Okay, so yes, it's also fast, yay! Tsunade is here!
In response to the review, yeah, Fluffybots. Right now, there isn't much to do, so she's just messing around, but she's not just going to let things happen like in canon, at least, she doesn't want it to. Partly why she's mucking stuff up is that if everything stays canon, she'll be killed, and she died already, so might as well have some fun in this life.
And yeah, Machiko should totally go to T&I. But it's crack, so for the sake of the story, let's say Jiraya told her. It'd be like this
Machiko: I am…the child of the prophecy.
Jiraya: How do you know about that!?
Machiko: *laughs internally but acts surprised" Wait there's actually a prophecy I was joking!
Jiraya:…shit
Yeah, if I was trying to make it realistic, Machiko would have been hauled in ages ago. But meh, crack is fun :) So read and review please!
Oh, and I'm not sure if Jiraya's this bad, but honestly, I have a headcanon he treated Minato the same way as Naruto.
Minato: Sensei aren't we supposed to be training
Jiraya: We're bird watching
Minato: Sensei this is a bath house.
Jiraya: Yes, "birds"
Minato: …Sensei I'm going to go try and develop my own jutsu.
Jiraya: *tosses water balloon* Sure take this maybe it'll help.
Maybe that's just me though, xD
Tsunade thinks that she's not half drunk enough to deal with Machiko's shit on a day to day basis.
Oh, Tsunade didn't have a grudge against the Uchiha or anything, but it's not like she liked them. They were just too damn arrogant for their own good. They were batshit insane in how far they would go to preserve their pride.
Except Machiko. She was just batshit insane.
Jiraya had introduced her as his student, Machiko beaming at her toothily.
Tsunade had a bit too much to drink, but even she could tell something was wrong.
"Jiraya, this is your student?" She muttured, peering at the dark haired girl.
"Yep."
"She's six."
"Well, seven, but yeah."
"She's an Uchiha"
"Yep."
"This is a bar."
"I know."
"Jiraya your student is a seven year old Uchiha girl and you asked me to meet her in a bar."
"Oh. Well, she can handle it." Jiraya replied with a flippant wave of his hand.
Tsunade groaned. "Jiraya, just because you are an irresponsible teacher doesn't mean you can do this."
"Well, her dad said fine."
"Really." Tsunade deadpanned.
"Okay, well I said I was going to train her, so what? I'll train her in the art of gambling first!"
"Jiraya, please."
"It's alright, Tsunade-hime." Machiko said cheerily, bowing a bit. "I know how to gamble."
Both of the ninja stared at her.
"You're seven." Tsunade said slowly, staring at her.
"I'm an Uchiha." She replied, shrugging her shoulders.
Tsunade bit back a groan.
Are they really teaching their kids to gamble so they can brag about how mighty the Uchiha are?
"I come born with my own poker face." Machiko continued.
"Excuse me?"
She grinned.
"Yes, I am a Uchiha, and as we all know, Uchiha are exteremly grumpy, obnoxious, emotionless, and batshit insane. Therefore, I can play poker. It's logical."
"That's really not logical." Jiraya pointed out.
"Eh." She replied, waving a hand. She muttuered under her breath.
"I used to be really good at gambling."
"Right." Tsunade said, deciding she was probably drunk. "Well, I have to get back to my game."
A scrowl crossed her face.
"Can I play, Tsunade-hime?" Machiko asked, batting her eyelashes.
Tsunade wasn't fooled.
"No."
"Please?!"
"No."
"I brought money." Machiko said cheerfuly, dangling a bag in front of her face.
"Well" A silky voice came from behind Tsunade, and she must resist the urge to punch his face
"If you have money to play, of course you can." The owner of the inn said, smiling at the easy target.
Tsunade was furious.
"She is a little girl, you slimy-"
"It's okay, Tsunade-hime, I'll play!"
Jiraya caught her eye.
It's okay he mouthed She has plenty of money.
Jiraya that is not the problem here. She mouthed back.
The Uchiha sat at a round table, offering up the large sack of gold to the men. It was added to a ginormous pile, everyone grinning at the little sucker.
Tsunade tried not to punch them in the face.
They smirked at the dark haired girl.
The smirks were wiped of their faces when she wiped them clean out.
xXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
"That was fun, thanks for the money." Machiko said sweetly, two hours later, when all of the gold was on her side of the table, and the scumbags who had literally put their life savings into it , envisioning an easy win, gaped openmouthed at the small girl who had produced various sacks and bags and proceded to sweep the coins in.
She struggled with the weight of one bag. "Tsunade-hime, can you get this for me?"
Wordlessly, she hefted the bag, watching in numb disbelief as Machiko readjusted the other bag onto her shoulder.
"Fun!" She called cheerfully.
One of the scumbags slammed his hands onto the table, the first one to snap out of his shock.
"Listen here, you brat." He hissed. "You cheated, and I want my money back."
She tilted her head. "Nah, I don't think I will, because you guys invited me, and, honestly, get rekt son."
He swelled in fury.
"Guards!" He yelled in anger.
Machiko looked up at Tsunade. "Can you get this for me?"
Tsunade gave a feral grin.
The whole inn was on the ground two minutes later.
"Kid, how did you learn how to gamble like that." Tsunade deadpanned, walking Machiko back to the Uchiha compound (because there was no way in hell she'd let Jiraya do that himself)
She shrugged.
"Machiko's a weird kid." Jiraya put in, the other sack slung across his arm.
The girl turned and gave him a dry look.
"Oh, like you're any better" She scoffed
Stopping in front of the Uchiha compound, Tsunade offered the bag to Machiko, who shook her head in alarm.
"My parents would murder me if they found out I gambled. You keep it."
"I can give it to Jiraya- he's your sensei, he can hold it for you." Tsunade had pride, she wasn't going to take money from a child.
"No, you keep it, bye." With that, she raced of to to compound.
"Oi!" Tsunade yelled, storming forward. Jiraya shrugged. "She does this a lot." He said carelessly. "She doesn't want her parents to know she can gamble, so she just gives me the money and tells me to buy weapons, or things related to her training. Or tomatoes."
"Jiraya, if her parents don't want her to-"
"Don't be resonable, that's boring. Come on, let's get a drink."
"Will she be fine?"
"Yeah."
Tsunade spared one last glance at the compound, but eventually agreed.
She could buy something for Nawaki.
His birthday was coming soon, he'd like that. Armor or something.
Okay, I tried to lure you in and stab you. Did it work?
Read and review please