I insisted that my mom's go home for the evening, they have Callie stay with me while they take the rest of the family home for dinner, Callie settles for hospital food, as for me, even if I could keep any food down, I'm not allowed to eat until after my surgery tomorrow.
"Have you spoken to Taylor?" Callie asks me.
"No, she's been texting me, but I don't know what to say, I don't want her to worry or feel like she has to take care of me, I asked Jude not to tell her what's going on,"
"Why? She really cares about you Gracie; don't you think she deserved to know?"
"I'll tell her, I will, it's just… I need to find the right words, and the right time," I look at the lock screen of my phone, it's a photo of us when we went to the summer fair.
"How about right now?" I hear her voice and look up; she's standing in the doorway with a bunch of roses.
"Taylor," I sit up in shock.
"I'll leave you guys to it," Callie quickly dashes out of the room.
I catch a glance of myself in the mirror, "What are you doing here?" I turn away from her, I can't let her see me looking so sick.
"Jude told me everything," She comes over to me, but I tilt my head down so she can't see my face properly, "Gracie," She puts her hand on my cheek, "Why didn't you tell me how sick you were?" I look into her eyes, she's been crying.
"I didn't want you seeing me like this, and I didn't want you to worry," I well up, "It could be nothing,"
"So? I don't care how sick you think you look, Gracie, you're beautiful, and no matter where you are or what you're doing I'm always going to worry," She puts the flowers down and takes my hands, "I love you," I pull my hands away. It's all too much.
"I can't do this," I turn away, "Go,"
"Gracie, I-,"
"Please Taylor, just go," I start to cry, I hold it in as much as I can until I hear the door close behind her, then I break down, I throw the bouquet across the room into the trash. I reach for a bowl and puke my guts out. Moments later, Callie comes in and immediately rushes to my side.
"What happened, Gracie?" She rocks me, all I can do is cry. She dries my tears and tucks me back into bed, laying me down. She strokes my hair as I sob into the pillow.
The next morning when I wake up, Callie is gone, and my moms are sat in the armchairs on either side of my bed. I look to the clock on the wall, it's almost eight, almost time for the biopsy. I reach for the water next to my bed. My mouth is so dry from crying and puking all night.
"Morning love," Mom refills my cup, "Callie said Taylor was here yesterday, what happened?" I don't answer.
"You know you can talk to us sweetie," Mama chimes in.
"I'm sick of talking," They give each other a look. I hate being mean to them, but I just really don't want them giving their opinions on this.
Dr Simons comes in to take me to surgery, "Morning Adams-Fosters, you ready?" She asks me, I nod, "Only one of your moms can come with you when we put you under," I look to both of them. I wish they could both be there.
"I guess I'll go," Mama takes my hand. Mom kisses my cheek, hugs me and wishes me luck.
"It's a small procedure, one to two hours at most," Dr Simons says. She and a few nurses wheel me down the hallways, mama stays a few steps behind me but doesn't let go of my hand, she couldn't if she wanted to, I'm holding it too tight. We come to a small room where there are doctors waiting for me. They slide me onto the anaesthesia table and lay me down flat. They hook my IV up to a machine and flush it.
"Are you holding up?" Mama leans down to me.
"I'll be okay," A tear rolls down my cheek.
"I want you to count down from ten, Gracie," The doctor says. I keep my eyes on mama as I count, they put a plastic mask over my nose and mouth and before I know it, I'm out cold.
"She's coming round," A voice mumbles near me, I'm waking up, "Would you go get her parents?" I groan as I try to roll onto my back, it hurts, "Try not to move sweetie, you've just come out of surgery," The nurse holds me in place.
"Water," I say, my mouth is so dry I can barely make a sound. She brings the straw to my mouth and I drink it until the cup is empty.
"Gracie?" I hear mama.
"We're right here!" They come to my side, "Does it hurt, love?" Mom asks.
"A little," I manage to roll onto my back so I can see them both, they're visibly distressed, "I'm okay though," I reassure them.
"We can take her back to her room now," The nurse says," She starts pushing my bed out of the recovery room, moms hold my hands.
"How long did it take?" I ask them once the nurse leaves.
"Only an hour, felt like longer though," Mom says, "Can we get you anything? Some food, another blanket?"
"I'm fine, thank you, I still feel sick," I adjust my bed position so I'm sitting upright.
"Dr Simons said that's to be expected, maybe you should go back to sleep for a little while?" Mama strokes my face and pulls my blanket up higher for me.
"I don't feel like sleeping, I just-" Before I can finish my sentence I feel my throat getting thicker, and I start to throw up again, luckily mom caught it with the bowl, I notice blood dripping onto my hospital gown, I put my hand to my face and realise my nose is bleeding.
"It's okay sweetie, don't panic," Mom starts handing me paper towels to catch the blood, "It's because of your low blood cell count," Mama heads out of the room and seconds later comes back with more paper towels.
"Tilt your head back," I do as she says and let them take care of me. I hate being so weak, I'm 16 years old I should be able to clean myself up. But I know they want to help so I don't stop them. The bleeding doesn't stop for about twenty minutes but when it does, I feel dizzier than ever. They adjust my bed back to the flat position and I close my eyes, so the room stops spinning.
"Is that better?" Mom asks as she places a cold wet flannel on my forehead. I don't have the strength to answer. Eventually I manage to go back to sleep for a few hours. When I wake up, I can hear my moms talking, about me.
"What if this is too much for her?" Mama says, she sounds tearful.
"She's strong, look at everything she's been through, she came out on top, she can get through this," Mom comforts her.
"Do you think we should send her back to therapy? It really helped her after she lost Freddie," Therapy did help, but I hated it towards the end, I don't like talking about my feelings with strangers.
"We can look into it, but let's not make any calls yet, it should be her choice," I open my eyes and see them hugging each other at the end of my bed.
"When can I go back home?" I ask them.
"Oh," They didn't know I was listening, "We're not sure yet love," Mom sits next to me, "We have to wait for the results of the biopsy, you know that,"
"That could take weeks," I argue, "I'm not asking you to let me go back to school or anything, I just want to be in my own bed,"
"Gracie, we spoke with Dr Simons and we all agree it's best for you to stay here until you're feeling a little better, once we get the results and we find out what's going on, then we can talk about going home," Mama says sternly, I know they don't want me arguing back, so I nod in agreement. Looks like these four walls are all I'll be seeing for the unforeseeable future.