Summary: [2x01]. No-one has ever been involved in Barry's life for more then a few months towards a year. Of course, Barry always got attached and was heartbroken when they left, and that's exactly how he felt after his father had told him he was leaving.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE FLASH OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS :)
After Henry had shared a teary goodbye with his son, he headed for the countryside, planning on reforming himself and his life so he could be prepared to be his son's father once more. He knew leaving would hurt Barry, seeing as no-one had remained constant in his life, well until Joe and Iris took him in.
Everyone believed for Nora Allen and Henry Allen to be the happiest couple around, no arguments, no cheating, they absolutely trusted each other and when they raised their son, everyone knew they were the picture perfect family they wish they had. But only Barry knew how untrue that was.
When he was five, his mom had walked out of his life for a solid year before returning, she claimed to be on the other side of the country in Oregon but her tan and her suitcases suggested otherwise. He didn't know why she had done it, but being the good little boy he was, he didn't bother becoming nosy, there was no point.
The next time it happened was two months after his mother had returned. They seemed to be getting along again, as if the trip helped them reconnect but then Henry brought home another girl, and introduced her to both Nora and Barry. Nora couldn't believe her eyes, he was showing off his mistress in front of his wife and his son.
In an act of pure rage, Nora had stormed out, and within five hours she had returned with her own man, they were happily kissing in front of her husband, she was determined to make him feel jealousy. Barry watched both of the couples intently, feeling the tension rise heavily. He wanted out of the room. So that's what he did. He ran, ran straight to his bedroom and locked the door, refusing to come out until the strangers had left. Only to find out that instead of the strangers leaving, his mother remained in the house, crying and being consoled by the man she had been kissing earlier.
Then, four years later, Barry had returned home from school only to find his father sleeping with some other woman. Although Nora wasn't thrilled to find out through their ten-year-old son, she was glad that he had at least told her.
And then, just two months before Nora had died, Henry came home drunk one night, he had brought back a random girl and when Nora tried to kick the stranger out, Henry had hit her. Whilst Barry hadn't witnessed it, the scream his mother made and the sound of his father's hand colliding with her cheek would forever stay embedded into his head.
After that, he and his father had become each other's constant in their lives. With Nora in their hearts, both of the Allen boys reconnected, sharing as many memories as they could between the glass partition and the telephone they were required to use.
Barry had spent his life from the age of eleven until he was twenty-five doing everything humanly possible to get his father exonerated from Iron Heights Penitentiary. He had gathered all of the evidence, everything that was involved with his mother's case and poured his heart out into freeing his father, it may have worn him down on some days more then others but he didn't care, he needed to have his father, by blood obviously, in his life.
Then the day arrived. The day of Henry Allen's release. They all knew Barry was at the happiest point in his life when his father finally stepped outside the walls he was confined in for fourteen years. Just as Barry was getting ready to be a constant person in his father's life, Henry broke the news to him. Henry watched as heartbreak filled his son's eyes, he watched as the tears built up and threatened to spill out.
Now, it had been hours since Barry had dropped his father off at the bus station and he couldn't help but have the fresh tears sitting in his eyes. His father had just walked out of his life, and quite frankly, he hoped prison had changed Henry, made him keep his son closer then before but no, he just left like that. Of course, Barry would always treasure the time he and his father would spend together but he wished he could have those moments where they're just sitting there with a pizza and they are watching a movie. The memories he has with Joe he would never have with his father.
Joe stepped outside the West house as quiet as the floorboards would allow him. Ever since Barry had returned from the bus station, he hadn't said a word and it was worrying the detective. A small part of him was angry with Henry, he wanted to go bring the man back here and force him to spend some time with his son but the other part of him understood the need to rediscover who he was. He lost all sense of who Henry Allen was and it would take time to rebuild the image of what Henry Allen stood for.
"Hey.." he started softly, he could see the tears streaming down the younger man's face. Barry didn't even move, he kept his eyes glued to the spot opposite him.
"Bear?" Joe asked, a little more louder this time. He could see something flicker on Barry's eyes before it shut down, revealing all the hurt and pain he was feeling.
"I just want to be alone.." Barry said. His voice was barely above a whisper, and Joe had to crouch down next to him so he could hear him better.
"Come back inside, Bear" Joe said, he tried to grab Barry's hands and coax him up but Barry flinched away, bringing his knees up and wrapping his arms around them.
"Please, Joe" Barry's voice broke. He didn't want to be alone, but it's all he could feel. He felt so alone, without his parents. Yeah, he still has a family but he will never be able to tell his kid the stories of their grandfather and grandmother.
