Notes: I know I'm not that good at replying to comments (it makes me nervous), but I will make an effort to change that from here on out. Although it may not seem like it right now, I read all of your comments and your support and feedback are all considered and, of course, greatly appreciated! Please don't be shy about leaving further comments and feedback (like me), and hopefully you'll actually get a reply this time around!

"And you could see it in her eyes

She had run out of tears to cry.

Now she turned and walked away

Seven years - gone to waste."

The Reign of Kindo - "City Lights & Traffic Sounds"

Raising an unsteady hand to the doorbell, Umi pressed it after several seconds of deliberating. She could hear the low chime echo somewhere inside her house, followed by a familiar "Coming!"

Her mother slid open the door, wearing an apron over her normal clothes. "Umi?!" She smiled widely and pulled her daughter into a rather fierce hug. "Welcome home! You didn't tell us when you were coming back!"

"Sorry for dropping in so unexpectedly.." Umi gingerly returned the hug while she struggled to form the words around her mother's grip.

"Not at all!" Releasing Umi, her mother held her at arm's length, beaming all the while. "Oh, why isn't your father here?! He'll be disappointed when he comes home and you've already settled in!"

"Where is Father?" Umi asked. It wasn't like him to leave the dojo often, as far as she knew.

"Oh, but he'll be back soon enough," her mother muttered. Umi frowned. She had the feeling that her mother wasn't entirely focused on her. "Now that you're home, I'm cooking dinner for all of us! Once your father comes back, we'll all eat and you can tell us how school has been!"

Umi silently nodded, but already her stomach began to knot with dread. How would she be able to spin her year and a half of college in a positive light? While her mother all but pushed her across the long hallway to her room, going on about how it was exactly as she left it and it was always there for her, Umi considered various angles in her head.

"I'll leave you to unpack," her mother said. "Dinner will be ready in half an hour!"

"Thanks." Umi closed the door behind her and, once she heard her mother's footsteps fade down the hallway, exhaled sharply. I'll just have to tell them that I've been focusing on my studies, and that the job I worked in over the summer was a good learning experience. Of course, she didn't plan on being a librarian for the rest of her life, but her parents would rather hear that explanation than "I just wanted the money." If she expressed anything resembling interest in such a career path, it would only cause needless worry for her parents; Umi was certain that the topic of the family dojo would be brought up at least once during dinner, and she, as the last heir, was expected to inherit it. That expectation did not change even after she left for college, and it was easiest for her to simply nod and go along with whatever they said.

"Just another reason I put off going home for so long…" Umi groaned aloud. Glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one had heard, she shook her head. Cleaning up her room took priority over agonizing about her future.

Flipping on the lightswitch on the adjacent wall (and breathing an inadvertent sigh when it proved to work), she set down her suitcase next to the door and quickly walked over to her bed.

Umi patted her bedsheets gently with an outstretched hand, although she tried to keep a good distance between herself and her own bed. It hadn't seen use in more than a year, and she tried not to think about the little crawly creatures that could have made their homes in her sheets and frame in this time. So far, she had only succeeded in dislodging small puffs of dust from the covers, which gathered in the space above her bed so that a large cloud now hovered uncomfortably close to her face. Of course, Umi wasn't going to stand for this. With some effort, she managed to force her window open, and it gave way with a somewhat concerning groan.

At this, she turned around and placed her hands on her hips. The dust that had settled on her bed was already a clear indicator, but she still surveyed her room to confirm it with her own eyes: everything was exactly how she had left it. She had never been partial to personalizing her room, and as such it contained little more than the bare necessities: a bed, a desk, and matching dressers and cabinets. A plain nightstand was situated next to her bed as well, and it was here that Umi walked. Three pictures, similar in composition from afar, were lined up side by side. She picked up the last one, unsettling a fair amount of dust in the process. She blew off the rest of the dust from the picture frame, waving it towards the general direction of her window.

Taking pictures alongside best friends was a graduation staple for any high-schooler, but it was Honoka who had first proposed the idea that they replicate the same pose for each of their graduation pictures. More accurately, each picture was an attempt to improve upon the previous one; in their first graduation picture, on their last day of elementary school, Honoka had bounded a good foot and a half in the air, leaving a surprised Umi and Kotori to stare on either side of her. Two years later, on the day of their middle school graduation, it was Honoka who remained grounded while Umi and Kotori jumped.

Their third and final attempt, taken just outside of the cherry-blossom laden entrance of Otonokizaka, was the only time they had gotten it right. It was the picture that Umi held in her hands now. Kotori, on the right, held her diploma with both hands over her head. Honoka brandished her own in one hand and a flashed a peace sign with the other. And, of course, Umi herself on the left, grinning just as widely as her two closest friends. They beamed with all the pride, disbelief, and wistfulness that they had felt on that day, and in that fleeting moment, their feet left the ground in perfect sync.

When was the last time she had felt this happy? She couldn't bear looking at the photo for much longer. Placing it face-down on the nightstand, she opened her phone to an unread text from Maki:

Maki: if you still haven't seen the chat, the plan is to meet up tomorrow after lunch

Maki: so around 1 or so

"Oh, that's right," Umi said aloud. "I forgot to turn on notifications for our chat."

