Hi there! Thank you for your kind reviews, hope you'll like the second chapter. As usual, I'll be glad to know what you think! I'm almost done with chapter III but I'll give you guys some time to catch up. :)
A million dreams: I'm not sure you'll see this, I just wanted to say, I'll answer your last message in private, whenever that may be! But in two words: thank you! Also, I'm not sure what you're apologizing for. Of course, I love to read reviews, it surely is rewarding and encouraging to have someone let you know that they've read your work. But there's no obligation here. I somehow have the feeling that you believe, once we talk in private, you'll not be able to just back off. You absolutely can! Life's not been easy. I'm not complaining, just saying, it has taught me to rely on myself. I'm in a place where I'm ready to share. Not because I need to, but because I like to. What do you want though? It's that simple, I guess. So you know, I'm fine either way. Take care!
Bless you!
"So room service will take a while!" Liv hadn't hung up before Fin started showing sign of impatience, obviously hungry.
Mostly out of guilt, Amanda decided to get out of the silence bubble she seemed to be in since she took place on Liv's king size bed. "What do you guys wanna eat? I can go and pick something up!"
"Wait, you're from Atlanta?" Kat asked in disbelief.
"Your accent softened through the years!" Fin said, gently mocking her.
Amanda pretended to be offended, and with an exaggerated southern accent, she asked again what the team wanted for dinner.
It felt nice to finally hear the resonance of Amanda's laugh and everyone finally seemed to relax a little. They settled for pizza, and Amanda knew just a place she could drive to with their rented car, assuring that delivery services were not known to be in that much of an hurry in Atlanta. Kat, still full of energy, decided to go with. "I don't want to miss my chance to visit Atlanta with a southern girl! Maybe I'll get confused for one as well!" she chuckled. Finally, they were all able to release some of the tension accumulated throughout the day.
Kat and Amanda's casual talk was suddenly interrupted when the blonde woman recognized a familiar face at the reception desk. Back at the conference, she had seen some of her old colleagues but they didn't acknowledge her presence. When Sam Reynolds turned around and fell face to face with her, she knew he wasn't going to let her out without engaging a conversation.
Awkwardly, he waved his hand. "Hi Amanda!"
She so badly wanted to ask why he would talk to her now, when he'd ignored her earlier at the conference. But the man seemed uncomfortable and she wanted to abbreviate the encounter.
She stood right in front of him and lifted her eyes to meet his. "Hi!" she answered with as much neutrality as her voice allowed her to.
"Captain Sam Reynolds, APD", he formally introduced himself to Kat. Before the officer had a chance to introduce herself, Amanda stretched out her arm in front of her in a protective manner. Sam took the hint and turned his attention back to Amanda.
"So how have you been? I haven't heard from you in a while." He asked.
The blonde detective studied his concerned face and couldn't help but wonder how he'd actually dare asking her that, after everything that's happened. For a second, her mind recalled their last meeting, when Sam tracked her phone in order to threaten her. Amanda didn't know what to answer him. She did not want to answer him!
The heavy silence made him nervous and he casually explained the motive of his presence, something to do with the organization of the conference. Again, Amanda didn't have much to say. "I gotta go." She finally abbreviated the conversation.
"It was nice seing ya!" Sam answered.
"Hmm hmm" Amanda nodded. It could have ended here, things would have been easier for everyone. Out of nowhere though, Sam said the unthinkable. "Patton sends his salutations!"
"You're disgusting!" Amanda immediately answered, with an aggressive tone. "Let's go!" she finally muttered, directing her eyes at a very confused Kat.
"There's been water under the bridge! And I'm just a messenger here!" Sam insisted, completely unaware of his lack of tact. How could he even pretend to be an SVU detective?
Amanda remained stoic. Sam wouldn't win at this. Slowly, she took one step closer to him and made sure to maintain eye contact. "Don't talk to me ever again!" She warned with a steady voice, and a repulsed expression.
"Gimme a sec!" Amanda had the time to say before bending forward, in an attempt to purge her already empty stomach.
"Wow! You ok?" Kat asked in concerned.
Amanda nodded, looking around her. Since the two women were right outside of the hotel, she hoped nobody actually saw her.
"We could just.." Kat tried once again to reason the obviously unwell woman, but Amanda was already a few steps before her, on her way to the car.
She grabbed the wheel with shaky hands, but didn't move right away.
"Is there something I can do?"
Amanda shook her head. "You've done enough already!" she answered in appreciation.
