Chapter 39: Exposed

Lizzy awoke amidst the luxurious hotel sheets savoring the last memories of her dream before they faded too much to be remembered. She had been gratified to discover that her nighttime reverie in the land of nod had chosen to materialize as a languid replay of the events of the previous day: her illuminating tour of Pemberley, their helicopter tour of The Lakes, a private tour of Westminster Abbey, a quick pass by Buckingham Palace, and of course, their dinner date at Julie's. He had promised to show her around, and stayed true to his word, making sure that she approved of each stop and was having a good time along the way. He seemed to be taking the starting over idea very seriously, and for the most part only approached mutually safe conversation topics while humbly serving as the best travelling companion she could ever ask for. If Lizzy could describe their interaction at all, it would have been as two old friends seeing each other after spending many years apart; a little uncertain because so much time has passed, but finding familiarity despite the distance.

The only time that they had slipped into somewhat uncomfortable territory was when Lizzy had unassumingly inquired after his sister. He had looked at her then, conversation cut short, uncertainty frozen in his features, the unspoken question gleaming in his silver eye completely apparent and requiring response: did you believe me about Wickham?

He looked so vulnerable in that moment, pained to the point of silence and unsure of how to proceed. He still isn't sure where we stand with each other. Hell, I'm not even sure where we stand with each other. Why should I be surprised? Discomforting him was the last thing she wanted to do, so in the most fumbling way possible, she assured him that she had no doubt of his honesty regarding his history with Greg, and once again stumbled through an apology for her previous misjudgment.

His features relaxed instantly, an encouraged smile crinkling the corners of his eyes, and he proceeded to update her on the timeline of his sister's case and how she was holding up. Lizzy made sure to express that she wanted to meet his sister and hoped that she would get to do so sometime in the near future. He thanked her for her interest and promised to pass on her regards to Gianna when he saw her next.

It was all very polite, but no obvious displays of affection were to be found. However, there were… moments. There were moments when their arms would brush against each other and that familiar sizzle would once again transport her heart outside of her body. Moments when he would briefly grab her hand to guide or steady her as she explored their different destinations; although at times he seemed to be taking a surer grip than was necessary, and Lizzy could almost picture the slight maneuver that would be required to entwine their fingers in understanding, these moments always ended with their hands parting ways. Moments when words would simply escape them and yet, the harmony and ease between them was so encompassing that even just his presence blanketed her in comfort. And of course, moments when she would turn, only to once again be greeted by that familiar piercing, unreadable stare; no longer afraid of its intent, she gladly met his gaze in the hope that some part of her own feelings would be communicated in return.

Although their progress was promising, Lizzy couldn't help but become frustrated by her inability to form the words - to tell him her true reason for seeking him out. Maybe because it would seem too small of a gesture, too insignificant against the backdrop of our entire acquaintance to just tell him now.

Or maybe…I'm just still too scared of his reply.

Later that evening, while their coats were being collected before being directed to their seats at Julie's, Elizabeth realized that, while the words had yet to find their way to her lips, her heart had definitely decided to find a new home in her throat. As pleasant as their day had been, it was their dinner that held the most promise of bringing matters between them to a resolution. He had called it a "date", hadn't he? Although she was curious to discover his intentions for their outing, Lizzy was more surprised to discover that her courage was demanding that she firm up some objectives of her own. If she couldn't vocalize the words quite yet, she could at least try to send him all the right signals.

Although they had already spent an entire day together, and Lizzy would not have been surprised to find their conversation strained for fresh topics, she was once again pleased to find Will ready and up to the challenge of drawing her out and providing an entertaining meal. While waiting for their appetizers, they both shared banter so dynamic and witty that neither could scarcely finish their thought before the other jumped in with another angle to consider the topic at hand. She happily challenged him with an arched eyebrow every time she disagreed with something he said, and she found it sexy when instead of simply caving and agreeing with her, he held firm to his ground if it was a subject he felt strongly about.

His mind turned her on. His features. His presence. There was even a distinct moment when, while he searched her eyes deeply considering which modern novel he would claim as his favorite, she imagined grabbing his collar and dragging him down onto the table, glasses and plates crashing around them as they indulged in more amorous pursuits. By the time she had wiped the last bit of gravy from their light calamari appetizer onto her bread, she was already filled to bursting with desire; in fact, it was nothing short of a miracle that she was able to school her features just enough to appear calm and collected in front of him. Her pulse pounded in her wrists and her stomach twisted in knots from the excruciating disconnect between her longing and reality; there they sat, as if complacent old friends and nothing more, while internally every fiber of her being cried out to be fused with his own. Absorbing every detail of their unforced and enjoyable interaction, Lizzy came to the conclusion that she couldn't imagine any another guy ever being able to hold his own with her, and the subsequent lump that formed in her throat at the idea she had missed her chance to be his was almost unbearable.

