The morning comes too quickly, I'm dreading my first round of chemo. At least I'm back with Taylor now and I don't have to keep carrying that weight with me. I wanted her to come with me today, but I can only bring two people and I want both of my moms there, at least for the first round. Dr Chandra gave us a pamphlet yesterday, it has a list of things to bring to chemo appointments; a blanket, a book or magazine, snacks, water, things like that. Mom suggested we bring Scrabble in case it gets really boring, after all, I'm gonna be hooked up to the chemo for two hours. It's never any fun playing board games with mom though, she's way too competitive.
I don't feel that weak today, so I'm able to take a shower and get dressed without any help which was nice, when I say dressed, I mean put on a fresh pair of pyjamas. I go downstairs to have breakfast with moms, Callie and Mariana. The boys are still sleeping.
"Hey sweetie, how did you sleep?" Mama asks.
"Pretty good actually, but I guess that'll change after today," I pick at the meal laid out in front of me, my appetite is still all over the place.
"Are you nervous?" Mariana looks worried.
"A little, but I'll be fine, it's only my first round so it won't be too bad, at least that's what it says online,"
"Gracie, what did we tell you about looking online? You're just going to freak yourself out," Mom says sternly.
"I know but I couldn't help it, but it was mostly pretty good stuff, other kids have written about their experience with chemo and they offered each other advice and support, it was actually pretty cool," I defend myself. Moms are still pretty annoyed though, "Anyway, what are you guys doing today?" I ask my sisters.
"We were just going to stay home, Poppy and Ximena are coming over and we're gonna watch a movie and wait until you guys are home," Mariana says.
"You don't have to wait around for me,"
"We want to, then if you're feeling okay later, we could all hang out," Callie says. I barely know Ximena and Poppy, but if they're my sisters' friends then why not?
"Okay, yeah sure, sounds great," I smile at them.
"Speaking of friends, have you told Sophia yet?" Callie asks. I've been avoiding the subject for a while now, she's on a trip with her school for two months, but she's back tonight.
"No, I will though, I just didn't want it to ruin her trip," Moms look kind of disappointed with me, I always do this, put everyone else's feelings before my own, "I swear, I will tell her, she's coming over tomorrow,"
"Good, she'll be okay, she's stronger than she seems," Callie says.
"Are you ready to go Gracie?" Mom asks.
"Yeah," I take a deep breath.
"Good luck," Callie and Mariana both get up to give me a big hug.
"Thanks, you guys," I'm starting to get more nervous. But the sooner I get through all my treatment, the sooner everything can go back to normal.
My moms and I sit patiently in the waiting room, the lady at the front desk said a nurse will come and get us when it's time to get my port put in. They have to put this needle thing into my chest for the chemo, it's so it gets into my system faster and more efficiently I think, something like that. My knee shakes up and down as we wait, then I notice mom is doing the same thing, so I try to stop, and I rest my hand on her knee.
"I'm gonna be fine, mom," I tell her. She simply smiles and puts her arm around me, kissing my head. Moments later, we hear the nurse call my name and we follow her back to a small procedure room. The nurse introduces herself as Miranda and hands me a gown to change into, she says I can keep my pyjama pants on though. Once I'm dressed, I have to lay down on the bed. My moms stand on my left holding my hand and comforting me, while a few nurses are on the right of me, they have to put a needle in my arm so they can put in some medicine to help me relax. I'll be awake the whole time. I'm terrified but I've made it this far, I can keep pushing through. I barely notice the pain of the needle because I'm thinking so much about the port. I feel the drugs go through me and I feel a little sleepy and light headed. The nurse pulls down part of my gown to get to my chest.
"You'll feel a little pinch," I squeeze moms' hand in anticipation, but I barely notice the needle go in. I feel more relaxed now, the drugs are working. Miranda talks me through what she's doing but I try to ignore her, I just want to get it over with. My chest feels kind of numb now, so I just close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing. It hurts a little bit but mostly it's just uncomfortable. It's weird feeling something moving in my chest, I wince. I feel the cold saline rush through my chest as the line is flushed.
"You alright sweetie?" Mama strokes my face. I nod.
"Almost done," Mom wipes a tear from my cheek, I didn't realise I'd started crying.
I open my eyes and after a little pressure on my chest and another small pinch, it's over, Miranda removes the line from my arm and puts a band-aid on it.
"All finished," She says, "You just lie down for a little while and I'll be back shortly to take you to the chemo suite," Moms thank her. I'm relieved it's over, but then I remember I still have to get the actual chemo done.
"Can I call Taylor?" I ask moms.
"Sure, sweetie, we'll wait outside," Mama hands me my phone, "Don't sit up yet, we can't have you passing out,"
"Hey, Gracie, are you at your appointment?" Taylor asks.
"Yeah, they just finished putting the port in, and I'm going to get the chemo soon," My voice is all croaky.
"How did it go? Did it hurt?"
"A little but it was bearable, they numbed my chest and gave me some drugs to relax me so it wasn't too bad, it just felt like it went on for ages," I lightly touch the bump under my skin where my port is, it feels weird, there's a plastic tube coming out of my skin attached to the IV stand on my right, that's where all the chemo drugs will hang.
"I wish I could be there to hold your hand,"
"Me too, but you're coming over later right?" She wanted to meet us at the hospital right after the chemo, but her parents want her to get her homework done first.
"Yeah, oh, my mom's here, she's gesturing for me to get off the phone and keep doing my homework," I hear her mom saying hi to me in the background, then my moms come back in.
"My moms just came in too; I'll text you when I'm done? And let me know when you're on your way to my house,"
"I love you," I can't help but smile.
"I love you too," We hang up the call. Moms are smiling at me. They come to sit next to me again.
"Can I sit up yet?" I ask them, "I feel okay,"
"Sure, love," Mom gets up to adjust the bed position, so I don't 'waste too much energy', as she likes to put it. Mama gives me my water bottle. Something about hospitals makes me very thirsty. Not long until the chemo starts now.