an: I know very long time, sorry... I feel like I am on repeat. I kinda forgot about this fic again, until I accidently got into a conversation with a very sweet person on instagram. Felt very embarrassed to mention my own fic. I know I have some very faithful readers, but I don't see myself as this great writer you know.

So basically you all owe this update to her, as she made my month just now, by the way she reacted to hearing I was the writer of this series.

I hope this helps you all get through these very difficult times we are all in. I am sure you all saw Mary's wonderful posts. It is so so good to just listen to her and feed myself with her possitivity.

I hope you and your loved ones are all safe and will stay safe! This too will pass.

the characters are not mine, well some of them, but playing with the others :)

Chapter five

This wasn't the first time she had believed to wear her new Detective's uniform. Sharon had been proud of her promotion, but standing here today it all seemed so unimportant. Seeing those young patrol officers in a pool of their own blood, being directly targeted themselves had been a huge wake up call. Still she couldn't think of quitting her job. It was far too important. They put away the bad guys. They all knew there were risks involved. You could read it on each and every single one of the faces of the officers present.

She wished she could feel the warmth of Andy's hand in hers now. She was still able to feel his lips on hers. His eyes had sparkled as he had fumbled with her tie, lingered his fingers on the insignia's that indicated her new rank. Andy wouldn't allow a moment to pass in which he wouldn't show her how proud he was of her. It always caused her to feel butterflies in her stomach. Each time falling in love all over again.

Their division stood on the second row. She was standing next to Phelps and Keegan. Andy further down, next to Hamilton, as he was a member of the Homicide Division, the longest. In reality he was only a few steps away, but right now she just needed his warmth and love.

Sharon believed she was used to these funerals by now. She'd been to too many, but this one seemed different. Sharon had been there, when they had died. They'd been the first ones on scene. One moment they'd been celebrating her promotion, the other they had entered hell, waiting like sitting ducks while a mad man fired at them.

Looking at the parents of the fallen officer, she couldn't block images of her own parents. At days like these, she realized what she put them through. Sharon had been the one who had made this decision but they had to live with it as well. Sharon didn't want to think too long about that. There was a risk, but police officers weren't shot in Los Angeles every day.

Andy could sense Sharon's unease. Since the shooting she woke up several times during the night, screaming. A sheer panic in her eyes, which wouldn't leave them, not before he would take her face in both of his hands, calling her name, until he would be able to bring her back from wherever she was.

Sharon never recalled afterwards, but he could imagine what she was reliving in her dreams. They saw some horrific things in their occupation. Many of them were tortured by nightmares. It was probably the reason why so many grabbed the bottle as well. Cops were a bar's best customers. In fact they would all go there for a last toast on their fallen colleague after the service.

Andy didn't like going to these funerals. It made him aware of how dangerous his profession was. What he risked day in day out, that it could be his parents being presented that American flag one day. Since the day his feelings for Sharon awakened, he'd either imagine her heart broken or him devastated. He was glad to hear the salute shots, as they banished those dire thoughts from his mind, another funeral was over. There was another one, a day from now, but he didn't want to think about that. The next hurdle he would have to take was the toasting. Entering a bar was always a challenge. He'd might have to go to a meeting later today. Although he hadn't been there as frequent as he'd been before Sharon practically moved in with him. It was so easy to talk to Sharon. She didn't judge him. She never did, no matter what. Sharon listened when he needed her to. She comforted him at other times. For now he just needed her warmth.

Sharon crinched inward as she heard the salute shots. The gunshots from the other night too fresh in mind. Her thoughts were so far away, that she only noticed the service had ended, when she startled because of the touch of a hand on her back.

"Hey you okay?"

Andy's voice was always a bit lower, when he was concerned about her. Gentle and warm, just like the hand on her back. Her eyes fluttered up at him.

"Hm-mm."