"What's going on, kiddo?" Joe asked, he cupped the side of Barry's face and wiped away the stray tears that had fell.
"Just back off, Joe" Barry said weakly, "please"
Joe sat there quietly, Barry was usually so open with him, he didn't understand why he was acting closed off. When Barry first moved in with them, his social worker had informed Joe that he was experiencing bad abandonment issues, it didn't make sense at the time, Barry hadn't been abandoned, he had simply been placed into a different home with different people. But then again, he had been abandoned by his parents, they had left him when he had just turned eleven, now that was bound to hurt.
"Bear.. look—" Joe began, he was thinking of how to approach the issue, he knew how much Barry wanted Henry to finally become the father he wanted, but the relationship he once dreamed about wouldn't happen.
"I-I know.." Barry interrupted, his voice was trembling and it took every inch of Joe's willpower to not gather the hurting man in his arms and just let him cry it all out.
"He-he wants to find out who he is" Barry sniffed, "I didn't need him growing up, I don't need him now"
Joe was taken aback by this statement. He knew that when he took Barry in that he'd have very strong feelings towards his father but what did it mean he didn't need him growing up? What the hell had happened? He knew that hours before Nora was murdered that her and Henry had been arguing over Barry and that it was before he had been put to sleep so he heard it all.
"Barry, I know that your dad wasn't around after your mom's death but that's not his fault" Joe tried to reason with him, if anything it was Joe's fault he wasn't around, not Henry's.
"I-I'm not talking about that" his voice was so quiet that Joe had to piece together the small murmurings that he just heard.
Joe remained quiet, he didn't know how to respond to that. If he wasn't talking about from when he was eleven then when was he talking about? He knew Henry was a busy man as Barry was growing up but he was always there with him everyday, so what was Barry referring to?
"You don't know everything, Joe" Barry began, finally wiping the tears off of his face. Anger was evident in his voice.
Joe stood up, placing his hands on Barry's shoulders, he didn't know what was going on inside his kid's head and he wanted to find out but it was clear Barry wasn't too fond on sharing it with him. But Joe West had his ways, and he would get an answer out of Barry.
"Well, I do know that your father loves you and I'm sure that whatever he did when you were growing up, he did it because he loved you and your mom" Joe stated. He felt Barry tense underneath his hands and suddenly felt nervous. Did he say the wrong thing?
"If he loved my mom then why was he busy bringing another girl home to fuck?" Barry asked, suddenly very angry. He threw Joe's hands off of him and stood up, sizing up to Joe.
They were silent for a moment. The sound of cars driving by had been comforting somehow, not lapsing them into a suffocating silence where nothing was going on.
Barry was pissed. No, he was beyond pissed. He understood why his dad wasn't happy sticking around, but he thought that maybe, just maybe, he'd want his only child involved with him rediscovering who he was. He didn't want to be that same eleven year old boy who was longing for a relationship with his father, he wanted to have that relationship but it was clear that no matter what he did, he wouldn't get what he wanted.
"If he loved me, why didn't he take care of me? Why didn't he look out for me when my mom was gone?" Barry had tears rebuilding in his eyes, he wasn't about to break down though, he couldn't—not yet.
"He did take care of you!" Joe was close to shouting, he didn't understand what had brought all of this on. He knew Henry Allen fairly well before Nora's passing and he knew Henry spoke very fondly of both Barry and Nora.
"He fed you, kept you under a roof, did your laundry, so him doing all of that isn't him taking care of you?" Joe was outraged now, he could see how Barry was hurt by Henry's decision but now he was angry with Barry, for believing his dad never did anything for him.
"HE DID THAT BECAUSE HE HAD TO!" Barry yelled, his body was shaking. Joe didn't know why Barry was suddenly against his father, it didn't make any sense.
Barry took a couple deep breaths and barged past Joe, throwing open the door. He didn't care if Team Flash heard his and Joe's argument, he didn't care at all really. Barry knew Iris was there, as well as Cisco but he didn't know if Caitlin was there, he had turned up later then everyone, so it was likely she was there to give him a hug.
"Bartholomew" Joe's voice rang, it was angry, and clearly worried about his foster son.
Barry ignored it and began to walk up the stairs when a hand on his arm stopped him in his tracks. It was probably Joe, only he would grab him this tight. Turning around, he was met with an angry Joe, and an audience to their argument.
"Your dad, he did all of that because he loves you" Joe said, his voice was dangerously low, but the anger was still evident in his voice.
