I spent last night arguing with my moms, they're telling me I'm not allowed to date until I get better. It just doesn't make sense to me, they were fine with me and Taylor, and now I can't date Katie just because she has cancer? It's so stupid. That's like telling me I can't date someone who also has PTSD or depression or anxiety, totally unfair. I know they think they're doing what's best for me, but I can't help that I like someone, it was their idea to put me in a support group in the first place. It would be so different if I wasn't sick.

"You have to understand where they're coming from," Jesus is driving me to chemo today, "What if you get sicker?" He asks.

"I know Jesus! I get it, it's just not fair, and it doesn't make sense! Yeah, they're trying to protect me, but there's nothing to protect me from, she doesn't have a virus or any of that crap, if she did she wouldn't have kissed me, and I told them I would hold off on all of that, but stopping me from dating?" I sigh, "They know I want to try to make the most of my life, they want that for me too, I know they do, so why won't they just let me have this,"

"Because they love you, we all do and we can't lose you okay, you can make the most of your life when you're healthy again," He looks straight ahead at the road, "You're not dying, stop acting like you are," He's mad at me.

"Sorry, I know, I'm not dying," I tell him, "I'm a teenager, I want to do teenage things, make mistakes, you know?"

"Should I be hearing this?" He teases me.

"Get your head out of the gutter, Jesus, that's not what I meant,"

"I know," He pulls in, "Get going, you don't want to be late," Since he was in that group home, Jesus has become so sensible and responsible.

"Thanks for the ride, see you in two hours,"

I walk into the chemo suite and Katie is sat on her own, Daisy must not have arrived yet. Which means now is the perfect opportunity to call it off with Katie, like I have any other choice.

"Hey, sorry about running off yesterday, I was just embarrassed,"

"Uh, that's okay, where's Daisy?"

"Oh, she texted me and said she's running late, so it's just me and you for now," She leans over to kiss me, but I turn away.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"Uh, not really," I take a deep breath, "My moms said I'm not allowed to date," I tell her, and her smiling face turns into a frowning one.

"Did they not like me? Do they think I'm a bad influence or something?" She panics.

"No, no, it's not you, they think that dating someone with cancer is a bad idea, because of infections or whatever, I don't know, it doesn't make sense to me," She looks so hurt, "I'm sorry, I wish it wasn't like this, but I have to do what they say, they're my moms,"

"Can't we just, not tell them?" I've thought about this, a lot.

"No," I say firmly, "The last time I lied about seeing someone, it ended badly, like worse than you could possibly imagine, and I hate lying to them," I'm shaking, I didn't realise how much this would hurt me, I was just thinking about her.

"Oh right, okay," She says, "I get it, you have to do the right thing," She smiles, "It's cool, we'll just be friends, chemo buddies," I smile back at her.

"I'm sorry, I like you a lot and-,"

"Please, don't say that. It only makes it harder," She's smiling but I can tell she's faking it.

"Okay, friends then," As I'm about to reach out to hold her hand, I stop myself, instead I go for a fist bump, and laughs at me.

"I don't fist bump,"

It sucks, why would moms even let me go on the date if they weren't going to let me keep dating her, what was the point? We got to know each other on a different level than friendship and now I'm supposed to forget that ever happened? Whatever, I guess I should just be lucky I have friends at least.

We sat in awkward silence until Daisy arrives.

"So, how was the date?" She sits down, I look at Katie, "What?"

"You told her about the date?" I ask.

"Yeah, I didn't think it was a problem,"

"No, it's not, sorry," Why did I snap like that?

"Okay, am I missing something?" Daisy says.

"We're just friends," Katie says, still smiling.

"Well thank God, I didn't want to be a third wheel," She laughs, "So, chemo hit you guys yet?" She's so upbeat, this is her fourth round of this cycle, I don't know how she's managing to even sit upright, when I was that deep into my first cycle, I was practically unconscious all day every day.

"A little, nausea, and aching and all that," Katie says, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm sore, but no nausea at all, I never get nauseous though," She says.

