NINETEEN
Friday, 19 September 1944
Draco had spent the entirety of dinner staring at the entrance of the Great Hall. Granger hadn't shown up like she said she would. He had already been worried about her since Tuesday's outburst in Defense, but today it had escalated. He had never seen her so out of it before and he had ignored his instincts to take her aside and get her to talk. He regretted it now and hoped that she was okay.
He left dinner early and cast the necessary charms to get past the wards on the girls' dorms. He found her room easily enough; it was in the same place as the girls' prefects in his time. At first, he only saw three beds and had to work to see past her wards. He was surprised and smiled in admiration. No wonder no one could find them when they were on the run. If this was what she did to hide here, he could only imagine the wards she'd used in the open.
He felt his stomach twist with something at the fact that he was able to see past them. And when he moved forward, the wards resisted for a moment before letting him pass. She had allowed him to pass and he wasn't sure what to make of that. If that didn't tell him her level of trust in him, he didn't know what would.
But when it was clear that she wasn't there, he clenched his jaw and wondered if she should trust him. He had been nothing but horrible to her all her life. Had stood by and done nothing to stop is aunt from torturing her. Had hurled slur after slur at her each and every time he could. She shouldn't trust him. But she did.
He left before anyone found him there. He went to the kitchens and had them prepare something to go and then went straight to the Room of Requirement. When it didn't open right away, he figured she must be in there so he adjusted his request to simply find Granger. When the door presented itself, he stepped inside quickly, only to stop short once inside.
He had never been in the Gryffindor common room, but he knew this couldn't be anything else. Gold and red were everywhere. The large fireplace off to the side bathed everything in a warm, golden hue. Up until this very moment, he had thought Granger looked good in green; that she was doing well in the dungeons. But as he approached her and saw her passed out on the couch wearing a Gryffindor jumper, he knew green and silver would never compare to how she looked in scarlet and gold.
He considered leaving her alone, figuring her mood for the day was just her feeling disconnected from the present. Or future. He wasn't sure what was what anymore. But try as he might, he couldn't get his feet to turn and head for the door. Instead, when he did move, he found himself approaching Granger. He set the food on the table where her Slytherin jumper was and then moved around to the front of the couch. He sank down to his haunches in front of her and reached up to move the hair away from her face. It was clear she had been crying and his mouth went dry as he felt the need to make her feel better wash over him. He tucked a few of her curls behind her ear and cupped her face, swiping away tears that still had yet to dry.
She stirred under his touch, but she didn't wake. He stilled, not really wanting to wake her. She said something, but it was so soft and faint that he couldn't hear her. It wasn't until she said it again that it reached his ears and made his heart sink. She was crying again and calling out for someone.
Not someone.
Ronald Weasley.
Not himself.
He was kidding himself to ever think she would call for him in her time of need.
And it hurt more than he ever thought it would.
He snatched his hand away and got to his feet. He gave her one last look, eyes sweeping up and down her trembling form, and forced his feet to move. Only to be stopped before he could take his first step as her hand shot up to circle around his wrist.
"Don't go," she whispered, looking up at him, eyes glassy with unshed tears.
He lifted his eyes past her to the door and stared at it, biting the inside of his cheek hard to avoid saying something to her he would regret. He only dropped his gaze back to her when she increased the pressure of her fingers and tugged gently.
"Please, Draco. Don't go."
Draco. She had called him by his first name. She only did that when someone else was around. When it was the two of them, it was always his surname. His heart skipped a beat.
He nodded and she let go of him to wipe at her eyes. As he sat next to her on the large leather sofa, she pulled herself into a more comfortable position so that she was facing him. He reached for his wand and magically brought the food to her lap. "You skipped dinner," he said.
She smiled at him and wiped at her nose with the sleeve of her jumper. "Thank you."
"You have to eat all of it, Granger. You barely ate breakfast and you just pushed food around your plate at lunch. I know you're hungry."
She stared at him for a moment with wide eyes and then nodded, tearing a chunk of bread from the roll and dipping it into her soup. "I will," she promised.
He let silence lapse around them as she ate at her soup. He knew she was hungry, but was holding back from eating it as though she had no manners. When she was nearly done, he looked around the room once more before adjusting his position on the couch to look at her. "Why the Gryffindor common room?"
She leaned over to place the empty bowl on the coffee table and looked around with an amused twinkle in her eye. "How did you guess?" she teased. He felt his lips raise into a smile despite himself and her half smile went full blown. "I didn't know what I wanted when I came here. Just that I wanted something familiar. Something comforting."
He nodded and played with the stitching on the leather. "Are you going to tell me what's been bothering you or am I going to have to goad you until you crack?"
She eyed him for a moment and sighed when she realized he wasn't kidding. "Most of it stems from my panic attack on Wednesday," she started. He wanted desperately to ask questions, but knew it was better to just let her get it out. "It was right after I started ordering you two around in potions like you were Harry and Ron and you made a comment reminding me that you were competent." She swallowed. "It snapped me back to reality; that despite the fact that I was in Potions with Slughorn, it was not Harry Potter and Ron Weasley at my side. It was Tom Riddle and Draco Malfoy. So I started panicking."
"He didn't start it?" He couldn't stop the question from being asked.
She shook her head. "No, but he took advantage of it. The moment I started losing control, he was there. I wasn't sure at first, if it was you or him. I thought maybe you were coming in to try and help so I dropped the rest of my guard, but it was Riddle. He brought up the Dark magic again and was begging me to take hold of it. So I pinned him and shoved every happy thought I had ever had at him until he was gone."
