ACT I: MIRRORS
Bokkun logged into his yahoo and got the lowdown on Chris Pratt's stolen Fanta. He swiftly and justly booked it to the backyard where his slick, silver starship was parked in the fields.
"One thing is for sure about life," said Bokkun as he asserted the solid steez of sunglasses at night. "Y'all gotta be the power against da cowards!"
BEEP! BEEP!
"Arr, that'd be me sonar scanner radar," Bokkun said through awesome gritted teeth which the pressure to bisect toothpicks wholesomely. He ran to his vehicle and took a grand look at his computer. He immediately saw the incoming dangers.
"What do you see?" Jet the Hawk asked, adjusting his boots so that his talons did not mar the soles.
"Jet, lad, I see dire situations in my future!" Bokkun rasped with so much oozy charisma that it made the fangirls dump Nick Jonas.
Nick Jonas wept and swore revenge upon the young messenger robo. This was the start of the life of crime that keeps Scratch and Grounder up all night waiting, watching, and believing in hope just like Kit the Tortoise would.
"I really believe in doom actually," said Nick and he became furious, donned an eyepatch, and led the Avengers to do deeds.
ACT II: NEARER
"Too many took," Knuckles hummed into his rapping harmonica. He was very cross with himself as he had not developed a sick beat in ages. He was about to cry, but then Bokkun arrived via his starship powered by horses.
"Why do I have these horses?" Bokkun said to the red echidna with valiant effort in his tone. "It is because it moves faster, duh." He then spat upon the ground.
Knuckles watched in awe as Bokkun's robotic saliva caused the flowers to flourish and bear beautiful fruit. They were grapes; Knuckles very much adored such a species. He ate several purple spheres.
"Do you see any bad happenings here, Knuckles, my friend and comrade?" Bokkun asked while he flexed in the rearview mirror.
Knuckles nodded and looked at the rearview. He saw his life and it was not as gorgeous as he had hoped. "I reflect on this tainted past with envy!" the red one cried out loud, tears streaming like his Netflix subscription. He knelt before Bokkun's starship and swore loyalty to his brotherhood.
"Good job, Knuckles," said Bokkun. He was so proud of Knuckles's self-searching journey. He promoted the lad to General and flew off to Canada.
What was in Canada though?
ACT III: DEARER
"Bread is in Canada," said Bokkun, looking down at the tarnished maple tree. He wept, but his tears were not as strong as his saliva. The tree no longer lived.
That silent evening, when the crickets packed their bags and went to Brooklyn, Bokkun, Jet, and Knuckles held a service where the maple tree was greatly honoured. Bokkun read from the ancient texts and brought forth a yogurt recipe.
"Does this get us closer to recovering Pratt's Fanta, Bokkun?" asked Jet, brandishing his mighty axe and solidifying his hate for elves.
"Why not?" asked Bokkun. He flexed his biceps and broke the sound barrier. Tails, AKA Miles Prower, fell out of the sound barrier and landed at Bokkun's powerful red boots.
"What is that twin-butted loser doin' here, amigos?" Knuckles asked wisely as he sharpened his teeth and knuckle nails on a grindstone.
"I am here merely for the spectacle," said Tails with conniving fox-existence. He twisted his tails with the power of helicopter and windmills.
"Diddy Kong Racing was a scam and a very bad game," said Jet. He began weeping for a Sonic Riders sequel, but that will never ever happen again. It is a shame because beards are things on old people, but not all the time.
"My heart is very sad," said Knuckles. "Where's Sonic the Idiot-hog?"
"Yea verily," said Bokkun. "I believe we should locate that boyo too, no?"
ACT IV: HORROR
Sonic broke his toenail on the final step. He was so close to the finality of IKEA, but the powers of the heavens did not permit completion for several reasons. This was mostly due to one thing:
Chaos.
"Chaos sounds evil," said Sonic with musing ears and a killer six-pack. The six-pack was of cherry soda. He also had abs that struck the moon like diamonds.
"Hello, old pal and comrade," said a mysterious voice that sounded like bat wings.
"I can detect that voice always," said Sonic through his angry eyes piercing the grass below him. He turned and saw the perpetrator of many inconveniences: Chris Thorndyke.
"My voice sounds like bat wings," said Chris with a sinister smile. He then wept about his upper-class life and how he had no friends or loving parents. His friends and loving parents then approached him and hugged him, providing him a decent character arc.
"Chris, do you see how love works?" said Sonic with vibes that greatly exceeded the throne. "Love is a crucial aspect that completes the individual."
"I hate love," said Chris. He punched his friends and loving parents with a fist that destroyed planets like Minecraft TNT.
"Master Chris, why are you quite unruly?" asked Mr. Tanaka, the best butler ever conceived.
"Shut up, you are not my father," snapped Chris. He then broke out the eggnog.
Bokkun arrived right on time with his twin beam katana a pack of trading cards. "I am fortunately in this location, Mr. Sonic," said the robot of Robotnik creation.
"I can see you with my eyeball," said Sonic. He then excluded the notion of chaos from his resume and beatboxed to the heavens.
