Chapter Three: The Skunk and the Hawk
The next time Edgeworth opened his eyes, he found himself hazily staring up at an aseptic fluorescent tube hanging from a chain.
He was also lying down and had an oxygen mask strapped to his face.
'What... happened?' Gingerly pulling himself up into a seated position, Edgeworth grabbed the mask, pulled it off with one quick yank, and carefully massaged the back of his head where the elastic straps had cut into it. The sore spots in his scalp where the straps had half strangled him pulsated angrily in response to such ill treatment, but, after a minute of assuagement, he chose to ignore their lingering fury and instead limply looked around the room.
From what he could tell without the aid of his glasses, he was lying in a white bed propped up in an angle next to a closed window. An EKG machine registering his heartbeat sat next to the bed along with an almost empty oxygen tank, a couple of chairs with wrinkled cushions were smushed right up against the bed, and a white board chart with his name written on it in blue wipe-away marker hung on the opposite wall.
'I appear to be in a hospital room of some sort.' He thought to himself as the smell of antiseptic and hand sanitizer filled his nose. 'And, apparently, I'm the patient.'
Well, at least he had a clue of where he was.
However, what was he doing there?
'... Oh. that's right. I passed out, didn't I?' He blearily let his fogged gaze rove over the hospital room. The last thing he remembered, Pearl suggested he go see a doctor and in the time between then and now, she must've gotten her wish.
He didn't remember actually admitting himself to a hospital, though.
As a rule of thumb, Edgeworth hated hospitals. He could handle entering one if he was visiting someone, but being a patient was a completely different endeavor. He didn't like the poking, prodding, and pinching, there were too many strange sensations invading his personal space all at once, and he didn't like it when the staff looked at him with any modicum of pity.
Doctors' offices and hospitals brought back too many bad memories; memories that were better off forgotten, yet refused to go.
Actually, speaking of strange sensations, Edgeworth noticed that his neck was colder than usual. One quick glance at the thermostat on the wall told him the temperature was stable at 65 degrees Fahrenheit, but his skin prickled around his neck with a case of the shivers and he was wracked with a nasty chill.
'Do I have a fever?' He gently rubbed the nape of his neck with one hand and let it work its way around to the front. 'If so, I'm not surprised. I haven't exactly been taking care of myself lately, so it isn't an impossibility that I contracted a minor illness-'
Edgeworth's hand paused around the front of his neck near his clavicle.
'... where's my cravat?'
Edgeworth looked down.
He promptly blanched.
'To hell with his cravat, where's my shirt?!'
Completely unbeknownst to how he got that way, Edgeworth was totally bare from the waist up. He wasn't sure about the state of his lower half, since he was covered by a blanket- that, and he wasn't quite sure he was ready to check and find out just how manhandled he'd been while out of it- but his undershirt, shirt, waistcoat, suit coat, outer coat and cravat were all mysteriously missing, along with his phone, his glasses, and his briefcase.
The only things on his chest now were the electrodes of the EKG machine stuck to his skin and goosebumps.
Edgeworth sat numbly in the hospital bed, feeling thoroughly violated. Even after wracking his brain for an inkling of a memory regarding disrobing, he didn't remember taking his clothes off. Logically, he suspected it was probably the handiwork of the medical staff that had rendered him shirtless, but still...
'Oh, for god's sake, what are you doing?!' Edgeworth sharply chastised himself. 'Get it together, Miles. You're in a hospital, not the star attraction of a chippendale club. Focus.' He needed to keep hold of his faculties. Losing himself to his own mortification wasn't going to help anything. Steady heads prevailed in situations such as these, and if he was to get anywhere, he needed to approach this dilemma rationally and sensibly.
He could be in high dudgeon later.
Now more awake than before for more reasons than just time, Edgeworth looked around the room again for any clue of where his clothes had gone and realized that they hadn't travelled far. They were placed on a chair on the opposite side of the room, neatly folded and stacked in a pile with his glasses perched on top while his briefcase sat happily on the floor waiting for him.
Edgeworth breathed out a sigh of relief.
He might not have known the details of how he came to be that way, but at least he wasn't going to be arrested for indecent exposure.
Careful not to alert anyone that might be lingering outside, Edgeworth quietly slid out of bed, steadied himself for a moment, and found to his elation that while he wasn't wearing his original trousers, he had been given a pair of standard issue patient pajama pants in the meantime.
"Well, that's at least something." Edgeworth nodded appreciatively and tried to move towards his street clothes, but realized that he couldn't move very far because of the EKG electrodes attached to his chest didn't have a cord with a long reach. Now, most people when faced with a situation like this would've simply yanked the electrodes off, but Edgeworth knew better. If he removed the electrodes without having a technician shut off the machine first, the machine would emit a piercing alarm that would set the entire ward on him in a matter of seconds, a scenario he desperately wished to avoid if he could help it.
