Wasted Love

Rating: M - You guys know why.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, except for my own thoughts, two dogs and too many books.

This chapter is unbeta'ded and English is not my first language - please, keep that in mind.

A/N: Hey, better late than never. This is our biggest and most filled drama chapter to date. Here is to some answers, I hope you guys like it.

Thank you very much for the support!

CHAPTER FOUR

"Would you mind if I accompany my sister-in-law?" Emmett stood between me and Dr. Tanner. "I believe there are some gaps of his life I can help to fill."

"Of course not, as long as..." Her sentence was interrupted by a petrifying scream, startling all of us - and coming from Edward's bed.

My blood ran cold.

His eyes snapped open, but it was like he could not see any of us; he sat up straight, pulling tubes and cables with him in the process, groaning with pain when his body caught up with his reaction.

In a nanosecond, everyone moved; Emmett and Carlisle were instantly by his side, trying to hold back a bustling Edward.

"Son, calm down!" Carlisle's voice was reassuring, but inefficient.

"Bella, Bella!" Edward shouted. "She must be hurt! Where is she? She must be hurt!"

Me?

Hurt?

I tried to make sense of his words.

Unlikely everyone else in the room, that had moved into Edward's direction, I was still on the same spot, frozen in panic.

"Dude, slow down," Emmett firmly pushed Edward back into a laying position. "Bella is right there, look at her. Everything's fine."

"Where is she?" He tried to get up once more and Carlisle glared at me, pulling me out of my torpor.

"Baby," I said softly, my voice just a ghost while I got closer to him. "I'm right here."

His frantic eyes found mine, and I watch all the despair I heard in his scream dissipating.

"Oh, thank God." Edward moved his hand to reach me, but it was stuck to the IV. Careful to not touch anything but him, I sat by his side on the bed. "Are you ok?"

"I am." I assured, caressing his face. "Do you remember where you are?"

"I…Think I do." He closed his eyes, shaking his head, silent for a few moments. "I'm at the hospital."

His eyes darted between me and Emm.

"Yes, you are. Do you remember why?" I continued.

"I was in a..." Suddenly his eyes snapped to mine, his body tensing. "Fuck, I think I remember the accident."

"You do?" Emmet inquired, stepping closer. "What do you remember?"

Edward stared at his brother.

"I remember the rain first, and then the darkness. I could barely see the road... I heard the truck, but it was too close already. Then I couldn't move my legs, and it was so cold…" He shivered, closing his eyes briefly before looking back at me. "I couldn't find Bella."

"I wasn't with you," I ran my hand smoothly through his hair, a motion meant to calm him. "I was at home when I got a call from the Hospital. You dreamed that I was there with you, but I was not. I am ok, see?" I held my arms up and forced a smile for good measure. He bought it, relaxing further on the bed. "You hit your head pretty hard."

He nodded, closing his eyes, and leading into my touch.

"Hi, Mr. Cullen," Dr. Jane approached carefully. "My Name is Dr. Jane Volturi. I have been taking care of you since you got admitted here, at the Seattle General. How do you feel?"

"My head hurts," His voice was soft. "And I'm very confused."

"That's normal," She got closer, checking his cognitive responses. "Just the fact that you remember the accident it's a sign that all your brain needs is some time to recover. What else do you remember?"

"Not much," Edwards's hand kept me steady by his side. "It's all... fuzzy. I don't even know if what recall is really the accident, kind of feels like a dream."

"It will comeback." She assured with a smile. "It's been roughly 72 hours, Mr. Cullen. Right now, you must focus on rest."

"What about my leg?" He asked. "How long until I can stand up again?"

"Well, that's going to depend on the results of the physiotherapy but usually it can take from four to six weeks in cases like yours." She smiled, gesturing to the two doctors that waited on the foot of the bed. "But we will talk more about that later. Now, I would like to introduce you to Dr. Bree Tanner and Dr. Riley Biers," They exchanged handshakes. "Together we are working on getting a clear image of what's happening inside your brain after the concussion. You were incredibly lucky, Mr. Cullen."

