Wasted Love
Rating: M - You know why.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, except for my own thoughts, two dogs and too many books.
This chapter was beta'ded by the kind SunflowerFran. Thank you so much for helping me! But English is not my first language, so please keep that in mind.
A/N: Hey, guys! We are a few chapters away from the big reveal. Chapter 7 is coming, sooner than later.
I hope you enjoy this update. Thank you very much for the support!
CHAPTER SIX
"To tell me what?" Edward asked again as we remained frozen in place, looking at each other until Emmett's quick witty saved us.
"To quit being a drama queen and get out of this bed." He smirked. The doctors have had enough of your shit."
Edward grinned. "Fuck off, Emm."
"Language!" Esme chided, making them laugh.
"Sorry, Ma," They replied in unison, smiling unapologetically.
"But I mean it," Emmett said, patting Edward's leg. "Dr. Jane said as soon you're done with your antibiotics, you're good to go."
"Thank God!" Edward sighed, eyes looking past Emm, focusing on me. "Hey."
"Hey, yourself." I beamed, feeling the pull between us strong as always, drawing me closer still.
"I think that's our cue people," Carlisle said, gathering his and Esme's coats. "I'll be back in an hour, and we'll talk then."
"Carlisle, stay home." I insisted. "Rest, eat something. I'll be here."
"Yeah, Dad." Edward echoed. "Stay. It will be fine."
Carlisle dismissed us. "An hour. Call me if you need anything."
I acquiesced.
"I'll walk you two to the car," Emm said, waiting at the door while Carlisle and Esme said their goodbyes.
"Well, Mom seems ... cooler today," Edward said after they left, and I shrugged, walking slowly in his direction.
"Does she?" I replied nonchalantly. "How was your night?"
"I've missed you."
"You were sleeping," I rolled my eyes, teasing. "Under the influence of heavy painkillers, if I'm not mistaken."
"Oh, trust me," Edward smirked, pulling his body into an upright position. "I miss you whenever you aren't around."
He grinned, catching hold of my waist with his free arm.
How amazing it was to feel his love radiating so easily. Watching Edward so carefree, made it impossible not to wonder how I would be capable of giving him back all the heaviness he carried after we lost our daughter.
I felt my heartbeat speeding, and shut my eyes, burying my face in his neck.
Not now, not now, not now, I repeated in my head. Freaking out right now was not an option.
I breathed him in for another moment before Edward pulled my face back to his, kissing me slowly.
"Hmmm," He moaned, eyes closed. "You taste like coffee."
"Enjoy another one, then," I pecked him lightly. "That is as much coffee as you're going to have for now. How are you feeling today?"
"I'm okay," He mused. "I feel less sore and more ... myself."
"That's good." I smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"It is ..." He scratched his neck, and I waited for him to continue. "I'm still very confused, though."
"About what?" I encouraged glad he was sharing. There wasn't much I could say, but I was willing to listen.
"Everything," He stated. "I mean, I know I should expect this, but ..." He gritted the word.
"Hey," I stopped him, reiterating, "It's okay. There's nothing wrong with being confused, especially after all that you've been through."
"Yeah, I know … I know." He nodded, looking everywhere but me. "What's bothering me the most is that I'm not confused about just one moment … I am lost about it all. I keep trying to remember, to remake my steps, and it's just ... all over the place."
"What do you remember?" I enquired, eager to keep him talking.
"Most of the accident." He sighed. "I remember the pouring rain, washing everything in white ... I couldn't see shit." His eyes were cast down, but his hands kept mine on a tight hold. " The noise of the truck getting closer, louder than the weather … the lights; everything went bright, and then dark." He shut his eyes, looking lost in the moment. "When I woke up, the pain in my leg was so strong it blinded everything else."
I tried hard not to get lost in the image Edward was painting, or my emotions would get the best of me. Instead, I thanked God he had his eyes closed, and I breathed through my nose, trying to stay calm and listen.
"There were so many people, but until I saw Emmett, everything is just pieces, flashes ... nothing is really clear. "He opened his green eyes and glanced at me. "That's it; I can't remember much but that. I don't know why I was out, where I was going, what I was doing." I squeezed his hand. "I keep trying to think back to the last conversation we had, or to what I was working on last week but I just … can't. The last specific memory of you that I could think of is so ordinary; you on the phone asking me to buy milk on my way home."
