Wasted Love

Rating: M - You guys know why.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, except for my own thoughts, two dogs and too many books.

Acknowledgments: This chapter was betaded by the sweet EdwardsFirstKiss. Thank you very much!

English is not my first language, please keep that in mind.

A/N: Hey, I have a few points to clear with y'all, so let's do it.

- This is not a cheat fic. I had this question a lot in the reviews so you guys should know that.

- I cannot thank you enough for the love you all have shown me. I have more than 20 twilight stories not published and not even for a second, I thought I would get so much support. Thank you!

CHAPTER TWO

I stood in the hallway for a second, feeling like my heart just skipped a beat.

"So soon?" I asked, my legs finally obeying me and moving towards the room.

"I tried to coax him to go back sleep, but he's very anxious." Nurse Beckett said, holding the door open for me.

I stopped just outside out the door, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath before getting in.

"Is everything ok?" She asked, looking concerned.

"Yes." I answered, forcing a smile. "Don't worry, I'll get him back to sleep. I took two steps into the room, and there he was: my beautiful Edward. His eyes were searching frantically for me and my heart ached at the thought of not being here when he woke up.

"I'm ok." He said before I could ask anything, making me laugh despite everything around us. "Where have you been?"

Three years without hearing his voice - it felt like a whole lifetime.

He was looking at me with those big green eyes that I remembered so well, and his direct question sped up my heartbeat; hiding, I should say.

I just smiled instead, walking closer to the bed.

"I was sleeping uncomfortably in this chair right beside you."

I lamely tried to sound funny to make him smile, and it worked.

"Come here, babe." Edward groaned, extending his hand with a sweet smile.

I put my hand on his, feeling the burn wherever his skin met mine. His thumb ran through the back of my hand as our hands intertwined and locked.

With one swift pull I found myself half lying above him, his arm wrapped around me.

I melted in his embrace, his warmth - the feeling of him.

After all these years, it was the first time I felt whole again.

"I'm so confused..." He whispered in my hair. "My ribs are killing me."

"I know," I said, sitting on the edge of the bed and regarding him softly - if the situation were crazy to me, I could only imagine how it felt for him. "It's okay to be confused; you've been through a lot. You will feel better after you rest a little more. You were incredibly lucky, I..." My voice cracked. "When I think about what could have happened to you..."

"What did happen?" He asked, and I noticed how grumpy he was. "I don't remember much, and nobody tells me shit."

Edward looked spent - lost and tired, all together. I knew there was not much I could say, but I could not keep him in the dark, at least not completely.

I knew that he would not go back to sleep without at least trying to understand what was happening, it did not matter how medicated he was.

"You were riding your bike outside the city and were hit by a truck." I spoke slowly. "You hit your head, broke your right leg and a few ribs, so of course you are sore and confused. That's it." I held his face between my hands. "And nobody tells you shit because you don't need to worry. You need to rest. Ok?"

"Ok." Edward nodded; eyes focused on mine.

His free hand covered mine, this crazy connection between us putting all my nerves on alert.

He stared at me, really looking at me, and I realized that I could not remember the last time that anyone had looked at me like that - like he could really see me.

"It's so good to see you, babe." Edward said, echoing my thoughts. "Feels like I haven't kissed you in forever."

The tears won out again.

Turning his head, he kissed my wrist; his beard – fully grown now, something that had definitely changed – tickling my skin.

"You're right" I whispered, getting close enough to rest my forehead on his. "You haven't kissed me in forever."

"Don't cry." Edward wiped my tears with his free hand, pressing his lips to mine. "I love you."

Those three little words were like an earthquake, reverberating inside of me and putting my world back into place - I had to have faith in this: that we could fix whatever there was between us.

"I love you, too." I whispered to his mouth, moving my lips with his. "So much."

His lips were soft and warm and when his tongue touched mine, I lost my head.

He tried to pull me closer, and I heard him groan.

"Edward, behave!" I chided, getting away from him and forcing him to lie properly. "You have to slow down."

"I hate this shit." He huffed, taking a deep breath, moving his leg slightly.

I sat beside him, caressing his face laughing at his moodiness.

"You're very grumpy."

"I'm sorry," He said, closing his eyes under my touch. "I'm very… frustrated."