Of course, it was necessary to place their captivating conversation on hold the moment their sumptuous dinner selections arrived on the table. Lizzy surveyed the steaming plates filled with a sampling of some of England's most traditional flavors made modern, the only outlier being the personal favorite he had ordered for himself. Even that was up for grabs, however, and he had readily given her a taste of his unpronounceable French entrée when she had shyly asked for one.

He was very open and friendly, but not overly-so, and Lizzy began to wonder if the ache and longing inside of her was completely one-sided. The roller coaster of hope and despair that she was riding needed to end, but whenever she thought there might be an opening, her nerve would fail her, or a waiter would appear, and all would continue on in the same friendly and congenial way they had spent the entire day in. They even parted ways similarly; after opening her door in the limo, Will had offered a subdued handshake goodnight, his eyes never wavering from hers while his face bore a thoughtful smile. Disheartened, Lizzy could only manage to shyly mumble the same before leaving his side to return to the lonely space of her hotel room.

Well, today is another day, she mused. Glancing at the clock, she realized she only had fifteen minutes before Will arrived to drive her to the airport to meet Jane and Bingley. Quickly donning her shoes and grabbing her room key, Lizzy exited her hotel and rushed to the magazine stand on the corner to grab herself a quick coffee.

The first time she saw it, she didn't even realize what she was looking at, although she could tell from the giddy chatter of the two teenage girls gasping and fawning that it must be some big news. The second time she saw it was still from a distance, and although there was something very familiar about the image, she didn't take too long to consider what she was looking at because Will was due to arrive any minute. It was only the third time she saw it, unavoidably bearing down on her from the left of the register as she waited for her coffee, that Lizzy finally realized what she had been seeing. And she panicked.

Everyone was looking at it. Murmuring about it. The street seemed alive with the news.

Will Darcy and herself were on the cover of a gossip magazine.

It was strange to be on the other side of celebrity. Lizzy's mind thought back to the many times that her and her father had mocked the headlines while waiting in line at the grocery market. Now here she was, immortalized at the awkward moment when Will's fork had approached her mouth, on full display for the world to admire or deride at their whim. It wasn't exactly a good feeling, and she suddenly began to feel very grateful that the specific magazine seemed to be a UK publication only.

"Good Morning." His soothing voice drowned out the buzzing sounds that had recently begun to overwhelm her.

Lizzy whipped around to face him, a bright pink blush mingling with her winter red cheeks. Covering her eyes with her hands, she shook her head in dismay, "Oh my god. I am so sorry."

He released a warm chuckle and Lizzy watched the resulting puff of frosted air swirl gently from between her fingers. "You do realize that you have been apologizing to me from almost the first moment we saw each other? What is it now?"

Sheepishly, Lizzy lifted the magazine out of its holder and held it out to him.

His shrug could not have been more casual if he had tried. "And?"

"And? I know how you like your privacy Will. If I hadn't been out with you these photos would never have been taken."

"But then I wouldn't have had the pleasure of your company for dinner last evening. Besides, I already knew about them."

"You did?"

He slowly nodded his head.

"And you didn't care?"

A cheeky grin caught the corner of his eyes before broadly spreading across his face. Sensing that she was still flustered, however, he again grew serious and explained, "I'll be honest with you. There was a time when something like this would have angered me greatly – being exposed in this manner for public consumption, without my permission, having no control over how it was presented... But now, something's different. I don't mind it. I'm not saying I'm going to rescind the gag order tomorrow...but there really isn't any harm in a few unplanned photos, is there?"

Whoa. Who is this person? "Well, excuse me. I really thought you were going to be upset. I have to be honest, I'm still not sure how I feel about it exactly...which is a little surprising considering my family's obsession with celebrities."

"Well...since you've never been on the other side of the camera, I could see it taking a little getting used to." He smiled mischievously again, dimples appearing and staying in place as he considered her. "But, seriously," he grabbed the paper and held it up to his face, matching his profile with the one in the magazine, leaning towards her to line up hers on the other side. His breath gently caressed her lips as his teasing eyes addressed hers from six inches away. "I must say that I kind of like it. Don't you?"

It only took moments for Lizzy to get lost in his beautiful grey eyes. The thought whispered across her mind even before she became fully aware of their proximity: Kiss him dammit. Lizzy tried to make her heels rock forward to close the distance between them, but guilt overwhelmed her. What if he's just being friendly? What if I'm assuming too much? I have to tell him first before just jumping him like that, don't I?

Frustrated and slightly peeved from his teasing, Lizzy snatched the magazine from him in a fake huff and set it back in its holder. "How do you like your coffee?"

"I'd prefer tea."

And there was her opening to get him back. She took on a mock accent and admonished, "That is very British of you, I hope you know."