Fuck.
He was so much closer to the truth than we imagined.
"Things will become clear, baby." I ran my hands through his hair, and he nodded. "You're getting stronger every day, and as you said yourself, feeling more like you. Things will come back, just give it time."
"I hope so." He nodded, tired. "I just want to … feel normal, you know? I want to go home."
"We will," I vowed, kissing his lips, and trying to forget that I had no idea what home was at this moment.
We spent the next hour just laughing, talking, and enjoying ourselves together.
Edward was feeling better, and that much was obvious; I could see in his eyes, in the way he moved so much more freely - hands sneaking under my shirt and making me giggle. I could see in the way he talked; it was now clearer and more concise; especially in the stream of questions that came one after the other.
I answered them as much I could and dodged them in the same proportion.
His questioning was a flashing reminder that our time was up; to keep on hiding things from Edward now, would only prolong the inevitable, and hurt him further.
Two soft knocks came from the door, and Angie's head popped in a second later.
She came in whining. "Oh man, not with the PDA!" Her eyes rolled, and she rested her bag on the floor. "I would say get a room, but I think that ship has sailed."
"I watched my cousin Chad, getting to second base with you at my engagement party," Edward replied as I got off the bed, giving my sister space. "You can't tell me shit."
"Now, why would you remind me of that?" Angie played offended, getting close enough to trap Edward's face in her hands. "And how come you remember that, but can remember what the hell where you were thinking, hmm?"
Her voice was thick with emotion; teasing was their game, but this was different – he scared her, too.
"I wish I knew, Ang." He said truthfully. "I'm sorry … it won't happen again."
"Dumbass." She said fondly, kissing his cheek and stepping back. "I'm glad I caught you awake. I heard you were high as a kite."
Edward laughed loudly – the first, full belly laugh I've heard from him since I got to the hospital on Friday.
"Emmett said they're hooking me up with all the good stuff." He said proudly, and I slapped him, playfully. He smiled, extending his hand as far as he could for her. "Want in?"
"Hell yeah," She agreed, meeting him in a high five.
"Angela, for God's sake!" I chided, only making Edward laugh harder. Angela played dumb while I scolded, but she was saved by the nurse bringing lunch.
As the nurse checked Edward - and he and Angie scared the hell out of the poor woman, asking about what kind of drugs she had access to, I got a message from Emmett asking me to meet him downstairs.
"Hey, would you mind sitting with Edward for a minute?" I asked Angie.
"Of course not." She smiled.
"What's wrong?" Edward asked, glancing at his plate of soup suspiciously.
"Nothing is wrong," I said calmly. "I want to call my dad, and the signal is better outside. He's on his way to Seattle."
"Charlie didn't need to come," Edward said warmly, his affection for my father clear in his voice.
"He wants to be here for you," I smiled. "I'll be right back and EAT." I enunciated each letter, pointing at his plate.
"Okay." He grimaced, following me with his eyes until I was out of the door.
I did try to call Charlie while waiting for the elevator; he didn't pick up, and I assumed he was driving to Seattle. So, I just watched, restless, as the floors went down.
I knew our time was ending, and more than that, I knew Edward deserved more than to feel as lost as he was felling. I also knew that once again, everything was about to change.
Emmett was waiting for me as watching the rain that was falling heavily outside.
"Hey," I said, walking closer, hugging myself nervously. "What's up?"
"Hey Bells," He greeted me. "He's asleep?"
"No, he's having lunch. Angela is keeping him company."
"Great." He stalled, motioning for me to join him in the lobby chairs. "I just called Jasper, and I didn't want to risk Edward's eavesdropping or anything."
"Of course," I nodded. "How did it go?"
"It went well, he's a nice guy," Emmett stated. "He's been working with Edward for about six months and wasn't surprised about what happened. According to him, Edward never misses work, so when he did, he knew something was wrong."
Edward had always been a workaholic, and his never-ending hours were an ongoing problem between us.
While still in college, he, and his roommate, Jacob, developed a software app to calculate the odds of their Fantasy Football league. Well, it turned out that this app could also be applied to the financial market. They ended up selling the thing for millions, and that prompted Edward and Jacob to open their own company, which invested in new software creations by college students; that is what he was doing at the time of our separation.
