Hello, you! I've had this piece in my scrap folder for awhile since I had no idea where I was going to go with it, but after some sweet words from a dear friend, I decided to break it out in the early hours of this morning and revamp it. I liked the idea of Gabby and Matt being childhood friends, so their lives are quite different from those on the show. I'm satisfied with how it turned out, so I hope you enjoy it.
Happy reading!
They sat on the same side of the bed, but they couldn't be farther apart. She had tear-stained cheeks and he had clenched fists, their broken hearts being the only thing they shared. They had been in that position for over three hours, neither daring to speak a word.
Nights like these were normal - screaming matches in their bedroom like it was a boxing ring into the early hours of the morning over things they couldn't remember the next day. Throughout their relationship, thousands of dollars were spent on couples counseling because they couldn't seem to work out their problems without a mediator and hotel rewards points were used because they needed a 'break from each other for the night'. The cycle never stopped.
It was toxic and unfixable and destructive. They felt as though the love between them was gone, but they just couldn't seem to let each other go. They desperately tried to hold onto something that wasn't there.
Tonight was different, though.
After each fight was over, they'd crawl under their burgundy duvet and she'd lay her head on his chest as he cried into her hair, apologies spewing from both of their lips as the sun began to rise.
This time, the sun had risen, but there were no tears or apologies. Just silence, both waiting for the other to declare a truce.
The head cheerleader falls in love with the quarterback, their love story was written for them. Next door neighbors since kindergarten. They were in the same class, had the same friends, they even were each other's first kiss. The entire town was rooting for them.
He proposed to her on the night of her 22nd birthday. An oval cut diamond and a bouquet of sunflowers, her favorite. Now, the ring is a heavyweight on her hand and a reminder that the possibility of the end was near.
Her phone buzzed on the bedside table, breaking the quiet. She willed her hands that lay in her lap to move, her delicate finger pressing the green button to answer. She held the device to her ear with a sigh. Other times, she was able to plaster a facade on her voice, but exhaustion had finally taken over, leaving her with a sorrowful tone.
"Hey, Shay. This isn't a good time...Wait, today's Tuesday? I completely forgot...No, get us a table and I'll be there in twenty minutes tops...Okay, I'll see you soon,"
The call ended and the silence returned. His fists weren't clenched anymore, but his lips stayed unmoving along with his chocolate eyes from the floor.
"I'm meeting Shay for breakfast," She spoke in a soft, gloomy voice as she moved to the closet. As she slipped into her clothes, she heard him mumble the same question she'd heard a million times.
"Are you coming back?"
She fiddled with her sleeve for a moment, and gave him an honest answer, "I always do,"
It was true. She was usually the one to leave during their fights, tears clouding her vision as she drove to a lonely hotel room. She kept her phone next to her, hoping he would call her and tell her to come home, but little did she know, he hoped she would do the same thing.
Zipping up her jacket, she pulled her purse onto her shoulder. She hesitated as she held onto the silver door handle, wishing he would tell her to stay, but instead, his words were far from what she wanted to hear.
"I'm going over to Kelly's for a while. I don't know if I'll be here when you get back,"
She sighed, and her heart broke, "Do whatever you want, Matt."
With that, she was gone. She closed the door behind her, wiped a tear from her face, and tightened her ponytail, putting her happy-go-lucky facade back in place.
She had always been the girl of his dreams. She was his first everything and he was hers. They were friends before they fell in love, best friends. They spent every waking minute together, not that they minded. They went on weekend road trips with the windows down and the music up, they ate endless bags of Sour Patch Bites and snuck some of her mother's bottles of Chardonnay as they cuddled under a blanket, watching another one of her many chick-flicks from her collection, or dancing around her bedroom to nothing but the comfortable silence. It was as if their life was a fairytale. Now, it was a story with no happy ending in sight.
He held the picture frame in his hands, tracing her features with his thumb. It was the picture they took, right after he proposed. Her cheeks were still damp with gleeful tears and his beaming smile hadn't faltered even a bit. They were happy.
A knock on the apartment door sounded through the apartment and he laid the frame on the bed, standing on tired legs. He trudged over to the door and ran a hand through his tousled locks of blonde, "Gabby, did you forget your keys again?"