ACT V: NONE
Knuckles shed real manly tears for the first time that day. "Sonic! He has been inserted into an realm of no live specimens!" He roared and tored his yellow jacket asunder. The pockets on his Levi's also burst, spilling out his wallets and their contents.
Jet tried to pick up Knuckles's spilt wallets, but failed miserably, like Nintendo Switch Online.
Tails sat in the back of the starship, chillaxing in the jacuzzi. He believed in several key details about trust and hope, but really disliked bananas and cobalt.
"I got debts…" Chris said solemnly as he whipped out his baseball bat. He clobbered twelve cabbages like an amazing evildoer.
"Did you see what doings he did?" Knuckles said strongly to Jet.
Jet's eyes fell to the floor, became muddled, and derived the intense background elements.
"Aye, this is a grave situation, my fellow dudes," said Knuckles. He shook his head and took his hippos to the prom.
"This was a spectacular prom," said the hippo in its Yelp review of the echidna guy. "Will we wed?"
"Nay, not today," said Knuckles. "But perhaps we will on a future date in another location. Maybe we will be in France, the city of love and good fortune…"
"I believe you should shut your idiot, dumb mouth, Knucklehead!" Tails cried as he remembered the death of Cosmo and also Wanda.
"Deer are cool as well," said Chris, pointing to a moose.
This was the last straw for Bokkun. His abs exploded into a great many society. The inhabitants were all named Chris Pratt and wielded five-tonne laser cannons.
"This is a rebellion, eh?" asked Chris to the moon with deathly intensity.
"Aye," replied the moon while flexing its own abs.
ACT VI: HOLOGRAMS
"This is quaint," said Amy Rose. Examining Sonic's footwear selection at the supermarket. She wanted to buy flowers that smelt like his soles, but needed the proper olfactory resolve. That is why she removed her nostril device with a spatula and duct taped it to Sonic foot whilst the blue blur was sleeping soundly last Tuesday night.
"What a wicked deed," said Ronaldo the Rhesus Monkey. He shot a gun at a gumball machine and the machine fell to the ground, mortally wounded like fiery nightingales.
"I cannot believe you killed gumball machines," said Amy as she shook the can of spam for Zan Partizanne.
"I hate all decisions," said Ronaldo. "That is why I fire without warning or thinking."
"You have dumb thoughts!" cried Chris as he entered the squabble with half a liter left of his icy-cold fruit punch. He then sipped the final sip and collided his fist with Ronaldo's face.
Ronaldo was defeated, exploded thirty-two times, flew to Vegas, and became a member of the graveyard down in Hudson Bay.
"Great looking!" cried Amy, witnessing the power of Chris's hand-hurting hurt.
"I did a bad thing!" laughed Chris. He then dieted.
"Well, a sponge gotta look his spongiest…" grumbled Bokkun as he entered from the right and punched Chris in the jaw from the left. Everyone survived, but Chris was wounded with the power of Chaotic dazing.
"I am totes dazed and confused!" said the befuddled Thorndyke. His rich life and character arcs felt like crimson alloys doused in grape jelly.
"I can see into the future!" announced Jet. "Bokkun, with his killer abs and his mighty nose thoughts, will lay down the beatdown. He will derive the victory!"
"That is some totally righteous advice!" said Sonic. He then accidentally broke his knee on his scapula.
Knuckles and Tails turned themselves into a sling and restored their friend's knee to health.
"I hope Sonic is cool with all this," said Chris Pratt. "Where's my Fanta?"
Bokkun looked over at the man. He now saw him with both eyes and now today was so immensely beautiful. It was like a rye hamburger.
ACT VII: COCONUT MALL
And thus, Chris was bested by Bokkun's powerful essence. The world restored itself via the glory of chaos. Chris Pratt reclaimed his Fanta from Chris's secret hideout.
Bokkun sat at the edge of his starship and hummed a little tune.
"Hum," said Bokkun with lips twitching from toothpick-holding prowess.
"Do you think of yourself as a hero?" asked Charmy Bee, flying in from the Nick Jonas concert in LA.
Bokkun shook his head and flicked the toothpick away. It exploded and the fires dissipated into a beautiful lemon tree.
"I believe you did deeds that were so grand and benevolent," said Charmy with a reassuring soul.
Vector and Espio approached from behind. Took Charmy by the helmet and cast him into the Pit of Despair. They both agreed to never tell Vanilla about this horrible occurrence.
"We only did that, 'cause Charmy was a bullfrog," said Vector.
"I agreed to do it because I dislike rascals that disobey the law!" said Espio, exerting his ninja life. He ran off to join the Drapion Squad.
"Hello, Espio," said Donald the Drapion.
"We've been expecting you," said Dean the Drapion.
"I am glad you are taking kindly to my arrival," said Espio, bowing with respect and inserting cheese into the lake.
"That lake sure is getting' cheesy," said Bokkun, flipping on his headlamp and committing his life to spelunking from that day forward. He descended the caverns and found as many ores as his heart desired.
FIN
ALL MY LIFE