Emmett mentioned Edward had sold his part of the company and was in the process of opening a new business the last time they spoke, but that was as much information we had.
"He asked his father to look around, and he bumped into Edward's accident report." Emm continued. "He offered to come here so we could talk more."
"That's nice." I nodded. "Hopefully, he can enlighten us."
"Yeah," Emmett agreed, his voice distant, his eyes roaming the floor." Hopefully."
"What's wrong, Emm?" I pressed, touching his forearm.
"It's just …" He shook his head, finally looking at me. "Jasper said he's been working alongside Edward for almost six months ... and he was so surprised when I identified myself as Edward's brother." Emmet words were full of pain. "He had no idea Edward had any family at all. I mean, he really wiped us all out of his life."
"Emm…" I muttered, my words coming out as dry as my throat felt. "You said yourself he hasn't acted like himself after … everything that went down."
"I know," He nodded. "I know this is not personal, but there's a side of me that keeps wondering what the hell we could have possibly done for him to remove himself from us so ... radically."
"I'm sorry, Emm." I murmured helplessly.
I wished I had the answers to Emmett's questions, but I didn't.
"I know," He covered my hand with his. "I'm sorry, too."
We didn't talk much while we waited for Jasper. Emmet was still processing his feelings, so we just sat while I texted Angela to make sure she could stay with Edward, and Emmett called Carlisle to update him.
The rain had just subsided when a young man walked in, looking around.
When his eyes stopped on us, he waved shyly, and Emmett rose, waving back.
"Jasper?" He asked, extending his hand as the man got closer.
Jasper was almost as tall as Emmett, albeit younger; his blond hair was a little wet from the drizzle outside, and it framed his deep blue eyes.
"Yes, Jasper Whitlock." He smiled, shaking Emm's hand. "You sure look like your brother. It's Emmett, right? Nice to meet you."
"Emmett Cullen. It's nice to meet you, too." He motioned at me, and I stepped in. "Let me introduce you to my sister-in-law, Bella. Edward's wife."
Jasper's surprised eyes flew to mine.
"Well, I'll be dammed," He exclaimed, his southern accent heavy with the shock. "The surprises just keep on coming with Edward, don't they?" He shook my hand "It's nice to meet you too, even in these unfortunate circumstances."
"Hi, Jasper," I said with a smile. "Thank you for coming so quickly."
"Whatever I can do to help; Edward is a good man." He stated softly. "How is he?"
"He's getting better," Emm informed. "A few broken bones, but he'll be back on his feet soon."
"What the hell happened?" Jasper frowned.
"Why don't you join us for coffee? There's a nice place down the street." Emmett suggested. "We can update you on Edward's situation and we will definitely be more comfortable there."
"Yes, of course." Jasper agreed. "I just need a minute to call my girlfriend, Alice. She is really worried about Edward; I can't wait to give her the news."
"Do they know each other?" I asked, curious.
"Yes." He nodded. "Alice is Edward's personal assistant. She was the one to notice his absence in first place."
Emmett and I shared a knowing glance; Alice could have even more answers than Jasper.
"Jasper, why don't you do better than that?" Emmett proposed. "Ask her to join us."
Alice Brandon was tiny and hyper-energetic. She met us at the coffee shop half an hour after Jasper called her, and from the moment she walked in, her stream of questions flowed like a river.
What happened?
How is he?
How did we find him?
Where was he?
"Al, please, calm down." Jasper urged her to sit beside him on the booth we had chosen. We had briefed him on Edward's situation while we waited for Alice, as he did too.
Edward had acquired the technology company Jasper worked at: New Tech Software.
It wasn't a big company, but the previous owner was ready to retire and didn't want to sell it to someone who would tear it apart and liquidated it piece by pieces. That was when Edward came around with the proposal of a gentle takeover, keeping as much of the original staff as possible while restructuring the business so it could once again be profitable.
According to Jasper, he and Edward hit off from the beginning and were also working on a few side projects together. Edward was reserved and quiet, the first to get to work and the last one to leave it. He never talked about his personal life, and Jasper knew next to nothing about what he did outside the office … except what he had pried from Alice.
"I'm going to kill him, Jazz!" She accused, sitting by his side, looking sad and worried at the same time. "If he didn't manage to kill himself, I'll finish the job."
"I much rather you didn't," Emmett intervened, earning a dirty look from her. "We've been working hard to keep him alive."
