crept up.
I sit around waiting for about twenty minutes, with nothing to do but plan out in detail what will happen when I walk into my privet training session. "Kira Collins!" I look up, blinking as I small smile claims my lips.
"Show time." And I walk through the big double doors that everyone else has disappeared through, I'm not surprised when no one looks up at my entrance, it's just as I expected but that's fine. I nod to myself I need the few extra minutes to set up anyway. I get to work setting up my stage, after setting three descent sized fires I go and retrieve as many arrows as I can carry, it takes a few trips but once I've collected enough arrows I lay there metal tips into the fire waiting for them to catch fire and heat up, while I wait I go and collect some throwing knives. To pass the time. I think noticing that starting some fires had got me some attention, briefly, but starting a fire is hardly impressive and they all go back to their food, wine and conversations.
That's fine. I smirk; soon you won't be able to ignore me.
I throw a handful of different kinds of knives at the dummies, some short other long, some with odd curves and some are serrated other are smooth but all are deadly, aiming for the head, heart and jugular I make sure to hit ever vital point. No one pays attention. It's time to heat things up. I can't help the smirk, sure they'll get their revenge while I am in the arena but at this moment I don't care, as long as I stay on script then I will be fine. I walk over to where I left the arrows, I'm careful while I pick them up to avoid touching the scolding hot ends and line up my shots to where the Game makers sit blissfully unaware that I'm taking aim above their heads.
And I'm proud of myself for learning to shoot two arrows at once, it took years of practice at home but there was nothing I loved more than a good tick shot.
I'm quick to fire, once the arrows have landing in the wall behind their heads panic erupts, people are screaming and falling over themselves one lands in the punch bowl, but I'm not done. It takes me a total of thirty two arrows to complete the first word, but only nineteen to complete the second. The word 'GAME OVER' is burning behind and slightly above their heads, not that they are standing there anymore, still I can't help but grin it took fifty one arrows to complete my vision and now even with half of the game makers on the ground, hiding, and the other half completely out of the observing room I'm sure my message was received loud and clear. Dropping the bow I make my exit, without a word and without waiting to be dismissed I walk to the elevator and press the button.
Authors note: Okay so I'm not entirely sure what came over me but this chapter played out in my head last night so effortlessly that I wanted to write it lol
A big thank you to Grapejuice101 as always your kind words are greatly appreciated! I'm not sure if Cato is jealous, maybe a little more manipulative? We'll see. :)
Thank you LadyPhoenixKnight for following and adding this story to your favorite list!
I hope everyone enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it.