"get the fuck off of me" Barry said, tensing as Joe gripped his arm tighter.
"Not until you understand that the things your father did was because he loved you and because he loves you!" Joe exclaimed, his voice echoing in the house.
"Joe, get the fuck off of me" Barry asked, trying to pull his arm away from Joe.
Everyone was silent as they listened to the argument. They thought about leaving but they were all frozen still, scared that even the slightest movement could make it become worse.
"YOUR FATHER LOVES YOU BARRY, WHY DONT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?" Joe yelled, his grip on Barry's arm lightly getting softer.
"IF HE LOVES ME, WHY IS HE LEAVING ME LIKE YOU WILL AT SOME POINT? WHY IS HE WALKING AWAY FROM HIS ONLY SON?" Barry had tears streaming down his face, his whole body was trembling in Joe's grip.
"if he loves me, why is he leaving me like everyone does at some point?" Barry asked softly, all of the fight he had in him had disappeared, leaving him vulnerable.
Joe's grip on Barry's arm had softened immensely, his whole body was stiff as Barry pulled his arm away from Joe's and he ran up the stairs, slamming his door.
Iris turned towards Caitlin and Cisco, neither of them wanted to stay there, and it was clear Iris didn't want to be there either. Sighing, Iris began to walk towards the door, giving her father a sad look, Caitlin and Cisco giving him the same treatment.
When Barry slammed his door shut, he slid down it, breaking down completely. He didn't mean to yell at Joe, he didn't mean to cause a scene but he wanted to get rid of his unwanted feelings, he wanted to finally understand why he could have a family but still feel so alone.
Barry curled into himself and just rocked himself gently, all of his feelings were blending together and making him feel numb, it felt good to him though.
His dad left him, his dad didn't want him in his life. Those thoughts had been swirling around inside his head since his father broke the news to him. One simple act could change your views on yourself and those around you, and that's exactly what had happened with Barry and his father. Henry wasn't keen on being a father at the moment, and it put thoughts into Barry's head, a feeling of unworthiness sinking in. Whenever he wins, he always suffers a loss shortly afterwards, he can't stop thinking that whenever he wins, he still loses.
A soft knock at his door brought him out of his thoughts.
"Bear? Talk to me... please" Joe's voice was soft, no anger was there, it was just concern.
Barry made no movement, he didn't dare move and make Joe think he had gotten through to him, that their argument was forgotten about. He knew he loved his father, but he didn't have a father to look up to whilst he was growing up, nor did he have a mother to grow up with just four days after he turned eleven.
"Barry, please son" Son. He was surprised that Joe still considered him one after his dad being released, he didn't need a foster father anymore now that his actual father was able to take care of him.
Barry threw his head back, it colliding with the door a bit too strongly, he didn't care though, he just wanted Joe to go away. The tears hadn't stopped streaming down his face, but at least he was silently crying now.
"Barry?" Joe asked, his voice stronger and laced with concern, he had heard the bang from the other side of the door and was scared, what was going on in there?
"l-leave me alone.. joe" Barry's voice was quiet, but Joe heard it loud and clear.
"No, I'm not going to leave you alone, Barry" Joe said, his hand had reached for the door handle, he knew it was unlocked, and that's why he was hesitant to open it.
Sighing, Barry reluctantly moved away from the door, sliding in front of his bed, his head resting on the mattress. He brought his knees up to his chest and left them there, his hands resting on top of his knees.
The door opened with a click, and Joe sighed at the sight. Barry had never seemed so broken in his life, even after his mother's death.
"Bear.." Joe breathed, moving towards his son slowly, he didn't want to startle him now, and make the whole situation worse.
He slid down next to Barry, sitting shoulder to shoulder with him. Barry leaned his head closer to Joe's shoulder, a silent 'sorry' being broadcasted to the older man. Wrapping his arm around the younger man, he pulled him closer to his side, and Barry knew he had accepted it, and that's why he closed his eyes in Joe's embrace, feeling secure on his feelings for the first time in awhile.
Well I've had this in my documents for a long ass time and I haven't had the time to finish it until now. I hope you're all staying well and healthy during these uncertain times and that you're all enjoying reading my work.
What inspired me to write this was how i connected to the scenario in 2x01 between Barry and his father after Henry's been released. I connected to it because it is similar to something I have gone through with my brother though, not my father. My brother use to be my best friend, and then he cut me out of his life, I don't want sympathy or anything, I just thought that incase there are some people out there who want to write but don't know how, maybe pick a scene you connect to like I did and improve it and add to it with your own style.