Double blind

Part 2

Later that same night, she was soaking in a bathtub while talking to her mother over the phone. She put on some gentle jazz tunes that she's always loved because it relaxed her and opened a bottle of wine. It felt good to relax and have some time to herself to really think. Fighting with Cal exhausted her and not knowing where they stand put extra weight on her shoulders. Not long after she said goodbye to her mother and closed her eyes, sinking lower in the tub feeling bubbles tickle her chin, she heard a loud knock on the back door.

"Oh, fuck…" it wasn't often that Gillian Foster cursed.

She knew exactly who it was, and she also knew that he won't just go away. But that doesn't mean she didn't at least consider pretending she wasn't home. It's not like she must be available 24/7, right? She could be out; she could be on a date for all he knew. The second knock brought her back from her thoughts. Who was she kidding?

She climbed out of the tub and quickly dried herself off with a towel she kept by hand. Then she tied a robe around herself and grabbed a pair of pyjama bottoms that she managed to squeeze into while making her way downstairs.

"Where the bloody hell were you?" he said as he walked past her as soon as she opened the door, making her jump back with hands up in the air. "I've been knocking for 10 minutes." he sounded annoyed.

Typical, she thought. When he's the one who came banging on her door in the middle of the night.

"I have a doorbell, you know…and a front door," she said as she closed the door, shaking her head.

"I need to know," he said invading her personal space.

"You have a spare key…"

"Gillian." his eyes pleading.

"Then tell me." she was challenging him.

"I wanted to protect you."

"W-what…from what? Cal, please…" she felt exhaustion overtake her again as she walked to the sitting area, slumping down on one of the chairs.

He followed her. "I want to talk to you."

"Ok…let's talk. Why don't we start with you, Cal? You talk and I'll listen." she watched him as he sat down across from her trying to take up as much space on the sofa as he possibly could.

"I didn't want to go behind your back again, right?... Am who I am, love." he took a deep breath. "I don't want to drag you down with me, that's one thing I promised myself I won't do and I'm not planning on changing that anytime soon. That's for sure," he said pointing his finger at her.

She nodded at him urging him to continue. "I know I've hurt you. But I don't know how to…" he trailed off hopelessly searching for the right thing to say.

"Stop?" she offered, looking at her feet.

"Hm?" her voice was so quiet he wasn't sure if she said anything or if he was imagining it.

"You don't know how to stop…hurting me." she looked at him.

"Yeah…" he suddenly stood up, pacing the floor and stopped right in front of her.

"Bloody hell!" he cursed as he kneeled by her side.

"Remember the case with, uh…Wallowski?" he asked, and she rolled her eyes, giving him a look.

"Right, sorry..." he shook his head. "Of course, you remember."

"But anyway…Farr let her get involved and look at how it almost ended…I can't do that to you, you wouldn't do that to me. I mean…you lied to me about Doyle to protect me." he saw her opening her mouth and quickly jumped in. "Not that I hold it against you or anything…I told you I forgive you before I even found out what it's about and I meant that" he said putting his hand on her knee.

She was taken aback by his speech and it took her a moment to collect herself. It wasn't much and it was very him but that was the most he shared with her in months. He was letting his guard down making her believe that maybe he cared just as much as she did. She's been wondering about it. Thinking about what was going through his mind lately, how he saw them.

"Ok." she nodded seeing a hopeful look in his eyes. "You still hurt me, you know…when you decided to push me away, you should've just talked to me." he squeezed her knee slightly looking apologetic and she knew that was the closest thing to an apology she would get.

"I'm not going t-to…blindly follow you when I know you're out of line." he understood she was referring to Farr and Wallowski. "But we are partners and it's about time you start treating me as your equal." her tone was serious; she was setting her boundaries and she meant every word she said.

"I'm a wanker, aren't I, darling?." he scoffed at himself.

"You're not a bad person, Cal" he smiled weakly at her and sat back down on the sofa.

"What about the other part?" came her silent, somewhat shy question.

He felt his stomach twist. "What part?" he was playing dumb.

"The part we don't talk about." annoyance in her voice again.

"We don't talk about it…why?" he stood up taking over the space putting on the act. "Is there something you wanna say?" he regretted it as soon as he saw a flash of pain take over her features. But only for a second, she masked it well. Making him proud and having to control his face from breaking into a smirk.

He thought he should say something. "We will talk about it…eventually."

"So, Naomi…?" she trailed off as a slight blush appeared on her cheeks.

"Nothing happened." his frank answer made her look directly at him. She nodded.

"Told you she's not you, love." he smiled softly at her and she returned the smile. His answer was kind of ironic considering nothing happened between them either. Well, not physically anyway.

"Wallowski?"

"Oh, she's great…at her job." was all he said.

What she heard was; Naomi is gone, and nothing ever happened, Wallowski is staying but they're just fooling around, nothing more. And that was enough for now.

"I can't wait forever." she knew he wanted her. Badly. He even admitted it out loud when she was technically still with Burns. But there was only so much waiting and hurting that she was willing to take. It took a huge tool and her and she knows they won't be able to continue like this forever.

"I promise darling." honesty written all over his face.

There could've been more words exchanged. If anyone was listening, they might say this was barely a conversation. But it was enough for them. Because beneath every spoken word was a lot more that was unheard. It was their own secret communication that didn't require a lot of talking. That's how well they understood each other.

"So, are we ok?" he asked again, standing in front of her and she stood up to.

"We will be." she nodded making sure he understood the need of putting his words into actions.

"Good." he stared at her, eyeing her up and down.

It was only then that he noticed her attire. Compromised clothing, probably thrown on in a rush, hair slightly wet.

"Were you in a bathtub when I came knocking?" he asked playfully.

"Cal…" she shook her head, but a smile managed to creep on her face.

"You were, weren't ya? That's why it took you so long to open the door…you know, I was getting worried…about you I mean." his eyes following hers. "Why? Does that surprise you?" he was trying his best to read her face.

"No, I'm just glad you didn't come at me with a pepper spray." her teasing words sounded like heaven to his ears. A little nudge at his relationship with Wallowski was a fun way of reminding him that she's the superior. The monarch butterfly.

For a moment it felt like nothing ever happened. The playful banter made him believe they'll get through this.

"I…would never." he made a crossing motion with his hands in front of his chest. She grinned at him.

"Are you going to get back to it now? Fancy some company? To warm you up...hell, the water must be freezing." he continued inching closer to her making her head spin until she stopped him by putting her hands on his chest.

"Good night, Cal."

"Night, love." he leaned in to steal a quick kiss on the cheek.

He already opened the door and was about to walk out when he suddenly turned back to her, who was looking after him.

"Oi, Gill!"

"Yes?"

"You really did look beautiful last night, love." with that he turned around and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Leaving her standing in the hallway with a hand tracing over her kissed cheek.