Will just laughed deeply.

Retrieving his tea from the vendor, they both took a seat on a nearby bench to enjoy their drinks.

She considered him from the corner of her eye. "You seem to be in a good mood today."

"Thank you, Lizzy. I am."

Lizzy knew that this was an extraordinarily easy-going response coming from him, and decided to take the opportunity to ask a question that might have otherwise been invasive. "You know, I've always wanted to ask you this. I was never able to sort out why you modeled when you always seemed so formal and reserved. It just…didn't add up." She arched both brows and looked up at him curiously. "Care to give a girl some insight?"

Will rubbed his neck and looked down before looking back at her. "You know, I don't know that I'm going to be able to give you an adequate explanation for that. At the time, it seemed to make a lot of sense…it was controlled – a way to interact with the world without really sharing that much of myself. The attention was gratifying, I suppose, particularly when I didn't actually allow that many people near me. It served its purpose...but, I have a feeling I won't be going back to it."

Lizzy knew the surprise was evident on her face. "Why?"

"I don't know exactly. What I said before is true - something's different. I don't need it anymore. It feels good to be oneself and not worry as much about how the world sees you. I honestly find it funny that we wound up in that magazine...it's almost...the final validation of everything I've been thinking lately."

"That's a big decision to make."

"You know you helped me make it, don't you?"

Lizzy's breath caught at his suggestion. "I did?"

"Of course. After the DR, I was angry at myself...at the situation. I realized my pride and reserve was the cause of a lot of our misunderstandings. It took some time for me to acknowledge the lesson, but I knew I had to work on trusting others a bit more than I did."

"But, what happened between us wasn't only your fault though."

"Trust me, it was enough."

"No. I won't allow you that. I definitely drew some premature conclusions about you that were entirely mistaken." She took a deep breath and continued, "I had actually wanted to..."

Will's cellphone began to chime. "Lizzy, excuse me a second. Donald, how can I help you?"

Will's eyes went wide before returning again to Lizzy. "What time did you say their flight was again?"

"10:30, why?"

"Lizzy, it's 10:15."

All it took was a look for them to both bolt up from the bench and sprint towards the waiting limo. Breathlessly arriving to the car, Will gave Donald his orders before settling back into the seat and asking Lizzy what she wanted to do after collecting Bingley and her sister. She smiled and responded that whatever he thought was best would be fine, considering she would only have a limited amount of time with Jane before parting ways so that Jane could meet Charlie's parents.

Realizing the previous moment had passed, Lizzy did not allow her newfound hope to be fully diminished. What he had confided was a special connection shared only between them, and she couldn't help but wonder if he had intended to hint that even now she continued to have an important place in his life. Whatever the final outcome to the discussion might have been, it was just enough encouragement for her to determine that today would definitely be the day for her confession. She just had to find the right opportunity.

A/N

You all have not been forgotten, and I hope the wait was worth it. I missed you all! :)

First off, thank you, thank you, thank you for the many reviews, favorites and follows I have been receiving! Your support means the world to me. Guest reviewers and FFN users alike, thank you, again and again, from the bottom of my heart!

As you all may have already surmised, I'm still with the first job with the crazy commute. My workday including travel time is a 13 hour day. It's rough. I've resorted to writing on my breaks, but I don't have half the luxury of time that I used to. What this means is that progress is slow but steady when it comes to the completion of the next chapter. As always, when I have it, you will have it! :)

In other life news, my son's two-year-old birthday was yesterday (Yay! We had a lot of fun visiting toddler time at a local trampoline park), and we will be moving into our new apartment this Wednesday. Therefore, outside of work, life has been fairly crazy too. I am hoping it will calm down some time around mid-September.

(I think I just shared more about myself in the last 3 sentences than I have in all of my other author notes to date! I'm opening up more, just like our Will is! lol)

Anyway, I'm not trying to give excuses - just to give you all an understanding of why my pace has slowed so much since I started this story. I am really sorry that it's taking me so much longer and I do hope you are enjoying what I am putting out there. I know it seems like drips and drabs but I believe it really does come together in the end.

Now, I promised my best friend I would do this, so one more shameless plug-

I recently became a guest blogger on my friend's blog. If you would like to learn more about me personally, you can feel free to pop in from time to time to see what I have written. We are pursuing a letter writing series to each other; somewhat like pen pals documenting those conversations that women have in secret, or not at all. (The link is below- take out the spaces)

raquelchristina. wordpress . com 2014/ 07/10/ the-dedication-to-an-old-school-form-of-communication/

Please comment over there if you are so inclined! :) And please don't worry, my contributions to the blog are in no way affecting my ability to update Magnets. If anything, Magnets affects my ability to contribute to the blog!

Anyway, I hope to reach out to you all again soon. Until then, my faithful readers. :)