"What? Callie! That's so dumb, why would you do that, I thought you wanted to be a lawyer!" I yell at her.
"Jeez mom, calm down," She brushes me off.
"Callie this is a huge deal, what- why?" I probe her, but she remains silent, "It's not because of me, because I'm sick, Callie I'm going to be fine, you're wasting your time being here with me when you could be studying for law school,"
"It's not just that, I hate being away from home, I don't have any friends there, I miss the family, okay?"
"You didn't have to drop out," I tell her, "You could have transferred closer to home, or deferred for a year,"
"I got in on a scholarship, I can't defer, and the only college with the same major as mine is a San Diego community college,"
"So?" She's driving me crazy right now.
"Callie, do you know how many foster kids would kill to be able to go to college? And you're just throwing it away based on pride?"
"Right," She didn't consider that at all, "What have I done?"
"Don't freak out, okay, how much have you missed?"
"Like, seven months, there's no way I'd be able to catch up with my class if I started at SDCC now, shit I've screwed everything up," She not wrong.
"Okay, here's what we're gonna do, you're going to get a job, like an internship or something at a local law firm, you're going to learn what you can and then you're going to apply for SDCC for the fall, and you're going to get in, you're going to kill it and then you're going to law school,"
"What about moms? I have to tell them," She's freaking out.
"Yeah you do, and they're gonna be mad, for like a week, but then you'll tell them the plan, and they'll get over it and they'll support you, okay?"
"When did you become the big sister?" She says to me.
"When my big sister decided to go rogue!" I playfully punch her arm. And faster than I'm sure Callie wanted, we're home, in about 15 minutes, moms will arrive home from work it'll be time for dinner and after that, Callie will have to tell moms the truth, so it's my job to get my brothers and sister out of the way.
"Okay dinner was awesome, thanks moms, Jude, Jesus, Mariana, I have to show you something upstairs right now," Subtlety is not my strong suit.
"But I haven't had dessert yet," Jesus says.
"Now," I shove him off of his seat and make them all go upstairs, I usher them into my room.
"What's going on?" Jude asks.
"Callie has to tell moms something, and I promised her I'd make sure they had no interruptions," I shut the door behind us, "She dropped out of college," All of their mouths fall open, "Like seven months ago," They're all speechless, it's so unlike Callie to do something so reckless, "I know," I sit down on my bed. I hadn't realised just how sick I've felt today. I'm exhausted now.
"Wait, Gracie, are you okay?" Jesus asks.
"Oh, crap," I feel the little trickle in my nose again and I instantly know that it's about to start spewing blood. I grab the box of tissues next to me.
"Oh my God," Mariana covers her mouth, Callie's the only one of my siblings who've seen how bad nose bleeds get, they're in for a shock.
"Okay," I say breathlessly, "I'm probably going to pass out any second now, so you should call an ambulance, get my downstairs, tell moms, and-," I pause, "And then-," I pass out mid-sentence.
Back in the hospital, again. Low platelets.
"There she is," Mama's with me, "Feeling okay?"
"Better, now, I didn't realise it was coming on, otherwise I would have said something," I feel bad, Callie needed moms, and I had to get myself hospitalised again.
"I know," She hands me my water.
"Did Callie talk to you guys? Are you mad?"
"No, we're not mad, a little shocked, confused, but not mad,"
"I was mad," I laugh, "Anyway, is Mariana okay? I think I really freaked her out,"
"She's fine, shaken up, but Callie's with her and the boys at home, mom will be here any second," Mama holds my hand. Every time something happens, they get more and more anxious, right on cue, mom arrives with some of my stuff packed up.
"Hey, love," She kisses me, "All good now?" She asks.
"All good," I sit up. Platelet infusions are probably one of the better parts of having cancer, after an infusion, I feel invincible.
"So, how was your support group? We didn't get to talk about it much at dinner," Mama asks.
"It was good, like really good, I met these two girls, Katie and Daisy, and we're gonna meet up for chemo tomorrow," I smile, maybe having actual friends will help me move on from Taylor a little faster, "They're super nice,"
"Good, sweetie, I can't wait to meet them," Mom says.
"Well actually, since I have friends now, I was thinking I could go to chemo alone, I mean, I'm going to be doing it twice a week for the next month, so I should probably get used to going without you guys, that way you can go back to work, and I can stay here with them," Moms look at each other, "It's not about the money if that's what you're thinking, I know you guys will handle that, I just want the whole family to have a normal life, well, as normal as possible,"
"I don't see a problem with that," Mama says, she's not the one I'm worried about convincing.