And, sadly, the only reason he knew that fact was the same reason he knew a lot of random trivial nonsense that was never going to help him at all in life.
Past personal experience.
So, no matter how he looked at it, he wasn't going anywhere.
Thoroughly annoyed and oddly weary, Edgeworth sat back down on the bed and ran a hand through his silver hair. This was ridiculous. He was already worn out and all he'd done was stand up. Biting back a yawn, Edgeworth leaned back against the mattress and his shoulders sagged into the cloth, feeling absolutely drained.
"Why am I so exhausted?" He murmured to himself. "I haven't done anything the past week except sit."
If not for his sure force of will, he just might've gone back to sleep right then and there.
Nevertheless, he couldn't rest just yet, no matter how much his body demanded otherwise. He had a box to deliver and an occupation that already had been delayed long enough to get back to. He couldn't just sit around in a hospital bed hoping that some time this century a doctor would grace him with their presence and kindly throw him out.
However... as much as he was loathe to admit it, he probably couldn't have gotten his shirt on even if he'd tried. The inner crux of his arm hurt terribly and he could barely bend it, let alone get it successfully through several layers worth of apparel.
So... that was a thing.
"Why is my arm in so much pain? I did nothing to it." Edgeworth rotated the inner portion of his right arm and held it up without sitting up again. "It's not like I fell on it and broke it, because if I did, it would likely already be in a cast, so why on earth is- ah."
A score of beastly prick-marks pocked up and down his arm's antecubital fossa like picked zits on the face of a teenager.
"I see. How revolting. However, that would explain it, now wouldn't it?" He ran a few fingers lightly over the prick marks and grimaced when they squawked at his touch. "Hmph. I don't have an IV in right now, and that bag next to the bed is empty, so I expect this is likely from drawing blood. I can't fathom why they would need so much blood, though."
The last time he checked, he wasn't a vampire buffet.
Mildly intrigued by the sheer number of holes in his skin, Edgeworth observed the pock marks reflectively and poked them again.
They didn't like that very much.
"Ouch. Yes, these must be from drawing blood. Well, either that, or I've turned into a narcoleptic heroin addict-"
"So, did you find out what's wrong with Mr. Edgeworth?"
All the hairs on the back of Edgeworth's neck stood on end.
Somebody was right outside the room talking about him.
"Yes, what's wrong with Mr. Edgeworth? He was fine and then he wasn't."
Several somebodies, apparently.
"The tests aren't all the way done yet." said a third somebody, who Edgeworth presumed was a man. "We're still running tests, but from what I can tell just by doing some simple examinations, my cursory diagnosis is sleep deprivation, irregular nutrition habits, stretching himself too thin, and being an idiot for thinking he could survive that for as long as he did with no repercussions to his system. Other than that, he's peachy."
Edgeworth bristled.
Getting murder cases put together in a timely, efficient manner did not make someone an idiot, thank you very much.
Besides, sleep was for the weak and he was...
His head throbbed so hard, his eyes shut out of reflex.
... fine.
Alright, maybe he wasn't fine. He was utterly spent physically, but that was of little consequence. He had work to do.
"So when is he going to wake up, do you think?" asked the first voice. "Is there anything we can do to wake him? I mean, I can shout pretty loudly, but I'm not sure that would work unless I shouted 'Objection' and pointed at him like this-"
"He'll wake up when he wants to wake up, so kindly get your finger out of my face, Mystic Maya." said the third voice. "And don't even think about bellowing in here unless it's an emergency. What he needs right now is sleep, fluids, oxygen, and no stress. That means no shouting, no exclamations, no strenuous activities, and no arguments."
"Oh, man... Those are literally his favorite things." said the first voice with a sigh. "Mr. Edgeworth's going to be so depressed when he wakes up."
"So there's nothing we can do?" asked the second voice. "Not even a little bit?"
"Sorry, Miss Pearl, but that's a big no. Even after he wakes up, he's gotta stay put until the head doctor gives her say so. She wants to take another look at him after the blood work results come back and she finishes analyzing it. As far as I can tell, there was something that didn't sit well with her." said the third voice. "However, you can go back in and stay with him if you want, so long as you behave."
"Really?" Both voices sounded very happy at that prospect.
"Sure, whatever floats your boat." said the man's voice. "I only called you out here so we didn't wake him. And, just to let you know, the head doctor'll come in later to poke him a bit, so if you want to camp out in there until then, that's fine. Just don't make a mess and don't play with the equipment."