He pulled the door open, only instead, to see the face of his best friend, Kelly, along with a stack of moving boxes.
"You look rough," Kelly commented as Matt rolled his eyes and opened the door wider, "Good morning to you, too. What are you doing here? I was supposed to come over to your place,"
He dropped the boxes in the middle of the living room floor and dropped down on the couch, propping his feet up on the coffee table, "Shay said her and Dawson are going to be at the coffee shop for a while, so I figured why not come pay my best friend a visit and pack his things into a moving truck because he's so miserable?"
Matt groaned and ran a hand over his tired face, sitting down on the loveseat across from his friend, "I already told you, Sev. I'm not moving out. We're just going through a rough patch,"
"And this makes rough patch number...?" Kelly countered and kicked his feet down from the table, resting his elbows on his knees and intertwining his hands, "There's nothing there anymore, Casey. Why are you trying so hard to fix something that can't be put back together?"
"Because it's what she deserves," Matt pointed at the picture hanging next to the front door. It was their senior year prom portrait. They had just been crowned King and Queen. Her dress was simple, just as she liked it. It was the color of the cherry blossom flower, with a lace bodice. As she descended the stairs of her childhood home, tears were brought to his eyes at the sight of her. He couldn't put her beauty into words. To this day, he still can't.
He turned back to stare at his hands. He fiddled with the band on his left ring finger that he wore proudly. They weren't married yet, but he wanted everyone to know that the girl he had was the girl he wanted for the rest of his life, so he displayed the ring as a promise to her that he would spend the rest of his life giving her the world. He still felt that way, but he wasn't sure if she wanted the world from him anymore.
"She deserves someone that will fight for her," he muttered. Kelly stood from the couch and moved to the other side of the coffee table, grabbing Matt's phone and clicking the side button. The phone illuminated, his wallpaper showcasing another picture of the girl who stole his heart from the very beginning.
"Does she also deserve someone to be the one she spends the rest of her life with unhappily?" he contested. He clapped Matt's shoulder gently and stood, grabbing a box from the floor, "I know you don't want it to end, but you're not happy anymore. Neither is she, so maybe time apart will do you both some good."
Gabby eyed the patrons in the diner, finally spotting her other favorite blonde.
She and Shay had been friends since college. They clicked like puzzle pieces from the beginning, both becoming inseparable - shopping sprees, movie marathons, eating chocolate fudge brownie ice cream in their yoga pants. It was as if they were meant to be best friends. They used each other's shoulders to cry on, then made each other giggle so hard that their sad tears turned into happy ones.
Lately, Shay wasn't sure that there was anything funny enough to make Gabby laugh. She loved her laugh, so pure and innocent. She didn't hear it much anymore.
Gabby looked forward to their breakfast dates; every Tuesday morning, the girl power duo would meet at their favorite diner and catch up - something they didn't have much time to do during the rest of the week. Shay's job as the manager of the most frequented bar in all of Chicago ran her ragged and Gabby being a paramedic, neither got much time off. People always assumed they were a couple with how close they were before they found out Gabby was straight, which was a running joke between them.
She looked up from her phone as Gabby slid into the booth across from her. Steaming hot chocolate was waiting for her along with two slices of french toast. The smell hit her nose like a breath of fresh air.
"Sorry I'm late," She grabbed her drink and took a sip, licking the whipped cream from her top lip, "I've completely lost track of my days,"
Shay studied her friend for a moment. Her eyes had bags underneath them, her crystal orbs void of any life. Her cheeks were flushed, it was how they got when she had been crying for a while. Her hair was usually pulled into a perfect high ponytail with no strand missing from its place, but today, it was resting on her shoulder and whispies were strewn everywhere.
Their fight must've been really bad today, she thought.
"It's okay. They just brought the food out, so it should still be warm,"
As Gabby went to take a bite of her toast, she caught Leslie watching her intently. She chuckled nervously, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, "What?"
Shay let out a doleful sigh, "How bad was it?"
Gabby knew she couldn't hide anything from the insightful blonde. She was always able to see right through her. Sometimes, it got irritating, but she couldn't be upset with her. She was only doing her job as a friend.