"Mom?" She looks reluctant, "Come on, you trusted me here alone overnight before, it's just chemo,"
"Fine, we'll try it out," That's the best I could've asked for from mom.
"Hey, Gracie, platelets all in?" Holly comes in and checks my infusion bag, it's empty, "Looks like you're good to go,"
"Until I'm back for chemo tomorrow, but thanks," I hug her and let moms help me into my wheelchair.
"Now, you call one me or mama or one of the other kids if anything happens okay?" Mom drives me to the hospital the next day.
"Yes mom, I promise,"
"Do you want me to come and sign you in?" She's babying me again.
"Mom, I'm a big girl," I tell her, "I'll be fine, it's 2 hours of chemo and then before you know it, you'll be picking me up to take me home again, stop stressing," I laugh at her.
"Me? Stressing? No way," She says sarcastically, "Okay, off you go then," She kisses me on the cheek and finally sets me free.
I'm a little early because mom can't stand being late, but I head on in anyway, get my port accessed by Nurse Holly and she takes me to one of the seats by the window, she knows I like it there. The first one to show up is Katie, she comes and sits right next to me and a nurse comes and sets up her chemo for her.
"Hey, how's it going?" She asks.
"Pretty good, you know, for chemo, I got the snacks," I point down to the bag next to me, full to the brim with candy and chips, as well as some fruit that mama forced me to take.
"I forgot the magazines," She says, "But if we're going to be friends you should probably know I'm kind of unreliable," She jokes.
"Hey," Daisy arrives and sits on the other side of me, "What'd I miss?"
"Katie is unreliable," I tell her.
"Well that's okay, cuz I'm very reliable," Daisy says. I feel kind of nervous, hanging out with new people, I'm probably going to have to talk about myself a lot, which means telling my story. I'm not looking forward to that.
"So, where do you guys go to school?" I ask, "Or do you even go to school anymore?"
"I went to Canyon Crest," Katie says, "But I stopped going last year when I got my diagnosis,"
"I go to Westview, I do a couple of classes a week when I'm not having chemo or doubled over the toilet," Daisy tells us, "I study at home a lot though, gotta keep my grades up, what about you, Gracie?" My turn to talk, yay.
"Uh, Anchor Beach, I stopped going a couple of months ago, and as much as I wanted to, my moms won't let me do any work at home, I'm supposed to rest," I tell the girls.
"Why would you want to do schoolwork?" Katie laughs at me. She's not going to get it, neither of them is, they don't get what it's like to grow up in the foster system, being certain you have no future. So when an opportunity comes your way, you take it, that's why I've always worked so hard at school.
"I don't know, I like it, I guess," Katie laughs again.
"Well, I like school too," Daisy says, "I wish I went to a good school like Canyon Crest," She tells Katie.
"No, you don't, seriously, it's mean girl central, and there is so much toxic masculinity in those halls that you could drown in it," She says.
"I bet you're one of those popular girls, the one that's nice to everyone, and everyone's nice to you," Daisy says.
"Are you kidding? I had no friends, like zero," Katie laughs at herself this time.
"Seriously?" I ask her, "But you're so nice, and pretty, who wouldn't want to be friends with you?" I don't get it. If I looked like her, I probably would have much better experiences in all of my schools.
"Nope, whether it was my clothes or my hair or whatever, the other kids always found a reason to pick on me, I was a loner,"
"Well," I put my hand on hers, and my other one on Daisy's, "Not anymore," I smile at them. They smile back at me.
"Well, I have plenty of friends, and my boyfriend," Daisy says, "But I could use more," She jokes, "No, but seriously, it's different, hanging out with people who get it, especially people my age, usually I just hang out with the old ladies, they taught me how to knit," She reaches into her bag and pulls out her knitting needles and a ball of yarn. Katie laughs again, "What? It's very therapeutic," She starts knitting, "Do you have many friends at school, Gracie?"
"Not really, I had my friend Sophia who went to a different school, but now she's at boarding school, I hang out with my brother and his boyfriend a lot, we're the same age so we're in the same grade,"
"Don't you feel like a third wheel?" Katie says.
"Well," I think about Taylor, "I always had my girlfriend, but she's moved away now too," I look down, I didn't want to get into this today, "But it's cool, we ended it, it's best for both of us," I have to stop myself from crying.
"I'm sorry, that sucks," Katie says, she holds my hand this time.
"Girlfriend, so you're gay?" I nod, "And so is your brother?" I nod again, "Are you guys twins? You said he's the same age as you," Daisy asks.
"No, um," More talk about me, "I'm adopted," Time to open up.