"Okay, we'll head back in and let you know if anything goes wrong." The doorknob to the hospital room started to creak. "And, if that happens, I'll shout my head off, okay?"
The third voice sighed.
"If something goes wrong, just press the call button."
"That's not nearly as much fun." pouted the first voice, but she quickly switched to a cheerier tone. "Okay, let's go, Pearly. Mr. Edgeworth's missing us, I can tell."
The doorknob started to turn and before he even realized it, Edgeworth went limp and didn't move. He was too tired for this; he didn't want to talk to anyone. Besides, he was uncomfortable with the idea of being without a shirt in front of anyone, especially two young ladies.
Maybe if he played dead, they'd go away and leave him with his dignity relatively intact.
"Hi, Mr Edgeworth. We're back." Maya bustled into the room and beamed at him. "I hope you didn't get too lonely."
"He really does look peaceful." said Pearl with a wistful air as she followed her cousin inside and shut the door behind her. "I've never seen him this unwound before."
"Yeah, me neither." agreed Maya. "He usually looks so tense and taut all the time, like a spring in a suit. Then again, he's not wearing a suit right now, but hey."
"Mmhm, I don't think I've ever seen him with anything less than three layers on. It's kind of weird seeing him without."
Edgeworth internally cringed.
"Oh... yeah. You're right."
"Mystic Maya, don't stare!" squawked Pearl. "What if Mr. Edgeworth was awake? He'd be so embarrassed you were staring at him when his shirt was missing, he might cry!"
He was secretly considering it.
"Huh? Oh! Er, sorry, sorry! I wasn't staring, I just got caught in a fuzz out, a brainstorm, that's all." Maya apologized with a slightly chagrined laugh. "Anyway, it's really a shame we couldn't just get Nick in here to shout at him until he wakes up. That generally works in court to get Mr. Edgeworth up and about."
"It's unfortunate we can't get Mr. Nick here, I agree. Even when out of court, when Mr. Nick shouts his name, Mr. Edgeworth always shows up with an extremely pertinent piece of evidence that helps solve the case and brings the trial to a swift conclusion that ends in a 'not guilty' verdict, whether he meant to or not. I'm certain it would have worked this time as well."
Edgeworth's eyelid twitched.
"That is very true." said Maya. "Although, Nick usually tends to shout his name after he shows up with the evidence, but I suppose the effect's still the same. Just strike that and reverse it, okay?"
"Why does he do that?" asked Pearl.
"I'm not quite sure." replied Maya. "It's really a nervous tic more than anything else. I don't think Nick even knows he's doing it half the time."
"Mr. Edgeworth makes Mr. Nick nervous? I suppose his stare can be a little intimidating, but..."
"I think Nick's fine most of the time, but sometimes along rolls the anxiety wagon and he's gotta jump on the back for a hayride." said Maya. "I personally think it's a case of cravat envy, myself."
"Well, it is very fluffy."
"I know, right? I've always wanted to pet it- Oh, his mask fell off. I wonder when that happened."
'Oh no.' Edgeworth thought to himself while keeping his face neutral. 'Not that infernal mask again.' Why did Maya have to notice that of all things?!
"It must've happened when we were outside talking to Phil." Maya continued thoughtfully. "He was wearing it when we left, so he likely knocked it off in his sleep along with the blanket. He probably was sleep 'Objection'-ing or something, like a dog chasing after a squirrel."
What did she think he was, a border collie?
"Should we call a nurse?"
"No, I can handle it." Maya picked the mask off the ground. "I'll put it back on myself. It's just like any other mask. So long as you don't tie it too tightly, it should be fine."
If only the original person who applied the mask had known that-
Edgeworth's insides froze.
Wait... what was she going to do?
"Alright, let's see here..." Maya circled the hospital bed -Edgeworth was feeling more like a piece of fresh carrion by the second- and leaned over the side of the mattress next to the oxygen tank. "I think I can get a good angle over here on this side. Pearly, can you spot me with the tank? I don't want it falling over. I don't wanna be a pancake, even if they are tasty."
"Okay, Mystic Maya." Pearl crossed the room, stood behind Maya, and held onto the oxygen tank with everything she had.
"Thanks, Pearly." Maya stuck one knee on the side of the mattress and, though he couldn't see, Edgeworth could feel the weight pressing down on the hospital bed as she climbed on.
Good lord.
"Okey dokey, let's just get this back on again, shall we?" Maya held up the mask and, much to Edgeworth's privately flustered shock, gently cupped his cheek in her hand to steady his face.