Umi: Thanks. I won't be late.

Maki: i'll let you know when i'm outside your house

Umi: Is that really necessary?

Maki: it is

Umi: Fine.

She must have spaced out while staring at her old graduation pictures, because she had just started to gather her bedsheets when she heard her mother calling her downstairs for dinner. She supposed herself a decent cook, but upon opening the door to her room, she was met with the almost-forgotten and sorely missed scent of a true home-cooked meal with family.

Opening the door, she turned around to give her room one more once-over in the dying daylight. Her suitcase lay open, still packed with hastily folded clothes. It could wait, perhaps a day or two, she decided. Two weeks was a long time to be home, after all.

"Are you ready - Umi, what are you doing?"

The girl in question still lingered on the stairs, a good ten feet back from where Maki stood with her hand on the door handle.

"Um… Can I just have a moment, please?" Umi fiddled with a button on her coat, looking everywhere except at Maki. Her other hand slipped into her coat pocket and lingered on her crumpled sheet of lyrics. She had brought it along just in case inspiration struck while they were there, but more importantly to announce the status of the song to the rest of the girls. Hopefully, doing this now would clear up any potential misunderstandings.

Maki looked like she was about to roll her eyes. "We're the last ones here, you know. Everyone's waiting for me. And you, even though that's a surprise."

"That's exactly why I'm nervous." Umi sighed heavily. Her friends were behind that door, she didn't doubt that. What she did doubt was her chances of being greeted with warmth and positivity; she wasn't denying that she probably didn't deserve such friendliness, but she still wasn't ready for the curious questions that would potentially be aimed at her. Especially if they had an idea of what had happened before she left for college…

The thought made her tense visibly. She hurriedly buttoned her coat and stuffed her hands into its pockets. "How about you go in first, and I'll come in when I'm ready?" she tried.

It was a stupid idea and she knew it, but Umi still took an instinctive step back when Maki removed her hand from the door and strode over to her. She grabbed Umi's arm before the older girl had time to react, and leaned in so Umi couldn't help but meet Maki's intense gaze.

"I've gotten you this far. There's no way I'm letting you miss out when you're two feet away."

Maki tugged on her arm, and with Umi helplessly in two, she returned to the door of Nozomi's apartment. Umi's arm fell limply to her side, and after another long sigh, she followed Maki wordlessly, who knocked on the door after Umi caught up. Clearly, her junior wasn't going to give her any more opportunities to second-guess herself.

"You'll be fine," Maki said, as if she knew what Umi was thinking. It wasn't too hard to figure out, she supposed, just as the handle turned and the door opened.

Nozomi stepped out, a warm smile on her face. Umi could hear loud voices and laughter past the doorway. Their senior had her eyes on Maki, and hadn't yet noticed the guest that trailed behind her.

"Maki-chan! So glad you could make it…" Nozomi's eyes drifted away from the pianist as she realized that someone was standing behind her. "Umi-chan?!" She gasped, far too loudly for Umi's comfort, and her hand flew to her mouth in an expression of shock.

Later, Umi would reflect on the events that followed and conclude that they were something straight out of a manga. Realistically, there was no way that the girls inside should have been able to hear Nozomi's exclamation, given how loud the chatter and general atmosphere was from their spot outside the apartment. It was as if her first meeting with her former fellow idols was destined to be dramatic, embarrassing, and a general commotion.

In that moment, Umi stepped forward and opened her mouth, intending to shush Nozomi, but it was too late; she heard all of the conversation inside screech to a dead stop. Umi's eyes widened in horror.

"Umi-chan's here?!" A high-pitched voice exclaimed, laced with excitement. Rapid footsteps followed, approaching alarmingly close to the doorway. Nozomi saw what was coming and ducked her head, and a moment later a bright orange head of hair popped out from the top half of the doorway, her mouth open in disbelief.

"No way!" Rin disappeared momentarily behind the door again to yell, "Hey, everyone! Umi-chan's here!"

Then the floodgates opened. The door nearly rattled off of its hinges as Rin was the first to tackle Umi in a suffocating hug. The other girls wasted no time in following suit, and within moments she was surrounded. Exclamations and questions were floated at her, so many at once that she couldn't find the words to answer any of them.

"You didn't tell us you were coming!"

"It's been so long since we heard from you!"

"I was starting to think that you died…"

Nozomi was mindful enough to pick up on Umi's helplessness. "How about we go inside? It's cold out here, and we can catch up with Umi-chan where it's warmer."

General sounds of agreement were made, and Umi was ushered inside. As she took off her shoes in the doorway she glanced over at Maki, who merely shrugged.

Told you, the gesture seemed to say.

Told me what? Umi wondered, but she couldn't voice the thought as Nozomi pulled her to the apartment's lone couch. Fortunately, all eyes didn't seem to be on her even after the commotion outside, and many of the girls had returned to their places before she had arrived. Hanayo, Rin, and Nico sat at the table, the latter two apparently in an argument judging from the intensity of their voices.

"Sorry if you haven't eaten anything yet," Nozomi chuckled sheepishly. "I didn't make anything except tea, in case you wanted to warm up."