"Don't worry, I like to know how you are feeling."

"I'm better now."

His face in opposition of his words, showed how worn down he was.

"You should rest." I insisted, running my hands over his forehead. "Your body needs time to recover."

"I know," He sighed. "I missed you. I don't want to fall asleep."

"I'll be right here when you wake." I said softly, trying to not focus on his words. "As will your parents, who are on their way."

"Yeah?" Edward smiled, lifting an eyebrow. "How is my mom?"

"I left Emmett to deal with her." I smiled back, shrugging.

"Smart girl," Edward tugged on my hand, holding it in his. "Where is he?"

"He'll be back." I murmured, diverting his attention. "Rest," I repeated. "The doctor will be here soon, and you will be thoroughly poked and prodded. Enjoy your sleep while you can."

I gave him a teasing smile and Edward pulled my hand to his lips, smiling softly while kissing the palm - and my eyes filled with unwashed tears by his gesture, so characteristic of him. He was always kissing my hands, all the time, and it did not ever fail in make me feel worshiped, loved.

"You're always right, babe." He whispered as I sat beside him, while he slowly drifted off.

"Not always." I whispered back to a sleeping Edward, my tears falling heavily.

I have probably cried more in the last few hours, than I had in my entire life.

"What is wrong with me?" I wondered, resting my head in my hands.

"That's ok," The nurse said from behind me, startling the hell out of me; I had completely forgotten about her presence. "It's normal to be emotional after a loved one goes through a trauma like your husband has. Don't be hard on yourself."

Nodding, I got up and sat on the couch, watching him asleep.

"Being close to death often put things in perspective. Allow yourself to feel it, it's part of the healing process for both of you." She smiled kindly at me. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you, I'm just emotional." I offered as an excuse.

"Dr. Jane will be here soon." With a smile she made her way out, closing the door swiftly behind her.

I rested my head on the back of the couch, a crescent migraine boring its way into me.

It felt like the world had stopped and we were suspended in time, living an alternative reality; I had no idea of how to deal Edward's amnesia, or with this shitload of feelings that I couldn't ignore any longer.

When I left him, I was convinced of my decision.

I could not live in a dead marriage any longer, no matter how much we loved each other; we had lost our faith, our hope for more.

Shit happens - we cannot explain or predict, and I settled into believing that the shit that happened between us was beyond repair.

At least until now.

The possibility of losing Edward forever was a game changer, and suddenly it did not matter how convinced I was when I packed my bags and left him three years ago: right now, sitting in this hospital room and looking at his beautiful face, it did not feel right.

It felt like I had made a terrible mistake.

The doctor came in about an hour after Edward had fallen asleep again; I was still watching him from my spot on the couch.

Dr. Jane Volturi was a professional young woman and greeted me with a soft smile.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Volturi," I said shaking her hand once she introduced herself. "My name's Isabella Cullen, I'm Edward's wife."

She got closer to the bed to grab his chart.

"Call me Dr. Jane, please." She said, tucking a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear. "Has he woken up yet?"

"Briefly, about an hour ago, but he looked a little weary, so I coerced him to go back to sleep."

"As he should. His body is still recovering from the physical trauma." She said without taking her eyes from the notes. "I don't think I need to say how much of a lucky man your husband is." I nodded, my eyes going back to him, sleeping peacefully. "The internal bleeding has subsided, which was my biggest worry."

"What about the amnesia?" I felt so lost in what this concerned.

"Well Mrs. Cullen that is a bit more complicated," She said turning around and looking me in the eyes. "Temporary memory loss is to be expected - it's not unusual for trauma patients."

"So, it was caused by the trauma?"

"We can't guarantee that but, we are working under that assumption." She explained. "Later today when I have the results of his exams, two specialists will look at it. Together, we will be able to gather more information about your husband's situation." I nodded in agreement, wishing Emmett or Carlisle were here to ask the right questions. "I'll be back to check on him when I make my next rounds. A nurse will be around to watch Mr. Cullen, so please let her know if he needs anything in the meantime."

Not long after Dr. Jane left, I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket and noticed two missed calls from home, besides a text from Emmett letting me know that his parents would be here by noon.

Great, just a couple of hours until I had to face my dearest mother-in-law.