"Wow, his skin's really soft." The pad of Maya's thumb pressed against his cheek. "I wonder if he moisturizes. Oh, who am I kidding? He's Mr. Edgeworth. Of course he does. He's got some lines on here, though."
"Are those from frowning too much?" asked Pearl.
"I don't think so." Maya leaned in further and the hospital bed creaked under the weight. "I think they're from the mask being on his face too tightly. See those red marks around his mouth?"
She ran a finger along one of the lines, sending a shiver down his spine.
"See how the redness is starting to go away? That's how you can tell it's just tightness making that mark." said Maya. "They just put the mask on too tightly last time. Don't worry, Mr. Edgeworth. I won't cut off the circulation to your brain like they did. You're in good hands."
Literally.
It was a good thing Edgeworth was too petrified to react, because if he hadn't been, he might've just climbed up the wall.
Humming to herself, Maya loosened up the straps of the oxygen mask with a couple tugs and replaced it. Edgeworth twitched a little under the pressure of the mask, but it wasn't nearly as snug as it had been before, which was a significant relief to say the least.
"There we go." Maya sat back a moment to survey her handiwork. "Good as new- oh, no, not yet. His hair's all messy now. Pearly, do you have a comb on you? I need to fix this before he wakes up or he'll freak."
"I think I have one back in my room." Pearl started chewing on her thumbnail. "I can go get it, but I don't want to leave you all alone by yourself with-"
"Oh, hey. I'll be fine." Maya waved away her concern. "Don't worry about me. Worry about his hair and how much he'll wig out if he sees it. He's already in the hospital. The last thing he needs is a stroke."
Edgeworth internally scoffed. How vain did she think he was?
"Well... okay." Pearl let go of the oxygen canister. "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere, okay?"
"Thanks again, Pearly!" Maya chirped and waved at her as she left the room. "I owe you one."
The instant the door shut, however, the atmosphere in the room changed. Maya's exuberance died away as soon as she was sure Pearl was gone and she exhaled like a balloon that had been punctured with a knitting needle.
"Hoo boy..." She sounded more exhausted than Edgeworth had ever heard her sound before. "It's just one thing on top of another, isn't it? First, it was all that garbage with the belligerent band of biddies, then that weirdo meeting with Mrs. Voyant, then the demand for channeling upped threefold, and now Mr. Edgeworth almost died on the way here. When it rains, it pours. Oh, well... I don't think Pearly suspects anything, so that's a plus. I feel pretty bad about keeping stuff from her, but I don't think she'd be able to help. If anything, she might make it worse. So, I guess I'm on my own for now. Well, at least until he wakes up."
The weight on the bed shifted again as she knelt down and retrieved the blanket from off the floor.
"Speaking of which, I'm really happy you came, Mr Edgeworth." Maya draped the blanket over the bed and tucked it in about halfway up his torso. "I know you can't hear me and I'll have to tell you again later, but I really wanted to say so now. I really, really need you here right now, even if I can't tell you why."
She started running her fingers through his fringe to comb it out, at which point Edgeworth temporarily forgot how to breathe.
"For a minute there, I didn't think you were going to show up, but you came through like you always do. Honestly, I shouldn't have been so surprised. When you make a promise, you keep it until the end. That's a really admirable trait you've got there." Maya hummed. "However, you weren't supposed to half die on the way here, y'know. You practically gave me a heart attack when Pearly told me where you were. But you're okay right now, and that's the important thing, right? I think so, anyway."
Her fingers moved to the edges of the mask and dug underneath the plastic. From the touch, Edgeworth figured she was testing the tightness of the mask to make sure it wasn't too binding.
"Even so, I'm really sorry you passed out and I hope you wake up soon so I can tell you everything. It's a bit of a story, so- Hm?" Maya's fingers caught just underneath his chin. "That's strange. His chin's not moving. It should be fairly slack since he's out for the count."
Oh no.
He really had frozen solid.
"Hm, maybe it's just a spasmed muscle. I hope not, those aren't any fun." Maya mused thoughtfully. "Well, that's nothing a little kneading can't fix."
K-kneading?!
"Mr. Edgeworth, I'm sorry in advance about getting into your bubble like this, but you'll thank me later when you don't wake up with an awful crook in your neck." Maya leaned overtop his inert body until she was precariously teetering on only one leg and hand for support, and his breath hitched when her slender fingers made contact with the side of his neck, a place that had never before been touched by anyone other than himself.
"Aha, there's the shameful knotted offender. I have you now." Maya began rubbing a firm circular motion into the muscle knot right next to his jugular vein. "Okay, I'm just going to work this little knot out so you don't end up all crumpled when you wake up and once it's gone, I'll back off and leave you and your bubble alone~!"