"Oh, it's alright. I ate before I…" Umi paused as a hand found its place on her left shoulder, accompanied by a light squeeze. She jumped slightly at the contact and whipped around.

"If you didn't tell us you were coming to surprise us, it worked." Eli had somehow snuck up on her, and the blonde girl grinned, her tone playful.

"It's good to see you too, Eli." Umi returned the smile, stepping forward to hug her senior. As she did so, she saw Maki glancing at them, and remembered their exchange on the train. "I thought I was due for a visit."

"That's an understatement, if I've ever heard one. If you've been so busy that you're ignoring us, I'm sure you have a lot of crazy college stories." Eli sat down on the couch and motioned for Umi to do the same.

Umi flushed red at her friend's assumption. She didn't think that sitting in her room all day fell under that 'crazy' category. "It's really nothing special…"

"Right?" Nozomi cut in from the kitchen, having either not heard Umi's qualifying statement or choosing to ignore it. "I thought Umi-chan was the last person who'd go crazy in college! Ooh, maybe she's found new friends there and that's why she doesn't have time for us anymore." She shook her head in what Umi assumed to be mock self-pity. "Ah, but that's life."

"Where are you two getting these ideas from? Nothing of the sort has happened." Umi looked curiously from Eli to Nozomi, and back again.

"Nothing?" Eli repeated. "No parties?"

"No."

"No flings? No girlfriends?"

Umi raised an eyebrow, but didn't question it. "No."

"No friends?"

"Not really." Umi's ears burned with shame while she tried to focus on the floor. She had hardly been here for two minutes and already she was having the sort of unpleasant conversation that she had been dreading.

"Then, what have you been doing since we last heard from you?" Eli's warm, relaxing demeanor had already begun to give way to something resembling genuine concern, just as Umi had predicted.

Instead of answering, Umi turned to Maki, who leaned against the wall next to her. She had been silent since they entered the apartment, her eyes fixed on the table where Nico and her (former) fellow first-years sat. "You didn't tell them?"

"About what?" Maki feigned ignorance.

"About my, er…" Umi glanced at her two seniors again, who were watching her intently. "My tendencies."

"I didn't know how much you wanted me to say, so I didn't say anything. I think I made the right decision."

Umi couldn't argue with that, even if itmade explaining this to her friends even more daunting and uncomfortable. At that moment, a kettle on the stove began to whistle and Nozomi moved to turn it off. Seconds later she sat down on the couch's third cushion as she reached across Eli to hand Umi her tea.

The blue-haired girl accepted it with a quick "Thank you," then blew on it gently to help it cool down. She took in the sight of her own green-tinted reflection for a second. "If any of this sounds too far-fetched, Maki can confirm that this is true. College hasn't been easy for me. My grades are decent enough, but as you just suggested," she nodded at Eli, "there should be much more to college than that.

"I live alone, and I haven't made any close friends there. Just people who I talk to every so often."

"Then, why don't you talk to us more?"

"We're always willing to lend you an ear or give you some support," Nozomi added.

"Some of us even have a bit more free time to chat." Eli smiled knowingly. Umi wasn't sure if she was referring to herself or one of the other girls, but she didn't ask.

"Thank you. It's reassuring to hear that."

"But you knew, didn't you?" Nozomi asked her. "You knew that we're always just a text or a phone call away if you need support."

Once again, Umi thought, Nozomi has demonstrated her unsettling perceptiveness. It made her shiver at how little she has been able to hide from her purple-haired senior. "Yes, I knew."

"Then why haven't you been talking to us?" Nozomi pressed, gently.

"Because I don't think I deserve your support," Umi said, bowing her head.

"Umi." Eli began, sympathetically.

"Why ever not?" Nozomi finished for her.

Umi crossed her arms and shifted her focus to her feet, which swung restlessly over the side of the couch. Her mouth opened, closed, and opened again without any sound coming from it in the meanwhile, while she mulled over how best to present her current situation. She was drawing a blank, though, so after what felt like minutes of avoiding her seniors' concerned stares, she looked up and shook her head. "Just… can you take my word for it? It's true." She punctuated her vague statement with a dry laugh, hoping to lighten up the atmosphere and get away from this uncomfortable topic.

It seemed that she was unsuccessful at first; Eli kept her gaze on her, and she didn't have to look over to know that Nozomi was doing the same. Then, after the two exchanged a quick glance, she was finally granted a break. "Alright. We just want to hear from you more."

"I'll make more of an effort from now on."

"Yeah, what's up with that?" Another, much smaller hand came down hard on Umi's shoulder. She jumped at the contact, but she didn't have to turn around to know that the new addition to their conversation was her third senior. She did so anyway, and saw that Nico had one eyebrow quirked at her, her mouth twisted in something akin to a smirk and ready to give her hell.

"H-hello to you too, Nico…" Umi managed.

The girl in question responded with a dramatic eye-roll, before plopping down in the small space that Umi had left on the couch, forcing the other three to make space for her. "Seriously? Don't talk so formally. We're not strangers, you know." As she sat down, she removed her hand from Umi's shoulder and slung it across her back, so that there was no escaping for the younger girl.

Umi shot her a look. "That's just how I speak…"

"So?" Nico leaned in. "What's your excuse?"

