horton hears a javert:
a story of less miserables and some cat played by shreksomething
by dr. musical
horton the elephant had just gotten out of jail. he had a run in with the cat in the hat during the first multiple country war and ended up killing him, obviously once the grinch nazis found out who had done the act, sentenced him to 19 years in prison. once out of jail horton had no where to go, so he went off into the nearest shady town in order to find some food and or shelter, maybe another cat to run into. horton didnt really like hats, he was more of a giant ears kinda elephant. so once he rolled into town he was looking for some food, he discovered a bakery full of the finest breads and pantheon. horton exclaimed "you dawg, you gots some edible substances?". pantheon the baker could only reply with "ive always wanted to be a baker" while jumping large distances for the bakery was 4 square miles in size. while looking at the helmeted baker jump around horton heard a sound, it was coming from one of the loafs of bread. since he was an elephant, he of course had good hearing, allowing him to hear such a voice coming from the bread. he could hear the bread wispering to him so while not looking, he snatched the bread, taking it to a safe haven in his beloved ears to keep the bread safe. horton knew there had to be something on this bread. he wasnt sure what but it seemed something or someone was living in this bread, later on he was able to pin point the sound coming from a speck of dust on the bread. horton could not allow such a speck of creatures to be destroyed, so he vowed to protect this speck on bread and get it to a safe place where no one would harm it. it was just then that his magnificent ears heard someone approaching, it was none other than Javert, his parasol ociffer. he had is lights flashing and tailgaiting horton since 5 minutes after he left the bakery. he pulled over horton and noticed horton had some bread in his ear, and you know elephants, once a murderer of cats, always a theif.
so then javert interrogated horton about the bread, on how only 84 minutes ago he was getting whipped in the shower by other criminals and now hes out stealing bread. horton tried to explain that he had bought the bread and did not steal it.
so then javert went with horton back to the bakery, where pantheon was still jumping about throwing spears into one end of the oven with bread coming out of the other. unable to get an answer out of the baker on if the bread had been stolen or not, javert had no choice but to let horton on his way with his ear bread. after the incedent horton realized the speck on the bread full of creatures was not safe and that he had to get them somewhere safe soon so he quickly left town as quick as he could.
which wasnt very quick as he was an elephant but as quickly as an elephant could go quick. it was at least quick enough to get javert out of his ears. because horton is an elephant, so he can hear things from quite a distance, so they were a pretty good distance apart for him not to hear him. as horton was entering a fortest town. he ran into the mama kangaroo. who was of course the pimp of the forest village. with her pockets full of not a young joseph but only old washingtons hissed politely, "This is my area of buisness sir, if you would like might I offer you one of my beloved prositutes, I see you have ear bread for potential offer. Ear bread is a very rare delacy in these parts and will fetch you a kind prostitute." in to which horton replies "nah gril, thar be peeps on this ear bread so i be taken them to a saven (safe haven) so they can life all save like". they then parted ways but not before seeing one of the kangaroos prostitute's Fanta. she looked pretty bad but had an interesting citrusy smell to her. she was awed in the presence of ear bread that she offered to give horton her life story. she had been working for mama kangaroo in order to obtain food for her daughter Cassette.
So then Fanta told the sad story of her and her daughter Cassette. Fanta was beautiful and more citrus smelling but everything changed when pregnancey attacked, she gained wheight, lost a lot of her hair after it turned white and gained a crippling addiction for giant wang. so after she ahd her baby cassette she had to get a job, what better than to work for the mpimp mama kangaroo? the line of work was right in with her hobbies and was easy to get, and mam kanga was always lookiing for more employees. so as she has been working as a prostitute she obviously canot leave her child alone, so she left her child with , shes probably doing sweatshop work, but hey children need to make rent somehow, all they do nowadays is play the videogames and smoke the pipes and write terrible fan fictions. Fanta explained with her citruesy breath that she would rather have her daughter be with an elephant with ears full of bread than a sweatshop thneedmen. Horton was hypnotized by the citruesy smell of Fanta so he accepted this offer to take care of her little girl.