"Oomph!" Edgeworth's eyes snapped open as all the air forced itself out of his chest. He coughed violently, gasping for air like a beached shark, but his breathing stalled when he saw the cause of the impromptu exodus of breath lying sprawled on his chest, her face directly where his cravat would've been had he been wearing one.
"Oww... ow, ow, ow." Maya propped herself up from where she landed so she was sitting astride his upper legs, wincing all the way. "Ouch, that really hurt. I can't believe I lost my balance like that. Stupid wrist, it gave out on me. Man, I must be getting old. I can already tell I'm gonna feel that for a few... uh..."
It was at that point Maya realized the cushion she had fallen on was, in fact, awake and staring at her as she sat square in the center of his lap with her hands on his bare chest.
"Uh... Hi?" She ventured with an uncomfortable grin, looking more than a little awkward.
"... hello." Edgeworth managed to say, though it came out as a tight whisper; she didn't weigh much, but she'd really done a number on his chest when she'd landed on it.
"Did... you have a nice trip here? How was the train?"
"Fair to middling." Edgeworth replied, still breathing fairly heavily. "I don't remember the details much, though."
"Oh. I see." Maya suddenly leaned forwards, inadvertently pressing more weight down on his lap. "Mr. Edgeworth, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to land on you, it was an accident. My wrist gave out and I fell. Are you okay? I didn't squish you, did I?"
'You're squishing me now.' thought Edgeworth, but he decided to keep that to himself.
"I shall live." He instead said calmly. "Don't be concerned, you caused no lasting injury. There's nothing wrong with me-"
"Except an acute case of carbon monoxide poisoning."
Both Maya and Edgeworth jumped, though given where Maya was sitting, Edgeworth really wished she hadn't done that.
Right smack in the doorway stood a woman whom Edgeworth could only describe as an anthropomorphized skunk.
About in her early sixties or so, this woman, whom he assumed was a doctor if her purple scrubs, lab coat and badge were any indication, had such a full ponytail of black and white hair perched on the top of her head, it was a minor miracle she didn't lose balance when it swayed from side to side. A purple magatama framed by four green beads hung around her neck as well, but by far the most prevalent thing she wore was the remarkably amused expression on her wrinkly face as she eyed the pair on the hospital gurney and wiggled her fingers at them in greeting.
"Hello there. Am I interrupting anything?" She leaned up against the door and grinned from behind a pair of fogged up coke bottle glasses. "I knocked, but no one answered. Now I know why. And don't jump like that when sitting there dear, you might just kill him if you're not careful."
Maya's face, as well as Edgeworth's, turned bright pink.
"What?!" Maya frantically waved her hands in an effort to deflect the implications, "No, it's not, I- it's not what you think, I-"
"Oh relax, Mystic Maya. Youth these days, so coy." The old skunk entered the room and started typing up some notes on the computer that hung on the wall. "Let me tell you, I've been around a bit and it's not the first time I've come into a hospital room to find a young lady straddling the lap of a man without a shirt on."
Both Edgeworth's and Maya's pink faces flared crimson.
"However, I do have some work to do, so if you would kindly take a little break from doing whatever it is you two aren't doing so I can do some tests on him, I'd appreciate it." The doctor looked back at them over her shoulder and sighed. "No, no, you don't need to move, dear. I can do this without you getting off, I'm a pro. Just lean back a bit so I can get to him. Yes, that's it, like that, like you're posing at the beach. Just don't fall off, you won't do anybody any favors. Now then, young man, let's take that pulse of yours before it gets too excited- Ah, it seems I was just in time. No wonder the EKG machine sounded like the drum beat of a salsa band."
The old woman grinned at him and wrote down some notes on her clipboard while the cold head of her stethoscope pressed down over Edgeworth's erratically beating heart.
"Your heart beat is pretty high right now, but it's stable at least, so I'm going to jot this high rate down to 'extracurricular pursuits', you naughty boy."
'... is it too much to ask for me to be able to curl up and die in a hole before things get inevitably worse?' Edgeworth stared up at the ceiling, his face redder than his coat, while Maya pressed her face into her hands in an attempt to disappear.
"But we really weren't doing anything." Maya protested weakly through her hands. "Honest-"
"Mmhm, that's what they all say." said the old skunk lady. "So I suppose that'd make you Mr. Edgeworth then, hm? Mystic Maya told us you'd be coming here for a quick visit today, but nobody guessed in this capacity."
"Y-yes, that is correct." Edgeworth took a deep breath to maintain his composure; this was humiliating. "However, how did you know who I am and who are you, exactly?"