Umi was about to respond with a defensive and possibly scathing remark when she became aware of a small commotion behind her. She turned just in time to catch Eli gesturing frantically at Nico; her hand waving rapidly back and forth across her throat in a very clear warning. They made eye contact while Eli's hand was mid-swipe, upon which the older girl immediately dropped the guilty party into her lap. Clearing her throat loudly, she fixed the petite girl with a stern glare. "Nico, please try to be a little more sensitive. We don't know what Umi's been going through."

"I know that! That's why I'm trying to -" at this, Maki, who had been listening to their entire conversation from her spot next to the couch, brought her hand squarely down onto Nico's head. The smaller girl yelped in pain, effectively cutting her off. "Ouch! What the hell, Maki-chan?"

Maki's hand remained hovering over Nico's head, while the other one came to rest on her hip. She didn't say anything, only gesturing to the three other girls who sat on the couch.

Nico seemed to get the message and put her own hands up in a gesture of reluctant compliance. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry if I was too insensitive, Umi."

"It's okay," Umi responded slowly. She was struggling to keep up with the pace of her friends; it really had been too long since she had last seen them, she thought.

"It's too bad Honoka had work today." With the threat of Maki's hand seemingly avoided for now, Nico relaxed into the soft cushions of the couch. "This might be the closest we've been to having everyone together."

Once again, Umi recalled a relevant snippet of her conversation with Maki on the train:

"Everyone noticed it."

"It," of course, referred to the perceived distance between Umi and her childhood friends. Maki said "everyone," so that means Nico noticed it too, and she's being insensitive again… Umi looked to confirm this and saw that Eli had buried her face in her hands, and was currently in the middle of letting out a long sigh. She also thought she saw Nozomi's hands twitch. Despite herself, she had to smile at her friends' antics. "Really? Does that mean Kotori will be here?"

"Dunno," Nico answered with a shrug. "We haven't heard from her since yesterday, so maybe she's trying to surprise everyone like you did."

Umi pushed down the growing unease in her stomach and tried to laugh. "That would be quite the coincidence."

Unfortunately, Umi had been too distracted by her seniors to notice the three knocks at the door moments before. Nor did she notice Hanayo getting up and answering for whoever was there, and it wasn't until she heard the familiar voice in the hallway that she considered getting up, hiding, and revealing herself at a more opportune time.

"You must be tired, Kotori-chan!" Hanayo was saying.

"A little bit, but it's okay," Kotori responded cheerfully. From what Umi could tell, she was still in the doorway, most likely in the process of taking off her shoes. "I think I'm pretty used to the train ride by now."

"We're all glad you could make it. Good news, everyone!" Hanayo was leading Kotori past the kitchen, and Umi saw her first as she turned to the rest of the girls with a bright smile. "We have two surprise visitors today!"

The general cheer in the room was revitalized at this announcement, and most of the girls got up from their seats to greet Kotori. Umi, however, remained rooted in her spot, her leg bouncing in nervous apprehension.

"Two…?" Kotori repeated curiously. She answered her own question as she crossed the threshold to the living room. After receiving a few friendly hugs from the other girls, she inevitably locked eyes with Umi, who hadn't moved from the couch.

Umi was still mentally unprepared, but Kotori reacted almost immediately. She giggled, breaking out into a warm smile. "Umi-chan! Did you steal my idea?"

She found that she could only stare, wide-eyed. Her mouth hung open, but no response came.

Hanayo beckoned for Umi to get up. "We're almost all together now! Isn't this great?"

Umi wasn't sure if she agreed, but if anything, the inviting smile that Kotori beamed at her told her that, maybe, she was worried for nothing. "Y-yeah," she managed as she finally willed herself off of the couch. As she did so, Kotori stretched her arms out to her in a welcoming gesture. Umi had to smile. "It's been a while, Kotori." She reciprocated by reaching out her own arm and embracing her childhood friend.

"It's very nice to see you, Umi-chan." Kotori pulled back from the hug first, placing her hands on Umi's shoulders. Umi returned her smile, thinking that Kotori was going to say something to her, but she didn't comply. They stood there, staring at each other for a good five seconds before the realization hit Umi.

This is kind of awkward…

She knew that Kotori was aware of it too from the way that her smile faded, only slightly, but enough for Umi to notice. She tilted her head so that she was giving Umi a sidelong glance, and pointed towards the door. "Why don't we go outside?"

"Yes, I think that would be good." Umi rubbed the back of her neck when she realized that there were more than a few pairs of eyes on them.

"Okay! We'll be right back." Kotori addressed this to the other girls, and Umi turned to follow her, but not before she saw Nozomi flash her a thumbs-up. She sighed.

Outside, Kotori leaned against the railing as Umi shut the door before turning to face her. The tain-haired girl still didn't say anything, and as their breath visibly rolled away from their faces in light puffs, Umi became all too aware that she would have to talk first. Not knowing what Kotori wanted to talk about made it all the more nerve-wracking, but she reminded herself that even if she got an earful of everything she had done wrong over the past year and a half, she probably deserved it.

"We probably have a lot to catch up on," Umi began, sheepishly, as she joined Kotori at the railing.

"It seems so."

"How have you been? Is Tokyo treating you well?"

