I do not own FSOG, FSD, FSF, any of its characters of affiliates. They belong to E. L. James and I will not profit from this.
***WARNING*** This chapter does continue to discuss rape and may be a trigger to some readers, reader discretion is advised!***WARNING***
Ana
"Ok Ana, we'll do what we can to make this process as quick and as painless for you as possible." Coleen explains as she finishes setting up the table with the contents of the kit or as she called it the Sexual Assault Forensic Evidence kit or SAFE Kit. She's the SANE Nurse, or the Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner.
I eye up all the instruments with fear and trepidation. All I want is a shower and then a bath and maybe another shower to wash that disgusting man from my body. I feel him still, the burning between my legs and on my backside a constant reminder of him.
"Ana she's going to draw blood first." Melissa says gently as she holds my hand, I'm glad she's here, I knew at once when she walked into my room that she was going to be some sort of saviour to me.
"Christian can't know." I say quietly and she gives my hand a squeeze.
"Can't know what honey."
"What happened, he can't know." I squeeze her hand tight when I feel the needle penetrate my arm, I guess that my talking to Melissa allows Coleen the old grey haired nurse to get on with her job. "He loved the fact that I was only his… I'm not his anymore." I say the tears squeezing out of my eyes the way my blood seeps out of the small pipe connected to the needle in me.
"Ana, I'm sure your husband loves you and just wants to support you through all of this." Melissa says and I shake my head, he'll never look at me the same again.
"That's the blood done." Coleen's voice startles me and I squeeze Melissa's hand tightly, I wouldn't be surprised if she needs an x-ray from broken bones or at least had a bruised hand tomorrow, I'm so jumpy and unsure of everything. I'm so scared and have been from the moment I was in the ambulance but Melissa is a calming influence, her constant mutterings of how I'm safe and no one can hurt me anymore is a small comfort. "Right now I need to swab inside your mouth, can you open up for me?"
I close my eyes when I see the swab coming towards me and I open my mouth. The cotton rubs along my upper mouth then is replaced by a second which swabs my tongue. It's horrible, so dry but when I open my eyes Melissa has a glass of water already for me.
"Thank you." I whisper before taking a long hearty sip enjoying the coolness on my throat.
"Easy Ana, sip gently." She says helping me pull the water from my mouth, I'm so thirsty I take another small sip before handing her the glass. Coleen is quiet just slipping the swabs into a tube before writing on them and then placing them in a bag.
"Now I need a hair sample." Coleen says and I look at Melissa fearfully.
"She's going to pluck out ten to fifteen pieces of your hair just so any hair we find on your clothes or body can be compared they may be yours but they could also be his." I nod and swallow hard allowing Coleen to step forward with the tweezers.
I keep a tight grip on Melissa's hand while my hair is plucked from my head, each one sharp and uncomfortable.
"Ana can you tell me everything about this man. Your Mom's third husband?"
"Why?" I ask grimacing as another hair is plucked from my head.
"The police will want to know, tell me first, practice saying it out loud." Melissa explains and I sigh and nod.
"Stephen was my Mom's third husband, he often threatened to spank me and often he would threaten me with a belt. One night he came into my room with his belt bent in half and he was smacking it against his hand and he said that I'd been really bad and I had to be punished. I was terrified and when he sat on the bed beside me I was frozen. He started running his hand up and down my leg, I was on top of the covers…"
"That's the hair done." Coleen says quietly and Melissa gives me a reassuring smile. "We'll do the nails next."
"Ok Ana Coleen is going to bring a table in front of you now and she's going to scrape beneath your nails and cut them, it's a little uncomfortable but keep talking to me ok?" I can only nod, I feel so uncertain of everything but present my hands on the little table as soon as it is in front of me.
"Ok tell me about when Stephen was touching your leg." Melissa encourages distracting me from Coleen.
"It felt wrong and I was scared but then my Mom came home and he left my room, I called Ray my step-dad the next morning and told him about how he'd scared me with the belt but I didn't want Mom to know and Ray organised for me to go back to him. That's why I knew what he was going to do, growing older learning about sex and stuff I realised the way he'd touched my leg had been sexual and I think… I think if Mom hadn't come home when she did then he would have raped me then." Melissa just nods, listening to me intently while my nails are cut and scarped onto the white sheet. "That's how I knew in the house what he was going to do, when he told me to strip I just knew… especially with everything Jack had said."
"What had Jack said?" Melissa asks when I break almost in tears again.
"He said that the man he shared a cell with in prison who had Amaya had raped him and when he did rape him he used to say how he would use me, how he would rape me and stuff and use me and when I saw him… it was just too obvious." I say my voice getting tighter and tighter with the lump in my throat.
I watch the rest of my nails get scraped and clipped in silence unsure what else to say. I don't want to think about it but it's all I can think about. I can't wait for this to be over though we're only heading for the third hour and that means we're not even half way through yet.