She eyed us suspiciously. "You're his brother?" She stated, based on Jasper's brief introductions.
"I am," Emmett stated softly as if he was talking to a child. "Thank you for meeting us."
"And you are Bella." She stated, looking at me, and my heart almost stopped.
"Yes, I'm Bella," I mumbled, emotional, my right hand flying to my chest as if it could keep my heart from escaping. "Did he talk to you about me?"
"Well," She shrugged, with a beam. "I saw your pictures on his computer, asked who it was, and he said, 'Bella.' So, in an Edward way, I guess he did."
"That sounds like him," I tried to hold the wave of emotion that threatened to erupt from my chest with this little piece of information I just got. Stumbling over my words, I nodded. "He's a pretty closed-off guy."
"Like a freaking vault." She crossed her arms, begrudging. "But I have mastered the art of annoying him to the point where he tells me whatever I want to know, just to shut me up."
Emmett laughed while Jasper stared proudly at his girl.
"That you have." He caressed her shoulder, continuing. "Bella is Edward's wife, Al."
Alice nodded. "Yeah, I thought there had to be a story there." She muttered. "I used to walk in on him, staring at your pictures so … wistful, as if they were from a whole different life."
"I suppose that's not entirely wrong." I shrugged, trying to keep my head above water. The last thing I needed was to start imagining Edward heartbroken over me.
"You've never told me that," Jasper said to her, still taken aback by the whole wife plot.
"It wasn't my story to tell." She shrugged back, looking at her hands on the table.
"Alice," Emmet started, taking control of the talk. "We really appreciated you coming to talk to us. I don't know how much you're aware of, but Edward was in a car accident in the early hours of Thursday."
"That's pretty much all I know." She replied. "How is he?"
Emmett recounted Edward's injuries, making it clear that physically he was out of danger. "He will be all right," He assured her. "We are taking good care of him."
"Can we see him?" She asked, looking from Emm to Jasper. "I would like very much to see him."
"Not yet" Emmett explained softly. "Here's the thing Alice, physically, Edward is fine; his body has been through a lot but is recovering well. Psychologically, though, it's a different story - the doctors have diagnosed Edward with a Dissociative Disorder."
She looked from Emmett to Jasper, lost. "What is that?"
"Edward is suffering from amnesia," Emmett said while Jasper captured her hand over the table. Alice stared at him, visibly shaken. "As you can imagine, based on the fact that he never mentioned his family to any of you before, we've been through a rough patch." He paused, looking at me for consent, and for whatever it was, I gave. "Edward and Bella went through a painful miscarriage, followed by their separation, and it seems as though, through that unfortunate process, a void was created between my brother and the rest of the world, our family included."
I was thankful for Emmett's succinct approach of the subject – even if I still felt like my heart was bursting from my chest with his casual mention of Goldie.
"I'm so sorry," She whispered, looking at me with so much compassion in her eyes that I almost couldn't hold the lump on my throat. "I had no idea."
"Thank you," I saw myself answering sincerely. My voice was weak, but I didn't cry. "It's been a nightmare to relieve it all, especially this way. "
"I can only imagine." She nodded, her voice just a whisper. "How can I help?"
"Well, we believe that this disorder comes from an attempt to block out the traumas of his past," Emmett stated. "He has not forgotten everything about his life; it's more like his mind deleted parts of it. For what we could gather, his memory loss has erased facts from the past six to eight years … Around the time of the psychological trauma." Emmett continued, going straight to the point. "The only way out of this is to find out what tricked the disorder and go from there.
"Of course," She said, and Jasper nodded. "Where do we start?"
"From the beginning," He said, retrieving his phone and opening the note app. "He's been keeping minimum contact with me, our parents, and Bella. And aside from the fact that he was living in Seattle again, we don't know much about what's going on with him." He shrugged, sadly. "You can help to fill us in on Edward's current life, which you both are a part of more than any of us."
For the next hour, Alice and Jasper talked, while Emmett wrote down the details, they gave us.
Alice retold the story of New Tech's acquisition and the slow takeover that has been set, besides giving a few details of Edward's routine. He worked full time and usually, on the weekends, too; he went to a gym close to work, drank too much coffee, and only drove that death trap motorcycle of his.