Although it wasn't even a word, he heard a slight tremble in her voice. Her eyes looked up at him, but her mind still seemed elsewhere , at least partially. The salute shots probably the reason for Sharon's distraction.

"Ready?"

Sharon nodded, even leaned into him, as he wrapped his arm around her waist. She wasn't like herself lately. Before she would've been adamant not to show anyone her weaknesses. She would have sought him out at home, only allowed herself then to seek out his arm for support. Andy felt better comforting her, although it worried him a bit as well. She wasn't like her usual self lately, but maybe he was simply over thinking it all, was this just a new stage in their relationship.

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The Chief of Police raised his glass. "To Laurence Daniels."

The pub filled to the rim with police officers, all raising their glass, mimicking their Chief's words in unison. What followed was silence. The men, as Sharon could positively say she was the only woman in the room, all raised their glass and emptied it in one draft. Being part of the LAPD was being part of this ritual. She always felt uneasy though. For several reasons. No matter what she did, she wasn't going to be a part of them. All eyes wandered off to her at some point, making her feel looked at.

It was a relief to feel Andy nearby. She knew he was uncomfortable too. For different reasons of course. He'd been part of this 'club' for several years. Sharon couldn't even imagine Andy as anything else than a cop. It wasn't like he wasn't smart enough. If he wanted to he could have become a lawyer. Andy fought against injustice though. Being a cop was in his mind and in his blood. It was a strange kind of dedication. Sharon loved him for it. She loved everything about the man. Sharon rubbed his arm, knowing it was difficult for a recovering alcoholic to be in a pub.

"Are you alright?"

She had the sweetest of smiles. Andy gently touched the corner of her mouth, widening her smile.

"I'm fine now." What he didn't tell her was that he might need a meeting later, but it was evident that she knew.

Andy knew that these gatherings were part of the process. A few years ago he'd be the one, who'd stay the longest in the pub. Who'd drink until everything inside him felt numb. Allowing alcohol to chase away all the darkness which had accumulated around him. Now he couldn't wait for the perfect opportunity to slip out of there. As their Chief began his speech, he knew the moment hadn't come yet.

" We've lost two of our own this week. Two young men who were dedicated to protect others, the civilians of our town."

The volume of his voice seemed to increase with each word that passed his lips.

"They were killed without mercy. Several other colleagues shot at as they tried to safe Laurence Daniels' life."

Sharon swallowed as images of that night flashed in front of her eyes. That feeling of being shot at like a couple of sitting ducks twisting her stomach. Maybe it were those images, which caused that nauseated feeling that lingered in her stomach. She hadn't eaten much at breakfast, the nausea chasing away any hunger she felt earlier.

Andy frowned as he looked at Sharon. Her face was paling. He lightly touched her elbow, but all the response he received was her shaking her head for a brief moment.

"We won't rest until we've found the scum bag that got it in his psychotic brain to target one of us. Finding their killer will be the highest priority. Any other case can wait. We won't let anyone threaten the LAPD! We won't allow anyone to target us!"

A shudder went through Sharon's body as she heard her fellow officers cheer. Until this guy was caught there wouldn't be a police officer in Los Angeles, who wouldn't be out hunting for him. Officially it wasn't their case, but there wouldn't be another case on their board until this one was caught. You protected your own. That was almost like a code of honor within the LAPD.

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Although Andy and she were the only ones sober, everyone was present in the murder room. All of them listening to Commander Hamilton, who stood in front of the board. The pictures of the fallen officers taped on it, above their pictures 'victims' in white chalk, their names in the same white underneath it. Their eyes were almost haunting. Their Commander telling them that every piece of evidence were to be shared with the division in charge. This case was high priority, every ongoing case on the back burner. It would mean overtime for everyone, as long as it would take for this killer to be caught. They would all go out on the streets. Go out on patrol, visit every local weapon dealer, make arrests, put pressure on the right people so someone would crack and come up with valuable information.

Andy walked passed her desk, expecting her to follow him to the locker room for a change in clothes. From the corner of his eyes he saw her sit down on his chair, her eyes closed.

