"Mama?" I'm back in the hospital, the last thing I remember was Sophia panicking in the corner while mama tried to stop my nose from bleeding, "What happened?" I try to sit up, but nurse Holly and mama gently push me back down.

"You lost a lot of blood sweetie, try to relax," The panic in mamas voice isn't very relaxing, "You're okay, you just had a really bad nose bleed, and we had to call an ambulance, you're low on platelets," She points up to my IV stand at one of the bags, it's filled with this gross yellow stuff, "They're putting them in you know,"

"You can go home again soon, sweetie," Nurse Holly says, we just have to get your strength back up," Strength? What strength? Since weeks before I was even diagnosed, I've been weak.

"Where's mom?" I ask

"She's at home with the kids, but don't worry, we'll be back there soon,"

"Sophia, she was over, is she okay?" Sophia hates blood, she must have been so scared. Mama comforts me.

"Yeah she's fine, she came in the ambulance with us and her dad picked her up a couple of hours ago," She hands me my phone, "Why don't you text her? Let her know you're okay," I take it from her and start rapidly texting Sophia, I know how much of a worrier she is, then I start calling Taylor, I doubt she knows what's happened.

"Hey, how are you feeling? Did you tell her?" She says, my body relaxes as soon as I hear her voice.

"I'm okay, uh, yeah I told her, she was really upset at first and she cried a little, but I think she's gonna be okay, she'll get her head around it,"

"What's wrong? You sound upset," She knows me too well.

"I'm… um, I'm back in the hospital, I had a nose bleed and I guess I lost a lot of blood and mama had to call an ambulance, but I'm okay I promise, they're giving me a platelet transfusion and apparently I can go home soon,"

"Oh my God, that's sucks, you want me to come and see you?"

"No, that's okay, it's been a really long day and I just need to rest, but I'll be home by tomorrow, so after school you can come, we can have another movie night?"

"Yeah, I'll be there, I love you, Gracie,"

"Love you," I hear make a kissing sound through the phone.

Mama ends up falling asleep in the armchair while my platelets go in, I already feel a little better. They're going to start giving more platelets every time I have chemo, just to be on the safe side. I have to wait for another hour before I can go home. I don't mind though, at least I don't have to spend the night here again. I'm worried though, I know I've only been on chemo for a day but I'm worried that it's not working. I can't get any sicker, it'll be too difficult for everyone, including me, I know I'll just hate life more and more and I can't go to that dark place again, I don't think I'd ever come back.

Mama's phone buzzes on the table, but she doesn't stir, so I pick it up and see that it's a text from mom. 'We need to talk about how we're going to pay for all of this, we're getting close to having to take out another loan and I don't know if we'll even be eligible at this point,' I knew we'd start running out of money, they paid all of my legal bills, they pay my prescriptions, not to mention all the things they pay for the other kids. If mama keeps taking time away from work, we're going to end up out on the street and it'll be my fault. Mom can take all the double shifts and night shifts she wants but it'll never be enough, not if mama stays home all the time. I have to find a way to get her to go back.

"Okay," Nurse Holly comes back in, "Looks like you're good to go," She shows me the empty platelet bag.

"Oh, great," Mama wakes up, "You've got your rosy cheeks back," She strokes my cheek and smiles. Holly takes out my IV and I change back into my own clothes.

"I don't feel so faint anymore," I tell mama as we get in the house, "I still feel sick though," Before we even reach the stairs, I have to run up to the bathroom to throw up. And now my legs feel like jelly just from that short run.

"Gracie? Is that you?" Mariana comes into the bathroom, "Oh, do you need anything?" She crouches next to me and holds my hair back.

"No, I'm fine, I just need to be alone," I brush her off, and she leaves, closing the door behind her. I reach up and lock it. Slumped against the wall, I start crying as quietly as possible. Everything is falling apart again. I don't know what to do.

"Gracie?" Jesus knocks on the door, "Are you crying?

"Leave me alone, Jesus," I say through the door.

"Come on, let me in," I know he won't go away until I open the door, so I do, but I don't look up from the floor. He sits down opposite me, "Talk to me," He says, "Tell me what's wrong," He hands me some tissues.

"I just feel like everything is going to go wrong again,"

"Why? Because you're sick, Gracie, you're going to be fine and everything will go back to normal, I promise,"

"But how long will that take? What if there isn't enough time to…" I stop myself, "Forget it," I dry my tears.

"Enough time to what?" He looks at me with his serious face, but I stay silent, "Come on, whatever it is you're so worried about you can't keep it all bottle up, it'll drive you crazy," He's right.

"If I tell you, you can't tell moms or any of the others, okay?"

"Yeah, okay, I promise,"

"Not even Mariana, you have to swear," I start whispering.

"I promise, G, tell me,"

"Back at the hospital, mama was sleeping and she got a text from mom, I wasn't snooping I just didn't see the point in waking mama up if it wasn't something important," I take a breath, "They're getting behind on all the hospital bills and everything else and they might not be able to get any more loans, which means we could lose the house," He just sits there looking at me.

"Don't be stupid, we're not going to lose the house, as soon as you're better mama will go back to work and everything will be fine,"

"Jesus, I'm really sick, it could take months, maybe even years to get better, so we need to find a way to get her to go back to work now," He doesn't know what to say, but he knows I'm right.