"So, it's just over? Just like that?" Mariana asks. Callie's sat in bed with me, I haven't stopped crying since Taylor and I said goodbye.
"Yep," I sniffle, "I need ice cream," I whimper.
"I got you," Jude comes in with a grocery bag, "Birthday Cake, Cookies and Crème and good old-fashioned Vanilla," He pulls them out one by one and hands me a spoon, "Take your pick," I reach for Birthday Cake, Taylor's favourite. My brother and sisters dig into the other two tubs.
"Woah, who died?" Jesus comes in, I totally forgot he was home today.
"Gracie's relationship," Jude says, Callie and Mariana throw cushions at him and I burst into tears again. Jesus comes over to my side and hugs me, kissing me on my head.
"Come on Jude, they need girl time," The boys leave. Today is supposed to be all about Jesus, but here I am crying over my love-life.
"There'll be other girls," Mariana says.
"Mariana," Callie says, "Not now,"
"It's not just Taylor, Sophia's gone too," I sob, "I don't have anyone my own age to hang out with except for my brother and his boyfriend," Callie and Mariana don't really know what to say, so we all just stuff our faces with ice cream.
"Come on, Jesus is home, Brandon's visiting, we're all home at the same time for the first time in months, let's go make the boys watch a chick flick with us," Mariana says, my sisters drag me downstairs, I refuse to let go of my ice cream and my comforter.
"I hate chick flicks, they're all about stupid straight couples,"
"Preach," Moms and Jude all say.
"No offence," I say to my straight siblings.
"Okay fine, we'll watch something else," Callie hands me the remote, I just look at it.
"Jesus, you pick," The family moan at me, Jesus always picks stupid action movies with zero storylines and characters with no personality. But to our surprise, he chooses Toy Story 3.
"This is the first movie I watched when I started living here," I say.
"I know, it's one of your favourites," He says. I start crying again, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry,"
"It's fine," I whimper my words out, "Just press play," I sit down between my moms on the couch, they wrap themselves around me, and splay my comforter across the three of us. I try to cry as quietly as I can, it doesn't matter though because by the end of the movie all of us are crying as the toys all hold hands in the furnace, even Brandon and Jesus.
"God, what a bunch of babies," Jesus says, trying to act like he wasn't just wiping the tears from his cheeks, "Who wants dinner?" His voice cracks, causing all of us to burst out laughing.
Even though this breakup hurts, like a lot, it's still nice to just chill with my family and cry together, laugh together, now that Jesus is home things will slowly start to go back to normal.
"How are you feeling sweetie?" I go into moms room before bed to talk with them, I haven't really opened up to them about the breakup yet.
"Not good," I start to cry a little, the make space between them and I get into bed with them and let them comfort me, "It hurts,"
"I know, love," Mom adjusts my beanie, "But you'll be okay,"
"Taylor wasn't just my girlfriend though, after Sophia left, she was my only friend, I know have you guys and all the others, but I don't have any actual friends, I just feel so alone," I confess, I've sort of felt like this for a while, before Taylor left, even before Sophia left.
"Mama and I have been thinking about that actually," Mom says.
"You have?"
"There's a support group, at the hospital," Mama hands me a pamphlet from her nightstand.
"For cancer kids?"
"Don't say no yet, just try it,"
"I wasn't going to say no," Normally I would outright refuse this kind of thing, but it seems pretty perfect for me. The support group that Sophia and I used to go to was kind of helpful, I stopped going there because I had a councillor, and then things got really good and I didn't need to go anymore. But this sounds like a good idea, it might be just what I need, "When do I start?"
Thursday morning rolls around pretty quickly, Jesus is back at Anchor Beach, doing really well, Brandon is back at college, Callie's still here though, she barely does any of her college work, she just wants to be here for me. But today's the first support group meeting at the hospital, and to be honest it couldn't have come at a better time. I start chemo again tomorrow and I'm terrified, not of the actual chemo, that part I can handle, but the part the comes after. Nausea, the exhaustion, more hair loss. I'm almost completely bald as it is, now I'll probably have to say goodbye to my remaining few strands.
"I'll pick you up in an hour," Callie drops me off at the hospital, and Nurse Holly meets me outside.
"I'm so glad you decided to do this, I think it'll be really good for you,"
"I hope so," She walks me to the rec room, "Thanks Holly," I hug her before I go in.
The meeting hasn't started yet, so far there are about 10 other kids here, sitting around and chatting, I take a the seat between a girl and the woman who runs the group.
"Okay, looks like everyone's here, we ready to start?" The woman says. Everyone quiets down, "I'm Lisa, the councillor here, who wants to share first? How about our new girl?" She looks at me.
"Uh, okay," I shift awkwardly, "I'm Gracie, I have Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, I've done a little bit of chemo, I start the next cycle tomorrow and then after a couple of rounds of that, I'm hoping for surgery to remove the remaining tumours from my chest. They're sort of everywhere," I gesture across my torso, "And if they can't get them all, maybe more chemo or radiation therapy, I'm scared but, I have a huge family, well, adopted family, and they've been great," The kids all look at me, no one looks shocked, no one is pitying me, they all look like this is normal, I guess for them it is.
"Thanks, Gracie, a few kids here have Non-Hodgkin's, right guys?" She says, a few of the other kids nod along, and then the girl next to me speaks up.
"You'll be okay, it sounds like you have a great family," She smiles at me, "I'm Katie," She shakes my hand.
"Thank you, Katie, why don't you tell us about why you're here,"
"Okay, well, as I said, I'm Katie and I have Leukaemia, I've had it most of my life, and right now I'm doing better than I've done in a long, long time, my hair is growing back," She tilts her wig back to show her short dark brown hair, I didn't even realise it was a wig, "I'm almost done with chemo too, I start my last cycle, knock on wood," She knocks her chair, "Tomorrow, I'm kind of nervous too," She smiles at me, "But at least now I'll have a friend there, I hope," I smile back at her, who knew making friends was this easy?
"Does anyone else have chemo tomorrow?" Lisa asks the group, another girl raises her hand, "Looks like you two have more friends than you think, we all smile at each other, maybe this cycle won't be so bad after all.
"How did you guys find that?" The girl who raised her hand approaches me and Katie at the end of the session.
"Yeah it was good, I was reluctant to come, but I'm glad I did," Katie says.
"What was your name?" I ask the girl.
"Daisy," She shakes our hands, "Osteo Sarcoma of the right leg,"
"So, we all have chemo tomorrow," Katie says, "I'll bring the trashy magazines?" She asks.
"I'll bring the snacks, I guess,"
"What does that leave me with?" Daisy laughs.
"You mentioned a boyfriend, in the session?" I say, "You bring the gossip," I smile, these girls seem nice, nothing like the narcissistic bitchy girls in my grade at Anchor Beach. I think I've finally made some friends, "Anyway, I should go, my sister is picking me up,"
"Okay, well, see you tomorrow," Katie says.
"How was group?" I get into the car with Callie.
"It was good, I think I might have made some friends, we're meeting tomorrow for chemo," I tell her.
"Well you look happy," It's probably a bit of shock to see me smiling, I've been an emotional wreck since Taylor left, "I can give you a ride tomorrow as well if you want," She pulls out of the hospital parking lot.
"Callie, I appreciate you being here for me and everything, but don't you have to get back to school?"
"It's cool, I can do my work from home for a little while, I don't mind,"
"But you're never doing your work, you're either with me at home or the hospital or you're hanging out with AJ or Ximena or the GU girls, what's going on with you?"
"Okay, if I tell you, you have to promise not to tell moms," She turns the radio off, "I dropped out of USCD," She clenches her teeth.