Kotori smiled, but when she raised her head to look at her, Umi could see the weariness in her eyes. "In some ways, yes. The fashion industry is just so competitive, so the classes really push everyone to their creative limit. I've seen my fair share of breakdowns already."

"What about you?" Umi asked, her eyes widening in concern. "Are you okay? Please don't tell me you're talking about yourself, too."

"No, no," Kotori giggled and shook her head. "I've been doing okay so far. It's just difficult to balance school, my own projects, and trying to find a job or an internship."

"Have you found anything yet? It shouldn't be hard for you, considering your previous experience…"

Kotori smiled bashfully. "I'd like to say that my reputation precedes me, but that's just being close-minded. This is Tokyo we're talking about, after all. Companies have such a large talent pool to pick from here, so it's not too easy to get noticed."

Umi tried to reassure Kotori by placing a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know much about working in fashion, but I'll be there for you if you need the support." She hesitated at this, wondering briefly if Kotori would want to hear her next words, but she steeled herself. "Even if you need someone to try on one of your outfits, I'll do it."

"Really?" Kotori giggled. "You're six hours away from me, though." She reached for Umi's hand, gently removing it from her shoulder, although she held onto it while she spoke. "Besides, you'll have to prove that you're more reliable before you make promises like that."

Umi didn't know whether it was the sheer bluntness of Kotori's statement or the fact that said statement was delivered with a genuine smile, but she felt a stab of pain at her friend's words. "Kotori…" she muttered, ducking her head in embarrassment, "it would be easier on me if you put it less frankly…" She squeezed Kotori's hand in her own, knowing that the redness on her face was easily visible no matter how she tried to hide it.

"Sorry, sorry." Kotori laughed again, and Umi confirmed in the back of her mind that her friend got a great deal of enjoyment out of seeing her flustered. "I just had to say it. You can't disappear for as long as you did and expect me not to say something about it."

"I know. It just doesn't make me feel much better."

Umi looked up to see Kotori still smiling at her, but her head was slightly cocked to the side, indicating her curiosity. "Umi-chan, are you doing okay?"

"In regards to school?" She stepped closer to Kotori as a harsh chill made her teeth chatter.

"That too."

She didn't want to lie, so she settled for a shrug. "I've seen better days, I think."

"The real world can be pretty harsh," Kotori said sympathetically.

"It's been looking up recently, though."

"That's good!" She perked up at Umi's words. "May I ask why?"

Umi reached into her coat pocket and produced her sheet of lyrics. "I enlisted Maki's help in writing this. I'd call it our project for Christmas break." She unfolded the paper and handed it to Kotori. The tan-haired girl read over it silently while Umi twiddled her thumbs.

"Wow. This is really poetic, Umi-chan." Kotori looked impressed.

Umi blushed. "You don't have to put it like that."

"No, I really love it. Has Maki-chan started writing the music for it?" Kotori squinted as she brought the paper closer to her face, presumably to read the many scribbles written in the margins.

"Not really. She wanted me to give her the framework before she started."

"You're writing the music, too?" Kotori asked, surprised.

Umi hurried to reassure her. "I only have a small part in it. It really isn't anything special."

"I'm sure it will turn out wonderfully. I can tell you still have a talent for this." Kotori gave her another teasing smile, and indicated the lyrics by offering them back to her. "Do you mind if I ask who it's about?"

"Why would you assume it's about someone?"

Kotori shrugged innocently. "The lyrics are addressing a 'you' throughout."

"A lot of my songs did that."

"That's true, but I think this one's different." Kotori said knowingly.

"Why?" Between this and Maki's previous observations, Umi was beginning to wonder just how transparent her own motives were.

"Nowadays, you don't have to write songs for the sake of writing them."

"I wasn't doing that back then, either," Umi muttered, a little defensively. "I tried to be as genuine as possible when I wrote lyrics."

"Of course your lyrics were genuine. I'm not denying that." Kotori giggled. "But, unless you were a much better secret-keeper than I knew, you never experienced romantic love, heartbreak, or even pining while you were writing for μ's. Am I right?" She counted the feelings off on her fingers as she spoke.

"Yes, you're right…"

"Yet you wrote many songs that dealt with those matters," Kotori continued. "That's what I mean: you wrote those lyrics for μ's because that's what idols sing about." A sly grin began to take shape on her face. "I think you did quite a good job for someone who had never even been in love."

"What is the point of you flattering me like this, again?" Umi asked, her face slightly red.

"I mean all of those things, Umi-chan." Kotori's response was sincere, and her smile began to soften into something resembling this. "Compared to your lyrics back then, your motivations for writing this" - she held up the paper - "must be quite different. I want to say you've really grown from the last time I saw you." She then turned her focus to the paper, her amber eyes searching for a specific line. "The infinite buzzing of vanity's lips, forming words for the eager of ear," she read off the paper in somewhat impressive English. "I can't begin to imagine what inspired you to write a line like that."

"Why must you read it aloud like that? It's really embarrassing…"

Another giggle. "It's going to be sung aloud eventually, right?"

Umi sighed. "Well, yes, but once it's a proper song, not all of the focus will be on the lyrics."