"I don't feel very lucky," He smirked, touching his ribs slightly.

"But you were," Dr. Jane continued. "Right now, we would like to take advantage of the fact that you are awake and perform some exams, if you don't mind." Edward nodded, and the doctors started to unhook his AV and his bed. "Dr. Cullen would you like to accompany us?" She said, regarding my father-in-law.

Carlisle agreed immediately, helping the doctors to roll Edward out of the room.

"You're not coming?" Edward clutched my hand, eyes still on me.

"No, it's better to have your father in there with you. I'll be here when you get back." He nodded, but did not let go, so, not giving two fucks about Esme, I leaned on and pecked his lips. "Go." I said sternly and he smiled before they rolled him out to the hallway.

After they cleared out, the room fell dead silent.

I could feel Esme staring at me and I was about to glare at her back when I heard my name being called again.

"Mrs. Cullen?" Dr. Tanner smiled motioning out; I had completely forgotten about her.

"Yes, I'm sorry," I regarded Emmett. "You're coming?"

"Of course." He said, following us out.

She guided us to a big, but simple office; books adorned the walls from side to side, sharing space with multiple framed degrees.

"Please sit down. Mrs. Cullen, Dr. Cullen." She smiled lightly. "It must get confuse having two Dr. Cullen's at the same hospital, yet the same family."

"It does," He smiled. "So, please call me Emmett." Nodding, she took her place across from of us.

"Well, Dr. Jane asked me to fill you both in our next steps, but let's start from the begging, shall we?"

We nodded as she opened Edward's chart.

"Mr. Edward Cullen, 35 years old, was admitted at the Seattle General at 2:15 AM, Thursday." She started reading. "He was conscious - albeit confuse; had multiple rib fractures, one of which caused internal bleeding. He also had a fracture at his left fibula, and a severe concussion. He went through two distinct surgeries, one to cease the internal bleeding and another one to stabilize his leg; both went well and his recover until now seems to be stellar, aside from the amnesia." She closed the chart, regarding at us. "Today, alongside Dr. Biers, Dr. Jane is about to conduct more specifics neurological exams in Mr. Cullen. They're looking for something that can tell us why his brain has suppressed part of his memories." She paused mindfully. "The reason for these exams, and also the why I was invited to work on Mr. Cullen's case, it's the fact that his firsts CT Scan and EEG came back normal; that could indicate that his amnesia comes from a psychological trauma rather than a physical one."

Psychological?

I looked at Emmett, hoping he could enlighten me – but he was deep down in his own doubts.

"But I thought temporary memory loss was to be expected in a trauma like his." He inquired.

"Yes, it is." Dr. Tanner continued. "Most traumatized brains produce some sort of short-term retrograde amnesia but based on Dr. Jane reports and your own observations, his brain seemed to have regressed years back in time. To affect such a large patch of his memories, either his medial temporal lobes or hippocampus should be damaged."

"And if his scans came back normal, they could hardly be." Emmett concluded.

"Exactly." Dr. Tanner nodded. "Above that Dr. Emmett, in a decade on the field, I've never had a retrograde amnesia patient who remembered the trauma. That is why I don't think that this is a simple case of a temporary loss. That said, Dr. Jane wants to cover all the bases; the physical exams are being performed so we can assure that there is nothing physically wrong with his brain, and I would like your help to determine how much of his life his brain has blocked; that way I can try to paint a picture of what is going on with him, psychologically. I would like to know more about his life, any relevant moments… anything that you two find useful for me to get to know him better."

Dr. Tanner looked at me, but by now, I felt more like an observant than a participant in this conversation.

I looked at Emmett for help, once again.

"Well," Emmett cleared his throat, before start. "We had a regular childhood, great parents, good schools, good friends. Edward was a little more reserved than me but, nonetheless. When he was 15 years old and I was 18, our father got a job in Seattle; we were in a serious Seahawks phase, so we were excited to move here." He shrugged. "Edward went to Yale but moved back home right after graduating."

Dr. Tanner nodded, taking notes.

