Chapter 35: Too Late
Lizzy picked at a loose thread hanging from the seat of the passenger's chair in front of her as a way of preventing her fingers from once again reaching for Darcy's letter. The plane bound for home was about thirty minutes from landing at JFK, and she was getting impatient to walk through her doorway and leave the last remnants of her vacation behind. What had begun as a purpose-driven journey overseas had quickly disintegrated into one of the most disorienting experiences of her life, and her hope was that a week back home with Jane, some wine and a good book would help bring at least a little part of her outlook back into focus.
She had been so unsettled, in fact, that she barely remembered how she had spent the last three days in the DR. She vaguely recalled a beautiful turquoise lagoon and an open-air yoga experience amidst a variety of tropical beaches. It seemed that she had missed the parasailing excursion altogether, as it was the day immediately following her entirely unexpected… (What was it? Argument? Feud? Reckoning?) with Will in the secluded (and, in her opinion, still entirely too revealing) cavern behind waterfall twenty-four.
Richard had stayed faithful to the end, doing his best to lift her spirits and constantly reminding her to enjoy the experience and her surroundings. However, Elizabeth had noticed that he never again brought up the subject of his cousin with her. She had also made a few more attempts with Anne, and at the very last moment, when they had all been rushing towards their gates to catch their respective planes, she had finally been able to get her email information in order to contact her further.
The torment of Lizzy's mind was keen. Fragments of information and conversations would float through her conscience, but she would quickly push them far away; the thought of sorting through them and making sense of it all seemed like agony. The circumstances were simply too raw. However, she now had two family members of Will's that she wanted to keep in touch with, and yet, she was nervous about what Will might think of her if she actually did. Like many times before, she tried to tell herself that it didn't matter - that his opinion now, particularly after all that had transpired, shouldn't affect her - but the words sounded hollow and untrue as soon as she verbalized them.
Of all the times to finally be honest with herself. She now knew that every opportunity she was given before to acknowledge her own feelings had been entirely wasted - willfully rationalized away and compartmentalized into the easy circumstance of Will's perceived dislike of her. However, recent revelations prevented her from being able to find comfort in that blissful denial any longer, and instead she was forced to confront the barefaced truth head on.
He had cared. He had loved her. She had resisted him in every way possible in a cowardly attempt to preserve her own dignity; an effort that had blinded her to the reality of his true feelings and evidently, even the extent of her own. This realization greeted her now in the form of a tiny little thread fraying under her touch: slowly unraveling, just as the false reality she had built for herself over the past three months had also crumbled under the influence of the well-worn envelope now concealed in her purse. It almost felt as if she had never known her true self until the moment when she had torn open the seal and read the missive's assured, and unapologetic, contents.
The truth had begun to secure a firm grip on her heart, carrying with it the knowledge that no matter how hard she had attempted to deny it, ignore it, or otherwise invalidate it, it had always been an ever present constant: she had never been indifferent to Will Darcy. In fact, she now possessed the clarity necessary to admit that, even when she felt like she hated him the most, her heart had always found a way to love him.
She would probably never know in what way, or how much. Although it might not be too little, it was absolutely too late.
Lizzy watched as the taxi rounded the familiar corner onto her street and gently pulled to a stop in front of the family dwelling that housed her rented 1st floor apartment. After paying the cabbie, she yanked her over-stuffed carry-on from the trunk and walked around the pathway to the side entrance. An incredibly familiar tuft of dirty blonde hair, albeit more shaggy and unkempt than the last time she saw it, sat on the low-lying porch to greet her.
Elizabeth could not contain her surprise. "Charlie!?"
He looked exhausted, but that didn't stop him from rising and bestowing a genuine smile and a cautious hug. "Lizzy. It's so good to see you. How are you?"
"Charlie…what are you doing here?"
He hung his head sheepishly at her question. "Trying to see your sister, actually. She won't let me in."
Elizabeth steeled her face as her loyalty to Jane quickly pre-empted any other pleasantries. She crossed her arms and continued, "Okay, then. Maybe I should've asked why you're still here?" Elizabeth watched as she saw her front door creep open, and Jane quietly peer out from behind the crack. Bingley hadn't noticed her distracted glance, so she quickly redirected her focus back to him.
"Lizzy, I have to see her. Darcy told me what you spoke with him about."
She felt her heart stop for a moment. "He did?"
"Yeah. I realized instantly what a fool I'd been. After half an hour spent in disbelief, I quickly called the airline and booked the next flight out. I've come here every day for three days."
Inside, Elizabeth desperately wanted to ask Charlie exactly what Darcy had shared, but she somehow managed to remain focused on the task at hand. Determined to finally bring her sister some peace, she replied, "And she won't talk to you?"
"No."
Lizzy sighed. "Charlie, if she doesn't want to see you, I don't think that there is anything more I can tell you, except, go home."
"Lizzy, come on. You've got to help me. There's been no one else since…there will never be another woman for me. I love her."
"Help you? You 'love' her?" She shook her head. "Charlie, you broke her heart. Don't you realize that you did to her exactly what Andrew did, only ten times worse?"