"I wish that wasn't so. They're…" Kotori hummed to herself, searching for the right word. "...very heartfelt," she finally settled on.

"I certainly tried in that department," Umi admitted with a chuckle. "They sort of came to me all at once one night."

"I'll never understand the creative process." Kotori's laugh mirrored Umi's own. She leaned in slightly, lowering her voice by just a notch. "If you don't mind me asking, they seem very personal, and I would guess that it's descriptive of your own experience since you left home?"

Umi rubbed her hands together, partly as a reaction to the cold and partly as a display of her growing embarrassment. "Maki said something similar about them. To answer your earlier question, I don't know if it's really about someone in particular."

"But you wrote the song yourself."

"Yes, but the inspiration for it was sort of vague in its own right."

Kotori responded with a thoroughly confused stare, so Umi gave her a condensed version of her recurring dreams, and how they served as a backdrop to the creation of the sheet of paper that Kotori now held in her hands.

Kotori was silent for a long stretch of time after Umi finished her account. "Are you sure you're okay, Umi-chan?"

Umi was ready to respond in a half-positive manner again, but she couldn't bring herself to brush off the matter a second time. She took a deep breath, deciding that Kotori was genuinely concerned, so she deserved a genuine answer. "Honestly, I don't know. The past month has been slightly better, since writing this song gives me a purpose to do something. Before that…" she hesitated a moment, wondering if she should just leave her sad state to Kotori's imagination. She decided against it. "...before that, I was just going through the motions."

Once again, Umi felt a hand on her shoulder. "And you've been going through all of this without telling any of us?"

"It sounds ridiculous, I know."

"We're always here for you. All of us."

Umi looked away. She found she couldn't hold the other girl's intensely genuine stare. "Is that true?"

"Of course it is." Kotori looked somewhat taken aback. "Why would you think otherwise?"

Umi bit her lip and ran her hands across the cold metal railing that separated them from a twenty-foot drop to the street below. She was silently thankful that Kotori was so patient; her friend didn't say a word while she took her time in answering. Finally, she decided to be honest with Kotori; she deserved it, with how distant they had been these past two years. "You should know why, Kotori." She shut her eyes, hoping that she wouldn't have to elaborate, though it was a foolish hope.

"Because of you and Honoka-chan?"

"Yes."

In the silence that followed, Umi tuned in to the chatter that emanated from inside the apartment. She wondered whether they were talking about her, and made a note to establish to everyone that she and Kotori were on good terms once again.

Honoka, on the other hand, was a different matter entirely, one that remained to be seen.

When Kotori's response finally came, it was quiet and serious. "You really are too hard on yourself."

"I think my punishment was well-deserved."

"I can see why you shut yourself off, but the amount of time that you did it was a little extreme..."

Umi rubbed the back of her head, averting Kotori's gaze once again. "Time just flies by after high school, I guess?"

The weight of Kotori's observant stare left her, and she turned to see a sad smile take its place. "That's true, but being alone for that long can't be healthy for you."

"Don't remind me," Umi muttered, perhaps a little too sarcastically. "Perhaps you're right. It was a little extreme of me…"

"So, you stopped talking to us because you couldn't forgive yourself for what you did to Honoka-chan?"

"More or less, yes."

"What does that have to do with the rest of us?"

"It has everything to do with the rest of you..." Umi responded, her voice quiet. "I couldn't carry on as if nothing had happened, because it would just hurt her even more. Not only that, but I knew that you girls would take her side if word got out about us. It would be the right thing to do, since I was certainly in the wrong."

"I don't think completely closing yourself off was much better for her, or for you…"

"It was either that or confront my mistakes, and I'm far too much of a coward to do that."

Kotori had since removed her hand from Umi's shoulder, but now that same hand found Umi's own. "It seems like you're already on your way."

"You think so?" Umi flushed and looked away.

"You're here now, with us. That's a good start."

In the back of her mind, past the embarrassment and shame that clouded the forefront, Umi wondered what she had done to deserve friends who were so willing to forgive her many shortcomings. "Thank you, Kotori."

"I'm glad you're coming around," Kotori said. Another period of silence followed. Umi looked away and inhaled deeply, due to the weight of what she would ask next.

"So…" Umi managed. "How is Honoka?"

Kotori didn't respond right away. "As far as I can tell, she's doing fine."

"Do you two talk often?"

"I try to, when I have time. Other than that, she's fairly active in the group chat."

"I guess I wouldn't know that…" Umi muttered. Kotori didn't have an immediate response, and Umi didn't need to tear her gaze away from the cityscape to know that Kotori was staring at her again.

"I'm going to be blunt with you, Umi-chan."

She nodded and braced herself.

"I'm being vague with you because I think it would be better if you found these things out on your own."

That wasn't what Umi had been expecting. "I'm sorry?"

Kotori broke out into a smile once again. "You should go visit Honoka-chan and ask her these things yourself!"

"What?!" Umi stiffened immediately. "I couldn't! Why do you think that's a good idea?"

"I don't think it's a good idea, I know it's a good idea." Kotori's smile didn't waver in the face of Umi's obvious disapproval.

"W-well then, how do you know?"

"She still wants to see you again. She told me."