"What about any significant relationships?"

"He had a few girlfriends in high school and college, but nothing serious." Emmett shrugged. "Edward was extremely focused on his studies. He's always been very goal oriented." Emmett smiled. "He majored in Computer science and loved what he did. Edward was always a quiet, easy going guy, Dr. Tanner, and nothing really rocked his world until he met Bella."

Emmett finished, looking at me as I weighed his words; had I really done that? We were so consumed in what we felt when together that I had never stopped to think consciously about how deeply we affected each other lives at the time.

"How did you two met, Mrs. Cullen?" Dr. Tanner asked, getting my attention.

"Bella, please," I stated. "We met in a bar where I used to work as a bartender, while in college. Edward was there in a blind date."

I smiled, thinking about the fact that Edward always told this story saying that it was my fault that his date went badly: he could see me from the table he was sitting while I worked at the bar, and could not think about anything else for the rest of the night.

"Instead of staying put in his table, he spent the night stealing moments at the bar and talking my ear off." The sweet memories of Edward on that grey shirt, finding excuses to come to the bar over and over, tightened my heart. "He asked me out at the end of the night, but he wasn't the first client to ask me out, so I smiled but I wasn't having it – that didn't stop him though; he came back night after night until I said yes and, we were married within a year."

Dr. Tanner gave me a slight smile before putting her pen aside for a moment.

"I'm aware that the two of you were going through a rough path for the past years.'' Her tone was inquiring but she let me to elaborate.

I knew that Emmett had briefed Dr. Jane on the matter of our separation during the diagnostic of amnesia, and that she probably briefed Dr. Tanner too.

"Yes, we were." I whispered, feeling the lump on my throat, and looking at my lap to focus on anything but it. "We've been apart for a couple of years."

I felt Emmett's hand slipping into mine, and I held it tight.

"Mrs. Cullen - Bella." Dr. Tanner said, regarding me with a smile. "I don't mean to pry, and I know that this is hard but the most you can tell me, the better will be. I have to know what happened in his life before to understand what is happening to him now."

I gathered the courage to speak about the subjects I avoided to even think about, afraid that it was going to open a floodgate that I just was not going be able to stop.

Right now, I did not have an option.

"Edward and I stayed together for six years," I started. "The first couple of years of our marriage were... busy, with both of us starting our own business, but very happy." I struggled to find the words to convey everything we lived - three years later and I was still trying to understand how everything went south. "We went to Greece to celebrate our anniversary and I ended up throwing up the whole time. At first, we thought it was the heat, maybe a bad jet leg, but after realizing that I've been missing my period for couple of months, we found that we're pregnant."

My words were small and broken – as I felt.

"We were over the moon with the news, but at 26 weeks I lost the baby. Our health seemed perfect, but the baby's heart didn't form properly and it just... stopped beating." The room was in silence for a few moments, and I appreciated the time to regroup. "It was by far the worst moment of our lives. Our families were fully involved by that point; we had a sex, a name, a painted room... losing the baby tore us apart. Life never went back to the way it was before."

"I'm sorry for your loss, Bella." Dr. Tanner said after a minute. "When did that happen?"

"Six years ago."

"And how Edward took the loss?" She inquired.

"He was… crushed." I confessed. "Trying to deal with his own grief while helping me deal with mine... but, as hard as it was, we kept going. The doctor said that we could try for another baby in six months, so we decided to not prevent against another pregnancy in due time and let things happen. Unfortunately, we faced miscarriage again; it happened two more times over the next years... and we just couldn't stand it. I sighed, my hand touching my stomach absently - I could still feel the emptiness of that day. "I was feeling like a failed Edward, and he certainly felt the same way. We just weren't happy anymore. By the time I left him, we had grown completely apart; we were working too much, barely talking and spend most of our time away from each other. I couldn't live like that, so I decided that we needed to move on." I scoffed. "Something we did it very badly, as it seems."

I looked up to Emmett and his eyes were shocked and sad; there were things that not even he knew – or anyone else but me and Edward. Dr. Tanner stopped writing for a moment but did not say anything and, as I resumed the talking, she resumed the writing.