She also gave us the contact of his lawyer, Jason Jenks. Then the addresses for both Edward's office and the studio apartment where he lived – along with a spare key she had for emergencies.
The addresses were close to each other, and while she explained to Emmett how to get there, I watched her; the reason why that fireball of a woman was Edward's personal assistant becoming noticeably clear - even in shock, she jumped into work mode, giving Emmett as much practical information's she could.
"Those are all the relevant things I can think of now." She concluded. "I also have his financial information at the office if you guys would like to go through it. But he always takes his computer with him, so if it wasn't with him at the time of the ..." She trailed off, unable to actually say the words. "... It could probably be at his place."
"Well, I think his office is not a priority now, but I'll give Jenks a call," Emmett said. "Do you have any medical information?"
"No, he never asked me to book any kind of medical appointment." She stated. "I dealt with only the basic needs of his personal life; bills, rent, booking flights … but apart from that, only work-related demands."
"Do you know any of his friends?" Emmet continued. "Was he dating anyone …?"
My head whipped in his direction, but he didn't even flinch.
"No," Alice said awkwardly, looking between Emmett and me. "Neither of those things ... Not that I know of. His life was pretty much from home to work; he hardly ever joined us for drinks."
"I always thought that it was kind of sad, really," Jasper added. "How he seemed to have everything and nothing at the same time. I understand now, of course."
I looked down, trying to get a hold of my emotions once again, completely taken by Jasper's words: He seemed to have everything and nothing at the same time.
He might as well be talking about my own life. On one hand, it felt like I conquered everything I ever wanted - the recognition of my hard work, the money finally coming in, being able to live fully from doing what I loved to do. Yet on the other, it felt like a blank slate. I had lost my future, my faith, Goldie … and Edward.
Everything.
Was it possible that Edward was living a life as meaningless as mine? I always thought he deserved happiness, and that was why I left; even if we were past the point of repair, he could maybe find someone else to make a new life with. And even though the idea killed me, I knew I could move on in peace if I knew that he, at least, was happy.
Emmett's phone went off, interrupting the conversation, and he excused himself to answer, leaving Jasper, Alice, and me in silence, looking at each other in loss.
"Bella, I…" Alice started after a moment, glancing at me; but stopped mid-sentence, looking down.
"You can ask me anything, Alice." I encouraged her. "It won't upset me."
"Does he remember you?" She tried.
"Yes, he does, but he doesn't recall our separation or Goldie." I explained, "Our daughter."
"Oh," She said, her expression going from confused too plain sad. "That must be ... hard."
"To say the least," I grimaced. "But we will find a way to go through this."
We had to.
"Good, that's good." She agreed, tense. I did not want my silence - that it was purely me trying to catch up with every bit of what was going on - coming out as ingratitude, so I reached out.
"Thank you," I said, covering their joined hands on the table. "Thank you for being so forthcoming with everything. It feels good to know that whatever was going on, Edward still had good people around him."
"I wish we could help more," She replied truthfully, releasing Jasper's hand to squeeze mine. "But Edward is …"
"A closed book, I know." I smile sadly. "But you did help very much. We wouldn't even know where to start if it was not for you both. Now, at least, we do."
"I'm glad." She nodded. "He is aware of the situation?"
"Barely," I answered honestly. "He doesn't exactly know about the diagnosis yet, but he knows something is wrong. He is very confused about … well, everything, and things are getting more confusing by the minute, so we don't have much time before disclosing it all to him. We're just trying to gather as much information as possible first."
Emmett came back, signaling for the waiter to bring the tab. "Bells, we should go." He said softly, sitting back for a moment. "Dad's back at the hospital, and Edward's getting restless with your absence. He's such a drama queen." He rolled his eyes, turning his attention to Alice and Jasper. "Alice, Jasper … I can't thank you both enough for helping us out."
"And you don't have to." Jasper smiled as the four of us rose. "But please, keep us posted."
"Of course," Emmet nodded. "And you have my phone number; please feel free to call me."
"Same." Jasper acknowledged. "Feel free to call me if you guys need anything. We will hold down the fort at the office until he's back."
Alice got closer, enveloping me in a hug. "It will be okay, Bella." She whispered. "I always knew something was missing in Edward … and now it all makes sense."
"I hope you're right," I whispered back, holding her for a moment before letting go.
And by God, I thought as I followed Emmett back to the hospital, I really hoped she was.