He was angry to hear of what Riddle had done, but he was more surprised that she had thought he would step into her mind uninvited and help her in that regard. He was more upset with himself for not thinking to do so. He narrowed his eyes as she dropped her eyes to her hands in her lap and saw the way her cheeks flushed crimson.
"Most of the memories I showed him were of Harry and Ron, but the last one…" She drew in a shaky breath and held it for a second. "The last one was of you."
He was glad that she kept her eyes down because he wasn't sure how to react from that confession. He knew they had grown a little closer since coming here; it would have been impossible to keep that from happening, but he hadn't thought what they'd shared could be linked to a happy thought. "Is that what you've been in a funk over? The fact that I was part of your happiness?"
There was a slight bitterness in his tone that he hadn't expected and her eyes snapped up to search his. "Yes, but it's more complicated than that."
He scoffed. "It always is with you."
She rolled her eyes at him and tossed her hair over one shoulder. "It was when I woke up this morning when I really felt off." She gnawed at her bottom lip and reached up to her throat, her fingers twisting absently at the air as one would fidget with a necklace. "Today is technically my birthday," she admitted, causing his brows to raise. "But it feels really strange to be alive knowing that my actual date of birth isn't for another thirty-five years. My parents haven't even been born yet."
His own stomach twisted with guilt. He had spent six years in a castle with her and he didn't even know her birthday. He hadn't cared enough about her to find out. His jaw clenched for a moment. "Well, happy pre-birthday," he said.
She looked at him, smiled, and then let out a laugh that even he couldn't help but smile to hear. "Thank you."
"So is that why you were staring at me for all of Charms today?" he asked.
She cleared her throat and her nails scratched at her throat. When she seemed to realize there was no necklace there, she brought her hand away slowly. "I started thinking that if Harry or Ron were here with me, they wouldn't have cared about the situation. That they would have made me celebrate in some way. Even when we were on the run, they…" She stopped when her eyes started to water again and shook her head. "Either way, technically, it's not my birthday and even more technically, it's only been six months since I turned eighteen." She sighed. "And I was staring at you because when I was thinking about Ron, I started to compare the two of you and then I went down this rabbit hole of what-ifs for the future."
He swallowed hard at the thought of the future. He had tried everything not to think about what lie ahead.
"And I know we've only snogged a few times, Malfoy, but those few times have changed things between us. I know we said we would forget what happened here, but what if we keep snogging? What if it leads to more? What if…" She let her voice trail, all the while looking at her lap again. "What if we can't forget when we get back?"
His head was spinning a mile a minute from everything she said. It was no wonder she was always wound so tight. He was sure she had only said a fraction of what was really going on in that mind of hers. He rubbed at his chin and shifted in his seat. He didn't have a real answer for her; not one that would help relieve any of her worries. "I don't know," he finally replied. "And I don't want to know what happens, Granger. I'm sick of knowing what my life is going to be like; of having it all planned out for me. For once, I would just like to play it by ear and see what happens."
He saw her still at his words and he reached out for her. He lightly wrapped his fingers around her chin and lifted her head so he could stare into her eyes.
"I mean it, Granger. Whatever happens, happens. There will be plenty of time to figure it out later."
She nodded as best she could in his grasp and then reached up to wipe a few new tears. He released her and watched as she relaxed a little. "Can we stay here tonight?"
"What about Riddle and the Astronomy Tower?"
Her lips quirked into a small smile as she shook her head. "He'll figure it out when I don't show."
He nodded and watched as she reached for her throat again. "What happened to your necklace?"
Her fingers paused halfway up her chest as she realized she was reaching for nothing again. She finished the distance and rested her hand at the hollow of her throat. "It was a gift from my parents when I started Hogwarts. They might not have known exactly what was happening or understand the wizarding world, but they were proud of me." She smiled sadly and her fingers began to tremble. "I never took it off, but I lost it."
"When?" he asked, kicking himself for doing so.
"When the Snatchers caught us," she answered, her voice on the verge of cracking. "It was when Scabior was questioning me about my blood status. When he finally realized who we were, he…"
Draco felt sick to his stomach. He scarcely remembered the Snatchers saying something about collecting a reward. Never in a million years did he think they meant anything other than Galleons. He had never felt so naïve.
"Did he-"
She shook her head violently. "No. He roughed me up enough to ensure that I understood his intentions, but when I struggled, he grabbed me by the throat and I lost the necklace in the scuffle." She shuddered and began to claw at her neck as if trying to get rid of the feeling of unwanted hands on her.
It was akin to the trance-like state she had been in on their first day here where she had scratched open the back of her hand. To prevent her from making herself bleed again, he reached out and wrapped her hands in his own. She stilled and blinked a few times as she came back to reality.
Instead of pulling back, she surged forward, curling into his side. He looped an arm around her back when she laid her head on his shoulder. Where she had drawn her knees up, he draped his other arm over her, his hand resting near her hip. She kept one arm bent between them with the other came to rest flat on his chest.
Neither one of them spoke. Instead, they listened to the crackle of the fire in the hearth and to each other's breathing. Slowly, their breathing regulated to a steady rhythm and Draco had barely registered she had fallen asleep before his own eyes fluttered closed and he drifted off with her in his arms.