"Butterflies...flowers that fly and all but sing" Robert Frost

Double blind

Part 1

"FBI wanted to ask you some questions.

Oh, yeah?

Do you know where she is?

Long gone by now, I should think.

You gave her time to disappear.

I had to turn down…dinner.

It wasn't theirs to take.

They didn't get it.

What haven't you told me?

Well, I didn't actually…get to tell you, how beautiful you looked last night.

You are so irritating.

They stole a fake.

A fake?

I had the curator switch out the real one.

Why?

Well, the real one's worth about…3 million-ish. The fake costs just under 100.

No, I mean, why keep me in the dark about that?

It's cat and mouse, Gill. Not cats and mouse.

That's what you're going with?

You tell me we're ok. You know I've always had more trouble reading you than anyone else."

He left her standing alone in his office. It felt like they've done this before. In fact, they've been doing it a lot recently. Walking away. Avoiding confrontation.

She couldn't move, so she just stood there wondering what to say to him, wondering what he saw on her face that made him run out like that. Were they ok?

He came back after what seemed like an eternity.

"You know…it's not only up to me." she started.

"What is?"

His voice changed pitch when he asked if they're ok, he let his guard down for a moment making her knees go weak. It was exactly what she wanted - to get through to him. She used to be able to do it. It seemed like sometimes she was the only one, besides his daughter, who got to see his true self. Even his ex-wife noticed it. But he doesn't let her anymore. Not often, anyway.

Her face fell a little when she saw him walk back in. The act was back, making her think maybe he needed a moment to collect himself, to put his guard back on, that perhaps in the moment of weakness he wanted her to reach him too, but won't let himself. She noticed it first that day when they were talking about Naomi on his sofa. She also noticed how he tried putting her and her opinion on a pedestal in front of Loker, making it up to her. Zoe was right, he always did have a funny way of saying I love you.

"Whether we're ok. It's not like that's my decision."

His gaze was fixated on her.

"I want us to be ok," she said honestly as she sat down on the sofa the same way she did earlier that day. It didn't take long for him to join her. His eyes still on her but he kept quiet.

"Do you still trust me?" came his question.

"Would I still be here if I didn't?"

"No…I mean, yes I get it…but no, I mean after today, after…" he gestured.

"W-why…I mean, do you trust me?" her voice slightly raised. "You're the one who goes behind my back, Cal!"

Goes not went. He caught that.

"To solve the case!"

"Right, right…you became obsessed as soon as you saw her legs at the hospital." she scoffed. "You played your own game and left the rest of us solving the case on our own…I'm tired of this, Cal…I can't do it anymore." she looked away shaking her head slightly.

But she caught his alarmed expression. "It can't be you and the rest of us…why do you have to push everyone away? After everything we've been through."

It was easier that way. Pretending it's not about her or them, pretending it isn't personal when they both very well knew at least part of it was. But he knew what she was on about.

"You mean you, don't ya? I push you away." his tone starting to resemble what she wanted it to.

A quiet "Why?" was all she could squeeze out.

He knew he had to tell her.

"You're the monarch butterfly." was his simple answer.

"I'm a poisonous butterfly?" her voice soft, eyes filled with curiosity. She heard him use this analogy with Torres but failed to catch its true meaning.

She's not poisonous, not literally. But he was under her spell before he could realize what was happening to him. Leaving him depended on her, unable to break away.

"She's a viceroy." he didn't have to mention her name for her to understand he was talking about Naomi. "I could let her go…easily… I couldn't even, you know…" he thought about telling her he didn't actually sleep with Naomi but quickly decided not to.

"She's not…" he seemed lost.

"She's not like you, love." his eyes softened.

"Tricky, though. Not to be trusted, but then, you know, I like them that way." were the words that rang in her ears while he was talking. He liked them that way, he liked to play with them. He never played that game with her.

She's always thought that maybe she just isn't interesting enough, isn't "tricky" enough, truth to be told she was the trickiest woman he's ever met. "You know I've always had more trouble reading you than anyone else." That was her poison.

He contaminated her but not with his recklessness, he contaminated her with doubt.

She was shocked to hear his confession. But was glad they were moving somewhere, at least she got something out of him. She still wanted to push him further, she wanted him to tell her.

"Yet you went behind my back and helped her get away with it." she shook her head in disbelief and thought for a second.

When she put it that way it sounded a lot different from how he imagined it. Gillian's never been a hard person to deal with or get along with. In fact, he could get away with a lot more when it came to her than any other person in his life. She understood him, trusted him and stood by him. Even if she didn't fully agree with him, she considered his judgment and helped him prove it. Ever since the whole mess with Wallowski happened she's been a lot more cautious around him. It pushed them further apart and made him run wilder, run solo. She begged him to stop before, but he wouldn't listen.

That wasn't enough for her; it wasn't all she wanted to hear. "That's not what it's about, Cal."

"Gill…" he said when he saw her getting up and walking towards the door.

"You asked me if we're ok…the truth is I don't know."

That was the last thing she said to him before heading home.

TBC

Thank you so much for leaving reviews! I'm glad to see people are reading it, any constructive criticism or just any comment is more than welcome. Also, I've spoken English almost my whole life but it actually isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for any errors, writing long paragraphs is kinda harder than everyday conversations.