I walked out of the room, pacing in the hallway while waiting for my sister to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" She answered after a few moments.

"Hi, Angie."

"Hey sis, what's up," Angie said. "I've called you a few times."

"Didn't you get my messages?" I asked, alerted by her light tone.

"No, my phone was dead when I got home last night, and I have no idea where it is now. And I have the biggest hangover of my life." She sighed, dramatically. "Do you need me at the studio today? I was hoping I could just stay home and die."

I almost laugh out loud at the irony of her words, and my new reality.

This was going to be interesting.

"Angela, I'm not working. I'm at Seattle General Hospital... with Edward."

For the first time in my adult life, I have rendered Angela Swan speechless.

Well, almost.

"No. Fucking. Way."

Even after I told her the whole story – twice – she still couldn't believe in everything that was happening.

"Way." I spoke. "I've been here all night."

"Holy fuck!"

"I know."

"And what?" Angie's voice was getting higher by the word. "You guys will let him believe that things are like they used to be... three, four years ago?"

"For now, at least." I murmured. "Until the doctors can gather more information about everything that's going on. It won't be for long, I think."

"Bells, that's ridiculous. You two aren't a couple anymore."

"It's not that simple." I tried to reason with her. "Edward lost part of his memories; even if we don't know how long this is going to last, the parts that he does remember about his life are with me. He would expect to see me by his side here, no one else."

"Bella, are you sure you can do this?" She murmured, worried. "It took a year before you were able to even say his name out loud again."

I rested my forehead against the wall; there was my sister: the one mirror I couldn't avoid.

"I can't just leave him like that, Ang. Not when he needs me the most."

"You did once." Her words slay through me, causing the effect they meant. "He did too."

"I know," I whispered back. "But things changed."

"Sorry sis," Angie said fondly. "I won't sugarcoat it for you. I have never given you my insight in all this because I never felt like it was my place, but I love you and I think you need to hear it now: you and Edward were both aware and equal participants in the end of your marriage. I know you tend to blame yourself but hear me out: you both chose to give up." She was right of course; we both had given up long before I left our place. "The fact that you chose not to involve our family in your problems, doesn't mean that it didn't hurt to watch you pretend to be strong and suffer alone because of him for the last years." I sat in silence, listening. "So baby, you better be doing this for yourself. Otherwise, it's just not worth it."

"I almost lost him... For good. Forever." I said in a small voice and Angela sighed through the phone.

"It's your call, Bells; I think you should proceed with caution, but you know I have your back, no matter what."

"I know. I love you for that." I said, thankful.

"I love you too. Do you know what you're doing?" She asked.

"No." I said without thinking twice, making her laugh.

"Do you need me with you?"

"It's ok. Emmett will be back soon, with their parents."

"Esme is coming?" Angela scoffed. "Then I'm coming too."

We said our goodbyes, Angie promising she would be here in a couple of hours.

I walked back to the room with her words dancing around my head: did I know what I was doing?

This was a completely unpredictable, unbelievable situation that had brought us together again, but that would be most likely to leave me with a broken heart - again.

There was so much I did not know about our time apart, about Edward's condition, about how much of the things we didn't say back then would still be between us now... and I could overthink this situation forever.

And knowing that made it clear that if I hoped to go any further in this mess, I could not overthink anything anymore - all I could was to live, one day at a time.

When I walked back into the room, Edward was awake once again, looking around - for me, I guess; as soon as his eyes settled on mine, he smiled.

"Hi," I said, getting closer. "You should be sleeping."

"I'm tired of sleeping," He frowned, extending his bruised hand once again.

"Yeah?" I smiled sitting on his bed, close enough to frame his face with my hands. "How do you feel?"

"I'm ok," He sighed. "Sore."

"I bet," I said pulling his hair - what was left of it, anyway - away from his face. "Do you remember why you are here?"

"Yes," He tried to sit up in the bed, hissing and giving up when his ribs protested. "I hit a bike outside the city. I broke my leg, my ribs and my head."

"No baby," I said calmly. "You were on the bike. You were the one who was hit."

"What?" He glanced confused at me. "Since when do I have a bike?"

"Since a few months ago, Edward." I lied. "I surprised you on your birthday."

Edward always wanted a bike, but I never allowed one in our house - for obvious reasons as anyone could see.

