I'm so sorry that it's been so long, I've had the worst writer's block ever, which sucks because now we're in lockdown I have all the time in the world to be writing but hopefully now I can get back on track!
The pain from the surgery is still pretty bad, but I have painkillers that help me out a lot, Dr Chandra opened me up in two places; the middle of my chest and lower down across my belly. I'm going to have these scars for the rest of my life, but it's nothing I can't handle, I'm already covered in scars. I've already gained back a lot of the weight I lost from chemo, and it's only been three weeks now, Dr Chandra says I can go home tomorrow if my scans come back clean. I'm not completely cured, there are still cancerous cells in me, and there's an almost one hundred percent chance of the tumors and Mets growing back. As soon as I'm recovered enough from surgery, I have to do chemo again, but this time it won't be as bad. I haven't needed a platelet transfusion in a long time too. I've still been seeing Dr Nunez, it's been good, I like talking to her, she's cut it down to one session a week now and pretty soon I won't need to see her at all anymore. But I've promised moms that once chemo is done and I'm cancer-free, I'll go back to my old support group, the one where I met Sophia. I've also promised that I'll try to open more, so far, I have been.
"Hopefully this is the last scan for a while," I say to Holly as we walk to the CT room.
"Wow, I don't think I've ever heard you use the word 'hopefully' and mean it," She jokes, "I'm proud of you kid," She lays out a sheet on the CT scanner.
"I'm proud of me too," I smile. I'm so glad I have a nurse like her.
"Okay, you know the drill," She goes back behind the screen with the radiographer, and the scan starts. This is the moment that decides whether I can finally go home again.
"How long does it take to evaluate a scan?" My knee bounces up and down as I wait in my room with my moms.
"Be patient, love," Mom says, she tries to chill me out but she's just as jittery as I am, thank God we have Mama there to keep us from bouncing off the walls. Dr Chandra walks in, without saying a word, I'm trying to read his face but he's giving me nothing.
"Well? Good news or bad news? Come on, doc," I ask him
"The scan showed no abnormalities, which means I'm comfortable enough to send you home, as long as you're ready," No way.
"Are you kidding?" I say, "Of course I'm ready!" I get up and hug him, "Thank you, Dr Chandra," I turn to my moms, "I can come home!" Mom looks like she might faint with excitement, while mama shakes hands with Dr Chandra.
"Remember what I said though, you'll still need a few more rounds of chemo, just to be certain," He's speaking sternly but he's smiling too.
"Yeah, of course, doctor," Mom says.
"Finally!" I exclaim, "Finally I can sleep in my own bed, in my own house, and I can wake up and have breakfast with everyone, when can I go back to school?" I'm too excited to let one thought process at a time.
"Calm down, honey," Mama pulls the car into the drive, "Let's not rush to make any decisions yet," She says.
When we get in the house, I was half expecting another welcome home situation or a party, that's kind of what this family does every time something remotely exciting happens, but there's nothing. To be fair, my siblings do have a lot going on at the moment, with school and everything, Jude is here to greet me though.
"Hey!" He hugs me, "God, I'm so glad to have you back, now I can stop getting out-voted on movie nights," He laughs, "Come on, I have to show you something," He pulls me out through the kitchen.
"Be gentle with her, Jude!" Mom shouts after us, but nothing could kill this high.
"Where are we going?" Jude takes me across the garden until we're standing outside the garage.
"Okay, put this on," He hands me a blindfold, "It's a surprise," I just want to know what's going on ASAP, so I do as he says. I hear the garage door open and he slowly leads me inside, stands me still, and then I hear the door close, "Can I take it off yet?" I ask him, "Jude?" I feel hands reach up to my face and pull the blindfold down, only, Jude's not here anymore. Standing in the middle of the garage is Taylor. She just smiles at me.
"Hi," She looks around the room, there are candles and rose petals strewn all over the place, "Are you surprised?"
"Taylor," I look at her, it feels like we've been apart for years.
"Well… say something," She takes a step closer to me, and I can't help myself, I kiss her, "Wow, that was something,"
"Shut up," I laugh, and kiss her again.
Taylor and I lay side by side on the bed, my head is laid on her chest and her fingers gently trace up and down my arm.
"I've missed you," I tell her.
"I've missed you too, I'm sorry it took me this long to come and visit," My heart aches, I knew she wasn't back for good, but it still hurts to hear. I look up at her.
"Maybe," I sigh, "Maybe we can make it work,"
"I'd like to at least try," She says, "It's too hard without you," She tells me, "There's no one to talk to, I mean, I made a couple of friends, but it's not the same," She rolls on to her front, and I prop myself up on my elbow, and look at her, "I love you, Gracie," She kisses me, "I know we're worth fighting for," She has a tear on her cheek.
"I love you too, and we are," I kiss her back.
After I see Taylor out, I go up to my room where Mariana and Callie are sat, waiting for me.
"Someone's happy," Mariana comments.
"I'm not happy, I'm elated," I sit down on my bed, taking advantage of the soft sheets that I took for granted while lying in a clinical white bed for weeks on end, "My surgery was successful, I only need a few more treatments, and I got my girl back," I lay back.
"What?!" Mariana says, "You and Taylor are back together? Oh my God!" She's so excited for me.
"Yep, and we may or may not have just had the most romantic time in the garage, I'm talking candles, rose petals, the whole shebang,"
"You had sex in the garage?" Mariana talks a little too loud for my liking.
"Say it louder I don't think the neighbors heard you, but yeah, we did, and it was beautiful," I feel like I'm floating.
"Okay, no details please!" Callie says, "But seriously Gracie, that's amazing, I'm so happy for you," Callie squeals too.
"Yeah, it is isn't it," I truly feel high on life right now, "In a matter of weeks, I can go back to being a normal teenager again,"
"We should all stop using the word normal," Callie says, "None of us is normal," She laughs.
"So, have you found a job yet?" I go and sit with my sister.
"I have, it's minimum wage, and I'm starting right at the bottom, but you're looking at the new PA to a very well-respected public defense lawyer," She announces.
"Callie! Congrats!" I hug her.
"This calls for celebration," Mariana puts her textbook down, "I deserve a break from studying, let's get the boys and all of our friends and head down to the beach,"
"I'm down for a beach party," Callie says, "I'll call AJ and Ximena," She goes off downstairs, and Mariana goes to call Mat. I'm left thinking about whether or not I should ask Daisy to come, because she'll want to bring Katie, and I'll be bringing Taylor, and I don't know if that's a good combo.