Sullivan´s POV
"You have time to talk now?" Andy asked and I nodded and said "Come in". She did and closed the door behind her. I was nervous, I wanted to tell her about my leg and the drugs and above all about my feelings for her. This was the part that made me most nervous, because she was with someone else, with someone who knows her better and longer than I do. Also because I know that it was my fault that we´re not together, just because I was a coward who chosed his career over the woman he loves. I looked at her, she was waiting for me to say something.
"You said you wanted to talk to me. What about?" I asked her not brave enough to start with the stuff I wanted to tell her.
Andy´s POV
"After the blizzard I talked to my dad because I wanted to know a few things and he told me that he asked you to not promote me because my year would get worse. He also told me about your conversation with him where you might figured something out and that you only could now for sure that he was sick after I found out. Is this all or is something missing?" I was sure it was all but I needed to be sure. I was tired of talking about it, I just wanted to move on.
"This is all" He said "and I´m sorry I haven´t said anything to you even if I didn´t know for sure what was going on. It´s just there is so much going on right now."
I could somehow relate to that. There is much going on right now. I waited another minute hoping he would say what he wanted to say to me when he came to my bunk but he didn´t. I looked at him and saw that he changed somehow. He seemed tired and looked like he was sick. I felt bad for him, even after everything that happened, and it bothered me that I didn´t know why he seemed so bad. I wanted to hug him but I resisted, instead I asked "what do you wanted to talk about?"
"Andy... I´m in trouble... and I don´t know who else to talk to about it. But you are who I want to talk to, because I´m in love with you"
I was shooked, I didn´t expected that at all. I thought it´s about work or my dad but I would´ve never guessed that he would confess his love for me. I wanted to cry, all I wanted for weeks was that he confess his feelings for me but he didn´t.
"Why are you telling me this now?" I asked him "I´m in a relationship with someone else. Are you trying to torture me? First you say we can´t be together because of our promotions, than you promote Maya instead of me and now while I try to move on from you, you confess your feelings?" It was unfair I knew. I was mad, but to be honest not at him more at the bad timing we always have. He looked at me and I could see pain in eyes. I knew that I caused that pain and it made me feel guilty. "I´m sorry..." I was looking for words but couldn´t find the right ones. "You said you´re in trouble. What kind of trouble?"
He hesitated "I..." he was looking around trying to avoid my eyes.
"Hey, whatever it is... just tell me" I was scared.
"I don´t want to torture you. I just need you to know what I feel for you." He said. I was a little confused because he changed the subject. He must have seen the confused look on my face because he said "I wanted you to know that before I tell you about my problem."
I nodded "Okay. Listen I know that you don´t want to torture me. I didn´t meant to say that."
"I know that I screwed up everything and I know that you´re with Tanner now..." He stopped and I felt awful. I realized that he might pushed me away the whole time but I did somehow the same thing. I was too mad at him for not promoting me, that I never let him explain anything. I also realized that I hurted him at least as much as he hurted me, when I started the relationship with Ryan.
"I´m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to move on." I said to defend my actions.
"You had every right to do that" He said. I looked him in the eyes, to figure out what he was feeling while he said this. I saw yet again, pain in his eyes. I wanted to say something that would ease his pain. The only thing that came into my mind was to confess my feelings for him, but that wouldn´t be fair to Ryan. I meant everything I said to him. But staying here hearing this words I remembered what I said to Ryan while we were cleaning the apartment: "This thing with Sullivan it´s something I´ve never felt before"
I suddenly became painfully aware of what I had known for a long time. My relationship with Ryan would never work as long as I´m in love with someone else and not with him. But whatever would happen between me and Sullivan, I had to talk to Ryan first. At least I owe him that.
"Would you mind if we keep talking tomorrow, after shift? We could grab a coffee or something..." I asked him
He looked confussed "Of course"
So I left his office and called Ryan. He picked up almost immediately. "Hey, do you have time to come by the station? I have to talk to you."
"Of course"
I was nervous, what I had to do now was not easy but it was the only right decision. I waited outside the station, it was almost midnight by now. I saw him coming. "Hey, thanks for coming by at this time."
"I was glad to hear from you" He said and I almost felt bad for what I had to do now.
"The reason why I asked you to come is our relationship." I didn´t know how to say that I wanted to end our relationship.
"Andy, whatever you want to say, just say it. I´m pretty sure I already know what it is." He said "You want to end this between us right?"
I was speechless, was it really that obvious what I wanted to talk about? "I´m sorry, about everything. It wasn´t my intention to hurt you. Everything I said to you was true. I just... became aware of my feelings."
"I guess I already knew, that we wouldn´t last, at least not as long as you´re in love with Sullivan. It´s fine really. I mean I´ll need some time but I think we could be friends after that. If you want to"
"Of course I want to be you´re friend, Ryan. You´re my best friend and I want to keep it that way and I´m really very sorry" I said and had to stop tears from running down my cheek.
"I hope you will be happy with him." He said and smiled. Then he left and I went back into the station, to my bunk to get some sleep.
When our shift was over I went to Sullivan´s office and asked him if we could go. He nodded and we left the station.
"Tell me what you wanted to tell me yesterday." I said
"I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. It´s a searing pain that come out of nowhere and knocks me off my feet. I was seeing Dr. Koracick from Grey Sloan about it. He prescribed me some pretty heavy opioids. At some point he didn´t wrote me another prescribtion, he said he don´t want to create a drug addict." He had to laugh, it was a joyless laugh. "When I run out of meds I stole fentanyl from the PRT, I od and almost died. I have an appointment in two hours with Dr. Shepherd. I hope she can help me with my pain."
I listen to him the entire time, I was shooked to hear that he almost died.
"Since when do you have it?" I felt bad, because I had no clue that he was in pain.
"Since L.A., when I tried to kick the door. That was the first time my leg hurted." He hesitated before he continued "after this it was all good and I thought my leg just hurted, because I tried to kick the door but when we came back to Seattle the pain came back."
I realized that he was speaking about the moment when he sented me away. I was not mad at him I just wanted to help him, so I said "You could have told me sooner. I would have helped you."
"I´m sorry. I didn´t know how to handle it." I could understand this even though I wished that he had told me.
"You want me to come with you to you´re appointment with Dr. Shepherd?" I really wanted to help him but I didn´t know if he would let me. He looked at me and asked "You´re sure? I mean you don´t have to. I´m sure you have other things to do."
I knew what he meant so I decided to tell him the truth. "I broke up with Ryan. I really was hoping it would work with him but the truth is, we never had a change." I took a deep breath "because I´m in love with you and not with him"
He stopped and looked me into my eyes, he was smiling. I couldn´t hold back anymore so I kissed him. We were kissing for minutes, we just separated bacause we had to take a breath. We walked a little bit longer and then we made our way to the hospital.
This is the last chapter. It was fun to write this story and I hope you all liked it. Thanks for all the reviews they motivated me to continue writing.