"I should remember this." He said consternated, a crease showing between his eyebrows.

"Baby, look at me." I said, locking his eyes. "It's ok. Is completely normal after a trauma like yours to be confused about things, everything will come back." The words came in a flow, stronger and sure, surprising me. Edward closed his eyes breathing deeply, resting his head. "Edward," I said again, and he opened his eyes. "It's ok, I'm here. I love you."

His gaze softened.

"I love you too." He said, smiling. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For the bike."

I couldn't help but laugh - he always said the most unexpected things.

"You're welcome dear," I kissed him, twice, laughing. "But I'm taking it back."

"Ok," he laughed lightly. His good arm hugged me, keeping me close as he buried his nose in my neck. "You smell so good," He said. "Like bubblegum."

Smiling, I sat up straight.

"Well, I was taking a very relaxing bath before I received a very disturbing call from the ER." I frowned playfully.

"I'm sorry," He said, holding my hand. "I didn't mean to cause you any worry."

"It's ok," I said squeezing his fingers.

"I can't remember anything." He frowned, looking at our joined hands. "Not the crash, not what I was doing before, or where I was... It is so weird. Like 've a cloud over my mind."

"Yeah, I'm sorry." I caressed his face. "It will get better. You have to rest and give it some time."

Edwards stared at me.

"You look different." He said, making my heartbeat race again.

"Different how?" I said forcing a smile.

"Different," He stated, shrugging.

"Well, thank you very much." I said, playing offended.

"Bella," He rolled his eyes, "You are beautiful, you should hear this…"

"… Every day." I finished his line. And he always said it to me, every day - eve on the worst days.

"I do, my husband is a smart man." Edward smiled warmly at me, making my heart double sized.

"That I am."

We stared at each other in silence for a few minutes.

"I have probably aged older since that call," I finally said. "I've never been so scared, Edward."

"I'm ok, baby. " He smiled, shaking his head, but I hadn't said everything I wanted to.

"Please hear me out, I almost lost you." My voice cracked on the last words. "My whole world is completely upside down."

"Mine is too," He murmured, nodding.

"I know," I smiled through the tears that were falling, once again. "Everything changed, Edward, everything. Every small thing seems so… Smaller."

"I get it, babe," He said, desperately trying to wipe away the tears that escaped me. "Please don't cry."

"I'm so sorry," I said, tears pouring down and regrets pouring out. "For everything."

"Baby, stop." He said kissing my lips, my face and my tears. "This was not your fault."

"I know, I know." I knew had to stop this meltdown or I would end up saying things I was not ready to explain. "I'm sorry, I'm too emotional."

"I love you." He said, holding my hand against his chest and I realized how much his heartbeat had increased.

"I love you too," I pecked him lightly, twice. "I'm so glad you are alive."

"Me too." He whispered. "Lay down with me." His hospital bed was clearly not made for the both of us - but he had that lost little boy look and I wanted to do everything that I could to make him feel safe.

I took off one heel and then the other, hearing his laugh when he realized what I was wearing.

"I swear to God, nothing can separate you from your shoes. It's a symbiotic relationship."

"Such big words for such a damaged head." I hopped up beside him on the bed while he laughed lightly, touching his ribs. "It hurts?"

I asked, resting my head on his extend arm.

"When I laugh it does." He smiled. "It's worth it though."

Kissing my nose, Edward sighed deeply closing his eyes. I watched him for a while, memorizing every one of his features and before I realized it, my lids got heavier, and I fell asleep too.

I woke up disoriented.

I tried to get up but when I leaned on the body next to me – Edward – and he whined, things came back. I glanced at him, alarmed, but he still was deeply asleep.

"Hey," Emmett said, startling me from the foot of the bed.

"Hey," I whispered, swiftly detangling myself from Edward. "What time is it?"

I got off the bed, running my hands through my hair.

"It's just past noon."

Oh my God, the Cullen's! I looked alarmed at him.

"Relax," Emmett said. "My parents aren't here yet. Rose went to get them."

"Oh, thank God." I collected my shoes off the floor and sat on the couch. "Playing the grandkid card, I see. "

"I use what I have." Emmett shrugged, smiling widely.

"How long have you been here?" I asked when he came to sit by my side.