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in a desperate attempt not to break down right there in the middle of the diner, "He said he didn't know if he would be there when I got back. He's always there when I get back,"
Shay reached for her trembling hand, rubbing the back of it with her thumb, "You guys will work through it. You always do,"
She shook her head, wiping a tear from her cheek that slipped through her eyelashes, "This time is different. I don't think we can fix it,"
Leslie grabbed a napkin from the dispenser and handed it to her. She thanked her and let a quiet sob into it, before wadding it up into her hand. Shay was heartbroken for her, she tried so hard to make things work. Matt agreed to go to counseling with her, they went on couples retreats together, they had weekly date nights, and for a few hours, things were good, but then reality set back in, leaving the two childhood lovers in a dead relationship.
"Today would've been my due date. That's why our argument was so bad today."
They've had the day marked in their calendar since the first appointment at the clinic. A red heart drawn around the number with a sharpie and 'Thea Grace' scribbled in Matt's handwriting. The first time they talked about having kids together, Gabby mentioned that she loved the name and it began to grow on him, too.
The week after he proposed to her, she found out she was pregnant. They were so excited about their future together, until a month later when she was admitted to the hospital for excessive bleeding. The doctor told them that miscarriages were a common thing, but they never expected it to happen to them.
People say tragedies can either bring them together or break them apart. For them, it was the latter. They were so apprehended by their grief, neither knew how to comfort each other. She wanted space and Matt wanted her. So, they mourned alone but shared the same bed.
Shay reached for her hand, squeezing it gently, just as she did the day Gabby lost Thea. As Matt sobbed into her lap while she lay in the hospital bed, Shay held her hand, holding on for dear life.
"You should go home. Talk to him, work this out," she tossed a twenty on the table and slung her bag over her shoulder as Gabby did the same, "You've had your space with the time you've been here with me. Go be with him,"
Gabby pecked Shay's cheek as she wrapped her in a hug, "I love you, Shay."
"I love you, too, Dawson."
The gravel of the apartment parking lot crumbled underneath the tires of her car as she slid into the spot next to Matt's truck. She used to hate that thing, but now she secretly loved it. She would never admit it to his face, though. She loved the long drives as the wind blew through her hair, Joan Jett playing on the radio. She loved laying next to him in the bed of the truck as they watched the stars at night. Oh, and she loved the sex in the backseat.
As she stepped into the apartment, silence overwhelmed her. Usually, there were sounds of gunfire or screeching tires from one of Matt's many video games, or 80's rock music playing as he did his daily workout on the patio, but not today. There was no Call of Duty or Bon Jovi. Just an ear-piercing silence.
"Matt?" she called out, "Are you home?"
She set her bag on the foyer table and hung her coat in the closet, kicking off her shoes. The first thing she noticed as she walked into the living room was the couch. The pillows were in their proper spot and the throw blanket her mom had gotten them for Christmas one year was folded neatly across the back of the couch. Most days, she came home to the pillows on the floor and the blanket strewn across Matt's lap as he screamed into his game headset.
The second thing she noticed was a sealed envelope on the coffee table with My Girl written in his handwriting. She slid her finger under the seal, tearing it open. A neatly folded piece of paper sat inside, but she didn't expect the paper to hold so much in it. There were spots on the paper, spots where tears had dropped and dried.
She unfolded the letter and began to read.
My sweet Gabby,
By the time you finish this sentence, I'll be on my way to my sister's house with a U-Haul full of my things. One of them I wish was you. It's a 12-hour drive and I'm sure I'll spend every second wanting to turn around.
I'm writing you this for one reason: I'm a coward. I don't want to see the look on your face when I say goodbye. The same face you made when Meredith cut Christina out of her wedding dress on Grey's Anatomy. The same face you made at the end of Marley & Me. The same face you made when we lost our baby. The face of pure agony. I can't bear to be the cause of that face.
You are by far the best thing that's ever happened to me in my time on this earth. Every moment spent with you was a dream; it was as if all those wishes I used on those shooting stars came true.
