Taylor comes over first thing in the morning, moms are upstairs doing the laundry and all of the others have gone out, so it's almost like we have the place to ourselves.
"Okay, so I'm thinking Nutella pancakes?" She sifts through the grocery bag she brought with her.
"You're cooking us breakfast?" I smile at my girlfriend as she whizzes around the kitchen.
"Yeah, I thought we could sit outside in the sun and have a little stay-at-home date, you know, just in case your moms won't let you out later, and then movies," She puts on one of mama's aprons, "How do I look?" She poses with a whisk and I snap a picture of her on my phone.
"Hot," I smile, "Can't I have you for breakfast?" I flirt. She comes over to kiss me but stops at the last second and instead flicks the whisk at me, getting pancake mix on me.
"Not today," She throws me a towel and gets back to cooking. I move over to the couch and lay back, watching her, I put on some music and relax.
I feel good today, I still feel tired and kind of gross, but I don't feel nearly as bad as I did at the start of the week. It's nice to just spend time with my girlfriend. She sends me out to the backyard to lay the table for us, and moments later she comes out with two plates.
"Wow, you really outdid yourself," I say with a mouthful of Nutella pancakes.
"It was a box mix, but I added extra sugar, for my sugar," She leans over and kisses me.
"I love you so much," I look at her.
Moms agreed to let Taylor and me go to the movies, but Jesus has to chaperone us. Jesus, a chaperone, it just doesn't add up. But he's bringing Emma so we can at least pretend it's a double date, and he agreed to sit a few rows behind us. I don't even know what movie we saw; I fell asleep on Taylor's shoulder during the previews, but it was a pretty good nap.
"Gracie," Taylor whispers, I open my eyes to a fully lit, empty movie theatre.
"Hey, where's Jesus and Emma?" I ask.
"They're pulling the car around front, come on," She helps me stand up and I feel so weak that I have to lean most of my weight on her as we walk out of the building, I practically fall into the backseat of the car. How is it possible to still feel this exhausted after a two-hour nap?
Jesus drops Emma and Taylor off at home and I get into the front seat with him, he seems a little off.
"Have you thought any more about the money thing?" I ask him.
"I told you not to worry about that," He sort of snaps at me, "Sorry, I just- I just don't want you working yourself up about it," He sighs, "I'll figure it out okay? It's going to be fine," I simply nod, and we spend the rest of the drive home in complete silence.
"How was the date?" Mariana asks as I climb into bed.
"I wouldn't know, I slept through the whole thing," I laugh, "But it was nice I guess," I feel tempted to talk to Mariana about what happened in the car, she knows Jesus better than anyone and she might know what he's planning, but if I tell her she might freak out and tell moms and that'll just be a nightmare, so I opt against it and let her drone on about her date with Mat. Just as she's about to tell me the details of her evening, something starts to feel wrong.
"Mariana," I interrupt her, "Get moms," I say. My chest tightens up and I start coughing uncontrollably, gasping for breath but it feels impossible, almost like I'm drowning. In practically the blink of an eye my moms, Mariana and Jude are in my bedroom crowded over me as I flop back onto my bed, another blink and there are paramedics here putting an oxygen mask on me, one more blink and I open my eyes in the one place I've been trying and failing to avoid, the hospital.
"What happened this time?" I roll my eyes and sit up to see Nurse Holly again.
"Your lungs filled with fluid, you were essentially drowning," She sits down, "Do you want me to get your moms?" She asks.
"Not yet, I just need a minute to wrap my head around this,"
"Your doctor put a chest tube in to drain the fluid, you'll need to wear the nasal cannula from now on, to help you breathe,"
"What caused it?" I ask her.
"Your doctor will explain all of that, she'll be by soon," She looks kind of upset, must be pretty bad news, "I'll go get you a drink and then I'll send your moms in,"
The cancer has spread to my lungs, I'm sure of it, or I have an infection or something. This must be some kind of record for the fastest progressing cancer. Soon enough, moms rush in and hug me, causing me to cough a little.
"How do you feel?" Mama says.
"I'm okay, Holly said my lungs filled with fluid, I remember thinking it felt like I was drowning, turns out I was," They stroke my hair, "I'm okay, really,"
"Hi there Adams-Fosters," Doctor Simons comes in, "Gracie, has anyone explained what happened yet?" She pulls a chair up
"Just that my lungs filled up, and I could have drowned,"
"Well technically it was the space between your lungs that filled with fluid, it's called the pleural space, your cancer has spread there and that's what caused the build-up, I had to put a tube in between your ribs, so you'll be a little tender for a while," She shows me my scans, "The build-up made your lungs close up in order to make room for it, that's why you couldn't breathe,"
"So, it's getting worse? Awesome," I scoff.
"We'd like you to stay here for a little while, and continue your treatment as an in-patient," She doesn't beat around the bush.
"What? You want me to live here?" I look at her, then to my moms who seem to agree with her, "No, no way, I want to go home," This is impossible, we can't afford this, but I can't say anything, then they'd know I'm worrying about it and they'd worry even more.
"Gracie," Mom takes my hand, "This is for the best," There's no point arguing, I won't win. Not that I'll ever win this. I have no choice but to accept the doctor's orders.
"If things go well here, we can talk about home-visits," Doctor Simons says, "It's not forever, Gracie, it's just for now," She gets up, "I'll leave you guys to talk,"
"I need sleep," I roll over and pull the sheets up over my head. I hear moms shuffling around before they finally decide to leave me alone. That's when I let it all out, I sob like a baby. I find myself hoping Jesus has found a way to get some money, no matter how bad it is. And it's not because I'm being selfish, it's because I don't want to put moms through anymore crap than they're already putting up with. I start struggling to breathe again so I have to calm myself down before I go into full-blown panic attack mode.