"An hour or so. Dr. Jane stopped by, but you two were sleeping as if you haven't slept in years. She didn't want to disturb you, so she just filled me in."

"You should have woken me up, Emm!" I said, embarrassed.

"Don't be silly," He dismissed me. "How is he?"

"Confused." I said looking at Edward. "He's waking up and realizing that he doesn't remember a lot of things, but until now I have been able to dismiss him."

"Good," He nodded. "It won't work for long, though. He's too smart for his own good." I agreed, worried about how long we could protect him. "Dr. Jane will be back in a couple of hours with a neurologist and a psychiatrist. She already has his first results, so hopefully we will know more about his condition now."

I was lightheaded from my nap with Edward, and I remained silent, listening to Emmett.

"He asked about you," I said. "He asked what happened and I told him about the accident."

"Did he remember anything?"

"No," I said, getting up. "He was in a bad mood but surprisingly calm."

"Well, you were here." Emmett shrugged as if that fact alone made all the difference.

I smiled sadly at his statement, a huge feeling of emptiness building in. What would happen to me when all of this came to an end?

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked, holding my hands when big fat tears started to pour out.

"This one is going to hurt really bad when it ends." I said looking down. "I can't help but feel like he is going to flip the fuck off when he finds out about everything. I don't stand a chance, Emm."

Emmett folded me in his arms.

"Bells, that's just not true." He patted my back. "My brother is crazy about you; he has always been."

"I hope that's enough." I said, wiping my tears.

"It will be ok. Come on, let me buy you a coffee."

We walked to the coffee machine in silence, both aware that we had a rough battle ahead us: Esme.

"I've been crying my heart out, since yesterday. It's like a river that I can't stop."

I whined, making Emmett laugh.

"I've been living with a pregnant woman for 35 weeks. There's no amount of crying that scares me anymore." I laughed at him. "It's normal, it will get better."

"That's what everyone keeps saying." It didn't feel like it, though.

He handed me a hot cup of coffee and walked me to the chairs besides the elevator.

"When they called me yesterday," I started as we sit. "My mind went blank. The only thing I could think of was to call you."

"You did right," He nodded. "I'm glad you called me. I haven't heard from my brother in a few months."

That surprised the hell out of me - Emmett and Edward used to be like a pair of thieves. I could not imagine both not talking in regular basis.

Emmett shrugged.

"Edward has been a whole different person since you left, Bells." He said looking down. "He sold the company, the apartment... moved to Tokyo for work. It was supposed to be only for six months, but he stayed in Asia for almost two years."

I tried to picture the kind of life Edward could be living away from Seattle, from his family and everything that he built for himself.

"He was finally coming back, you know. He came home a few months ago, talking about opening a new business in Seattle and I thought 'Finally things are going back to normal'. Even though he kept all of us at an arm's length, at least he started to call me from time to time, to show up at some specials occasions." He sighed defeated. "But after he learned about Rose's pregnancy, it was over. And I didn't hear from him ever since."

I sat there, trying to stop the hole growing in my chest.

I knew I had lost the man I loved along the way, but I hoped he was still in there, somewhere, when I left.

"I don't know what to say, Emm." I whispered, tears falling as our eyes locked. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Bella, this was Edward's choice too." He shrugged again. "It was just the way things were. I'm the one who is sorry, for both of you."

We looked at each other for another moment and I had a glimpse of how much Emmett had been hurt too.

Edward and I tried to control the effects of our separation – what we failed to realize was that the way it affected others was beyond our control.

The door of the elevators opened, ending our moment and revealing a blushed Angela.

"Bells," She smiled when her eyes landed on me and I got up, engulfed by her arms in the next second. "How are you?"

I hugged my sister tightly, more relieved about her arrival than I thought I would be.

"So much better now. Thank you for being here."

"Don't thank me," She looked at me, checking me out. "How is he?"

"He's good. Confuse, but stable." I smiled sadly.

Emmett appeared by her side and they greeted each other while my attention once again returned to the sound of the elevator doors opening.

From there, led by a very pregnant Rosalie, Esme emerged.

It took her a minute to notice me, but her reaction did not disappoint.

"What is she doing in here?" She hissed, looking straight at me.

Well, well... Here we go.