I fell in love with you, Gabriela Dawson. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you, I just didn't realize it yet. You aren't afraid to show me your imperfections. You aren't afraid to take risks or to speak your mind, and when I'm ready to give up, you tell me everything is going to be fine. You support me, check up on me, find the good in me.
Every time I look at you, I feel it. The love that fills my entire body; it consumes me in the most incredible way. It makes my toes curl and it circulates through my veins. It's the kind of love that takes my breath away just by the mention of your name. The name of the person who whispers kindness and sweet promises. I look at you and know that's how love is supposed to feel.
As I leave this apartment with my things packed in boxes, I still feel that love.
Whoever said goodbyes aren't the worst thing in the world is a liar because they are. Leaving the person who changed your life is the most gut-wrenching thing on the planet. I don't know if this is the end or we'll ever find our way back to each other, but I hope someday, time will be in our favor.
I will never regret you or say I wish I had never met you, because you are my treasure. The treasure that deserves someone better, someone who doesn't make you unhappy. We've both been unhappy for so long, but it wasn't our fault. We just loved each other at the wrong time.
Maybe one day, we'll pass each other on the street and it'll be as if no time has passed, but for now, it's time for me to go. I wish we could go back to the beginning and fix what broke us, so we'd never have to say goodbye, but time won't turn back, no matter how hard we try.
You will always be my first love, my first everything, and I pray that one day, you will be my last.
All my love,
Matt
P.S. I'm still wearing my ring, just on the opposite hand. I still intend to fulfill my promise.
New spots fell on the paper as Gabby held it in her hands. Her sobs wracked her body, like a thunderstorm coursing through her bones. She knew he was right; they needed time apart from each other. She just wished it didn't hurt so much.
It was a few minutes before midnight when Matt pulled into the driveway of his sister's house. As he descended the U-Haul, the front door opened, revealing a female carbon copy of him. Her hazel eyes were tired, much like his. She was still dressed in her work clothes; he assumed she had done nothing but worry about him the entire day.
The second she pulled him into an embrace, the floodgates opened. He was thankful it was so late in the evening, that no neighbors would be staring at him like he just escaped a mental institution.
"I'm so sorry, Matt," Christiewhispered in his ear, "Everything is going to be okay,"
She wiped the tears from his cheeks and ushered him inside, locking the door behind her. Before she had another chance to speak, the sound of little feet and squealing filled their ears.
"Uncle Matt!"
He crouched to the floor just in time, catching the little girl and holding her to his chest, "Hi, Violet,"
Christie adored his brother's relationship with her daughter. He was the perfect uncle to Violet. He spent more time playing dress-up and Barbies than he did playing video games, but he didn't mind. He enjoyed their "talent shows", as Violet called them, with Matt strumming along on an air guitar and Violet dancing around the living room floor as she belted out the lyrics to How Far I'll Go from Moana. He never knew that best friends could come in such tiny packages.
"Where's Aunt Gabby?" Violet asked as she glanced over his shoulder at the front door, "Are we going on an adventure before I go to sleep?"
Violet admired Gabby more than she did Matt. Every time he brought Gabby home with him, the little girl wanted nothing to do with him, but instead, be Gabby's shadow. If she had to use the bathroom, Violet would sit in her Paw Patrol chair outside the door, waiting for her. If Gabby offered to run an errand for Christie, Violet always wanted to tag along. While the boys watched baseball, the two girls would go on "adventures", whether it be the zoo, or to the park, Violet never turned down the chance to be attached to her hip.
Matt eyed Christie nervously, hoping she would answer for him. Luckily, she was aware of the situation and came to the rescue.
"Vi, why don't we call Nana before bed?" He held out his hand for the little girl to grasp, "I know she misses you,"
She buried her face into the crook of Matt's neck and shook her head, refusing to let go of him. He rubbed her back reassuringly and urged her to go with Christie, telling her that he would come to say goodnight. She let go in defeat and followed Christie up the stairs, leaving Matt to himself.
Fifteen minutes later with Violet sleeping soundly upstairs, a steaming cup of coffee sat on the table next to a plate of waffles and bacon. Matt's stomach grumbled at the smell. Christie always knew how to make him feel better. He fell into the dining chair, his body aching from spending hours on the road and leaving his love behind. His taste buds tingled happily as he shoveled the food into his mouth, and he leaned back with a gleeful moan.
