Dirty loyal

Part 2

"5 years of my life and for what?

Well, you thought he was just looking after his kid, right? So, you did what you could. And more. Loyal to a fault. And when I say fault, what I really mean…"

She gets it, Cal.

Thank you.

Don't mention it.

You don't like me, do you?

I didn't do what I did for you.

No, you did it for him. Where'd he go?

Want to go grab a cup of coffee?

I'll take a rain check."

She considered his words. About not knowing her. But she couldn't stand the idea of facing another awkward conversation. The argument with Cal had drained all her energy and she just wanted to go home and take a long steamy bath. Secretly glad Cal changed his mind about finishing that conversation today as he seemed to just disappear, she made her way towards the exit leaving Sharon behind. She felt a little bit of guilt when she saw how uncomfortable she looked asking her to grab a cup of coffee. In any other situation she would've said yes, she even started feeling bad for the woman standing in front of her. But she couldn't shake off the awkward feeling of jealousy over Cal's sudden loyalty to her.

She saw Cal leaning against her car and she couldn't help but roll her eyes, which judging by the smirk on his face didn't go unnoticed.

"We need to talk, Gill." he sounded kind of desperate.

He's never been the one to encourage conversation, he dealt with his problems in other ways. But something about this felt different. And perhaps the lack of interest on her part pushed him to be the one to take the initiative.

"I want to go home." her voice was filled with emotion and she looked exhausted.

For a second, he thought he could just continue blocking her way and make her talk to him, but he couldn't do that. Sometimes he had to remind himself of who he's dealing with. Mixing business and friendship is never easy. And like he'd always say truth or happiness, never both. But her pleading eyes made him put everything aside for a moment and remind himself she's the woman who buys birthday presents for his daughter. Who he slow danced to Sinatra's Christmas album with, in his living room. Who's the first person, besides Emily, he thinks of at the mention of home.

So, he stepped aside and was rewarded by what he thought was a grateful look. He held on to her door before she got a chance to close it.

"Come home with me." his hopeful glance tugged at her heart. But this was all too much too soon.

She opened her mouth and looked as if she was about to speak but closed it again. Clearly feeling torn by his offer, her lip trembling softly. He felt an insane amount of guilt wash over him for the first time, since they started working on this case.

"Okay." she nodded.

He smiled weekly at her knowing better than to say anything at this point.

A few tears rolled down her cheeks as she was driving. Next thing she knew, she was sitting in her car that was parked in his driveway wondering why she agreed to this. The front door was wide opened. He was waiting for her, giving her time. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Emily in the kitchen skipping happily towards her dad and he scooped her up in a hug. She had to shut her eyes at that because there was nothing, she wanted more at that moment than for him to look at her and hug her with so much love and gentleness as his daughter. Mentally cursing herself for feeling jealous of a man's child she decided that it was time to face the Lightmans.

Emily noticed that something was off. Of course, growing up in such an environment made her a lot more intuitive than a normal teenager, she picked up a lot of things from spending so much time in her father's office.

"I'm gonna go finish my homework upstairs, so you guys can talk." she declared looking between the two adults standing further apart from each other as opposed to their usual affectionate friendship.

"Yeah…" Emily nodded with certainty.

"Bye, Gill" she walked towards the older woman and gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. She wasn't always this loving to his father's best friend but could sense she needed it.

"Look…I'm sorry…" he trailed off looking down. "I was disloyal to you to save her arse…" he took a deep breath. "I didn't choose her over you, I wouldn't choose her over you, love." he lifted his gaze which was met by her tear-strained face.

That was the first time he called her love in days. Her heart shuddered at the thought. And she couldn't contain her emotions anymore. More tears made their way down her cheeks and she had to press her fingers to her mouth to suppress a sob. The scene in front of him got him on his feet and he rushed towards her. He rubbed her arm up and down gently unsure whether she'd allow him to hug her or not.

"Why'd you do it then?" she asked after she calmed down.

"She didn't deserve what was coming at her." he shrugged.

"That's it?" she asked. He didn't say anything.

"I hated myself for doing it, you know…" she looked away.

He hated himself for making her. It was moments like that when he felt like he was contaminating her.

"I know."

"Don't do it again…please," she whispered looking at him pleadingly. Leaving him speechless again, knowing he can't promise that.

Her expression seemed pained and he hated himself for making her cry once again. He couldn't stand seeing that sweet woman cry, knowing he's the one who caused it, hurt even more. Her body language seemed opened and she was ever so slightly leaning towards him which made him lose every bit of doubt he had. He took a step forward, invading her personal space like he often did. He gently wrapped his arms around her, stroking her hair as she pressed her face in the crook of his neck. She seemed so fragile to him at that moment, so pure. So unlike the woman he held in his embrace last night. The woman she thought he would chose over her. He felt her relax in his embrace and she began to lift herself back up, her eyes meeting his.

"Do you still have that scotch we opened last time?" she asked partly because she wanted to change the subject and partly because she really needed a drink.

"Haven't touched it since, love. Why don't you go sit down?" his voice was soothing, though he could see her game. Nice try, he thought.

He joined her on his sofa, two glasses in one hand and a half-empty bottle of scotch in other.

"Wallowski asked me to grab a cup of coffee with her."

Upon seeing his expression, she asked "Oh, so you knew that. Did you put her up to it?"

"Absolutely not." his face completely serious. "Well, I might have encouraged her…"

"Cal!"

"Yes, darling?" he handed her a very generously filled glass.

"You're unbelievable." she shook her head making him grin.

"She likes you; you know…she's grateful. To you I mean. You saved her arse today, just as much as I did and I mean that." he sat down next to her.

That was true. Wallowski never dared to say anything bad about Gillian Foster. At least not in front of him. She was reckless but not stupid.

"You put me on a spot."

"Thank you, by the way, for being loyal to me. It means a lot to me, Gill." she was slowly beginning to understand why he thought of himself and Wallowski as similar. Worry overtook her as she thought of that woman as someone she wanted to protect Cal from, as silly as it sounded to her. That's how they worked, protecting each other all the way.

"You're still mad at me." the air around them never stopped feeling heavy. She didn't know what to say, but he wasn't wrong.

"It's still us though, right?" his quiet voice sounded so soft and insecure her heart broke for him, it was filled with fear of losing her. Something that's been haunting his every relationship ever since he lost his mother.

"Of course." she sounded a lot more certain than she felt.

"Good." he breathed out feeling the same way.

They lost track of time as they sat quietly together, defeat settled on their features as they slowly emptied the bottle of scotch that was opened at a much happier time.