"We didn't tell anyone about the last two miscarriages because, after the first one, we figured out that the less people knew the less people would suffer. I already couldn't deal with the pity and sympathy I saw in the nurses and doctors faces, much less with our family. I choose to suffer and silence, and Edward went along with it."

I averted my eyes from Emm's heartbroken expression.

"And he didn't seem to remember any of that?" Dr. Tanner inquired softly.

"I don't think so," I shrugged. "I mean, it's not like I approached the subject but, I believe that given the situation, he would've said something."

"He doesn't seem to recall the separation either?"

"No." I answered. "We did never fill in for a divorce, but to be honest until I got the call from the hospital, I haven't heard about Edward in almost three years. I can't help to fill the blank for that time."

"None of us can." Emmett, find his voice again. "Not very well, anyway. After their separation, my brother sold his part of the company for his partner, sold the apartment that he and Bella used to live and went to work abroad. Looking back now, it makes sense seems like an attempt to distance himself further from his life here." Emmett ran his hand through his hair. "He called from time to time, but that was it. About six months ago he showed up, saying that he was back in town, but we barely saw him - especially after he found out that my wife was pregnant. All I know it's that he was starting a new business, and it sounded like he was back to working 24/7. "

"I'm sorry, Emm."

Once again, I found myself confronted about how much Edward had changed after I left.

"Me too, Bells." Emm smiled sadly at me and patted my knee. "But It's not your fault."

It felt like it was.

We felt in silent again, and Dr. Tanner rested her pen.

"Emmett, Bella. I think we've gathered enough information for me to be even more comfortable about my diagnosis now, but I prefer to discuss everything with my team first." She regarded us sympathetically and Emmett got up, pulling my chair as he did. "Thank you both for being so forthcoming and for sharing all that you did. I promise that we'll do everything in our power to help Mr. Cullen."

"Thank you." We said in unison, and as Emmett shook hands with Dr. Tanner, I started to walk in the direction of the room.

Emmett was going to want to talk, and I couldn't do that right now – not if I was going to face Edward.

"Bells!" I heard him calling me and I quickened my pace; I could feel my eyes welling up and my throat getting tighter just by the thought of Emmett's sweet words. "Bells, please wait!"

He reached me in no time and before I could think I was enveloped in his arms.

"I'm so sor…" He whispered while I hugged him back, trying with all my power to not start to bawl like a baby.

"Emm, please, don't." I choked out. "I can't do this right now. Not when I have to face Edward."

"Ok." It was all he said while we stood in the middle of the hospital alley, hugging until my heart stopped trying to run away from my chest.

Almost two hours after we came back, Edward and the doctors finally returned.

Carlisle stood by the door, talking quietly with Dr. Jane as the nurses rolled Edward in. He was sound asleep, but I could see that the bandage on his head had been replaced, as had the one on his ribs.

Dr. Jane informed us that everything went great, and she would talk to us further in the morning.

"How it was, Dad?" Emmett said sitting beside his father on the couch, after she left.

Carlisle sighed heavily while undoing his tie.

"Brutal," He stated. "He is a tough one, though, didn't complain once. They did a full battery of exams; by the end he was so worn out that he fell asleep before they even gave him any medicine."

I got closer to the bed, sitting on the edge, so I could run my hand through his hair; he moved unconsciously, turning his head on the direction of my hand. Esme sighed frustrated from her place across from me, but I choose to ignore her.

"Was any of it helpful?" Emm asked.

"It was. We could conclude that there is nothing physically wrong with his brain. I mean, he does have a fractured skull so, pain and other symptoms of the concussion are to be expected, but there's no swelling, no damage to the temporal lobes…"

"None?"

"None," Carlisle confirmed. "He's actually recovering remarkably quickly. At this pace, Dr. Jane thinks he could be home by the end of the week. Wherever is that it is causing the amnesia, has to be psychological."

"That's what Dr. Tanner thinks too." Emmet echoed.