As he swallowed the last bit of the food, he felt eyes on him. He sighed, not wanting to face the situation at hand, but he knew he needed to work through his thoughts eventually.
"Do you think I did the right thing?"
Christie sighed as she sat in the chair next to him and pointed to a picture on the fridge. It was a picture of her and her ex-husband, Jim, their senior year of high school. His arm rested lazily around her shoulders and hers were wrapped around his waist. They wore matching smiles - ear-to-ear grins that showed truly how happy they were to be with each other.
"That was the first picture he and I took together. I never thought I could love anyone more than I loved him. After we separated, I thought I had made the wrong decision by not fighting harder for our relationship, but as it turns out, no matter how hard you fight, if you're not meant to be together forever, then you will eventually part ways."
She squeezed his calloused hand in reassurance, "Only you can decide if you did the right thing. You have to believe wholeheartedly whether you and Gabby are better together or better apart."
She kissed the crown of his head and set his plate and her coffee cup in the sink, "I'm gonna say one more mushy thing before I go up to bed."
She pointed to another picture that was quite similar to the previous one. He and Gabby sported graduation caps proudly as her parents and his sister snapped polaroids of them, their four years of high school finally coming to an end. They held the same embrace, their faces wore the same smiles, and their hearts burst with the same happiness.
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it's yours forever. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours. If she is your happily ever after, then you will find your way back to each other."
She stopped in her tracks at the sound that danced into her ears as if the world had halted its spinning at that moment. She hadn't heard it in almost two years and to be frank, she never thought she'd hear it again.
Pivoting on her heels, she saw him surrounded by his friends as he held his stomach, deep in laughter. The same cackle that she tried desperately to forget was now the only thing her mind could seem to focus on.
He must've felt her staring because his face contorted from one of contentment into one of shock when his eyes met hers. His jaw bobbed up and down a few times before closing once more and the corners of his lips turned up, forming a small grin. He slipped away from the crowd, waving goodbye to his friends as he crossed the street, urging her to let out the breath she'd been holding.
Time's been good to him. There weren't many signs of aging, but something was different. He looked happier, happier than she ever remembered him being when they were together and he carried the joy well.
He closed the gap between them, bringing her out of her thoughts. They stood for a few moments before he cleared his throat, making her smile at the way he fiddled his fingers nervously at his sides.
"Hi, Gabby."
She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, "Hi, Matt."
"It's good to see you," he spoke softly, "You look great."
"You, too. To both things," she clarified with a chuckle, "How have you been?"
He ran a hand through his tousled locks as he summed up the past two years in a few short sentences. His construction job had taken off, now franchised in multiple cities around Chicago. He moved back to the Windy City a few months after he left and followed his biggest dream of becoming a firefighter and was now the Captain at Firehouse 51, which wasn't far from the house she was at, surprising her as she assumed they'd have run into each other before this.
He was in a good place for the first time in so long and she was, too.
She went back to school not too long after their split, becoming a Marriage Counseling Therapist and realizing that while performing pericardiocentesis' in the field was a thrill in itself, she could turn her most difficult hardship into something that would help those who weren't much different than her.
"I'm proud of you, Gabby." he declared with a beaming grin that didn't hesitate to make her heart swell, "I'm happy to hear you're doing well."
His group of friends called out to him from across the street, alerting him that the table they were waiting for was ready. He turned back to her with a slight frown, wishing they could stand there talking forever, "I've gotta go, but I hope we can continue this over a drink sometime."
She nodded and slid her hands into the pockets on her jeans, "I'd like that."
As they said their goodbyes and he jogged along the crosswalk, meeting his friends at the door, a glare from the sun bounced off his right hand, a sob catching in her throat.
He still wore his ring.
She clasped her fingers around the chain on her neck that held the ring he'd given her all those years ago, guessing he had the same connection that she did to hers. He waved back at her once more before disappearing into the restaurant, leaving her with a single thought.
Those who are meant to be in your life will always gravitate back to you, no matter how far they wander.