Bingley's eyes immediately hit the pavement. "After some time had passed, yes, I did happen to realize that. I'm not as thick-headed as you might think. Listen, Lizzy, I don't expect this to be easy. I don't think I can ever apologize to your sister enough; but I am willing to try anyway. I'm willing to ask for forgiveness my entire lifetime, if that's what it takes." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a Tiffany box. Opening the lid, Lizzy's eyes landed on the largest diamond she had ever seen up close. It was spectacular, the evening sunlight dancing on the polished surface, a momentary glimpse of happiness in the midst of so much sorrow.
"Lizzy, I bought this for your sister back in November. It's hers. It will always be hers. I honestly don't care how long it takes - I plan on making it all up to her and then some. Please, just let me tell her in person how sorry I am."
Lizzy placed her hand on the box and pushed his hand towards his pocket in an effort to get him to put the ring away. "Charlie, I'm sorry. If Jane doesn't want to see you, I can't make her. I'm not even going to try. You show up almost out of nowhere and just assume she'll just take you back? I hate to say it…you're as bad as your friend when it comes to making assumptions."
Bingley momentarily looked confused. "Lizzy, I have no idea what you're talking about. And no, it's not 'out of nowhere'; I've been emailing her for over a month, and calling her for at least three weeks. I was reaching out to Jane long before Darce cleared the situation up for me; he simply provided the motivation I needed to not take 'no' for an answer any longer."
"Wait, what?" Forgetting Jane's covert surveillance, Lizzy's head jerked directly towards her sister. "He was contacting you? For that long? Why didn't you tell me, Jane?" She gave her sister a concerned and inquisitive look, only realizing a second later that she had just given her sister's hideout fully away.
Jane flung the door wide in defeat, glistening streams of tears reflecting the sunlight on her cheeks almost as the diamond had done just a few moments earlier. "I didn't say anything because it didn't matter. I wasn't going back, Lizzy. How could I? There was no way I was going to feel pain like that again."
Charlie had rushed to her side, wide eyed and breathless at the site of his lost love; he looked even more enamored than when Lizzy had last seen them together. He didn't seem to know what to do with himself, and settled for bracing himself against the door frame opposite of the one Jane leaned against. He reached out to gently touch her shoulder with his left hand. "Jane..," he began, catching her arm to stop her as she turned to escape their encounter. After a moment of standing frozen with her back to him, she cautiously turned back to face him. "Jane..," he continued, softer and more pleading this time, "I don't know how long you were listening, but it doesn't matter. I'd say it all again in an instant; on command if you needed me to. I love you, Jane Bennet, and I don't go a day without regretting what I did to us. My love for you consumes me. Please tell me that all is not lost; that I might have some chance to win you back. I'm willing to move mountains if it means that I could love you as my own flesh, to have you as my wife."
Lizzy gaped as Charlie knelt on one knee in front her disbelieving sister. Although she wanted to look away, she simply couldn't; the love that filled Charlie's frame and radiated in every direction held her attention entirely captive. It was irresistible.
Charlie continued, "Jane Olivia Bennet, will you marry me? Before you answer, I need you to know that it's OK if you need time. It's OK if you need to replace your punching bag in the gym with a picture of my face. It's OK if you need to shout at me with every curse word in the dictionary, especially since you don't seem to have that many in your vocabulary to go off of (Jane gave a tearful smile at this). It's OK if you put ex-lax in my brownies, dirt in my coffee and sand in my shoes. It's OK because I am not going anywhere; I will put up with anything, and offer you everything, if I can simply have the happiness of making you my wife." He clutched at her waist and continued, "I love you more than my ability to comprehend it, but nothing can limit how often, and in how many ways, I promise to always remind you of it." The anguish of his final thought made the last words come out in barely a whisper. "Please, I beg you, just tell me that I have a chance; that I am not...too late."
The entire proposal had rushed out of Charlie like air escaping a balloon; Lizzy could only guess how long those words had been begging to be released. She wasn't sure if he had actually been intending to propose at that moment, or if it was simply the long-delayed glance at Jane that had spurred him into action. Looking over to her sister, Lizzy was happy to see that, although she was still crying, Jane was wearing an enormous smile in spite of herself.
Drawing a deep breath, she began, "Charlie, I hate to have to say this, but I honestly do need some time. I can't just jump back into this where we left off. I'm glad you understand." She pulled him up to stand in front of her.
Lizzy could not have been more right about the balloon analogy: despite Jane's smile, Charlie simply looked deflated.
Jane continued, "Can we just...agree to take things slowly and see where they go? I am willing to forgive you; I actually really want to give us a chance because...well...I love you, too. So much, Charlie. So much I..." Jane's voice trailed off as fresh tears began to slide down her cheeks, and she hurriedly tried to wipe them away.
The joy in Charlie's face was indescribable. Wrapping Jane in an enormous embrace, he whispered into her ear just loudly enough for Lizzy to hear also, "Of course...as slow as you need. There is no rush. Thank you, my love, for forgiving me. You truly are my angel."
A/N: I refused to go past today without getting this chapter up. I made some tweaks in the early morning of 4/16 if you want to read the updated version!
Thank you for your patience, and I hope you have all been well out there. :) And of course, thank you for continuing to believe in me!
(Follows, Favs, Comments and PMs are all greatly appreciated! Thank you to all who have written recently - I hope to get back to you soon.)
4/28 Update- Next chapter should be up in a few more days. Thanks for being patient! I hope that everyone had a great Easter/Holiday!