Horton arrived at the thneedmans house. it was quite and accomplishment with him being an elephant and having little sense of direction but all he did was follow the colorful clothing trends and narrowed it down to a chopped forrest full of dean animals like thing 1, blue fish, and hopes and dreams of children (those have the best meat). there was also the loax working as a slave, sewing the trees he once spoke for. Benji was also there, i guess he figured out time travel or something and wanted to explore alternate times and dimentions, dang it benji why you gotta come into other peoples fantasies, you kind of at least bring some comedic randomness to the story" thought horton. while apporaching the thneed factory you could hear benji speaking, "look I crocheted a thneed pony! this one is fluttershy. doenst it look good mr. lorax?" as the lorax was getting whipped by the thneedman for not getting his ball and chain tight enough to cause him to work harder. horton walked up to the thneedman and asked if cassette could come out and play. mr. thneedman said, "no, her eyes are too big and hasnt made enough thneeds today." horton had explained to him that he was here to take her away because her mom likes ear bread instead of thneeds now, her reasoning is that ear bread, while being a functional currency, is also the latest fashion trend and that thneeds were so 7.3561 fortnights ago. so the thneedman agreed to give her up but for a price, half of that delicious ear bread. horton haggled him down to 1/3 of the loaf of ear bread, also making sure that the spec was still on the loaf as he handed his 1/3 of bread over. the thneedmam called over cassette after using a remote to free her from her thneed station. as she approached the main character and the other one she asked, "are you my new senpai?" also the scent of popular 1970s technology filled the air and her eyes were huge and they went on their way to find a place to place the spec to.
during the walk out of the chopped down forest ful of dead creatures and childrens hopes and dreams, cassette suggested she wanted to stop by her boyfriend jojo's house. Horton asked how in cats hat did she get a boyfriend being a sweatshop employee? to which cassette responded, jojo had an obession with thneeds so he was a frequent customer and they talked when she was on her 2 second breaks every 27 hours, and for only -10 cents an hour too, man the market was wonderful. anyway they continued to communicate through visits and cassettes huge eyes, because they were so desu, they were able to communicate because of the this desu. they bonded because jojo had the kawaieyes to respond to the desu. they really bonded over this experience and fell in love.
the earbreded elephant with his desu eye compionon reached jojos house after fighting off space hippos. they rang the dorrbell and jojos dad opened the door. he was an interesting man, everyone knew he was forign because of how he was drawn but there he was, all decently drawn with not as thick black outlines and he was sucking on cherries with the sound effect of "ledledledledleldleldledleldleldleldleldleldleldleldleldleldleldleldleldleldleldleldleldleldl" appearing just outside of his mouth as he moved the cerry around his moist hole, no not that hole you perv. he hated cherries. cassette then asked jojos dad if jojo was home, he replied, "nope, he went on some bizzare adventure with the military and General Genghis Khan Schmitz, fighting the butter war." Cassette replied "oh" with her desu eyes.
8 years passed. and horton and cassette had finally gotten a house where he could escape from javert. because horton just got tired of all the following him around he did. seriously he was like in his food, breathing down his neck, and sometimes in his thoughts, it was very inconvienent and hard to shake him off. horton had to fake his own death and almost give up his ear bread, he created an invasion of puppies and escaped in the adorable confusion. Cassette still smelled of 1970s technology and had the desu eyes. Cassette never saw jojo and his kawaieyes but still wanted to. but recently horton did not pay much attention to cassette because horton was still focused on getting the spec on his earbread to safety. she was thinking come on why doesnt senpai notice me? im so desu and now i has the desu boobs to go alon with theym. so she sang a song to get his attention.
(link for the song so you can sing along too! watch?v=JxINy6I34TQ#t=12 or the normal version so you can see how the lyrics fit watch?v=zLHF7vNal04 )
Notice Me, Senpai
Cassette: It's taken all my courage to approach you, not to mention ive been with you for 8 years running from your parasole man
but i feel as if Im ready to explain to you the feelings ive been feeling with great diligence and labor
behind the facade, of your forceably adopted daughter.