Umi took a deep breath, her heart still racing from her outburst moments before. Similarly, her mind whirred as numerous Honoka-centric scenarios played out in her head, seemingly all at once. Not once had she considered that her relationship to Honoka was, at the moment, anything remotely close to positive. "Are you sure?" she asked warily.

At this, Kotori crossed her arms and frowned. "Would I lie to you, Umi-chan?" She huffed to emphasize how ridiculous the idea sounded.

"I can't remember the last time you did…"

"Ex-act-ly." Kotori drew each syllable of the word out. As she spoke, she reached out her hand and pressed a gentle yet firm finger into Umi's forehead. "I need you to get this into your head, Umi-chan. I know how stubborn you can be."

Umi crossed her eyes to stare at the finger that was intruding into her personal space, but otherwise did nothing. "Okay," she sighed. "I'll visit her."

"I have your word?"

Umi glanced from Kotori's finger to her expectant face. "...Yes, you have my word," she answered after some hesitation.

"Wonderful!" Kotori removed her finger from Umi's forehead, and Umi found herself breathing a quiet sigh of relief. "How does tomorrow sound?"

Umi's eyes widened. "That's far too soon!"

"What happened to your word?" Kotori pouted. "The sooner you visit her, the better. Otherwise, you might just try to make excuses and put it off."

"That's..." Umi cringed and looked away. As much as she hated to admit it, Kotori was right. "I suppose I can visit her tomorrow…"

"Let me know how it goes." Kotori's smile returned.

Umi shot her friend a look. "I take it you're not going with me?"

"Of course not. You know that you two have some things to take care of first."

"It was a fleeting hope…" Umi sighed.

"Don't be so dramatic," Kotori giggled. "You'll be fine."

"Did Honoka tell you that, as well?"

"No, but I like to think that I still know both of you well enough to say that."

Umi could only shrug in response. "I hope you're right."

"In fact, I'm already planning for the three of us to spend Christmas Eve together."

"That's…" A number of negative outcomes forced themselves to the front of Umi's mind, and she had to ignore them. "...rather optimistic of you."

Kotori merely shrugged, but her cheery smile remained. Another silence settled upon the two, but Umi didn't feel any sense of discomfort or unease during this stretch. Kotori's hand lingered on hers for a few more moments before separating. With nothing else to say, Umi turned her attention to the passerby that dotted the sidewalks below them. Though it was Monday afternoon, Christmas Eve was only two days away, and thus the normally peaceful streets were already beginning to pack with last-minute shoppers and early vacationers. The sight was comforting, yet for some reason, Umi began to have a nagging feeling in the back of her mind.

"Do you girls have any plans for Christmas?" she asked Kotori.

"We were talking about seeing the Christmas lights once we're all together again, but that's about it."

"You didn't plan any gift exchanges?"

"Not this year. I guess no one was feeling particularly selfish this time around." Kotori giggled at her own joke. "Really, I couldn't tell you why."

"Was it because everyone assumed I wouldn't be here?" Umi raised an eyebrow.

"Ah, that might be it," Kotori said. Her voice hitched with surprise, as if this was the first time this thought had crossed her mind.

Umi sighed. "I suppose it's fine. I wouldn't want everyone to change their plans just because I'm here."

"Your presence is a gift in and of itself, Umi-chan!"

Clearly, chastising Kotori for teasing her wasn't getting through at all. Umi resigned herself to an annoyed stare, and remained silent otherwise.

Kotori frowned but didn't shrink back. "It's true! At the very least, you surprised us all. We were starting to worry that you were gone for good."

"I was thinking the same thing," Umi chuckled dryly. "It seems like inspiration struck at just the right time."

"That's one way to look at it." Kotori's reply was cryptic, and she didn't give Umi a chance to probe into it. "By the way, do the others know what you're up to?" She indicated Umi's sheet of lyrics by holding the paper out to her.

Umi took it, folded it, and pocketed the sheet in one motion.. "I was planning on telling them today. Maki and I already discussed some potential repercussions, and we want to let the others know about it as soon as possible, to avoid any unwelcome surprises."

"You should show Honoka-chan, too."

"I'll tell her about it, but I don't want to show anyone any actual previews until the song is finished." Umi bit her lip, then added: "Partly because I don't know how the finished product is going to sound yet."

"I'm sure she'll like it."

Umi frowned. "I didn't write it for her, but I would be very glad if she approved."

Kotori looked at her questioningly, as if she was on the verge of challenging that statement, but her expression changed right before she said: "If you say so, Umi-chan."

Umi shuffled her feet. Kotori was teasing her again, but she wasn't willing to ask herself why. She didn't write the song for Honoka; in fact, she had made many active attempts in the past two years to keep Honoka out of her mind, to varying degrees of success. Yet now, when Kotori was clearly insinuating that she had written the lyrics with a certain mutual friend in mind, she couldn't deny it outright.

Or, perhaps, she was simply overthinking her friends' intentions again and Kotori was giving her the benefit of the doubt. She decided to return the favor by acknowledging Kotori's statement with a nod, and nothing more.

"Well then, it's settled! You'll visit Honoka-chan tomorrow. Shall we go back inside? The others are probably starting to wonder about us." Kotori turned from the railing and rubbed her hands together, making her way towards the door.