"Mm, I thought you might be him." The doctor ignored his inquiries in favor of her own train of thought. "Yes, it's not everyday a strappingly handsome young man like you comes strolling into our midsts. Most men around here these days are old and fuddy, but since I heard Mystic Maya was expecting a young man to arrive today, I put two and two together."
Edgeworth bristled again.
"Madam, I assure you, I am far from young-"
"So you're not denying the other parts, then. Oho, you're a fun one, you are."
Edgeworth, his complexion ever redder, sighed painfully. What was it with old women getting a kick out of tormenting him with outlandishly embarrassing vitriol? Did he have a 'sexually harass me' sign glued to his back or something of that ilk?
"C'mon, Doctor Bolysm, don't tease him." said Maya. "He's had a bad day and he passed out in the street and the only reason he came here was to give me something back because I asked him to. He's just here to do me a favor, that's all."
"Yes, I can see that."
"N-not that kind of favor!"
... perhaps it wasn't just him they liked to torment.
"Anyway, *ahem*, you said something about an acute case of carbon monoxide poisoning." Edgeworth decided that in order to power through this egregious ignominy, a change of topic was his best option. "What exactly did you mean by that?"
"Just what I said." The doctor typed some more on the computer and swung it around so they both could see the monitor. "Your blood tests showed you'd been exposed to carbon monoxide and that's why you collapsed in the street. We initially thought it might just be exhaustion, but the blood tests showed otherwise. Now, have you been suffering from headaches lately? Dizziness? An ill feeling in your stomach? Confusion? Flu-like symptoms?"
"Well I..." Edgeworth paused. Come to think of it, he had been feeling ill. He did have that dizzy spell at the office earlier that morning and then again in the street.
"'Well, I', what?" asked the doctor. "Come on, then. Spit it out."
"Admittedly, I have had similar symptoms to that lately, but I thought that was the result of staying up too many nights." said Edgeworth, rather irritated at the doctor's abrasive bedside manner. "I've been working around the clock on my case files and haven't had much time to rest."
"Mm. Well, that didn't help you any, but nope." Dr. Bolysm shook her head. "The main cause is definitely carbon monoxide exposure, but, make no mistake, you didn't do yourself any favors with that sleep schedule. So stop doing that, you noodle."
"N-noodle?!"
"Is he going to be okay?" Maya temporarily forgot how embarrassed she was and leaned forwards again, eliciting an uncomfortable grunt from her seat.
"Oh, he'll be fine. The levels were low enough he won't suffer any long term damage, but you should consider yourself lucky, young man. Any more long term exposure and you could've died."
"But he won't now, right?" Maya pressed concernedly.
"No, he won't die just yet." replied the doctor. "However, it's likely wherever you've been spending a majority of your time has a carbon monoxide leak, so you'll want to get that checked out immediately. Any ideas where that might be?"
Edgeworth's brow creased as he began to retrace his steps. As of late, he hadn't gone beyond the usual haunts he frequented: the Prosecutor's building, his flat, and the court house. However, he hadn't spent much time in the courts to the point that it would've made much difference and nobody else had complained of an issue about the courthouse to him. Not that anyone would, with maybe the exception of the Judge, but he hadn't heard anyone muttering under their breath about feeling ill, so that ruled the courthouse out.
His flat was a decent candidate for a leak, but he hadn't been back to his flat in ages, or not for all that long, anyway. Just long enough to shower, pretend to sleep for twenty minutes, change clothes, and then head back out again.
In fact, the only place he had been anywhere for any length of time for the better part of a couple weeks had been-
"Actually, come to think of it, I wasn't feeling all that good when I was in your office last night, Mr. Edgeworth." Maya mused, her chin propped up in her hand. "I felt kind of funny, a little dizzy, and I had a terrible headache. I just put it off to not feeling very good myself because I've been really busy with... things, but after I left, I started to feel a little better. I'm not an expert, but that's a possibility."
... his office.
His office!
"Miss Fey, I need my phone. Would you get it, please? It's in the breast pocket of my coat." Edgeworth gestured to the pile of clothing on the chair long beyond his reach, thanks to the ridiculously short range of the EKG electrodes.
"Right, I'm on it-"
"Oh, don't trouble yourself, your Mystic-ness, I'll get it for you." Dr. Bolysm strode over to the pile, picked up the coat, reached a hand into the inner breast pocket, and stopped for a moment. "Oh. Oho... I see. So that's how it is."
"Huh?" Maya's eyebrow raised. "Is his phone in there?"
"Hm? Oh, yes, here it is. Go for it, darling." The doctor retrieved the phone and tossed the phone at the bed.
"I got it!" Maya caught it out of the air in one swift motion like a cat catching a butterfly and handed the freshly snatched phone to Edgeworth. "Here ya go."