"How come?" I ask.

"Well when I have my chemo, I pretty much starve myself so that there's nothing to puke," She says it so casually, "I know it sounds stupid and dangerous, but what's the point of eating if I'm just going to throw it all up anyway?" She makes a fair point.

"And your nurses and doctors don't have anything to say about that?" Katie asks.

"They don't love it, but it works for me, so they just make me check in a little more regularly," It makes a lot of sense. I don't know why I never thought of that, I get so sick with chemo, but moms are always trying to shove a good meal into me.

"Do you have any other chemo tips?" Katie asks her.

"Well, when I started to lose my hair, I just decided to shave it all off, it made me feel more in control, you know?" She takes off the bandana she wears on her head and shows us, it's completely hairless, no patchiness or anything, not like mine.

"I did the same thing, I'll probably do it again when it starts to fall out this time,"

"I never even considered doing that, I tug on my hat, you guys look great, but if I completely shaved my head I would just look like an egg," I tuck in the straggly strands hanging down by my ears.

"It's surprisingly empowering, like a screw you to cancer," Katie and Daisy laugh. Maybe I should shave my head, that way, when chemo is over, maybe it won't grow back so patchy.

"Okay," I say, "I'm gonna do it," I say to them, "As soon as I get home, I'm going for it,"

"Why wait?" Daisy says.

"Yeah, they have clippers here, I'm sure Nurse Holly will do it for you,"

"Here? Now?"

"Why not?" Katie says, they're right, there's no time like the present.

Daisy calls Nurse Holly over and she's on board straight away, she goes off to get the clippers and a mirror, she's almost excited. I'm excited too if a little nervous.

"Okay, this is your last chance to change your mind," Holly says.

"Just do it," I pull off my hat, Katie and Daisy smile at me. When I take off my hat at home, my family kind of look at me weirdly, and then they get all sad, but here, they understand it, they get me. I hear the sound of the clippers starting up behind me and I close my eyes until it's all over.

"Okay, we have a bald queen!" Daisy squeals with excitement. It's done. I'm bald, but I still can't open my eyes, "Here," She puts the mirror in my hand.

"Come on, open your eyes!" Katie says.

"What if I hate it?" I say.

"Gracie," I feel Holly put her hands on my shoulders, "You got this,"

"Okay," I take a deep breath, and finally open my eyes, "Oh," I stare at myself; I don't know what to think. I reach up to feel my new shiny head, "Oh my God, it feels like one of those naked cats," I burst out laughing. I don't hate it, and Daisy was right, it does feel empowering.

"See, I knew you'd like it," She says.

"It's not terrible, but I'm still going to wear the hat," There's no way I'm ready to walk around outside like this, not yet, "My sister is going to freak out," Callie will think it's awesome, but Mariana loved my hair, even when it was like ten strands thin. She'll just have to get used to it, I don't know how moms will react.

Katie's dad is running late to pick her up, so I text Jesus and tell him to wait for me, I don't want to leave her here alone, Daisy already left.

"It suits you, you know," she says, "And when it starts to grow back it'll feel amazing," We sit on a bench outside the hospital.

"Thanks, I don't know maybe I'll just keep shaving it," I joke, she goes kind of quiet, "Listen, I'm sorry again, about everything,"

"It's cool, really," I can tell it's not cool at all; we were fine when Daisy was with us, but now that we're alone, it's a different story. I just want to kiss her again. It's not like I'm head over heels falling in love with her or anything, it was just really nice, being with her like that without any of the pressure of a relationship, "There's my dad, I'll see you next week?"

"Yeah," We stand up, and I hug her, but as we start to pull away, I can't help it, I have to kiss her, "Sorry, you should go, I'll text you," She walks off to her dad's car, and I just stand there. What am I doing? I can't pursue this with her, but I can't just kiss her like that either, it's not fair to her, she's new to dating, I can't screw her around like this.

"Hey," Jesus walks over to me, "You okay?"