From his office Hamilton saw Sharon stop her step and instead lowered herself onto Andy's desk chair. Closing her eyes as she sat down.

Planning to follow Andy to the locker room, her brain suddenly clouded over with lightheadedness. Instinctively she paused her step, her hand searching for the nearest place to sit down. Sharon closed her eyes to get a grip on it. Blaming it on not having eaten enough. She breathed slowly, her eyes only opening , as she felt Andy's hand on her knee and shoulder.

He hovered over her. A deep frown between his eyebrows, as he looked concerned at Sharon. "Hon, you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look the part."

"Andy."

"You are sitting down, eyes closed, something is wrong."

"I felt a bit light headed, it has passed already. I haven't eaten much, that must be it."

"And you look dead pale."

"That's called having a fair complexion." She raised her eyebrow, whatever had made her sit down had passed now.

Still Andy wasn't willing to simply let it go. "I'm taking you home."

"Andy."

"Not up for debate."

"We should be out looking…"

"Not tonight, I'm taking you home. Do not move from that chair, until I clear this with the Commander."

Hamilton looked up already as Andy knocked on his door. "Everything okay with Elliot?"

"She says she's fine."

Hamilton smiled, Andy knew her well. "You want to take her home?"

Andy nodded.

"Alright. Take her home, I'll see you two tomorrow morning."

Hamilton knew Andy would only worry about her if he'd keep them there. He needed them both on high alert. He was not going to lose any of his officers.

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Sharon smiled as Andy handed her a cup of tea, before he crawled into bed with her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Much better, … I told you I felt faint, because I hadn't eaten yet."

She smiled triumphant, leaning in to give him a quick kiss.

"Thank you for taking such good care of me. Your cooking is always delicious."

"I love to cook for you, hon."

Sharon put down the cup of tea on her night stand. Wrapping her arms around his chest, so she could lean into him. Andy instantly pulled her closer, murmuring 'I love you' on top of her head.

"Hmmmm."

Sharon could feel him smile.

"It's nice to forget everything for a while. "

"We came a bit too close, right?"

"I just don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either, Sharon. In fact I'm planning to marry you, have lots of babies…"

He held her by her shoulders, so he could look at her. She was quiet, he wondered whether he had pushed her, talking about marriage and children.

"We've never really talked about that, have we?"

When had he began to read her silence? She studied his eyes, searching for hurt. Sharon didn't want him to think because of her reaction that she didn't love him. She loved him so much. She wanted to do it right this time though, as everything with Jack had gone so wrong.

"I do love you, Andy, so very much, more than I've ever loved a man, but…"

"You need time, and that's okay, Sharon. I will give you all the time in the world. We have more than enough time ahead of us and in the mean time I relish to have you this close to me and all to myself."

Andy captured her lips with his, feeling its softness, its warmth, something that was a mixture of her and the cinnamon tea, he just brought her. He could feel her breasts press onto his chest, her hands seeking his nape as she answered his kiss, deepening it. Andy could already feel a part of his body reacting to her touches and kisses. Her right knee pressed between his legs, pushing them apart. He knew she must feel what she did to him.

"Is it okay for us to practice?"

Recently they moved beyond the condom stage. It felt so good to feel her warmth, how wet she was, how her walls took grip on his member, but if she needed him to wear it, he would. Her body language before had made it more than clear to him they'd make small steps. They still had plenty of time for children, a marriage, probably in a different order as Sharon was a good Catholic girl. One of the reasons why his mother loved her so much.

Sharon knew what he has asking. It was fine though, she was on birth control. She had been from the time she dated Jack. Yes she went to church, but she was a modern woman as well, times were changing. She had wanted independency first and it wasn't the right time for a child yet. Sharon wasn't too sure, whether Jack had understood her decision. Andy did. Her hands pulled his face near, capturing him in a kiss, so he'd get his answer.