Your mind is such an incredible tool. It can be your only companion, walking you trough the day into safety, but sometimes it can be tricky and leave you in a trap, from which there is no escape route. It's been some time since I can't tell which intention my own inner voice and my gut are playing me with. I stopped living, I stopped counting, scratching the walls, I stopped waiting for the first star, I just stopped.

Doing everything.

But my body is still going and I guess it's my inner's voice selfpreservation's fault. I am breathing, I am seeing and listening, even drinking and eating from time to time. And it's strange but I have no power over it anymore. Did my own body just overtook the command and decided to survive even though I don't want to? Maybe.

Maybe I am a liar.

Who can't spot his own lies. Who doesn't know if he is too weak and afraid to let go and die or too wicked to set himslef free. I had dreams. Plans. I loved. Now, I don't even know what it means. To count on next day or on somebody. I just stopped.

Doing everything.

Apart from surviving. Do you understand? I hardly can expect that from you. It's something that human being with his own body and his own thoughts could never understand. So I woke up today, in one of the days from the rest of my life. Because I can't stop it as I am no longer the one who gets to decide.

You are watching me in my cell and you are listening to my words. And you are trying to understand me. Yes,... you are. But you can't, because you haven't seen what they did to me.

Since I kneeled in that dirt and wondered why is my best friend so broken, many days came and went. I had no idea. Now I do. If they would bring me in front of them now, I could not look at them. It's not me anymore. I've done terrible things, I've seen and I've felt on my own skin a lot of terrible things. Danny was here for six weeks. He is not himself anymore too. I know. Somehow I hoped that he would resisit it. There is no way how to resist it. So I stopped.

Doing anything.

"Steve?"

I stopped believing. I stopped trusting. It's like a game of chess. When there is checkmate, it doesn't matter what move you make, you are gonna get killed. So if you don't make any moves, you are gonna live forever. Stuck.

"Steve..."

I can't make that move. I don't get to make the decisions.

"So let me decide."

Is it real? Are you really standing here? Are you not just my mind? I need to know,... please... I need to feel.

"Give me your hand."

You feel real. Your skin is warm, your grip gentle, I feel your breathing on my skin. You could be real.

"We leave those in here. We leave everything in here. We can start again without it."

You are putting down my cuffs. You are warm and calm. Your words are delivered with purpose. What is going on? Did I finally get to decide? Can I let go now?

"No Steve. You always got to decide. And you decided to live. Same as me."

I stood up. I wanted to walk and I did. I made those steps. They were weak and small, but I was moving. I made that move. So now it's time to die.

"Maybe. Maybe not today."

...

"Do you remmember what Joe kept telling you?"

Yeah. I think I know what do you mean. He always told me that Everything is 's just decision of yours.

"He sure knew, one day you are gonna need that advice."

I would love to see a sunset once more. Do you think,.. If you could help me, I ... ?

"I am gonna walk you there, Steve. Always."

...

"Steve?"

I still feel you by my side. Now I feel like everything is reversed. My body is giving up, but my mind wants to be there for you too. What should I do? This feeling left me long ago, why came back?

"You get to decide."

There are so many people. I'm used to be alone.

"You were never alone."

...

I took his hand into mine. It was all just bones and scratched skin, even cold. He was scared but alive. He did it. Now lying on the emergency stretcher, so busy with holdnig my hand and watching the EMTs working on his wounds, he hasn't realised it's all over. He is going home. And I know exactly how does he feel because I've been there. Not sure of next day, not even of next breath. But he kept me going. Now I will do the same for him. Maybe there will be no person in this world who would understand us, but it doesn't matter. We don't need them to understand anymore. We don't want them to. We just stopped.

Doing everything.

So it would stay in the past. Now, that we are free, we can start it all over again. Side by side. Today we will be looking trough the hospital window, watching the sun go down and all the troubles will be forgotten. Today is the day, when we woke up, in the very first day of the rest of our lives.

Koniec

Hey friends!

Some of you must be really confused about this trilogy (that actually wasn't supposed to be trilogy) but to get you on the right path of fully understanding my thoughts, I must say a couple of things. As you may suspect, the first chapter was about Steve's mindset. He decided to do whatever he could to save Danny - to trade himself for him. Second chapter were his thoughts about giving up. That it is too much for him to survive. Third chapter started with him confused and numb to his reality when suddenly it all came into the end.

You may ask what acctualy happend to them. Who is behind their captivity and what did they do to them. I'll leave this up to you. That is the beauty of writing/reading. You can always imagine it as you wish. There are no boundaries.

I must say I enjoyed writing this story very much. It was easy and calming for me. The words just came out naturally. If you got lost somewhere on the road, it is absolutelly okey. I can sometimes be a little perplexing. This is why I needed to say this.

Thank you for sticking around with me on this one! I hope you enjoyed. See you around sometime!