Umi followed her, muttering reassurances under her breath. They entered to the sight of the other six girls crowded around the lone table in the apartment. They seemed to be conferring on something rather private, but upon seeing the two girls in the doorway, Maki perked up. "Oh, good, you're back.," she said. "I was just telling them about the song."

"I think it's wonderful that you're still writing songs." Hanayo was the first to offer her opinion on the matter.

Nico shot Umi a disapproving look, but the smile on her face was more telling. "It's a good thing Maki-chan told us about it now. I would've been pretty shocked if I was surfing the Net and saw idol forums talking about a 'μ's comeback,' with leaked previews of our new song. Although, 'Umi Sonoda Solo Project' sounds even more shocking…"

"I'm really excited to hear it! Live instruments… how cool is that?" Nozomi sighed wistfully. "It's so new, but somehow so nostalgic too."

Umi took in the positive reception, but was unable to formulate an immediate response. She looked pleadingly to Maki for an explanation.

Her junior smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Umi. I was going over the notes I've been working on in my phone when Rin peeked over my shoulder. You can see what happened next."

"I don't really know what jazz sounds like, but I bet it's gonna be super cool!" As if on cue, Rin's voice sounded awfully close to her ear. Umi jumped slightly and whipped around to see Rin awfully close to her face.

"I hope so, too…" Umi chuckled nervously, then cleared her throat. "Everyone, I don't know how much Maki has told you yet, but I'm trying to keep this under the radar. As Nico said, I don't want word to get out that this is a μ's project, because it's not."

"Maki did stress how personal it is compared to your other work," Eli mused.

"So, you're not writing it as a kickstarter to your solo project?" Nico asked.

Umi waved away the possibility. "No. I don't really plan on promoting it, outside of the advertisements that we may have to do for musicians who would record the backing track. Its popularity isn't a factor to me."

Eli scratched her head, frowning. "If you're not going to promote or sell it, then why are you writing it?"

Umi looked to Kotori, who had been silent ever since they had returned to the apartment. Her friend returned the gaze and simply smiled her cryptic smile. "Self-fulfillment, I guess?"

"And because it's fun," Maki added.

That got a chuckle out of Umi. "Yes, that too."

Nozomi hummed while a worrying smile began to form at the corners of her mouth. "I do miss how fun it was to record and perform. Maybe Nico-cchi was right: a μ's comeback could be in the works!"

The statement drew shocked stares from Umi and a few others. Nozomi looked around sheepishly as she realized that her joke didn't have its intended effect. "I'm joking, I'm joking. I do hope to see what the final result is, Umi-chan."

"I don't know how, exactly, but we're always willing to help if you need it." Eli's statement was met with nods of agreement from the rest of the group.

Umi smiled warmly. "Thank you, everyone. I'll be sure to show you our finished product."

"No disappearing on us before then," Nico deadpanned, and Umi had to laugh.

Umi stood in the doorway once again. This time, she waited for Kotori and Maki as the latter two put on their shoes. Without realizing it, they had stayed the longest as the other girls trickled out, individually or in pairs. Umi was the subject of many a loaded question from the girls on their way out, ranging from "I'll see you again soon, right?" to "Are you free on Christmas Eve?" She had assured each of them, in turn, that no, she wasn't going into another self-imposed exile after today.

The foyer was silent, until Maki slipped on her right shoe and spoke up. "I'll ask, since no one else did and I have a feeling you talked about this with Kotori."

Umi exchanged a glance with Kotori, raising an eyebrow. "Is it about Honoka?"

Maki nodded. "Are you going to show her the song, too?"

"I probably will when I visit her tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" The surprise in Maki's voice was evident. "Are you excited?"

Umi grimaced. "'Nervous' might be a better word."

"You might have your own reasons, but I think she'll be happy to hear about it."

"Okay?" Umi looked from Maki to Kotori, and back again. This wasn't the first time the two had said something similar on separate occasions. She was beginning to feel a little uneasy about it.

"Anyway, I'll try to dedicate time to songwriting tomorrow, before the Christmas rush happens." Of course, Maki didn't seem fazed by her and Kotori's synchronicity, because she probably wasn't aware of it.

"Don't sweat it. We still have two weeks."

"I'm glad everyone was so receptive to the idea," Maki sighed as she opened the door.

"Why wouldn't we be?" Kotori put in. "It's very nice to see how far your love for music goes. The same goes for Umi-chan."

Umi trailed behind the other two girls as they talked, already in the beginnings of spacing out. Thoughts of tomorrow took the majority of her attention. As she felt the sheet of lyrics in her pocket, she again muttered reassurances to herself and tried to believe that they were working.

She was going to see Honoka again, tomorrow. She couldn't wait, but at the same time she couldn't help but imagine all the ways that it could go wrong.

Notes:

Cons about this chapter:

- I took more than 3 months to write it

- I rewrote the scene with Kotori at least 3 times and I'm still not 100% happy with it

- I started playing SIF again after a 10-month hiatus and it's ruining my life

Pros about this chapter:

- Going to AX and seeing all of the Love Live support really inspired me

- I took 3 months to write this chapter instead of 6

- most of the girls are together again!

See you all again soon! hopefully