"Makes sense," Carlisle said after a few moments. "Anyway, he probably will be out like a light until tomorrow, but I think I'm going stay put tonight. I want to be here when he wakes up."

"Me too, I will stay with you." I volunteered immediately.

"No, you're coming home with me." Rose commanded, appearing on the threshold. "Emmett will stay with his parents."

"Rose, I…" I started to protest, but she stopped me.

"Bella, you've been here since yesterday. You need to shower, eat something and sleep. This it's not up to discussion, you're going home with me."

"Go with Rose." Emmett insisted. "He won't be up till morning and I'll call you if anything changes. I promise."

I looked between Emmett and Rose, and then to Edward asleep by my side.

I knew that they were right; I would be of better help if I was rested instead of cranky and sleepless but, there was an irrational side of me that felt like he was going to disappear again in the moment I left him out of my sight - and this side was blocking all my common sense.

"He will be here tomorrow, honey." Rose said, apparently, reading my mind. "He won't go anywhere."

With a defeated sigh, I kissed Edward lightly on the forehead, before saying my goodbyes and gathering my stuff, followed Rose outside.

Angela waited on the hall, messing around on her phone.

"You are going home?" She smiled to us.

"To Rose's place." I smiled back.

"If I'm forcing her to go home with me to eat something and sleep? Yes, I am." Rose teased, wobbling to the elevator. "Come with us."

"Thanks Rose, but I think I'm going to head back home and put our employees on the loop of everything that it's going on. We are going to have a busy week without Bella."

Angie was my right hand at the Studio since the beginning. I started my business in bridal fashion less than a decade ago, but our name was just now getting popular - something I have been dreaming about since I was bringing coffee and making calls to other bridal designers.

"Thank you, Angie." I hugged her. "I'll find a way to go there at least for a few minutes..."

"Don't even think about it." She chided. "Take care of your dumbass of a husband and worry about yourself. I'll stop by to update you, ok?"

I agreed, the weariness of the last hours starting to catch up with me and making me feel hopeful under the prospect of a soft bed and real food.

The elevator arrived and dead on my feet, I followed my girls out.

"This was delicious," I grinned at Rose, popping the last piece of her heavenly homemade pizza rolls in my mouth.

We were sitting in her dinner room, taking advantage of the last hour to catch up; I had put her up to how much Swan's Bride had grown, and how dull my work-home-work life has been in the last couple of years, while she confided about leaving her position at the museum to stay home with the baby in their first year.

"I've cried and cried, overthinking this decision since we found out we're expecting," She mumbled. "But Emm made me realize that what I wanted was more important than what people thought. So, if I ever choose to go back to work, we will find a way, but for right now this feels right."

"You look happy," I smiled, feeling lighter at the moment.

"I am," She grinned, running her hand over her bump. "This kid has been giving the shots for the last 35 weeks, but I've never gave up on control so gladly."

"How do you feel?" I said, reaching out to touch her belly. The baby kicked my hand, making us smile. "Are you anxious? Only 5 weeks to go."

"Well, given that I haven't slept through a whole night for the last 10 weeks, I can't wait to get this kid out." Her eyes softened. "And I can't wait to hold it in my arms... but I think I'm going to miss this stage, felling him or her moving inside of me."

"It is something else, indeed." I grinned, genuinely content for my friend. This was something that every woman deserved to experience. "Didn't you guys wanted to know the sex?"

"Emmett wanted to know, but I didn't." She shrugged. "We don't get particularly good surprises in life you know. I can't help but wanting to live this one to the max."

"I get it." I glanced at Rose, and she was biting her cheek – an old Rosalie tale of when she wanted to say something, but she felt like she shouldn't. "What it is?"

"What is what?" She replied, looking everywhere but me.

"Don't play dumb." Rose sighed heavily, both of her hands resting over her belly as she looked down her feet.

"I don't know what our limits in this topic are," She admitted sincerely. "I want to talk about it, especially because you're my only close friend who has experienced pregnancy before, but the last thing I want is to hurt your feelings or to remind you of something that you don't want to think about."