Amanda usually enjoyed the smell of pizza. But right at the moment, anything that would trigger her senses felt like too much. Amanda started feeling nauseous, once again, but it's only when she and Kat were back at the hotel, that things went from bad to worse. As soon as she opened Liv's room door, worried eyes were directed at her. Amanda stood right in the doorway, unable to take one more step. For a second, her brain forgot to play its part, almost as if, it couldn't anticipate what the near future would look like. An angry Fin, a worried Olivia, a confused Kat. Because of her obsolete life story, or her incapacity to move past it, everybody would suffer the consequences. She didn't want to play her part anymore. An amalgam of emotions going from humiliation to sorrow kept spinning through her head, almost ordering her to disconnect from the reality. The repulsive odor of food infiltrated her whole being to the point it was intolerable and for just a second, she declined the necessity to exist. Without warning, her legs gave up.
Olivia had sensed something was wrong the second Amanda opened the door and noticed the distraught look on her friend's face. She approached the collapsing woman just in time to catch her before she'd hit the floor.
"Hey… hey… Amanda!" Liv called out with an alarmed voice.
Amanda blinked a few times in confusion, and Fin hastened up towards the two women, placed his left arm under Amanda's knees, and his other arm under the detective's shoulders. Without hesitation, he carried Amanda on the bed, trying to be as careful as possible when he settled her on the mattress.
The blonde woman was not sure what exactly was going on, but someone elevated her legs, and when she opened her eyes again, Olivia was right beside her, applying a wet towel on her forehead. The cold sensation provided an immediate comfort but instead of appreciating it, Amanda was motioning to straighten up. The brunette had to gently push her back down. "Just take a minute honey! You gave us quite a scare there!" Olivia coaxed, trying to sound reassuring.
Kat just backed up, an obvious sense of guilt seizing her. Should she have called someone when they were in the reception hall? She was just trying to do what felt right, but obviously, she wasn't very good at knowing what Amanda needed. "She's been sick earlier!" Kat finally informed the team.
Olivia kept whispering words of comfort to Amanda, while Fin approached the young officer.
"When?" He asked
"We ran into some guy at the reception, I think his name was Patton something." Kat explained with a perturbed expression on her face.
"Whaaat?!" Both Fin and Olivia turned around in shock at the same time, with a threatening stare as if Kat was the one who actually hurt Amanda.
The brunette stood against the wall, with a blank expression, obviously aware that she did something wrong, even though she wasn't sure of what it was.
"Let her be!" Amanda took her defense and this time, she adjusted into a sitting position. "Kat got confused. We..hum.. we ran into Sam Reynolds." Amanda corrected, rubbing her eyes.
Olivia and Fin exchanged an annoyed look. It still didn't explain how Kat could have mentioned Patton though.
"Chief.." Amanda had a hard time at even mentioning him. She cleared her voice, and finished the sentence keeping her head low. "Chief Patton sends his regards!" She announced with clenched teeth.
"Where does he live? I'm gonna kill him!" Fin answered urgently.
"Fin!" Olivia whispered his name in an attempt to get him to calm down, even though she was thinking the exact same thing.
At this point, Amanda was just staring at Olivia, unsure of what to say.
Before she could spiral down again, the captain suggested Fin and Kat to go and find something lighter for Amanda to eat.
"Lay back down again!" Olivia pried, once they were alone. "You're exhausted honey!"
Amanda shrug and aimed for her borrowed pajama, taking the opportunity to change back into some more comfortable clothes.
"What did Sam say exactly?" The brunette asked with care.
"He didn't mean it like an intimidation Liv. He's just… why am I even making a big deal out of it?" The blonde detective sounded exasperated at herself.
"It is a big deal Amanda!" Olivia insisted though.
The tired woman leaned against the headboard on the verge of tears. "I spent years pretending nothing happened and now.. I don't know what's happening!" She pressed her hands against her temples, as if her thoughts would somehow rearrange into a clearer picture.
Olivia gently stroke her hair before taking place right next to her, trying to figure out the best way to express her opinion. "It may seem like you're not moving forward, but this.. what just happened.. is a perfect example of how much you've grown Amanda!" Olivia affirmed sincerely.
"You mean me blacking out because everything is just too much to handle?" The blonde rolled her eyes, still not over the embarrassment of what happened.
"Instead of pushing down your feelings, you're acknowledging yourself. What Sam said is not ok! You're allowed to hurt!"
Amanda closed her eyes, somehow hoping her tears would return back where they came from.
"And you're also allowed to fight back!" Olivia added matter-of-factly.
"I don't want to fight back Liv. I just want.." Amanda already made a fool of herself enough times for a day. She wasn't sure she was up for another round of vulnerability.
"What do you want honey?" Olivia asked, squeezing the woman's hand.
"Will you hold me, for just a minute?"