Once all the bags are labelled and the slides are bagged I wait for my next instructions having already re-taken hold of Melissa's hand.
"Ok Ana, now I need you to stand up and take off your gown standing on that sheet just there by the curtain."
"Why?" I ask terrified of being naked again, I'm shivering with fear as I grip tightly to Melissa's hand.
"Coleen needs to use a lumalight on your body to look for fluids to swab and after that she's going to use a soft brush to brush your skin for any hair or fibres then after that she'll need to photograph any marks. It's going to be a long process Ana but I know you can do this, I will be here too, I won't leave you and you can hold my hand the entire time."
I sigh and then nod, I feel so drained now all I want to do is sleep but I know that won't be coming for a long time.
I stand on the white sheet and take my gown off quickly. Melissa is quick to shove it in a bag and then re-take my hand while Coleen turns off the lights. In the dark I'm terrified and grip tighter to Melissa's hand but then Coleen turns on a blue light and I can see her face again.
The blue light is dragged over every inch of my body. I'm instructed to part my legs and have my arms out and all I want to do is cower in the corner but instead I bite my lip tight in fear and grip tight to Melissa's hand. Swabs are taken of certain parts of my body and each one has me rigid in fear it's like I'm expecting it to happen again, like each unexpected touch has me thinking he's going to do it to me again even though rationally I know he isn't and I'm thankful Melissa is here to remind me that I'm safe and no one can hurt me.
After the swabs are taken the light goes back on and the soft brush is ran over my body. I'm quivering the entire time, if I was at home and Christian' had this brush I'm sure it would be a pleasurable experience but I'm so scared and vulnerable, especially being here naked.
After the brush I'm photographed from head to toe, every bruise and mark is photographed and marked on Coleen's clipboard all the while Melissa reminds me that I'm safe and no one will hurt me here.
It feels like a lot longer than it is, a quick glance at the clock and I see we've been at this just over four hours now. I wish I knew how long exactly this would take, then maybe I wouldn't be so nervous about it all.
Once they're done with the photographs Coleen hands me a new gown and a big fluffy white robe that I waste no time in getting into with Melissa's help. My whole body is sore now, every muscle feels like it's being weighed down and I'm so thankful when I lie back down on the exam table.
"Ok Ana now comes the hard bit." Melissa says I roll my eyes at her, how much harder can all of this really get? That's when I see Coleen bringing stirrups from the side of the table and I tighten my hold on Melissa once again. "First she's going to comb your pubic hair then take a sample of yours just like with the hair on your head and then she's going to swab you both your vagina and your anus." I shake my head I can't…
"Listen to me Ana, you can do this ok?" Melissa is looking right into my eye reassuring me as much as she can.
"I don't want her to…" I say my tears spilling freely. "He didn't touch me there…"
"Where sweetie your anus?" Melissa is obviously comfortable with the terms and I nod. "That doesn't matter, fluids could have gotten there by running ok? She'll be as quick as she can…"
"Ok." I close my eyes and turn my head right to Melissa who I suspect gives a nod for Coleen to start.
She's quick but I feel everything, it's not painful but it's not painless either. Swab after swab and it feels like hours. I whimper and shift awkwardly and I know I'm not making the job easier for Coleen but this is horrible!
When it's over she removes my legs from the stirrups and I instantly bring them up to my chest and curl up in foetal position. Melissa strokes my hair and utters reassurances while I cry, I know she's been here with women before so she doesn't reassure me much this time.
"Ana Coleen needs to give you a few shots and some pills." Melissa says making my eyes snap open in shock. "They're to prevent STI's STD's and pregnancy."
"I'm already pregnant." I say and Coleen and Melissa's eyes meet.
"Ok then we won't need you to take the morning after pill and everything else is safe for you and baby."
I nod and allow Coleen to give me the pills and water, she explains what each one does before I take it and am shocked as she runs off names of STI's and STD's that I've only ever really heard when I was in school and in health class.
Then comes the shots and Coleen explains gently that I will need to be tested again in three months and in six months for HIV because just because this first test might come back negative that doesn't mean that I haven't contracted it and that almost has me vomiting.
I'm explained how when I'm discharged I'll be given prescriptions that will help prevent infections and other stuff but I'm not blocking most of it out, I just want to curl up and cry.
When it's done Melissa has me back in the wheelchair and back in my own room to rest. There's juice waiting for me on the table and once in bed I sip at a carton and lay back closing my eyes wanting sleep to take me.
"Ana, I know you're probably exhausted it is now one am but I need to ask you about giving your statement to the police. Do you want to do it now or would you prefer to wait until morning?"
"I want a shower." I say quietly my eyes still closed.
"Ok, I'll get Coleen in here as soon as she's finished getting the paperwork for the rape kit for you to sign that it's ok for them to test it and then we'll get you in the shower ok?"