"Rose..." I whispered sadly. "I'm so sorry that you feel like you can't talk to me about such an important moment in your life." She stared at me; her big blue eyes wide as a deer caught in the headlight. "But remind me of my pregnancy it is never a bad thing, it was the happiest time of my life, even if ended like it did. So, talk to me about your pregnancy, ask me questions, compare, and share what you are living, it is not bad thing either; to be honest, there is no else I would love more to do this with, than you – and God forbid Angela to listen this."

Rose snort-laughed, in a very unladylike, but very Rosalie-like way.

"I don't want you to refrain for even a second to live any of this because you're feeling of guilty over me, Edward or our baby. This is your moment, and I couldn't be happier for you."

"How?" Rose asked, her eyes now shining with tears. "How can you be happy for me? How can you not hate me right now? I wouldn't be able to look at you if I were in your shoes. Edward wasn't."

She whipped her tears, hurt, and I wondered how I could ever be so obnoxious to believe that our problems wouldn't affect the ones around us.

"You should've seen the way he looked at me, Bells, like he couldn't believe it what he was seeing, so... betrayed. It was as if we just slapped him in the face - and the saddest part is that I don't even think he noticed his own reaction." Rosalie's voice failed. "He never showed up again after the day he found out we were pregnant. Emmett has been driving himself crazy ever since."

"Rose," I reasoned, covering her hand with mine. "If Edward was anything like me, he wasn't himself after what we went through. He could never hate you or Emmett, you must know that. He was just very hurt, probably feeling a little... cheated by life."

"Is this how you feel? Cheated by life?" She muttered.

"I don't know, maybe in some level." I shrugged. "Our first years together were so good… I never believed that someone could be so happy. So, when it ended the way it did, it felt like karma coming to balance things out; it felt like that kind of happiness never really belonged to me in the first place."

"But it did, honey. You deserved it back then and you deserve it now, you have to know that." Rose echoed my words, seeing right through my bullshit, as usually.

I didn't have to tell her that I was feeling out of place, like a phony, pretending to be something that I was not by Edward's side.

She knew it.

"Bella, you have the right to stay by his side and more than that: he needs you beside him. You were given a second chance between stay and deal with it or go and give up again - but you choose to stay. And that says something. There's hope."

"I just... wish I didn't deal with things the way I did when we It ended," I admitted. "But I did what I had to do to stay sane, I'm not sure at which cost."

"Nobody's blames you for it, honey." She whispered, sympathetic.

"Have you met my mother-in-law?" I teased, whipping away the tears that escaped.

"Esme can't see a palm ahead of her own nose." Rose scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Don't worry about her, she will see through this tantrum she's throwing - Carlisle will make sure of it."

"I'm not worried about her." I stated - Esme was the least of my problems.

"What are you worried about?"

"Everything." I murmured. "Edward foremost: how we will tell him about the amnesia and how will he react... Where do we stand now? My mind is all over the place."

Shaking my head, I tried to clear my thoughts.

"What it is, Bells?" Rose encouraged, rubbing my arm lightly.

"I don't know what I am more scared of," I confessed. "I fear that Edward will remember everything and fucking hating me for it, and I'm terrified that he won't, and that I'll have to remind him of how it was to lose our girl."

My last words hardly sounded aloud.

"Baby, remember about your resolution to not overthink this?" I nodded. "As far as resolutions go, it was a really good one. Stick with it - you must - because right now, the situation is more complicated than you can think of, let alone overthink it. Just take one day at a time."

Rose was right - I could lay awake overthinking the hundred ways this whole situation could go, but it was unpredictable; the best I could do was to take a step at a time.

I smiled at her and she smiled back, but as her smile turned into a huge yawn, mine turned into a full laughter. I gathered our plates, coerced Rose up to bed and after loading the dishwasher, walked back to the guest's room, feeling pretty drained myself.

The last thought that crossed my mind before I fell asleep, was a bittersweet memory: a goofing Edward smiling at me, while choosing baby sundresses in a kid's store.