"Thank you." Edgeworth quickly activated the phone, flipped through his contacts, selected one, and held it up to his ear. "Detective Skye? It's Edgeworth. I need you to call the fire department and evacuate the Prosecutor's building. There may be a carbon monoxide leak and I want every office in that building checked immediately, along with all of the personnel examined to make sure they haven't been exposed to any of the gas. Good, see that you do. What? Yes, I'm fine. No, I'm at the hospital getting checked out. Carbon monoxide exposure, apparently. No, no, there's no long term damage. I'll actually be on my way back soon-"
"What?!" Maya's jaw dropped. "Mr. Edgeworth, you're in no shape to head anywhere except back to bed-"
"Yes, that's Maya Fey you just heard bansheeing in the background." Edgeworth ignored Maya's outburst. "Which hospital? Fey Village hospital- An errand, that's why. Yes, I have been known to do errands from time to time if it suits me. Hm? Oh, very well. I'll tell her."
Edgeworth turned his attention from the phone to Maya.
"Detective Skye says 'hello'."
"Hi, Ema! Don't let him come back to work! Mr. Edgeworth passed out in the middle of the road and he almost died!"
"Oh for- What? Yes... yes, I did pass out. Yes, it was from the carbon mono- oh, don't you start." Edgeworth pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes, I will be fine. Mmhm, fluids, fresh air and rest. I know. Anyway, I will be at the building later to oversee the procedures, so make sure they are underway by the time I get back. Thank you, Detective."
He pressed the 'end call' button on his phone and scowled at Maya.
"Was that really necessary?"
"Yes." Maya nodded without remorse. "I like Ema and she'd be really worried about you if she knew just how close to dying you were."
"I wasn't close to dying, Miss Fey." Edgeworth responded wiltingly.
"Actually, the master's got you on this one, sonny jim." interrupted Dr. Bolysm. "I'm recommending you to stay the night until we get those veins and lungs of yours cleansed, and then if you're better enough to function and behave yourself, I just might let you out in the morning."
Edgeworth's brow furrowed. He didn't have time for this. He had an office to evacuate and though Detective Skye wouldn't fail him, he still didn't like the idea of completely delegating the safety of his subordinates to a third party, even if she was a trusted one.
"Very well. I will take that at your word." Edgeworth turned to Maya. "Miss Fey, if you would kindly get off and retrieve my clothes? I need my accoutrements if I'm to make the next train."
Maya's normally jovial face grew extremely serious, so much so Edgeworth found himself taken aback.
"Mr. Edgeworth, you need to stay here." She gazed into his eyes like she was piercing the back of his skull with her corneas. "You can't just go running off for the next train in the shape you're in. They can do it without you. You just put in a call to Ema, she'll sort it out and deal with the leak. She's capable. You, on the other hand, need to rest and recover."
"If she was not capable, I would not have contacted her." Edgeworth replied coldly. "However, it would be irresponsible to leave the situation to someone else when this falls directly underneath my jurisdiction. I have to go back. Once I give you what I promised I would, my duty here will be done, so there's no need for me to stay any longer than I have to. Besides, that was merely a recommendation on the part of the doctor. I am not obligated to follow it."
"Mr. Edgeworth!"
"Ah, we've got ourselves a live one." The doctor murmured and stuck her head out of the doorway. "Phil, I need a bag of number 16, stat."
"Gotcha." said a man's voice from outside the room.
"Mr. Edgeworth, Ema's got this. You need to get better pronto and the only way to do that is to make sure that all that carbon monoxide gets cleared out of your system. What if you pass out again on the way back and nobody's around? You could smack your head and die, or fall into the train tracks and die, or get hit by a car and die, or trip over a brick and die-"
"Miss Fey, I'm not going to die." Edgeworth rolled his eyes. Talk about dramatic.
"Not if I've got anything to say about it, you're not. That's why you need to stay here, so you won't die." Maya's cheek puffed out. "Don't make me call Nick on you."
Edgeworth snorted.
"Oh, and what's Wright going to do? Bluff me to death?"
"He just might, you don't know-"
"Hey, Dr. B. I've got the IV you wanted." A well built young man wearing purple scrubs, a white coat, and a face like a hawk wheeled in an IV stand that had a bag of mysterious liquid hanging from the hook. "Where's my target?"
"The man in the bed over there." Dr. Bolysm pointed at Edgeworth, though he didn't notice. "Better be quick, though. He's a wild one."
"Be that as if may, threatening me with Wright isn't exactly a foolproof method, Miss Fey." Edgeworth continued. "He's never been one to intimidate me, not even in the courtroom, so while it could be said that threatening Wright with me would yield results, the opposite does not always hold true, and what are you doing?!"