My eyes are too big
i have desu in them too
and i cant stop smelling like 70's tech!
but now that im legal that is something to see
Horton: no not there, cant do there either
Cassette: oh, notice me senpai Im kawaii and desu
this is your adopted daughter saying
notice me senpai, senpai together, we could be greeeeaaat
oh, notice me senpai, put down your earbread
this your only daughter calling
im through puberty, your daughters heel over head
horton: ear-bread my ear-bread, where do i put you?
together: we were just a no one, just 8 years agooooo
you showed up and showed me something more (horton to ear bread, Cassette to horton)
now ive become a someone who has something to believe in and to be there for
Cassette: i will not give up hope, senpai will know i exist, and hopefully round it with a beautiful kiss
so notice me senpai!
horton: oh i see your talking to me
cassette: notice me senpai
horton: youve turned kinda creepyyyyy
cassette: notice me senpaiiii
together: thats how i see youuuuu
"Finally senpai noticed me!" Cassette examined as finishing up her song to that marvelous elephant. To which horton was really creeped out that she had developed a step dad complex/beastiality. "we need to get you to some real hunk of man" said horton, "we'll finally get you to jojo, im sure with his kawaieyes and 8+ years in military, he will get you fixed.". so they sent out to the military base where the butter war is still going on after 8+ years.
they arrived at the battle site, greeted by General Genghis Khan Schmitz. horton demanded to jojo, but only after answering one question: do you eat your bread butter side up or butter side down? horton pulled out his ear bread and, "GIMMI DAT STUFF BUTTAH UP FOO" and General Genghis Khan Schmitz said "aww yiss, go ahead my elephanty" and they passed onto the military base. there they found jojo, he was ripped, muscular, and had an eye patch, and yes, his eye patch was still kawaii, but sadly only had one kawaieye. jojo shouted with excitement," Cassette! youre here! how ive missed you so much my enslaved darling!" to which then Cassette said,"im breaking up with you". the shock to jojo was so destructive he grew back his lost kawaieye and it bursted through his kawaieyepatch in astonishment. "but but why?" laughed jojo. "because senpai noticed me" replied Cassette. "but but, why?" double replied jojo. "because i sang a song to him" said Cassette. "but, but ... why?" tripple replied jojo. "because he saved me from the thneedman" said cassette. "but but... wh-" jojo was cut off by horton "OK SHUT UP FOO, we need to address the elephant in the room with this situation. jojo, make cassette not be a creepy beastiality/step dad complex person." "but I cannot" and in that moment jojo bursted in rage, so much rage that he was just about to betray his country by eating bread butter side down, he almost got ran out of town. but then he remembered, "oh wait, i have my kawaieye back, thats easy" fourth replied jojo. at that moment, he used his kawaieyes to telegraph sionic waves to Cassettes desu eyes, they kawaii and desu in the room was so powerful that an explosion of science exploded out of it, and then the internet was invented, but computers were still not a thing, the internet was just kind of there.
with the creation of the internet just kinda being there, the war suddenly stopped, it was over, now everyone butters the inside of their bread. with the remains of the war settling, horton decided it was a perfect place to set his ear bread and let the spec live happily where it would not be disturbed. horton was happy. but then as he placed it, the spec started to quiver. horton thought the people from the spec would finally be loud enough to contact the rest of his world. turns out the spec was not a magical world filled with creatures of wonderment, the spec was but a spider egg, a very poisonus spider egg, so everyone nope nope noped the crap out of there, all nukes were instatnly used the ear bread. but then the guy who fired the bread, Jerome was caught by Javert for destroying federal currency. as they celebrated the butter war being over, the creation of the internet, spiders not killing the planet, and jerome getting arrested, they all sat down and had some green eggs and ham, and there was much rejoicing.
the next day, everyone died because of the green eggs and ham, seriously, they shouldnt be eating green food like that, that just screams poisonous. the entire cast is dead now, good job benji. though you didnt manage to poison the love child of Javert and General Genghis Khan Schmitz, McJavert Schmitz. he loved that green eggs and ham, a bit too much you might say, in fact, he loved it so much he got the GAIDS from it (gay AIDS). now he has to live with that for the rest of his life. not to mention both his dads died from the same thing he loves/contracted GAIDS from. hows he gonna deal with that in high school? maybe he'll do something with that internet thing, though no one can still access it. this is a problem.