My father once told me that the most dangerous thing is to love. When everything that matters in your life is suddenly taken away from you, your existance loose its meaning. All you feel is just pain, all you see is just monsters and all you hear is just havoc in your head. And you're gonna suffer until you die or until you find a way how to live with it.

I'm tired of searching. If he looses, I loose.

I've made a decision he won't agree with. Never. He would see just his way as only possible. Same as I saw mine. He was not in the position to change it. So if God was merciful, he would give me a chance to see him one last time as I was seeing him before, to look him in the eyes and send him the wordless message only he could read and he would let him find his peace.

Trees are running the opposite way by my window and for the first time in my life I don't feel the unstoppable urge to join their direction and stay safe. Chin is sitting next to me and nervously jogging with his knee. I didn't get his agreement either.

Nor Kono's. She is in the backseat, her eyes following the silhouetes behind the window. They have a million words to say but they are silent. And I'm glad they understand that empty sentences would be worthless, only causing more pain. They just wanted to be present and stand there with us, make a safe wall that we both could lean on.

Engine went quiet and I could feel Chin's eyes on me. I couldn't look back. My lungs let out the small gasp. Yes, I'm sure. Right now there is no other outcome. So he opened his door and got out, Kono did the same.

Suddenly the black SUV stopped meteres before us and driver sent me a venomous look.

One last time I checked on my people. Chin stepped next to wheel so he could quickly drew off if things went wrong. Just as I wanted. He was keeping himself steady and his mind out of things that were happening before his eyes. He would give anything to stop it, but he knew he can't. Kono sadly smiled and I saw her eyes were getting wet. I wanted so bad to hug her and tell her we are good but it would broke us both. So I turned back and nodded. I'm ready to end this. I told them what I needed hours ago, in case I won't make it back they know I keep my last goodbye for them in my laptop.

No need for too much words. No need to make it harder than it was. All I wished for was last talk with Danny to make sure he will be allright. That we both will be allright. Eventually.

Few more steps ahead and his man checked me. They made their instructions clear, no tricks.

I could feel the pressure of air on my skin when the black door was opened. He is really alive. He is breathing.

The most dangerous thing is to care about somebody. When that day comes, when you have to make that decision, you'll understand. I saw death before my eyes, I saw suffering and pain.

But now I can't describe what I saw in his eyes. All he longed for was relief. His body was dameged.

His bare feet touched the ground and were forced to walk. But he had to be half carried as he was so weak. I don't know if he is refusing to look at me or he is just not aware of his surroundings.

He sacrificed so much. He would say he didn't even have a choice. But he did. He would say that it wasn't that bad, that he was allright. But he was not. He knew that I'm somewhere out there. For all those hours. Days. Weeks. So he believed in me and waited. Was all of it even worth it?

Trust.

Unspoken and unseen bond between two souls. Fragile and tough. Source of energy. Strong hand that keeps you alive. Seeks your every step to have peaceful sleep. Guarding. Why? There is always a reason.

Sacrifice.

Give what we were given, take nothing. Build ourselves up again on old worn out base. Go on and on until next wrecking ball takes us down. Circle that never ends. Everything for a reason.

Persuasion

When the skies turn grey we have to reach inside to find out if it's still beating. After that we realize that last thing to do is to take it full force. For all those tears and bloody sweat that created us. Because we believed there is that reason to live for.

He longed for relief that only I could give him. So be it. I would never let him fight alone. Spinning continues and now it was up to me to reach down. To take his place. Because I know. I know he will be there...

... somewhere, searching as I was.

I wish something could take me back to the day we met and decided to take that way together. Risky. But I would do it thousand times again and even more. We all were born to die. Everything in between is up to us. We made those memories worthy, our friendship unbreakable and turned every second into joy. We made it trough hardest times and this is not gonna end differently.

He was slowly taking steps against me, still looking down. What did they do to him that he is refusing to look me in the eyes? I whispered his name but nothing changed. Few more steps and he was released to walk on his own. Only if he could. His body fell to the ground and let out the quiet gasp for air.

If somebody would have told me few weeks ago that one day he won't recognize me, he won't care what is happening around him anymore, I would say that I would never let that happen. But there we were. How? I'm asking myself over and over again, not finding the answer, not getting even close. I disappointed. He disappeared from our lives without warning leaving nothing behind, just empty hole. So empty that nothing could ever fill it up.

Now it was me who was disappearingdisappearing from his life, suddenly and irrecoverably as single matchstick devoured by flames. Small tool that created the burning fire is always destroyed by it's own intentions. Eye for eye, life for life. This world has it's rules. For some maybe cruel and meaningless, for others comprehensible and inevitable.

You would be maybe asking which group I belong to. And maybe you wouldn't understand why I don't curse what my fate prepared for me on my road. I would tell you that one day you will understand, you will realise why oceans are so quiet yet so loud, why woods are so peaceful yet ruthless, why there is a reason for everything. And I would also tell you that I hope you'll never realise, because uncousciousness of those secrets is what makes it beautiful and worth breathing.

He lied there like a shattered sculpture, tears running down his face, shallow breathing swirling the dust he had under him. Once white tshirt mirrored all harm caused to him.

They wanted it clean and fast. No unwanted situations, no nothing. Just quick exchange without emotions. I had to go. That place waited for me as it was now empty, just a few moments, but it needed it's owner for some reason. There was a reason why it existed and why it has to be preserved. He left, I'm here to take it. There is also a reason why it has to be me. I knew. He knew. That's all that matters. So I'm walking now. Against the adversity, away from him, away from everything I care about.

I'm not a martyr, nor a madman. I was courageous enough to care. Now it's time to pay the price. One of the simplest rules. Everything was taken care of. It is time to go.

I remmember how I stopped, turned around and kneeled to get secured, than saw Chin and Kono running to him, taking him up from the ground, holding him gently as if they knew I wished to do that, to be his safe wall. But I couldn't so they did it for me to ensure me everything is as it's supposed to be. I remmember their faces, full of hatred and anger but also pity for us. And than I saw his face. Eyes finally meeting mine, giving very last remaining energy to let me know.

'I will, brother... I will...'

He slid back to semiconsciousness, but he gave me everything I needed. That last image of him, reconciled with everything, will stay in my eyes forever. No matter where they take me.

It doesn't matter anymore if there are minutes, hours, days or weeks before me. I know that when we meet again someday, we will continue right where we stopped. No matter the odds or rules, not even the price. There will be always that one secret reason the fighting is worth for. Side by side, again and again.