"Fluids." said the young man who brought in the IV as he held Edgeworth's right arm steady while he swabbed it down with some antiseptic. "You can't get back on the train if you're low. Those things are notorious dehydrators and if you're on one for too long, you'll be jerky by the time you get back."
"Well, he's already being a jerk, so it's not that much of a stretch." sniped Maya. "Wow, your arm's all red and pocked. What happened, did you get attacked by an ant farm?"
"How am I supposed to know?" Edgeworth shot back at her. "I was unconscious, if you recall."
"Phil?" Maya shifted her attention to the junior doctor with the hawkish face. "Why does his arm look like this?"
"Not from ants in any case, just a nervous intern. His veins kept rolling whenever she tried taking blood or putting in the IV bag, or so she said." The man named Phil ran a hand through his mussed jet black hair. "I ended up having to come in and take care of it because she ran out of the room crying. Again."
"Oh, so a rolling vein gathers no blood?" chirped Maya.
Both Edgeworth and Phil stared at her.
Maya grinned.
"Eheh, sorry. I couldn't help myself."
"Try to." said both men simultaneously.
"It's a little weird, though." Maya poked at Edgeworth's arm, causing him to grunt in pain. "It kind of looks like there are holes even where there aren't any blue veins underneath. She either really missed her mark, or his veins don't just move, they migrate."
"Don't worry. I'm going to talk to her about it later." Phil's yellow eyes narrowed as he put the needle in, and once it was in place, he stood back up and squeezed the bag a little to make sure it was draining properly. "Okay, I think that'll take care of it. Welp, see you later."
He then left the room.
"Alright, after the IV is done, then I will depart for the train station." Edgeworth stated, all the while trying not to look at the exposed needle stuck into his arm. "How long does this usually take to complete?"
"Well, let's see. The IV's just been put in, so I'd give you about..." Dr Bolysm looked at her watch. "Two minutes."
"What?" Edgeworth blinked. He couldn't have heard her correctly. "An IV surely takes longer than that to drip through its course. I can't possibly have been that... that... dehydrated."
"Mr. Edgeworth?" Maya pawed the side of his cheek as his eyelids began to droop. "Are you okay?"
"I think so... I'm... I'm just really tired all of a sudden. More than… I... I was." It was taking every ounce of strength Edgeworth had to stay lucid, and even with all his willpower, he was still fading fast. His eyelids were so heavy he could barely keep them open and the rest of his body felt like it was made of lead.
"Mmhm, two minutes." smiled Dr. Bolysm. "Good old number 16. It never fails."
Edgeworth's strained attention shot to the doctor.
"What... did you... do?" His breathing was growing more laborious by the second. "What... is in… that IV?"
"A powerful sedative." beamed the doctor. "Like you said, my recommendation was only a recommendation and you don't have to follow my advice, but conversely, I don't have to let you leave."
"W-why you...!" Edgeworth's ire skyrocketed and he tried to yank the IV out himself, but he was unable to do anything because his body refused to respond to his commands.
"And last I checked, you can't get back on a train if you're already riding the snooze one. So, nighty night and we'll be back to check on you later. Also, be nice to the master when you wake up. She's why you're here, after all."
With that, the doctor waved at them both and departed with a slam of the door.
"Well... I guess you're not going anywhere after all, huh?" Maya broke the silence when the dust settled in the wake of the door. Edgeworth's body sank further into the mattress. In spite of all his negotiation techniques and tenure as an esteemed prosecutor, he'd been outwitted by a bag of spiked saline.
This was just depressing.
"Mr. Edgeworth, are you okay?" asked Maya. "You don't look too good."
"I'm fine." Edgeworth's eyelids finally became too burdensome and they slid shut. "However... this is why... I hate doctors."
"Mr. Edgeworth, it's gonna be okay." Maya gripped his hand with her own and squeezed it tightly. "I'll stay right here the whole time if you want. I promise I won't let..."
He knew she was still speaking, but Edgeworth didn't register what else she said. His ears had long since shut off beyond the point of understanding.
Although...
... her hand was pleasantly warm.
(A/N)- Hey, all. I just want to say thank you for reading, favoriting and alerting, and I wanted to give a special thank you to those who reviewed, too. I'm quite pleased that you guys took the time to do that and I appreciate all the feedback and commentary. It makes writing that much more fun. :D I also have realized that I need to say something else down here, since I've essentially just repeated myself twice with little variation, but unfortunately, I can't really think of anything right now. It's rather vexing. So, in the time between now and the next update, I will need to think of something. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed and please review!